Hi, I'm Shaylee.
I read Tarot, have three cats, and enjoy gaming, photography & knitting. I was a Mormon.
I was born & raised in the Mormon church, blessed as a baby, baptized at 8, married at 19. I was homeschooled in a fundie-like community and raised to believe that my highest purpose in life was to get married & have "as many babies as the Lord would give me".
Almost daily as a child, I repeated words that my parents curated for my siblings & I, as we believed we were "the Elect" in the Mormon church: "We are children of imperfect parents who love us and who strive to raise in truth and righteousness. Our goal in being taught at home is to prepare ourselves spiritually and temporally to be worthy and productive members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Also, to be positive influences in the world, to be good and active citizens, and to face all trials and temptations with steadfastness in Christ, having faith that we will live together as an eternal family."
I was the obnoxious kid in Sunday School who knew all the answers, the overzealous girl in Young Women who volunteered to help with all of the projects. I was the one who actually did know church history and was totally okay with Joseph Smith marrying children, and I even stated that I would also marry a prophet at age 14 if "God asked me to". I wasted hours & hours of my life indexing for Family Search. Graduating from seminary was more important to me than getting a High School diploma. I was more of a mother than a sister to my many siblings.
My family has Mormon ties on both sides going back to the early days of the church. We have a history of abuse, undiagnosed mental illnesses & disorders, enmeshment, breeding fetishes, blood atonement, pharisaical behavior, lack of boundaries, and overall dysfunction, all in the name of God. And I'm only just beginning to work on breaking all of those cycles moving forward.
On my shelf
On the Mormon Spectrum
Why I left More answers about 'Why I left' the mormon church
It's not true: plain & simple.
After watching my husband become a happier, more confident person as he stepped further & further away from the Mormon church, I realized my entire life had been based on a lie. I promptly had an identity crisis and then dedicated the rest of my life to sharing my story, amplifying the voices of others, and telling the world how evil, controlling, and false the Mormon church is.
It occurred to me that I had more integrity than the "Only True" church I had been brought up in, because when I was made aware of their lies & atrocities I refused to be associated with them any longer. I found out that a bishop had been excommunicated for his insistence on ending 1-on-1 interviews between grown men and children. The Gospel Topic Essays told mixed truths after decades of leaving crucial pieces of history out of Sunday School lessons. The temple ordinances changed and members were told not to speak about them despite the trauma that those changes inflicted. I can't even list everything that pushed me to resign, but those are a few of them.
Ultimately, I found that I was a healthier, happier, more empathetic person outside of the Mormon church and I have never looked back. Now I dress the way I want to, I co-own a small tea shop, and I read Tarot. Life is so much better when you get to choose how you live it.