Beth converted at a young age and struggled with being fully active, but once she was on her own she dedicated herself to the church, she “fully embraced the gospel” and “loved it”. Raising her own family, however, presented the dissonance of unconditional love and a “scary judgmental God” but she soldiered on because she’d been taught it was the only way. Once covid shut the church meetings down, she explored podcasts and found belonging like never before. She’s happy to find that there is life after Mormonism, and thinks it is wonderful!
When I was 12, two Mormon missionaries showed up at our door. My mom, sister and I were baptized shortly after. I was semi-active during the next six years but ended up going to Rick’s college where I met my husband. Two years later, we both went on missions. Four month after we returned we were married in the Oakland temple. My desire was always to give my future children a different life than I had. I fully embraced the gospel during and after my mission and loved it. We raised four children in the church, served in many callings and was all in. I was a Mormon.
I had my first faith crisis when our oldest started giving us trouble in high school. I realized then, that my eternal family may not be so eternal. I also realized I believed in a very scary and judgmental God and I didn’t like it. I went inactive for about a year. I started studying other books about God, his love, his mercy.
I eventually went back to church because I still had little ones at home and thought it was the only way. My shelf was so full of teachings I didn’t understand and things I no longer believed in. They put me in Relief Society for five years but I would only teach lessons on god’s love and faith and enduring to the end.
Like a lot of people, my final Sunday at church was the last Sunday before Covid. I started listening to podcasts and came across one about a lady who had left the Mormon church. Everything she said resonated with me so strongly and I wanted to learn more. I listened to everything I could find, Mormon Stories, etc. I knew I was completely done and was never going back.
All my children have left the church, each for their own reasons, and my husband eventually left as well. We are all so happy and content with our life now. Finding a Community has been tough but I wouldn’t change anything. The people in our lives now are genuine, kind and real. There is life after mormonism, and it’s wonderful.
Beth
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