Skip to contentI loved the church that was presented to me as a youth. I can remember the exact moment I obtained a testimony of the faith I was taught during childhood. The messaging was simple, and it made sense to me. As an adult, I came to realize that the church presented to me as a youth didn't match the picture of mormonism today. Between shifting doctrines, unethical behavior by the General Leadership, and hidden history of the church I came to realize that nothing about the church is what it claimed to be. The religion I'd loved as a youth simply didn't exist, and never had.
curtishartleyWhile, overall, my mission was a great experience, there were some things I learned and experienced about my faith that started to bother me. I started really reading and studying the Book of Mormon (BoM) for the first time on my mission and, honestly, I struggled with it. I loved the Bible, the NT in particular. I loved how authentic the OT felt and learning about all of the interesting ancient history and foreign concepts to a young westerner. I loved the various takes on Jesus in the Gospels and how much of a revolutionary he was (I was into punk rock as a kid and reading the NT made me realize how counter-culture Jesus really was for his time).…
kendallThroughout most of my time in the church, I felt like I wasn't good enough. I wasn't worthy of anything. I felt controlled. I felt like I was living someone else's life, and not my own. This ended up making my life and the world around me extremely confusing, and I didn't really know how to maneuver my way through life. I didn't know what was important, I didn't know who I was nor who I was meant to be. Everything was just extremely confusing. Despite this, I continued to hold on to the iron rod (if not just with my fingertips), in the hopes that maybe, I just maybe, I'd figure everything out. But I didn't I first made…
bakiraka01Throughout my time in the church, I was always convinced I wasn't good enough and that I was an awful person. I compensated for this by being a misogynist and having a holier-than-thou attitude, only to realize I was hurting those around me, whilst being hurt by the lies I was being spoonfed by the church. My faith was first tested when I noticed loopholes in the repentance system: You could sin, and repent, then sin, then repent again. It was like a get out of jail free card. I then decided to test the limits of this and began pushing the limits of it. My faith crisis was only pushed forward after the actions of a primary teacher. I…
In 2017, my wife and I had a severe falling-out with our Mormon bishop. I went online for help and went down the rabbit hole. This resulted in a faith crisis then a faith transition. Eventually, I resigned from the Mormon church in 2022. Link to my resignation essay: https://www.reddit.com/r/ExitStories/comments/18kh7p6/why_i_resigned/
ceyreMy struggles with church started when I met friends who were gay for the first time. I learned about being gay, being trans, and saw the way my friends were abused and punished by a church I thought cared about them. Then it was my turn. After discovering I was Trans, everything began to fall apart. My parents had made their stance on Transgender people very clear: They didn't exist. Any ideas of Transgender identity were merely temptation, confusion, mental illness, or possession by the devil himself. I struggled for years to hide it from my parents but the more I hid the more I saw my health decline, and the more resentment built. I fell down rabbit holes of…
I wondered why, if this is so great, why doesn’t everyone embrace it? What am I missing and why does the Church make me feel empty? Why would a loving God treat his children so differently based on where they were born, who their parents are, what race they were born into, what their last name is, what their sexual preference is, what their gender is, how much money they have and whether they followed Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim or Christian teachings. Why would God demand 10% tithing to get into the celestial kingdom; pay-to-play just didn’t seem right. Why would God pick Joseph Smith since he’s such a schmuck. Polygamy …. Really? What woman would embrace a role of making…
tom808It's not true: plain and simple. After watching my husband become a happier, more confident person as he stepped further & further away from the Mormon church, I realized my entire life had been based on a lie. I promptly had an identity crisis and began experiencing a painful yet beautiful transition of faith. It occurred to me that I had more integrity than the "Only True" church I had been brought up in, because when I was made aware of their lies and atrocities I refused to be associated with them any longer. I found out that a bishop had been excommunicated partly for his insistence on ending 1-on-1 interviews between grown men and children (Sam Young - https://protecteverychild.com/.…
sippinginmywildI was a rigid, rigid judgmental bitch. And I was SO angry. I've always been a strong, opinionated personality, intent on changing the world. I am ready to move mountains single-handedly if necessary. Being Mormon somehow managed to make that energy a bad thing. As a woman, I was "supposed" to be kind, sweet, and loving. I was supposed to make babies and be a homemaker, and I was "supposed" to be happy doing just that. Only that. And that was infuriating. I grew up being told regularly that God didn't want me as I was, but as something I knew I could never be - MEEK. I felt that God wanted me to shortchange myself at every turn, and…
murphyFor me it's all about integrity, or lack thereof on the part of the Mormon church and its members. It astounds me how Mormons can look straight at a mountain of unrefuted evidence which proves their religion is a hoax, and just shrug it off, saying, "Yes, those facts are puzzling, but I'm not going to think about it. I have faith that God will answer all our questions in the next life". I realize that many Mormons will question my claim that there's a "mountain" of evidence. In order to keep this write-up from getting too long, I'm only going to talk about a few key items in this section. If you want to see all of the pieces…
dougI left because homophobia, racism, misogyny, etc.
myivyangelAfter ignoring hundreds of shelf items, I was traumatized by my mission. I sailed low through the rest of my college degree, fully aware if the church caught wind of my attitude they might sabotage my career prospects. Then I moved out of the bubble, and saw some of the real world without wearing the nametag. I started paying attention. It became clear to me that the leaders of the church are not guided by god when it took them half a year into the pandemic to council members to maybe wear masks. I realized I had been duped. What really did it for me though was realizing that I am transgender, and that is something that people can just…
layhandsondeezI suppose there are two reasons I am writing this. The first is to have something in writing to give to those who sincerely wonder why I am where I am in relation to beliefs I have held at times in my life. I wanted this to be able to provide an effective way to explain some key facts and ideas relative to my growth and growing system of belief. It has remained one of the most intense agonies of my life that those whose lives crossed paths with mine, and have become important to me, have had a need to reject me because I believe what I do. I have had to sever an entire portion of my life,…
bigeddyThe Epic of Bobcat is one of those stories that, when you live it, seems packed with adventure and intrigue, where the ending is anything but clear. But looking back years later, I realize that given who I am and what I have been through, the questions I've asked and the answers I've found, it's really no surprise that I ended up here. Growing up, I was the type of kid who had always gone to church because he wanted to. I never felt coerced or forced to do so. I earned my Eagle Scout, was involved in every quorum presidency, and kept all of the rules concerning the Word of Wisdom, the Law of Chastity, and the Law of…
bobcatFor me, Charles Dickens said it best in his book ‘A Tale of Two Cities.' It opens up with "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way..." Like many of you, I have spent the last several years trying to make sense out…
moonshineThe first real doubt came when I went through the temple to take out my endowments – 3 days before my marriage ceremony. I was shocked when I realized I was agreeing to sacrifice my body and soul to a physical and spiritual death if I ever revealed what I witnessed – and even went through the motions of slitting my throat as a sign of the impending doom if I dared to speak. Boy did that make me feel warm and fuzzy! And I worried that I’d never be able to remember all the secret handshakes and coded words and my new secret name to pass through the veil after I died – which apparently was the only way…
msgabbie2uWhen I received the call that my Father had collapsed and was not conscious, I knew he was gone. I could feel it. The anchor for our family was gone. And now I was the oldest male in the immediate family. The next few months took its toll on our emotions and my mother’s health. We slowly cleaned out the house and moved my Mother to live with my sister, but the aftermath of the death would haunt me for years. Circa 1964 on a family vacation my parents were introduced to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; the Mormons. They joined when I was 9 years old and I was baptized at that time. From that time…
grape-nephiPART 1: BACKGROUND Ironically, growing up Mormon taught me to value non-conformity. This is ironic because Mormons are famed for lockstep conformity in action, dress, and thought. But training Mormon kids to be like other Mormons necessarily requires training them to be unlike everyone else. And when you live in an area where Mormons are few and far between -- like Minnesota, where I grew up -- that means being unlike just about everybody. As a kid, with or without Mormonism, there was no way I was going to fit in easily with other kids my age. I was a shy, socially awkward, late-bloomer-tomboy-bookworm, living in my own imaginary world, as likely to be talking to myself as to be…
chansonTo someone raised in the Mormon Church, the phrase “Oh ye of little faith” is one of the most stinging criticisms you can receive. Conversely, to be called “a person of great faith” is one of the highest compliments a Mormon can receive. The church goes to great lengths, starting with young toddlers barely old enough to talk and continuing non-stop throughout each member’s life, to ensure that faith is held as one of the highest virtues in the minds of all members. “Great people have great faith. Weak people have weak faith.” The message is repeated endlessly in as many different ways as possible. As a result of this very successful indoctrination regarding the virtue of faith, I found…
studentI believe that the first of these events came in either the late 50s or the early 60s. I was in a Woolworths (I think), and stopped to get a drink from the water fountain. I hesitated as I noticed that there were two water fountains, one labeled "colored" and the other labeled "white." I then noticed that there were separate restrooms labeled according to race. I can see these "colored" and "white" restroom signs in my mind as clearly today as I did almost 45 years ago. For some reason, I had never really noticed them before, and I wasn't quite sure how to process it. Many of you may be familiar with Jim Crow laws. Even into the…
mamajamaBut I never, ever gained a real testimony. Ever. Oh, I stood up in F&T meetings once in a while and bore my testimony. I knew how I was supposed to feel, what I was supposed to say, but I just never got my burning bosom, or my "perfect knowledge" that the Church was true and that Joseph Smith was a prophet. I guess I was in "fake it till you make it" mode. So why did I stick around? Because I believed the Church was true, and the Book of Mormon was true, and I believed that one day I would know it. Besides, I had my family to think about. They needed this as much as I did,…
crime-dogI was raised in a deeply rooted Roman Cathlolic family. I think Catholiscism goes back on my fathers side of the family to the inception of the church. In addition my family was the picture of disfunction. I was a sensative boy and the formative years of my life were immersed in the chaotic and unsettling sixties. My older brothers and sisters lived the sixties like it is seen in textbooks today. Unfortunately for me, the above combination created a life in which I experienced a great deal of fear and a sense of loss of control. I remember having thoughts as a young man that I found deeply troubling. Thoughts of life and death and what, if anything, followed…
