Daniel was raised Mormon and cruised along the Mormon conveyor belt in life. He’s also a physician and was educated to “research and investigate, to seek truth from reliable sources”. He suffered from religious scrupulosity and constantly felt like a sinner. He came across the Gospel Topic Essays though and quickly felt “uneasy with the …
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John was a golden convert. He found comfort in the certainty. He also found the authority of the church exacerbated his anxiety into a real OCD and religious scrupulosity. The high-control authoritarian system was incredibly unhealthy for him throughout adolescence and a mission. John acknowledges that some may blame his OCD, but he knows it …
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Tom discovered that he does not need special qualifications to analyze the text of the Book of Mormon. He found plenty of simple evidence that shows it is “easily seen as a product of its time.” He feels that the lack of support from church leadership negates any claims from apologists and cites that the …
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Simon was an active, believing member serving as a Bishop. While reading the Ensign he came across some interesting statements regarding the Flood which led him to research more about it. He came upon “volumes of scientific research” that contradicted things he believed at church. Then he applied his own scientific training in molecular genetics …
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Micah was all in and fully believed in the church. He lived every bit of it. To be more prepared for the second coming, he studied church doctrine deeply. But as he studied church history, he learned that what he’s always been taught wasn’t exactly an honest representation of history. In fact, he found that …
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Lyndon Lamborn served well in the church. But as he served he found himself examining the beliefs he was taught and found some issues that seemed not to add up. This troubled him, but he continued on until he reached a tipping point he describes perfectly: “The desire to know the truth at whatever cost …
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Among the first votes of dissent in the modern Mormon church occurred in 1977, in opposition to the church doctrine banning blacks from any priesthood ordination and temple endowment. A member voted opposed to sustaining church leadership in General Conference 1977 and was subsequently excommunicated. Then less than 1 year later the church downgraded the …
Richard Packham is a founding father of the ex-mormon internet. He tells his story of diving deep into church history in order to spread the gospel. He found troubling issues and even wrote to Joseph Fielding Smith to make sense of it all. Everything clicked one moment when he realized all his questions and problems …
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Beth converted at a young age and struggled with being fully active, but once she was on her own she dedicated herself to the church, she “fully embraced the gospel” and “loved it”. Raising her own family, however, presented the dissonance of unconditional love and a “scary judgmental God” but she soldiered on because she’d …
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Debra was raised in the faith in a large, strict Mormon family. She didn’t feel like she ever made her own decisions because she was to “follow all the rules set by the church and never deviate.” After some exploration as a teen, she helped convert her husband and raised a faithful Mormon family herself. …
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In Germany, Tim was raised in an atheist family but was intrigued by the church. He met with missionaries and wanted to get baptized at 16 years old. At this age, he needed parental permission, which they did not give but he continued to investigate the church for two more years. He was baptized right …
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Andrew was raised in a Mormon family but harbored some doubts about the religion, especially when he failed to have spiritual experiences while training to serve a mission. He continued to attend church, get married in the temple, and raise his family in the faith but began to doubt the existence of God – and …
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Mike was raised in the church and hit all the Mormon milestones. His wife struggled with church truth claims and left the church. He “eventually realized that [he] married her and not the church,” but also intended to reason her back into the church to regain his celestial family. He came up with issues that …
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Willow converted to the church as a young child and became a devout member of the church. She always knew she was different from other kids but didn’t understand why until puberty, when she started feeling wrong in her own body and wished she was a girl. She fell into a deep depression after praying …
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Considering the demeaning parable from Elder Renlund about the spoiled boy leaving the boat and Elder Holland being furious with members who “bail” and imploring members to “Stay in the Boat” as well as The Old Ship Zion references from Brigham Young, Mormon church culture has a lot of imagery around boats, and staying in …
Gen grew up as a military brat with strict Mormon parents and experienced various forms of abuse during her childhood. She also suffered the devastating loss of her brother, who was her best friend, and sees Mormon beliefs as a contributing factor. After leaving the church, she is now focusing on healing and discovering her …
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Samuel grew up in the church doing all the Mormon things with his family. As an adult, he took the opportunity to “do a deep dive into the doctrine.” He found out that what he was taught to be true, were in fact lies. Through this struggle, he faced anger and devastation, but with reflection …
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Brendan was raised in the church but from early on saw things that didn’t sit well with his soul. He recognizes many instances in his life where cognitive dissonance was telling him something wasn’t right. This led him to study deeply and even pursue a study of history, which led him to an internship with …
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Sally believed in real love and integrity, but no longer saw those values at church. What she found was a Corporate Mormon Jesus that was not living the Golden Rule or living the rules it subjects its own members to. She resigned because “although it’s easier to walk away, I don’t want my name associated …
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Adam saw the church as providing a guilt-driven narrative aimed only at keeping him in control. This isn’t a healthy environment, let alone a church, and now he’s enjoying his freedom and a life of exploration, while at the same time admitting there is still a struggle. He’s found that communities that understand his journey …
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As a convert in his late teens, Bill Reel learned early that church history was messy, but loved it. He began a podcast (which has now grown to host over a dozen individual podcasts) to discuss and explore this messy mormon history. Over the years through examining the church, he discovered that the Mormon church …
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Rebekah didn’t have to look further than the prejudice against women to know that the Mormon church was not where she belonged. Even though it took a few years, she doesn’t look back. I enjoy music and running. I am a hiker and explorer. I was a mormon. I grew up in the church. I …
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Heidi was a faithful member who enjoyed studying church history. Recently, the “new” church history became disturbing and sounded more like a cult. Through her spouse leaving the church she struggled with the fear-based messages of church leaders and digging in to understand when they are speaking as prophets vs as men, realizing that they …
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Laycie had a rude wake-up call when she was put into a situation to choose between her church and her child. Thankfully, she listened to her love and realized that she was in a cult. So happy to know that she got out and supported her child! ❤️ I’m here. I’m queer. I love the …
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Rebecca was always a devoted mother and homeschooled her children. Ward leaders frowned upon homeschooling and judged her for it. As she found herself and studied mysticism more, she saw that it was not compatible with the church. I was an overly devoted mormon throughout my life. I was a homeschooling mother to four children …
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Jayme sought evidence for the testable truth claims of the church. He looked at the Book of Mormon and found it lacking when using history and science as his guide. I was a mormon. The testable truth claims that need to be true for the Book of Mormon to be true are not true. A …
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Jen supported her family through trials and desperately wanted to be together forever with her mother who passed when she was a teenager. But between experiencing sexism in the church, her son coming out as gay, and her daughter struggling with the corporate sales tone of her mission it didn’t add up. She struggled with …
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Jessie was troubled by her shelf items: issues with church history, sexism, racism, and homophobia in the Mormon church. It became too much to reconcile, and she’s lucky to have left the church as a whole family. Born and raised in Germany and live now in Texas. I was a mormon. We left the church …
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Jeff believed it all and served until he reached a tipping point where he found belief itself to be damaging. He stopped believing in anything and struggled through a mixed-faith marriage until he discovered “so much nastiness cluttering up nearly every aspect of the church” and sharing these issues with his wife, she joined him …
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Fred lived as dedicated to the church as anyone could. He watched respected people leave the church and he was curious about why they left. So, he followed up with some research and collected issues onto his shelf, but he was able to reconcile them over time with his faith and would not deny the …
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