free-thinkerOn with my story... Not only did I grow up in a Mormon family, I grew up in a very conservative Mormon family. My father was a member of the John Birch Society during part of my teenage years. But all in all it was a good childhood - no complaints here. When I was twelve I begged my father to hire me to work for him in his sign business so I wouldn’t have to work in the potato fields like most of the other kids my age. He agreed which meant that over the subsequent years he and I developed a good relationship, because of which I pretty much did what I was told. I attended church every…
jeff-ricksAugust 7, 2005 In the Beginning: I was born to goodly parents who did not attend any religious services. My father was force fed religion during his youth and swore he would not set foot inside another church when he was old enough to make his own decisions. As far as I know, he made good on that promise; except for weddings, and other special occasions, I don’t remember him ever attending any church services. My mother would have attended church, but deferred to my father on matters of religion. She didn’t attend church either, while my father was living. After my father died, at the age of 67, my mother started going to a Presbyterian church with my sister…
hamarI first encountered the church about a year after my dad married my stepmom. I was maybe 7 or 8 when he married the waitress he cheated on my mom with. That waitress turned out to be a lapsed Mormon. She had been excommunicated for living in sin with my dad. After their marriage, she convinced my dad to take the missionary discussions. At the same time, I remember my uncle desperately trying to convince my dad to be a plain old Southern Baptist, and to this day, I’m not sure which choice would have been worse. Anyway, my dad was baptized about a year or so after he married my stepmom and within a few weeks, he re-baptized my…
dogzillaI provided that background because the way I joined the Church is helpful in understanding why I could ultimately leave it with ease. And what some of the difficulties were. Fast forward 15 years. Wait…slow down…that was TOO fast… In the interim between my joining the Church and my leaving the Church, my wife and I set about to make certain we were "A-teamers" in any Ward we lived in. My wife in particular was a righteous soul who was working her way into the Celestial Kingdom, and despite my glaring and numerous deficiencies, I was determined to at least make a good-faith effort to join with her in the eternities, populating worlds without number, that sort of thing. I…
peter-maryWhen I was 14, my mother passed away. I felt very much alone and learned through that experience to lean on the Lord even more. I decided that I would do what was right because it was the path to happiness, not to please my dad or because of fear of punishment. I felt particularly close to Heavenly Father over the next few years, having had countless experiences of answered prayers, premonitions that were fulfilled, marvelous insights, church leadership positions, and the privilege of baptizing my brother-in-law at the age of 16. I truly felt like I had a deep and personal relationship with my Savior. Also, at that time, I began to read a lot of church books: “The…
hueffenhardtI pulled up to the stake center recalling the Bishop’s words to meet him at 7 pm in his office. “Why did I want to talk to him?” I pondered, “He’s not going to understand. He may even report me for asking too many questions and appearing to lose my testimony.” I believed he would answer my questions and resolve the mountain of doubts and questions accumulated in my mind after two years of intense research and study. So I grabbed my college backpack and headed for the stake center doors. The stake center was nearly empty as the ward activities were coming to a close. The walls seemed hollow and dark as I began what seemed like a slow…
williamkemptonI wasn't going to Until I heard His voice in my heart Say you need to do this. I was going to just be an under cover lover of Christ and not try to make waves, but Father told me that physical courage is easier than moral courage and He wanted me to make a stand. So hear I am Standing for The God of love. He has asked us to love everyone especially those that are hard to love. I have my own beliefs and my own inner jewels. I don't need any man on Earth to tell me what i can and cannot believe. I have one King, one lord, one shepherd. He is the only "living prophet"…
mikeI made the heartbreaking decision to the mormon after a culmination of years of lies and abuse. Church leaders ignoring abuse and witnessing abusers and pedophiles entering the temple. Utah mormons are judgemental, instead of welcoming strangers in meetings, i witnessed members making snide comments about how some were dressed. Disruptive children during the sacrament. To me, the sacrament has always been sacred and humbling. My temple worthiness was sacred and humbling. Utah mormons seem to take everything the doctrine is for granted, assuming anyone not born a "lifer" to be beneath them. When I converted, a man from the chorum of the 70's spoke to us.. He said "remember, you joined the church for the doctrine and not the…
Despite my faithfulness, I had a nuanced side to me that couldn’t be shaken, and that showed when I stood up for a sister-in-law who had lost her faith in the church. I was told to block her when my brother divorced her for her non-belief, and when I defended her, I was met with a lot of resistance. I then started to believe in a god who didn’t care what we believed. Shortly after that, I had another brother who divorced his wife, but this time, domestic violence was involved. The police were called, and he was charged. This SIL called me in an effort to find help, and I listened to her story. It was the first time…
I was born and raised in a devout Mormon home but questioned it from a very early age. The first incident I recall that caused me confusion happened in grade school. Growing up in Portland, Oregon during the 80’s, I was the only Mormon kid in my grade. Somehow, one of my classmates learned that I came from a Mormon family and posed the following question to me: “How many moms do you have?” He was clearly making fun of me, but I didn’t have even the slightest idea of what he was talking about. Later, I asked my dad what this kid was talking about and got the following response: “Well, that’s something people in the church did a…
wescauthersIt was all about the truth claims for me. The Church claims to be "the only true and living Church upon the face of the whole Earth" led by Jesus himself. They teach that Joseph Smith saw God and Jesus after an earnest prayer. They teach that the Book of Mormon is a real history of the American Indians, who came from a family in Jerusalem...they teach that the book of Abraham is a real scripture. When you dig into the real history you'll find that what the Church teaches is not how it all went. Joseph Smith was a con artist who claimed to be able to find hidden treasures and (illegally) charged people for it. You find that…
exmodadFor the entirety of my Mormon identity, I always had unsettling feelings about the church and the beliefs. throughout my entire life I was never treated fairly, I was always bullied by the adults of the church and always kicked out of young women’s activities, girls camp and seminary class for asking questions about doctrine. My senior year in seminary, my teacher was angry with my questions and decided to talk to me privately in a one exit room, instead yelled at me, making me cry and making me very uncomfortable. I decided I did not have to take the abuse any longer and told him I was leaving. to which he replied “no you’re not.” he then barricaded the…
b-yousefI was a straight girl who didn't conform with the strict gender codes forced on me by my mother who was a soprano in the Tabernacle choir. I wasn't allowed to join Boy Scouts. I was the middle of 7 kids in Utah and was lost in the shuffle as my mom had us for clout, not because she liked children. I was the Black sheep, the family embarrassment who wore all black and combat boots. My parents did not intend for me to have a college education or a career, only marriage to a return missionary was discussed. I rebelled and left home at 16, stayed with friends in California and that was when I saw the worldly people…
I got frustrated with always being told “milk before meat” when I would ask hard questions about the church. I’ve always been a fan of logic, science, and critical thinking. I just finally got around to applying logic and reason to matters of faith and found them to be lacking. When I’d ask questions of my church leaders they would always tell me to focus on the basics. So I did. Unfortunately I discovered everything that was good about Mormonism wasn’t unique. And everything unique about Mormonism wasn’t good.
michael-taylorI always struggled with the history and lack of proof surrounding the Book of Mormon. I was able to leave that on my shelf waiting for the day that the evidence would be found. I knew a day would come that a bunch of buried swords would be found proving it was all true. In late 2015 I was talking to a fellow soldier during our monthly national guard assignment. He was expressing concern with a new policy excluding children of LGBT members from becoming members. It hadn’t really bothered me prior since no one I knew was affected. He had a family member that had been closeted and married to a female trying to start a family. He came…
alanBecause the my late husbands married best mate tried it on with me. Then during my time of inactivity i found out about the CES letter... I told the bishop what happened, and about a month later he was called to the bishopic... so that stopped me straight away from going!!!!
zarawood1985Prayed my whole life to know if it was true. Read the Book of Mormon over a dozen times. Did everything I could. Did everything right. Turned 35, was poised to baptize my oldest, and realized if I hadn't got my answer yet, I never would. I wasn't ready to put my kids through it all if it wasn't true.
norkishBefore converting, I had a lot of questions and doubts. My biggest concern was the lack of equality for women. Everyone I knew in the church, including the missionaries, lied to me. They told me that women were considered equals. Even though I still had many doubts (this being foremost), I converted. My first time through the temple, I learned that women only had a relationship with God through their husband, and they had to veil their faces. They have since drastically changed the endowments, but at the time, women were still clearly inferior. Once I realized I had been lied to, my shelf broke immediately, and completely disintegrated within months. However, I went through the temple two weeks before…
maisy220Around the time I figured out I was queer, I felt this sudden guilt whenever I walked into the chapel. This was reinforced by realizing I don't want kids. I don't want to follow the covenant path. This was a huge shock for me. I almost cried in that chapel many times, having to step out. Eventually, against the policy (don't look at outside sources), I searched for the truth. The REAL truth. And I found it. And I left. The young women still try to reach out to me. It was often at first, but nowadays it's rare. I still want them to stop.
kingofweirdOne day while assigned to the MFO in Egypt, I was walking from my barracks room to work, and it hit me. The first vision is a lie. My subconscious had been working through a number of gospel related issues for some time. Church approved sources were insufficient in addressing my issues, and it never occurred to me to look elsewhere. (I later came to understand the churches role in that) Therefore the realization that the first vision was a lie came as a shock to me. I quickly analyzed what happened to put that thought into my mind. The claim simply doesn’t stand up to the standards of good evidence, either from a legal perspective IE physical evidence, corroborating…
ashmonster2000Possibly like many wasmormon members, I had questions about many aspects of Church history, doctrine and practices that often gave me pause from the time I was a young missionary, but, good Mormon that I was, I dutifully blamed myself for questioning the Church and the Prophet, repented and shelved the questions. My faith was shaken many times along the way as I grew older and started to realize there's no real, spiritual power in the Church, or in any religion made by men, other than what its members all agree upon, or, rather, what the leaders tell them they need to agree upon in order to please God, which often has the added benefit of enriching the Church through…
andycwilsonThe church I was a part of taught great principles of honesty, integrity, hard work, the importance of family, and love. What got me questioning the church is the actions taken by church leaders since the beginning that were not in line with what I thought the church was. After doing some experiments, I concluded that as much as I wanted the church to be true, the church is indistinguishable from a fraud.
007shrimpMy older brother came out to me as gay on my 19th birthday. Just a month later, the Church's Policy of Exclusion, or the November Policy, was publicly revealed. The PoX made ZERO sense to me. Gay people are born gay; how could the Church lock them out of heaven because of the way they were born? I tried my best to justify the policy, telling myself that all gay people had to do was follow the doctrine, just like everyone else. However, I began to look at my now-husband and realize that this wonderful experience that so many people get to have is denied to gay people; LGBT members are required to choose companionship and being true to themselves,…
autumn-phelpsMy deconstruction started in college when I realized every week so much of what people said was the same self-hatred coded in self-righteousness. People always found something to dislike about themselves to share with the class. And did the same thing — praying every day to be better and always feeling I was coming up short. Well, I decided that would be the end of that and to love myself unconditionally. Funny thing is, when you do that, you give yourself room to disagree with everything that doesn’t fit with that message. So I was frequently hearing things at church and THINKING. A dangerous pastime, I know. Fast forward six years, and I recognized there were things about the Mormon…
bparks898My Exit Statement is posted on my site here: https://www.fnhenderson.us/FullExitStatement.pdf I hope someone will read and comment because I worked hard and long on it. More than anything else, I object to the Temple Covenants of Obedience, Sacrifice, and Consecration because individual sovereignty means that it is evil for any other person or Church to interfere with one's honest and peaceful choices. This criterion means the Law of Obedience is an attempt to control. In our law which is just, self-ownership (personal sovereignty) must exist if one is to be free, hence subject to judgement under the law. Contracts, similar to Covenants, are nullified in law when the person is 1.) Uninformed. 2.) Deceived. 3.) pressured or coerced. Temple Covenants…
francisnh12Everything started when my wife and I made a 2021 new year's resolution to get closer to Christ. Also Covid was around so we were not able to attend to church thus leaving us at home reading and learning more about Christ and eventually the church history. As we started to learn more about Christ (reading from the bible more than the book of mormon) we noticed how it seem like we were going to a different direction than the church had taught us. The breaking point was GRACE. Reading in the book of mormon that Grace only comes "AFTER" all you can do (2 Nephi 25:23), made no sense when the bible is teaching that Grace is a gift…
searjasubThis past summer I turned 45 years old, and for my birthday I got a sweet midlife crisis. In a matter of months, I ended my 18-year teaching career to support my husband in his new career out of state, I quit grad school halfway through the program, my shelf came crashing down and I left the LDS church for good, my second husband and I divorced, I severed ties with my parents and others who refused to show empathy or respect my boundaries, we sold our home, I packed the place up single-handedly, and wound up homeless and unemployed. And all parts of this midlife transition were tied to my decision to first stay in, then ultimately leave the…
midlifeexmomommaIntroduction: I spent the first 17 years of my life growing up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. As all of you probably know, this specific religion is not a casual every-sunday kind of thing. When you are an active believing member, it makes up your entire life. Your entire being and existence is not your own life to live, it is merely a part of God’s plan. I was the last person you’d expect to leave the church. I was the Priest’s First Assistant in my branch. I blessed the sacrament every week. I genuinely enjoyed doing missionary work and tried to get my friends to come to activities. I read my Book of Mormon/Bible…
spendiggity144Eventually, everything that was stacked against the church added up. Everything I had put on my metaphorical shelf (where one keeps things that they don’t want to think about yet) had become too heavy, and the shelf broke. While on a work trip in Iowa, I determined I needed to seriously evaluate my church membership. I was done being uncomfortable with the church’s teachings and actions while still supporting them, and I needed to either be firmly in or firmly out. When I got home, I prayed my heart out and asked God if I should leave the church. I felt more peace and comfort than I ever did when I asked if the church was true. I came to…
elementalepistlesIn 2013 I was the First Assistant to the High Priest Group Leader and I oversaw "group education". The course of study for the year was "The D&C and Church History". I decided to enhance my knowledge of Church history by embarking on an ambitious reading project. I read, in 14 months, beginning in January: The Standard Works (twice) The History of the Church (7 volumes) A Comprehensive History of the Church (6 volumes) The History of Joseph Smith By His Mother The Journal of Discourses (26 volumes) Mind blown. Testimony shattered. Spoke with wife. Then Bishop. Then received a visit from my Stake President accompanied by the local Area 70 in my home. The Church Authorities had no answers.…
bholtI simply don’t support the church’s stand on those marginalized in the LGBTQ+ community.
dream5plusI'm naturally an investigative person who asks questions and needs to make logical connections regarding rational reasoning alongside any form of historical claims. I despise gaslighting and euphemistic language that controls people. Apart from the current globalist governments and their lying mainstream medias, I believe Mormonism is one of the most damaging man-made, mind-controlling religious machines to ever enter mankind!
feebeedeeCan I write a 500 page novel here? My main reason for leaving is the church’s culture in regards to abuse. They pretend it doesn’t happen, hides it and covers it up. It’s a toxic culture filled with judgmental people. I worked my first 10 years of motherhood and was treated like a sinner. I got talked down to, told I don’t love my kids, told I’m a bad mom, told I’m not doing what God wants, all because I have a job! Being told at age 37 that I should teach the sin lesson in YWs because I’ve sinned more than any of the other YWs leaders. (When at the time, I never have broken any big mormon rule). …
sandraI became heavily involved in the Ordain Women movement because it invigorated my spouse's faith in Mormonism. We thought it could be a way for Mormonism to help rediscover its progressive, egalitarian roots with the historical practice of Women's Blessings and a doctrine of Heavenly Mother, and then we had our first daughter, and I wanted to create a better faith home for her to grow up in. When Kate Kelly was excommunicated, our optimism was crushed, but I kept searching Church History to understand Heavenly Mother and the nature of God, which led me to contemplate who the Holy Spirit could be. The best answer I found was from Janice Allred (Allred, "Toward a Mormon Theology of God the…
jeremy-valentinerIt doesn’t really matter how I arrived here. The accumulation of my life experiences has ultimately led me out of belief in a structured and limited spirituality. As I read on Jeremy Runnel’s profile, “I believe in life BEFORE death.” I think that statement beautifully depicts my newfound appreciation for the marvels of our universe, and the delicate balance that sustains human life. My decisions are no longer driven by belief in an eternal reward, or fear of imaginary consequence, but love and gratitude for each sunrise and star filled night, and compassion for myself. I deserved so much better, and I’ve found it. ✨
In February of 2017, my whole world, as I know it was changed forever. I found out that the individuals that I called mom and dad for over forty years were not my real parents. I grew up in Utah in a Mormon family with a mother (Jean), and father (Martin), and one sister (Jennifer) who was ten years older than me. I was also named after my father, so I was Martin Jr. I never questioned this information because why would I? I had step siblings that were 15-20 years older than me, and I knew there was an age difference between Jean and Martin of 16 years, with her being the oldest. I also knew that she had…
blackheartMy wife and I were 'all in'. I had been a VERY active member of the Mormon church for... 43 years. I had served in a wide range of callings including: Deacons Quorum President, Teachers Quorum President, Priest Quorum Group Leader, Ward Young Adult Representative, Ward Mission Leader (twice), Full Time Missionary (Missouri-Independence Mission, '74-'76), Single and Unaccompanied Group Leader (Seoul, Korea), Attended the Dedication of the Seoul Korea Temple, Elders Quorum President (twice), Gospel Doctrine Teacher, Ward Financial Clerk, Ward Membership Clerk, Stake Emergency Preparedness Committee President, Served on the Security Detail for the Open House of the Kansas City Missouri Temple, attended the Dedication of the Kansas City Missouri Temple ... So, 'hear me' when I say, "I…
hector-autryThe numerous times that people were rude and mean. Like, someone that I had no clue who they were came up to me in church and asked what husband I was on. Another time some woman got up in relief society, and started to preach that if you are on any sort of head meds that it’s your fault, and it’s because you are not faithful enough. And if you become faithful and follow the church and pay your tithing, then you won’t have to take these meds. So these actions by church members came with the explanation that it’s not the church. It’s sometimes the people. Well, are the people not the church? Especially if these people are making…
kathyh1976I had many negative experiences at church over the years, beginning as a teenager, that have influenced my decision that the church is an abusive environment for me. As I gained life experience, there developed a divide between what I was taught and what I actually experienced. Then, another divide developed when I began to learn some of what I was taught wasn’t actually true. This led me to the conclusion that the LDS church is not what it professes to be and I no longer believe in any of it’s truth claims. My faith transition was not something I took lightly. I spent several painful years trying to make the church work for me. Over time, it became more…
bethlundgreenI was active but since I was seven years old I carried a secret with me. I wasn’t a boy. At least not internally. I didn’t know anything about transgender people, all I knew is I was not a boy. Growing up and hearing how people like me were unhappy sinners I kept it to myself. Until I met a trans woman who was truly happy. More happy than anyone I ever met. I made friends with other people who are LGBTQ+ and they helped me see that they were just being their authentic selves. I finally came out as trans and after trying to balance reality with what I learned in the church reality won and I haven’t gone…
steffie7Fast forward to May 2021. I had trouble sleeping all through my marriage. One morning, I woke up at 4:30 a.m. I turned on YouTube to find something to lull me back to sleep. I noticed a Mormon Stories episode featuring a Mormon woman I followed. The headline said she had left the church. Well, that caught my attention, and I listened to the entire 5 hour video. I was so stunned, I fell back onto my pillow and sobbed. Once I heard what she had to say, I knew I was done. I knew I couldn't speak to my husband. I kept it to myself, watched different videos about the church. Book of Abraham, Kinderhook Plates, origins of the…
susan_groom_1956I knew I didn't quite fit the Mormon cookie-cutter. I was sort of afraid of Mormon heaven. For one thing, I knew I would have to share my husband, with no regard for how I felt about it. I also couldn't think of a single thing I enjoyed that didn't have at least a little "worldliness" to it. And I found most church stuff to be incredibly boring. Would my brain be changed so much after I died that I wouldn't miss my books and games, and would instead love being all perfect and spiritual? How would that still be me? This thought stuck with me like a burr, making it so that I was never quite comfortable in my…
the-last-tapircornIn 2005 I thought that I could learn new things about the Church and about the gospel on the Internet. I started browsing the net looking for sites about Mormonism. I was exposed to those who ranted against the Church, and to apologists trying to defend it. I remember reading about the Book of Abraham, and the controversy surrounding the resurfacing of the original papyri. Translations of the original papyri proved them to be nothing more than commonplace Egyptian funerary texts, and what’s more, they were dated much later than Abraham–almost as late as Jesus’ time. This disturbed me. I sought out the apologist websites, looking for a reasoned explanation of this phenomenon. I was looking to be reassured in…
frankI had doubts about the church even as a kid. Things just didn't seem to line up sometimes, but I still trusted and followed with blind faith. I didn't know anything different. When I was thirteen, it all came crashing down. Over a year or so, I realized that I was queer and started doing some research about the Mormon church, and what I found shocked me. I remember this awful hollow feeling in my chest. If the church really wasn't true, then who was I? What would happen to me? I cried in my room for hours and hours one night, praying and pleading desperately for God to give me something, some sign that it was all true. There…
exmo-in-flamesN. E. Tanner was wrong in the 15 December 1969 First Presidency Letter. I publicly opposed him and explained why, but he never recanted his statment, even after it was shown to be false. This equates to N. E. Tanner knowingly lying. His statement is false because Joseph Smith signed the 1836 Able Ordination License, which proves Joseph Smith didn't teach the priesthood ban. The church apostle, Nathan Eldon Tanner, was found to be lying, but I was the one excommunicated. Rather than the church appreciating the correction, I was kicked out for speaking truth and pointing out the incorrect statement of the church leaders. In the 1977 excommunication trial, I was not allowed to present my “Accused” defense (per…
byron-marchantI first read the letter for my wife and I couldn't reconcile with the facts it contains, Joseph Smith was not a good man, he wasn't even pleasant from the sound of it. After that I struggled to see why I should stay. During my deconstruction of the church I discovered I'm bi sexual and started to look into how the church treats the LGBTQ community, it didn't help.
spenceay94Oh boy, where to even start? My faith crisis came into full force toward the beginning of 2023. Prior to this, my husband decidedthat
leonoraI do not tell this story for sympathy; I am a survivor (not a hero) of a really horrible disease that inflicted my wife and for which we lived without a diagnosis for twelve years. In 2007, my wife began to change due to an unknown/undiagnosed degenerative brain disease. She was a magnificent woman. Over the next sixteen years, our lives unravelled, her behavior changed, and her life was destroyed (she passed away in early 2023). During this many year journey, her personality changed, our lovely marriage crumbled, and we descended into a deep decade of dysfunction, misdiagnosis, misuse of prescription drugs, and thousands of chaotic and traumatic experiences. In the eleventh year of our ordeal, I became so…
shanecor23In my youth, before I physically left, I never really developed a "testimony" of the truthfulness of Mormonism and all of the blah, blah, blah that goes with that. However, within the dynamics of my growing up home environment, I did not develop the personal sovereignty, nor the courage, nor even the idea, to say to my Mormon parent, "I don't believe in this, therefor, I am no longer going to pretend by doing the things I am 'supposed' to do there." Approaching that important male age of 19, I had other plans, big plans, productive plans, ambitious plans, plans of achievement and adventure. Going on a Mission certainly did not align with those plans. More importantly, going on a…
deservelibertyI had some doubts about the church but all my friends were active. I wanted to believe but found it harder and harder.
wyoldsFirst it was church history. Then doctrine. Then the finances. Then the hypocrisy.
docbob49Like I said, my name is Larry. That means I'm older, right? Here's my story. (I've actually told it a number of times on various podcasts, but, I've got a compact version I'll share here). I was born into the religion of my parents, Mormon. I grew up in Southern California and really didn't notice I was that different until Jr High. I should mention my parents were pretty normal. On Sunday we went to church, but we changed out of our Sunday clothes, watched TV, listened to music and could have friends over. I moved from San Diego to SLC the year I started high school. I went to Skyline. (I'm not worried if folks know me, my wife…
larry-campInitially, my struggles with the church started with the divorce. I blamed myself for it, even though I know I had no part in it, but even still it hurt me. I prayed every day and night asking for my family to be fixed and for Him to forgive me for whatever I’d done to make this happen. Years and years passed and I had no answers and only more questions had joined the fray. Why can I not drink coffee? Why can’t I have sex until I’m married? Simple questions a preteen would have with a growing mine. However, soon enough these questions grew to larger questions. Why can’t I see you God? Why haven’t you spoken to me?…
greensockninjaI left because of a simple problem and a prayer asking for a solution for the problem. The answer I received in prayer did not match my taught expectations. All I wanted to know was “How should I pay tithing?” I expected to hear, “Make sure to pay 10% of your own income.” But instead I heard, “You do not need to pay any more money to this church.” Wow! What a great start to a snowball effect. If I don’t pay tithing, I can’t go to the temple. If I can’t go to the temple, I don’t have to wear my garments. If I don’t wear my garments during the week, should I be untruthful and wear them on…
ehanerI never felt like I truly belonged anywhere. A single mother and her only child stand out in a church full of nuclear families with multiple kids. At the same time, our mormon status distanced us from our fellow Filipinos. I suppose it was this juvenile feeling of not having a place to belong that made discovering the CESLetter such an easy thing for me. I was always a shitty mormon; told the Bishop I didn't masturbate even though I did. Didn't attend the Boy Scouts, when my friends all completed their Eagle Projects. Never went on any treks, never visited the temple, never got my patriarchal blessing. I've always believed in Occam's Razor; the simplest answer is likely the…
bwilliams8492The thing that’s messed up about the church when you are raised in it is that everyone and everything in your life has to deal with the church somehow. When I came out I thought I had received a good feedback from all of my Mormon peers. Turns out everyone was just discussing it behind my back and spreading it before I told everyone. I left before this happened but was still forced to go to seminary and church activities. Some weren’t bad, but most were. My mother told me I would be grounded and have my car and phone taken away if I didn’t attend seminary. What made it worse was the fact that my mom was the seminary…
2703Looking back, I see that many, many items went on my shelf over the years. The first was actually during a conference talk by Gordon B. Hinckley. He explained how we invite members of other faiths to bring the truth they have and add ours to it (or something like that). I was just a teenager, but I had a rare moment of insight. I envisioned a member of a Christian church being told that they only had part of the truth and that the Mormon's had the rest of it. It occurred to me that they would feel the exact opposite: that *we* were the ones who lacked the full truth. That went straight on the shelf. Other things…
adamjFirst, I'm queer. I'm not cisgender or heterosexual and that was a huge problem in this religion. When I was finally able to accept myself for that, I realized the mormon religion would never accept me for it and I'd never be happy where I'm not even accepted. Second, I had so many concerns and questions that were either not answered, or the answers were not logical. I'd never even wanted to get baptized in the first place, and when I started trying to leave apparently an 8 year old was old enough to make a decision about joining but a 16 year old wasn't old enough to make the decision to leave and I "didn't know what was best…
freyAs time went by I learned I wasn’t told the full truth about polygamy when I discovered widowers ( but not widows) could have more than one wife in the hereafter. Then in college I learned the truth about The Book of Abraham. I knew it wasn’t an anti Mormon lie because I learned it in my Pearl of Great Price class. Over the years as more stuff piled on my proverbial faith shelf I came to decide that I didn’t need a true church, just a good one. Then the the treatment of LGBTQ people , backtracking on whether being gay was a choice and then not admitting the mistake, as well as the purity culture teaching that women…
nancypantsy72When I was a teenager, I had a typical rebellious phase where I didn't want to be involved in anything church related. I remember fighting with my parents because I was supposed to go do baptisms for the dead for mutual and I was refusing to go. Eventually I lashed out and yelled at them that I wouldn't go because I didn't believe. Back then, however, that was a lie- I always thought to myself during that stage of my life that I 'knew' it was true but that I wished it wasn't. Spirituality brought me no joy and I always felt like everyone was just faking it as they went because that's what I was doing. I hated church…
livandletliveMy mother grew up in a large Mormon family being one of 12 children and my dad was also one of 9 children who grew up as Mormon. Needless to say they both suffered in their childhoods due to financial strains and a lack of nurturing attention. Looking back now, I had the same upbringing. I never liked church starting at the primary age. It was boring with weird stories with weird names and was a confusing language. Listening to the congregation sing was depressing it sounded like torture not a celebration of worship. I had crippling shyness and I didn’t like singing and I didn’t like dresses and I always felt pressure from my peers and the culture to…
rosanna1818I left before I knew the church wasn't true. I left thinking I was causing my eternal family suffering by my departure. I had to, if I was going to survive. I was having panic attacks going to church. The mental torture of not being perfect, not feeling worthy, not being straight, and falling in love with an atheist and wanting to be with them was a constant loop of shame and depression and longing. I left so I could relax my mind and get away from all the pressure. I wanted to live more than I wanted to take the sacrament and the blessings that were promised to follow someday. Stepping away opened my eyes to genuine kindness and…
savi1lavyMost of my life in the church I have had questions and doubts. My faith transition was a very long journey, not an overnight experience after reading certain pieces of anti material like for some people. Every question or doubt I had I would lean into and try to build a framework to make the answer work. I have even joked that during my mission I was a hobby apologist of sorts, always willing to tackle the tough stuff people I taught would bring up. Cracks in my framework began to show up overtime. Two things were the final straw for my testimony. The first was having children and considering the truthfulness with regards to what I would teach them…
When I first joined the Mormon church, I wasn't allowed to go to the temple because I was married to a nonmember. Once the rules were changed and I could go, I went as often as I could. The first encounter was bizarre, to say the least. At that time they still had the "blood oaths" as part of the endowment. I had been looking forward to the "new knowledge" I would receive. Needless to say, I was disappointed. Of course, I was instructed by local leaders that I just needed to go more often so I would understand the deeper meanings of the endowment. I went as often as I could but at the same time I was piling…
dod13There were SO MANY REASONS! ..The practice of "worthiness" interviewing. One flawed human questioning another's spiritual worthiness felt off. I watched my first and last General Conference and couldn't imagine how anyone received anything of an inspirational nature from those empty and shallow talks. So many of which where profoundly lacking in emotional intelligence. Fast and Testimony with people repeating,"I know the church is true." If you know, truly know of the truth of something you need not repeat it like a mantra. The most intense negative reaction I had came with learning of the invasive interviewing of children. The excommunication of Sam Young was disturbing to me. Instead of the church speaking out in clear opposition to the abhorrent…
sereneAfter a near suicide attempt at age 13, I started reading online “anti Mormon websites” to try and discover why god would hate me so much as to make me gay. As I read I discovered the ways the church harmed those like me, from excommunication to the conversion therapy led at BYU by elder oaks. As I kept reading I saw more and more that I was in a very very dark religious group. I mentally ran from the church shortly after, but was forced by my parents into Sunday attendance for another year. After that year ended I refused to step foot in a church building again, and so far have not. For another 6 months church members…
gracefoster25You can read about my journey from Mormon to secular humanist here: https://medium.com/@veronikatait/so-what-are-you-now-a-godless-commie-ee293139133e
veronika-taitIn November, 2012, I was living in Washington state and a ballot measure was before us. Like happened in California with Prop 8, the Mormon church started a campaign to stop legalization of same-sex marriage. I researched what had gone on with Prop 8, and then read more and more about the issue. I then voted FOR gay marriage in that November 2012 election, and felt, for the first time ever, that my 49 years in the gay closet might finally come to an end. I had to come out not only to my then-wife, but to myself, and that was the most difficult of all, being true to myself. As 2013 approached, I saw the "ordain women" movement take…
kevinrex4I don't think I ever had a testimony of the church. I believed in Christianity, but never quite bought into Mormonism. Growing up in Utah, I just went along with it because everybody else was. One thing that's different about me though, is my parents were adult converts from southern California. We swore, drank Coke, and watched R movies all the time. My family has a theater background, so queer people were always a positive in my life. In other words, were weren't very good Mormons. I couldn't really pinpoint when it all went awry for me. I remember being involved in CA Prop 22 (the precursor to Prop 8), and from there the church just kept getting less and…
sallygirl751. I couldn’t ever stomach the idea of telling anyone that Mormonism was the only way back to God. It just seemed so inefficient to me that a loving God would restrict that truth from centuries of people throughout history and billions of people on earth now. 2. Mormon temples have areas restricted only to adult members of the church who are worthy to enter. As a woman, that meant I needed to be either going on a mission or getting married. Since I chose not to serve a mission and didn’t have any marriage prospects, I couldn’t go through until I was 25, no matter the fact that I had several bishops ask me if I wanted to work…
I suffered from severe scrupulosity (religious OCD) and felt I was constantly a sinner. I never realized that the Church membership made up less than 0.2% of the world population, and the amount of active believers was far less than that. In my late 20s, I began reading the Church’s “Gospel Topics Essays”, and quickly began feeling uneasy with the history of the Church. I spent 5 years reading everything I could about the history of the Church, Joseph Smith, and The Book of Mormon. I quickly realized the narrative taught in the Church is far from truthful, and doesn’t match the historical or scientific record. The Book of Mormon isn’t a historical account, it’s filled with anachronism.The Book of…
danieljohnsonShortly before I got married I started questioning the Church on ordaining women and on the place of women in heaven. This was very hard for me. The temple wording did not help and sincerely broke me. No answers helped, and No blessing made it better. Nothing took my pain and heartache away except in the year I decided to stop attending. It’s been 12 years since I started questioning and been two full years since I decided to not be active in the Church. Due to my sincere belief in Christ I am taking steps to find a different Church and one that does practice female ordination.
inactivewandererThe racist behavior and malicious leanings of many members in Utah made me question my belief in the "religion" and God. How could a God just sit there and watch all the injustice, racism, and misleading information (done on its name) and do nothing? Discussions about those topics went nowhere and many just provided mental gymnastics. Those apologists puzzled me..They made me realize that "truth" was never the goal. I no longer believe in god, and finally found peace.
elneneFrom my baptism at age 12, I had a shelf of "unanswered questions" in my head. That shelf grew and grew over time. When things piled up at age 48 so high at home, work and church so that I could see tomorrow things were going to get worse, not better, I contemplated ending my life. I was released. Soon thereafter I was sitting in sacrament meeting listening to my former high counselors speak on "Be Ye Therefore Perfect Even As Your Father in Heave is Perfect" and "Even Your Thoughts Will Condemn You" and my body began to shake and tremble. I got up and walked out and never went back. Members tried to drag me out of my…
jajiseeI so wanted the church to be true. I enjoyed so many aspects of the church when I was growing up: dances and the annual Gold and Green Ball, Super Saturday, Road Shows, 3 and 4 day temple trips to the Washington temple (even got a White House tour back in the days when you just had to wait in line), our annual Winter Carnival. So many great memories. My first real crisis with church stuff came when I attempted to serve a mission. Was called to serve in Rome, Italy, and entered the MTC in the fall of 1990. I was dismayed at the hero worship of church leadership, the blind obedience to authority, and some of the general…
swordsman1989I left because it's a cult and it's history is filled with lies and deceptions. I believe Jesus Christ is my Savior and He is all I need for Salvation.
jrtaylorThe Air Force was my first disillusionment with humanity. Officers are not necessarily Gentlemen. I wouldn't say I left the church. I am nuanced. But I can no longer associate myself with a crowd that has no respect for truth and honor. I was taught that the principle of "infallibility" is false because all men are fallible. That is what makes them men. If church leaders deny being men, then what are they? As a graduate student I got married in the SL Temple to a female who prided herself on her “acting” abilities. I later found out that meant her ability to fool people. In the east Sandy neighborhood where I owned a house, a creepy drug dealer who…
I was a "country boy" living on an acreage, raising horses, and paying country music. I had married a "city girl" with no interest in horses, country music, and as it turned out....no interest in me. We divorced after 25 yrs. of marriage. I then met another Mormon lady who had also just gone through a divorce. She was a country girl, grew up on a farm, so surely we would be compatible if we got married....WRONG. We did get married but I soon found out that it was the common thread of "Mormon control" in both marriages that was the problem. I divorced again and became inactive....searching for the "truth" or "falsity" of Mormonism. I began searching the internet…
moreman2i started researching all the messed up stuff the church did. when i hit the shock therapy groups for gay people, i just couldn't be a part of it any longer. i refuse to be part of a cult that demonizes, and endorses such violence against people just for being who they are.
baxxiefishMy parent's divorce was the beginning of my doubts. My family would not be together forever. I continued going to church until I was 16. When I gained my voice & spoke out against going to church, it was used as a punishment. Anything I said or did that was unfaithful was reprimanded by attending meetings, youth functions or talking to the bishop. I realized that there was a whole world outside of Mormonism. I saw the beauty & goodness in the very things I was taught were bad or wrong. I became a single, teenage mother. I knew that I would never force my opinions or beliefs on my children the way my father's were forced on me.
mbreauxIn my early 50s, I came to terms with the fact that my biological father was narcissistic. I realized I had gone straight from a controlling father to a high control organization. My precious teenager came out as queer. This child had never believed in the church either. I knew she wasn't going to stay in the church & I knew she was going to live an authentic life as a queer person. So where would this leave us as a family? I couldn't take it anymore. I decided I wasn't going to make it to the celestial kingdom & that was going to be okay. I just wanted us all to be happy in this life. I wanted my…
lostinbetween22When the church began openly pushing against gay marriage in the late 90's and early 2000's, I struggled to reconcile that with the 11th Article of Faith, where we supposedly allow all others to worship according to their own conscience. But I believed in following the prophet, so I mostly kept my doubts to myself. Then in 2013, I moved from the heavily Mormon area in the Phoenix area I'd lived most of my life to Texas, and found myself working with openly gay coworkers for the first time. Getting to know actual people in the LGBTQ+ community, combined with a church scene where I no longer had the comfortable friendships I'd made with other more progressive and nuanced Mormons…
anjaisagirlThis was my resignation letter to my friends and family: "Dear Friends and Family, This is my official resignation, my final testimony, if you will. My beliefs and my experiences. If you are easily offended, or are uncomfortable with views that differ from your own, I suggest you just keep scrolling. Three months ago, I would have testified to anyone of my testimony of Jesus Christ and his Church. I would have told you that under no circumstances, and in no certain terms, that there was NO way I would deny Christ or his gospel. I would’ve shared my testimony of the truthfulness of its teachings, of the Book of Mormon, and of Joseph Smith, someone I revered more than…
evangelion90After I discovered my then-husband's "dark secret life" (his words for explaining his interests in other women). When I left him, no one gave a fuck. No one visited. No one called. Not the bish. Not his counselors. Not the RS or missionaries or elders quorum. Not my own mother. I went through my divorce fumbling alone. I lived in squalor, a tiny 600sq ft 2bedroom apartment for me and my three kids. No one offered help. No one visited. No one cared. I was so pissed!!! Why had I wasted so much time, effort, money, on an institution that didn't care about me. Out of sheer spite, I found an exmo YouTube channel and binged it. That was the…
freidomI left as a child. My dad and mom spend their lives reaching out to Mormons. I was raised evangelical but currently am agnostic. My exit from evangelicalism mirrored my parents’ Journey out of Mormonism and has been very difficult.
erinkucera2As a teen I had lots of questions about the church and did lots of searching. This was pre-internet, so I saved babysitting money to go to the local Christian Supply bookstore and Powells to buy books about Mormonism. I thought and cried and prayed and grew to know that Mormonism was not something that I could believe in. When I was 18 I met with my bishop and asked for my name to be removed from the records. I told my parents after the fact. I went to college and built a life for myself across the country. I don’t think I could have done this if I stayed in my hometown. I feel a sense of loss about…
luckyA few years ago I was looking at the facsimiles in the Book of Abraham and I wondered “Did Joseph Smith translate those correctly?” At the time I found information from FairMormon which seemed reasonable to me, so I forgot about it. Fast forward to January 2015 where I felt prompted to do a web search on the Book of Abraham. In just a few minutes, I realized things were never going to be the same for me. The more I researched church history and doctrinal topics, the more I knew I could never go back to believing the way I had for 43 years of my life. Could people just quit believing in the truth claims of the church?…
steve2 years ago, I decided to leave. The majority of my immediate family are active, as well as extended family. We have a strong history in the church; my family was part of the Willie Handcart company who crossed the plains with the pioneers, so you can say I have deep roots in the church. After reading church essays and doing my own thinking about God and life, I realized I no longer believed in the things I was taught growing up. This was devastating for me. Like most people who leave the church, I wasn’t sure what I believed, what I would teach my children and where I would stand in my community. It was scary essentially “starting over”.…
kierstenShel Silverstein wrote a poem titled The Voice. It says: There is a voice inside of you That whispers all day long, “I feel that this is right for me, I know that this is wrong.” No teacher, preacher, parent, friend Or wise man can decide What’s right for you – just listen to The voice that speaks inside. The church taught me to follow that voice, but only to a point. I was taught that if the voice contradicted the church, I should follow the church instead. This meant that for decades, I let men who purported to speak for god override my innate sense of right and wrong. When I prayed about my decision to leave the church,…
jennsingsAs my own children got closer to eight, I thought about the children who are denied baptism because of their parent’s gender identity or marriage. And I thought about the questions my children might ask me someday. Why didn’t the Church allow people like me to hold the Priesthood? You see, my children are black. And I broke. And all the things that never made sense to me started whirling into focus. The sick feeling I had as prayer after prayer went unanswered was validated. My unhappiness while inside the chapel doors was real. It’s okay to not enjoy conference, or to question the prophet, or to ask for equality within religion. I teach my children the right things for…
anonymousUp until 2 months ago, I thought I could stay in the church. I was born in the covenant, was baptized, married in the Temple at age 20, attended BYU and stayed home to raise my 2 children. Over the years, I slowly lost my identity and my voice. I forced myself into gender roles that conflicted with my personality and became someone I was not. I didn’t feel the same joy I felt in the church as a youth. After a traumatic experience that happened after my daughter was born, something inside me shifted. I gave myself permission to start looking into church history. I became aware of historical discrepancies that led to major angst with contemporary issues, especially…
brittMy first bout with doubts in the church happened in 2012 when I stumbled upon a youtube video exposing church history issues. I officially started researching those issues in Spring 2015. I decided to stop attending Church in August 2015 and I have not been back.
sethlambIt has been three years since I left my abuser and two since I left the church. During this time I have felt freedom from guilt, anxiety, shame, and judgment. I no longer punish myself for falling short of perfection. With this newfound autonomy, I choose to go wherever I feel love, happiness, and fulfillment. That may be camping on Sunday or it may be having Sunday dinner with loved Mormon friends and family. The choice is mine.
carlyAfter I returned home from my mission, I tried to settle into the normal routine of life. I began to be challenged with what I read in scriptures with what was being taught at church. I saw how church members could be judgemental and how the culture encouraged me to do the same. Eventually, I decided that I couldn’t do it anymore. I thought I was done with religion after leaving the LDS Church, but my wife encouraged me not to give up on spirtuality altogether. Shortly after this, I found Community of Christ (formerly named the RLDS Church). Being part of Community of Christ helped me focus on the simple principles that Jesus taught that meant so much to…
kevinpomeroyAfter we moved up to the Seattle area, our shelves broke and we decided we could no longer continue in a religion that made us feel so awful. We left, 3 years ago, and since we have found a true relationship with our creator that is so much more meaningful than religion ever was. I was diagnosed with cancer, and so many thought it would be proof that we made the wrong choice, but it instead proved to us that I had done exactly what was right for me…and that I didn’t need to feel guilty, but pure joy.
kaylieI left the Church when I was twenty-one and it was no longer tenable for me to stay. It wasn’t easy, but when I met and fell in love with my partner I felt like I had finally made it home. We have been together now for twenty-eight years and she still makes me laugh, every single day. We have a wonderful community of friends. Most of them are Atheist, and all of them are involved in one way or another in serving our human family. They are good people. My Mormon Mother keeps a jar of coffee in the cupboard to welcome us all home. When my father died recently I sat with her in the living room while…
cominghomeAfter years of therapy and treatment for depression and other struggles, I began to wonder if I wasn’t good enough to reach the happiness that the church teaches will come with obedience. I stopped attending church about 8 years ago, but haven’t considered myself part of it for about 5 years. I was scared that there wouldn’t be happiness without the church. I slowly began discovering who I was as an individual. I learned that my happiness doesn’t come from following a church. I began to discover and follow my own values. Some match up with the church, and some don’t. I discovered that who I am is much more than someone who needs to go to church, read scriptures,…
rebeccaMy wife and I stopped attending Church about two years ago and have loved our new lifestyle ever since. This lifestyle allows us to explore the outdoors on Sundays and spend more quality time with each other instead of fulfilling church callings. My wife and I have grown closer since we left the Church and have enjoyed making new friends that we feel like we would never had made had we stayed in the Church. I have a greater outlook on life now and live it to the fullest with my family and friends. I also enjoy saving 10% of my income that would have gone directly to tithing and now I’m able to donate money directly to people in…
heathWhen our youngest daughter passed away at 29 weeks gestation it was like being hit by a train that we didn’t see coming. We finally found the nerve to openly question our life and if it was how we wanted to live. We finally began to tell each other our issues and doubts. In the end about 18 months after her death we decided together to leave the church. We found ourselves at the ages of 33 and 38 with four young children without the community we had always known. We didn’t lose all of it but most and it hurt. It’s been almost 3 years now and I could never go back. We’ve found community through our UU church,…
JenFor the first 30 years it worked for me despite my concern for things like The Book of Abraham and polygamy still being practiced in the next life. Then one of my children came out as gay. Due to my progressive upbringing accepting this wasn’t a problem. But it became increasingly distressful to me to see how church leaders were not applying the golden rule to LGBT people. After about 6 years and a bout with depression, I decided to do some in depth studying about the truth claims of the LDS church. I saw all the fraud, lying and hypocracy that the early church leaders did. After a talk with my spouse he prayed and heard a voice telling…
nancyIn October 2012 after general conference I started to question some of the things that the brethren had said in their talks. This led me down a road that had me question everything I’d ever believed in. The next 6 months were very difficult as everything I’d ever believed in started to crumble. I didn’t know what to believe. I didn’t know who I was. I’d have panic attacks walking into the chapel. I slowly became less active at church attending only once every 6 weeks or so. For 3 years I tried so hard to stay and make it work and then November 2015 the policy was leaked and I knew that that was it. I couldn’t make it…
alisonWhere have I gone since then? I’ve been traveling the world with my family, exploring over 32 countries, feeling closer to each other than ever, and more inspired and alive than I even knew was possible. I’m so grateful for LIFE and the chance to be alive and experience this incredible world, and to share my gifts and passions with others, and to continue to be inspired by the amazing people I meet and ways I continue to grow and learn. You can read about our adventures, as well as our journey out of the church, at pearceonearth.com and read the full story about why I left the church at https://pearceonearth.com/why-i-left-the-mormon-church/
brandonI didn’t want to be LDS anymore and of course, that caused issues in my marriage. I decided to ask for a divorce and my journey of self-discovery started. I have been divorced for almost 10 years. I left the church 2005. I have found that God loves us and wants to have a relationship with us. However, it’s not about RULES but relationship. I have raised my kids to follow Christ. I have realized that we don’t have to be perfect but strive to be true Christians and love and serve others. I have found joy at a non-denominational church where I truly feel has provided a fun and spirit-filled environment.
alyssaWhen I began my faith crisis, one that began with resentment over the church’s stand on social issues and quickly delved into the validity of its history, it led to many long overdue and necessary discussions with my husband. One of the things that arose out of those discussions, while being honest with each other and ourselves for the first time in our lives, was that my husband is gay. I had married my best friend, and any issues we had were easily overlooked by the belief that sacrifice was necessary while building and maintaining our eternal family. The night he came out to me, I saw one overwhelming emotion in his face: relief. Even though we knew life would…
amylinI met a lot of amazing people and had some great experiences, but through it all, I never felt like I quite fit in, never felt like I was in the right place, never felt like my beliefs totally fell in line with those in the LDS church. The more I grew, and the more I learned, the greater that divide became until it hurt too much to stay. At first I left to give myself time to think, time to pray, plead with God to help me find a way to fit in. My prayers were answered but not how I expected. I had several occasions to go to Community of Christ and partake in services, and every time…
emilyWhen I had to face the reality that my children wouldn’t be with me in the Celestial Kingdom, I had to consider the ramifications of this “reality.” Ultimately it was finding that place of NON-JUDGMENT, PEACE, and UNCONDITIONAL LOVE within ME that caused me to walk away from the LDS church. It has been over three years since I left. I had been Mormon for 42 years! Things haven’t been perfect, but they have been REAL. I have REAL conversations with my children and others now, and we dare to talk about the things we DON’T KNOW or DON’T UNDERSTAND. We look forward to growing,and stretching our minds and consciousness in ways that seemed to be constricted before. We honor…
justmeI was driving down the road on a cool winter morning almost two years ago, listening to a woman on the radio tell of her experience growing up Jewish—all the quirks, the contradictions, the beauty of life in that religion. Though I knew little of Judaism, I felt a connection to that woman in a deeper way than I would have imagined. At that time my heart and mind were weighed down. I had grown up a member of the LDS Church, and had believed so deeply in its tenets that it had become the center of all that I thought and did. I knew—KNEW—that there was a God who loved me, that there was something greater than this life.…
Peace of MindHowever at a young age, I chose to become inactive. I was a very confused young adult with a lot of questions. The answer I was given: to pray… which I did but I still felt very unsure about the teachings. I knew with what I felt in my heart, I needed to distance myself to figure out my place in the church. I struggled a lot with this throughout my early and mid-20s. The judgment from my peers hurt and not feeling accepted damaged my confidence. I had no self-love. It took a lot of years and lot of self-discovery to really find that I didn’t need religion to tell me what kind of person to be and how…
brandiI gathered the courage to leave it about two and a half years ago. Though consequently, it resulted in a divorce, I have never been happier. I am now free to live, think and feel how I want to. I live my life on my own terms. I’ve made friends more sincere than those in the church I’ve known my whole life. I’ve come to get to know myself and gained great self-confidence. I’m also now able to be a great Dad on my own terms. I’ve gone from confusion and suppression to joy and freedom, and love my life now.
nickMy disillusionment took 7 years. My ego was broken, all the things I had previously known were iconoclastically dashed against rocks, and I had to recreate myself. My rebirth included painfully distancing myself from my family and friends, the end of my Temple marriage, a major career change, and a seemingly endless existential black hole. But it was exactly what I needed. I began reading Eastern Philosophy and made an intense study of Zen and Yogic practices. I searched out the things that felt true from a variety of traditions and voices of wisdom and reason. I traveled a lot. Through all of this, I finally began to experience my own soul. Now, outside of the confines of the Church,…
RichardIn 2013, after doing months of my own research, I decided I couldn’t believe it anymore. There was just too much. It was one thing after another and it all just fell. I felt betrayed but also relieved. During that time I became close to friends that identified as gay. I had a hard time believing any God that I wanted to believe in, would create someone a certain way and then tell them that it was wrong. I knew that I didn’t fit anymore. The church was no longer a positive thing for the person I wanted to be.
salenaI left the church because the mother of my children had the courage to support Kate Kelly and showed me the research. We began digging and digging and like an onion peeled away the layers of excuses, lies, and abuse. The church's own history is why we left and are finding happiness. Our children will grow with truth and the skills to discern right from wrong. They will explore and grow without the weight to conform crushing their souls. People are meant to be free to have an equal shot at life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. We have gone to a place where we can give our children the best shot at it.
joeingilbertWhen my mom passed away, though it was the hardest time in my teenage life, I suddenly had a lot of thinking to do. I was slow at first, but when I was on the fence about deciding to stay or not, a chain of events pushed me over. I want to say that the journey to self-discovery was a very hard one. Each step of the way I was hesitant, and I would ask family and siblings for help only to be reprimanded for questioning. I went from knowing where I was in the church as a child of god, to realizing I didn’t know who I was at all. This is the part where we are tested the…
KaiMy faith crisis started while serving as their High Priest Group Leader for my ward in January of 2016. Though we lost many good friends and damaged relationships with family and other friends, we have ended up on the back side of our transition with a feeling of love for our friends and family that are still believing, and a much better respect and understanding for those outside our faith, and those that are often marginalized in it. As a believing member, I loved service. I loved to home teach and felt a great responsibility toward developing a love and relationship with those I home taught. Even though it has been over 6 months since my family left, I still…
DarioAbout 3 years ago I experienced my faith transition. While it’s hard to nail the start of the process as it could have been in childhood, when I had cancer, sometime on the mission, or 4 years ago, but after much prayer, questioning, thinking, and studying– I felt it was no longer true. Since I have left many things have stayed the same. My friends and family accept me for the most part. I love my family and seek after things that are true and good, but I don’t rely on authority figures to tell me what’s true. I try to make others laugh, I try to make beautiful things, and try to live in an exciting and ironic way…
When I started to see the gap between the values of love and acceptance I was teaching my children versus the teachings of the church I realized I could no longer raise them in that environment. After leaving, my marriage is still strong, my children are loved and I feel valued! My life is free, my time is spent with my family and I am happy. I never dreamed I could have lasting relationships with friends and family after leaving but I do! We communicate and we love. Hearts were broken and mended. If you think you can’t…you can. You are not alone. There is life outside and it is beautiful!
ineverdreamediwouldhaveI was very dedicated until I was 33, even though I struggled with being a single, queer Mormon. I came out when I turned 30, and stayed in the church. Last year, after the ruling on Marriage Equality, I stopped going. I didn’t give up on the church until November of last year, with the policy. My shelf shattered and I realized, to be happy and healthy I needed to move on. I resigned my membership. I found a committed, fulfilling, and truly loving relationship with a woman in July 2015. I got engaged a year later. It didn’t work out, but it was one of the best experiences of my life. I have found friends and community all around…
mandiI realized I was a lesbian when I was in 6th grade. Between 9th & 10th grade I came out to my mom who wasn’t surprised at all. I didn’t come out to my dad until 2 years ago as he was planning marriage to my stepmom. My mom tried hard to help me find a way to negotiate being lesbian and Mormon. But there was no logical path to follow where I could maintain my membership and still be in a happy relationship with a woman. A little over a year ago we started attending Community of Christ. When the policy change happened I realized I had found my home in Community of Christ. It is here where I’m…
karalynWe suddenly had time and motivation to comprehensively study the doctrine and history of our church. We soon ran into a mountain of factual information we had never been taught at church. A year of agonizing research later and it was clear to us that the essential narrative our church leaders had presented to us all our lives was not true. We reluctantly informed our Bishop what had happened, asked to be released from our callings and told him we would not be attending going forward.
jensensAfter 45 years of complete devotion, I left 3 years ago after finding out the truth that so many others have discovered. I have learned to follow my own spirit and to seek truth in the many places it can be found. I am closer to my conscience and spirit than I have ever been in my life, no longer bound by the contradictions of my own intuition not being in line with what someone else says I should think. I now see life and people as they are meant to be seen, with an open mind and heart. I am no longer bound by the restrictions on the type of people I am told can love. I started a…
DanielleWhen people ask me why I became a Mormon, I tell them that I wanted to please God, and I believed that I could do that in Mormonism. No ulterior motives, no grand plan, just simplicity and the literal faith of a child. I (the Baptist I was) had a great respect for Scripture and a love for my Creator, and Mormonism gave me the chance to expand and act on that love while learning more about God and His mysteries than I’d ever dreamed. I found it incomprehensible then that everyone would not want this expanded, updated, self-correcting and plenary version of Christianity. It seemed all very black and white to me. My senior year of high school, an…
latayneI learned on my mission in San Francisco through intense study that I didn't believe anything I was teaching. Using emotion or "the Spirit", as the church teaches, to make decisions almost always leads to poor results. I try to follow and teach my children that obedience to logic is the answer (not religion) and leads to happiness. I went through the motions growing up trying to mimic my ambitious, zealous father who was a bishop, high councilor, and is now a patriarch. One of the most liberating feelings is becoming a philosophical atheist and shedding all the baggage the church saddled you with your whole life.
derothschildAfter 25 years of church membership I became increasingly aware of rather significant differences between what I was taught as an “investigator” and what was being revealed by the church. I was very offended at having been lied to and intentionally deceived in order to close the baptism “sale”. If the church is true then lying about its history and beliefs made no sense to me. I was left to conclude that church leadership understood that the organization and history of the church was flawed and felt a need to maintain its image using false pretense. So I quit.
flyinlateIn 1967 I found out about doctrinal bigotry and the consequences of dark skin or inherited blood. I felt sick to my stomach, cold. I was 10 years old. In wanderings, musings, askings, pleadings, God, this heavenly father, remained silent through the years. I was dying little by little with debilitating depression. No heavenly assurance, no peace. All exhausting pleadings ending in extended dispairing. I worked hard for mental health. I was living little by little. Mental health did not mix with Mormonism. I left breaking free from a box and a checklist. I left while finding good boundaries. I left while finding personal values. I shed the itchy pulpit phrases, “We must, we must. We should, we should.”
lwilliamsMy husband and I started considering starting a family, and I knew that I wanted to have a career. I started researching old conference talks, ensign articles, etc to see what the overall consensus was on women working outside the home, and it was obvious to me that while there was discussion of each woman can choose what's best for herself, the overwhelming expectation was to stay home and not work outside the home. I could only find a few quotes that even suggested it might be okay to work and be a mom. This was so hard for me because I knew that I wanted a career and aspirations outside the home, yet that didn’t seem to be the…
cityjuiceI gladly sacrificed to live the teachings of the church because I had been taught all my life that Jesus Christ is alive and that he personally leads the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and no other church on Earth. I believed that Joseph Smith talked to God face to face, that he translated the Book of Mormon, and that he lived and died as God’s chosen servant incapable of leading anyone astray. I believed that current leaders of the church are similarly connected to God and incapable of leading anyone astray. For decades I set aside all doubts, concerns, and questions that arose to challenge my faith, believing that leaders of the church knew better than I…
pdbrandtCHURCH ACTIVITY I was born in a small mining town in Southern Arizona near the border of Mexico. I was named after LDS Apostle Arza Alonzo Hinckley, uncle of Church president Gordon B. Hinckley. My grandparents were polygamists from the early Mormon colonies in Mexico. I grew up in a very strict Mormon family. We went to all of our meetings and paid our tithing. We had family prayer every morning and every night. We sang an LDS Church hymn every morning before family prayer. Our family often made the long pilgrimage from Southern Arizona to attend general conference in Salt Lake City. We considered it a great honor to listen to the prophets of God even if we had…
arzaevansFast forward 14 years and I was twice divorced with 2 children. Both men being liars and adulterous. The first even resorting to emotional abuse. I was depressed. Miserable. Felt inadequate. I had 14 years of talks about how my lack of sealings denied me the rights to my own children in “the next life”. Years of unanswered questions about how we’d have to just “wait and see” in the next life and to just have faith. Temple sessions essentially telling women that they’re less important than men. Years of a church dictating what UNDERWEAR I was allowed to wear. After the second divorce, I finally listened to the gut feelings that I’d had since joining. I started to research…
jenniferI left after 6 excruciating months of serious prayer over the policy change regarding the children of LGBTQ families. I was horrified but towed the party line. I found I could no longer remain an authentic, honest person by staying inside Mormonism. I felt complicit in the marginalizing of these people. This was so much more personal to me as my niece is gay and her and her wife have two beautiful daughters. I couldn’t stay.
traceybryantAs an adult I became not only more aware of the systemic problems found in a Church that seemed to have forgotten some of its founding principles (such as Article of Faith 9), but that I wasn’t alone in my pain. I was stifled by the expected role of me as a woman, and doing what church leaders had told me to do did not yield their promised rewards. I began to resent God. Ironically, discovering the Mormon feminist and activist community placed me on the path to reconcile with God. After years of trying to shore up my already broken shelf I had a powerful spiritual moment where God told me He loved me, and that it was OK…
mlisaglyndwrI was full on TBM who had built up a reputation on my mission and at home as someone who could defend anything and everything about the church with anything (secular/philosophical knowledge and/or spiritual/testimony, etc) and had just walked out of the Legacy Theater in the JS memorial building, after having watched the JS movie there. In the intro to the film, JS's adoptive daughter was talking to Emma in her later years and it mentioned that Emma struggled with JS's polygamy. After exiting the building I noticed that bronze statue of Emma and Joseph in a depiction of how much love they must have had for each other. I thought to myself, God wouldn't allow any mockery of marriage,…
ragin2cajunWhy I left. There is not a simple answer to that. But that is what I was looking for, answers. In early 2017 I started my “journey” out of the church. It started slow, with just questions. Then it snowballed. At the time of all of this, I was married with 3 kids. My wife wanted nothing to do with any of the things I was learning, nothing to do with the questions I was asking. As it all did come apart over the course of a few months, I went from full mormon to, “physically in, mentally out,” to no longer wearing garments, to no longer participating at all. By May, I was basically out. My wife and kids…
dranswersIn the summer of 2017 I found out that my daughter, when she was 12 years old, was asked sexually explicit questions behind the closed doors of a bishop. This introduced her to pornography, and introduced her to masturbation. I had no idea this happened until 10 years after she left the young women's program. Now that got me very upset to hear this was done to my child! Then I found out it happened to three more but my children. So four out of my six children were asked sexual explicit questions behind a closed door. I knew, everybody in the world knows that's wrong, dead wrong, except members of our church. I believe that the Apostles even know…
sam-youngAs a new convert I wanted to become a full time CES professional after graduation from college. After teaching elementary school near Yakima, Washington I worked full time for the LDS Church Education system from 1975-2002. I was a Release-Time Seminary Principal, CES Coordinator, Institute Faculty and an Institute Director. I worked hard to become a noted defender of the church. I read everything, developed elaborate outlines and notes. I outlined chapters of the scriptures (all of them), with commentary. The Mark Hofmann forgeries and murders troubled me. How was he able to trick the inspired leaders of the church? He made them look like gullible old men, no more inspired than "normal" people, eager to cover up embarrassing historical…
kenclark10 years ago as a gay, newly divorced father of four and former Mormon, where I would go and what I would do was indeed the looming question. A lifetime of seminary, sunday school, priesthood, mission, BYU and church leadership had me imagining myself at best as a drug addicted felon like Matt Foley living in a van down by the river with no friends, family, job. At worst, I’d lose my family in the eternities. The fear is real. And some of it is well-founded. I had a difficult time financially and emotionally for several years. Divorce in and of itself can and often does do that to a man. Add coming out and leaving your lifelong religion to…
dennisWhen I was serving as the 1st counselor from 2002 to 2004, the bishop at the time challenged everyone in the ward to read the Book of Mormon. I was on board and excited about the chance to strengthen my testimony about it and dove in head first to that challenge. I encouraged all my family members to participate as well. My attitude and heart were right, but as I read, my logical mind took over and I found myself doubting the validity of it. I had a few specific, but strong issues with it that I struggled with but I put them on a shelf in the back of my mind. A few years later, in a High Priest…
Brent HaleI came of age in the 1970’s in the “mission field”. I was the overlooked middleish child, was listening to the siren songs of women’s liberation, the opening gay pride movement and my own north star. When I received my own copy of “Fascinating Girlhood” (I was not delighted) from my YMMIA leader, I decided right then and there that I wanted to travel a more interesting and fulfilling road. I had worked close to full time since I was 13 (more because my “mother” did not want me around the house, than not desire on my part) and on Saturdays I was dropped off at the library at 9am and left to my own devices until pickup around 6pm…
I learned a lot of things from being an active member, a bishop’s daughter, and a youth leader. I learned to how to be confident speaking in front of a large group, I learned about community service, family bonds and coordinating large events. I learned a lot of good things from the Mormon church, but what took me the longest was to learn how happy I could be without it. I struggled in high school and then my early years of college to decide if it was truly where I belonged. I felt pressure from church leaders, peers, family members, and seminary teachers. I felt that overwhelming pressure that makes you cry yourself to sleep, hum songs in your head…
sarahThe only area of doubt for me, in the beginning, was polygamy, and I almost stopped attending over that. My husband was very supportive, and we see things the same way, thankfully. Fast forward 42 years later when the original 11 essays by the church came out in 2013. After reading the most problematic one (for my husband and me) titled "Race & the Priesthood," I was dumbfounded. How can the church say that Brigham Young was a prophet BUT he was a product of his time to explain his support of SLAVERY, for heaven's sake! What happened to "follow the prophet, and you won't be led astray"? What a contradiction. I have two ancestors (Baptists) who owned a few…
simplifymylife2022The big shocker came when I paid $800 in tithing. I felt a weird but dark feeling after handing that envelope to my Bishop. I wanted to know if this is right. Is this is my future life? This is a huge commitment. I started evaluating my beliefs. I had dabbled a bit into "anti" material before, but not rationally. It was taken for a grain of salt just like every other controversial doctrine. I mean. I had come home from my mission brainwashed as ever. I believed I could prove anyone wrong with their own Bible. Paying tithing was the breaking point for me because before then I had never really paid that much. I had summer jobs and…
supaztI was feeling a bit of a crisis of faith after my postpartum depression (after my second child, who was actively my own choice to have.) I couldn’t feel the spirit anymore, at least not like I used to. I prayed and prayed that God would lead me to the truth, even if it meant that the church, which I had given everything to, was untrue. Then I studied. I came across the CES Letter while watching a video on YouTube from an ex-Mormon fashion blogger about why she left TSCC. She mentioned how it completely broke her shelf. I had to know what this mysterious letter was and how it could turn a true blood Mormon into an ex.…
caferioaddictHeld many 'callings' (assignments really) until I was released as EQ President. Given a 'calling' in the Bishopric that I was not prepared for and no support was given. On meeting with the Bishop I shared that the 'call' was a mistake, I did not get confirmation when I prayed and fasted over the 'call' I received no support from him or the counselors. I told him it was a mistake to 'call' me. This kicked off a diatribe where I was told that the Bishop does not make mistakes. I was released and promptly was not given a 'calling' for 6 months. I stopped attending EQ and Sunday School because a) I wanted the new EQP to not be…
evertMy faith Crisis: I went through my faith crisis. I honestly don't remember what started it all. I remember being bored at church and I found myself disengaged and just playing on my phone all throughout church. I didn't know why I wasn't interested in what was being said, maybe because we hear the same topics all the time? Nothing new and interesting to me? I guess church felt very stale and stagnant. Well, one day I was questioning something about the church, and went to the dreaded "Google". Long story short, I ended up on mormonthink.com. I read through a lot of different topics that I had never even heard about, and they made all these claims that I…
hiking1950My oldest son is gay and left the church many years ago. I finally came to the conclusion that I just couldn't believe that God could say to to our son "Geez, what a shame you turned out that way. Now you have to be alone for the rest of your life." I had been slowly easing out of the church for years because I was finding things that were impossible for me to believe and it took a perfect storm of awful events over a weekend to get me to go cold turkey. One Saturday in September of 2013, my now ex-husband got a call from the ward clerk telling him that someone from the bishopric needed to talk…
readbooks6Starting at the beginning, I never felt that I belonged. It seemed that it was a chore for the other youth to include me, when they would include me. I was the only plus sized person in my ward. I always felt out of place, like I didn't look like a Mormon girl. A woman from the stake agreed with that and grew obsessed with "fixing me". Her grooming probably started when I was about 5 years old. She would touch my hair constantly without asking if it was okay to touch me. She even took extraordinary steps to try to force my parents and the state to make me her daughter so she could turn me into a pretty…
emae423It wasn't until I had been married for a few months and discovered that my first husband was a porn addict who cared little about me but only about his own perverted sexual needs, and started trying to deal with all that entailed, that I began to question the Church. My view of the Church at that point was not so much with a critical eye of its doctrine as it was strained disillusionment at the way in which every Bishop with whom I discussed these problems dealt with what I was going through. No Bishop to whom I talked while I was married to my first husband ever gave me answers that were either consistent with each other or…
morgbot notDear Family, Two siblings shared a story (http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865619596/How-I-lost-and-regained-my-faith-LDS-man-shares-18-lessons-he-learned.html?pg=all#1qhQRUQThQJT5gTC.01) from the Deseret News regarding Rich Millar. Much of this letter has been sitting on my computer for a long time but I just haven’t gotten around to finishing and sending it. I’ve only had conversation with Dad about my beliefs and the things that led to why I stopped going to church and why I haven’t returned. You might have a hard time understanding the things I have to say but please keep in mind Rich Millar’s ninth lesson, "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." – Aristotle. He also states that “we need to try to understand each other’s…
oopsmyeyeThere were a always a few questions I had as a believing member but I put them off and just told myself I'd figure it out later. While in my late teens my mother said some thing odd like, well the Mormon church is a cult by definition, but that's ok this is God's plan. I'm not even sure what was brought up to make her say that. I had seen and read a few whispers of what the temple rituals were like but I never allowed myself to look into it deeper. Even to the point were I did not want to take the temple prep classes before getting married. I figured that it was taken out of context…
madisoncI left the Mormon church because I was regularly treated unfairly, and they couldn't explain the inconsistencies in their religious texts. My peers would make up lies about me, like I was violent towards them in some way, or that I said cruel things that I would never say, and my leaders never tried to help. The last chance I gave the church was my last year at camp. I love camping more than I hate being surrounded by my Mormon teenage peers. Someone claimed I threatened to light the forest on fire, and I absolutely love nature, I would never hurt it. That and some other lies, got me kicked out of the one thing I tolerated my peers…
samuI was physically in, mentally out for several years, as I'd found too much wrong with the church, and it eroded my belief in the church as I found more people who were basing their own faith and identity on it. I was willing to overlook things like inconsistencies, especially when I would look at the writings of people like Hugh Nibley. They knew more than I did, so who was I to argue? They were able to square the circle and so should I. Ultimately, I was willing to stay on the records of the church for my kids' sake. But the thing that broke my shelf was the treatment of and attitude regarding LGBTQ+ people. I found it…
darthyagiMy reasons for leaving the church are most succinctly explained this way: I finally concluded that it was not what it claimed to be, and that the nature of its teachings and their consequences was such that it would require a deep betrayal of my own conscience, given my personally held values, to continue affiliating myself with it. What led me to that conclusion? Many, many observations throughout my life that can be summarized as fitting into one of the following categories: 1. The manner in which the church promotes its message is deeply inconsistent with one of the most important tenants that it claims to care so much about - truth. This is evident in the way it obfuscates…
fbbMy journey out of the LDS church started with science. I have always had a deep fascination and love for good science, including watching science programs, avid reading, and visiting scores of science museums (even in Peru). Science is the best method for determining truth, as it is evidence based, reproducible, peer reviewed, works to control bias, and has brought us the marvels of the modern age. I was born-in-the-covenant, four years of seminary, returned missionary to England, B.S. and M.Ed. degrees from BYU where I was Young Women President twice, married in the Provo temple, multiple Relief Society, Primary, and Young Women Presidencies amongst a myriad of other callings, and true-believing LDS member, obedient, and never rebelling. Beginning in…
dianneormondI didn't ;) (More info soon)
marcelBefore I share my experiences with the church, I want to share an experience I had with the Holy Ghost. I realize many exmos become atheists and that's part of their path. I will never deny the reality of some power beyond this world. When I was 20, I had an experience that was visceral in nature. It was not a thought or feeling. It was a complete bathing of 'liquid love'; and unconditional love that I never felt before or after this experience. I was in a dream state and my mind began to fill with absolute, complete bright white light, my body felt a fire-like heat that became warmer and warmer until it felt like I would burn…
drjohnI have a two year technical degree from Gateway Community College in Phoenix, Arizona. I work in the ammonia refrigeration industry and hold a national certification in that field. It does not qualify me as a Book of Mormon scholar. Then again, it does not take a scholar to defeat the Book of Mormon, or the believers and apologists that support it. Even the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints defeat their own scholars by making no official endorsement of any of the contrived "evidence" offered by LDS apologists that infer the Book of Mormon is valid. Any apologist organization of the Church, official or arm chair, hedges their articles and contributions with disclaimers that…
thomasdonofrioThe claim that we were the "only true church on earth" never set well with me growing up. As a young kid, my family used to take road trips across the country, stopping at national parks and historical landmarks along the way. One year, I remember stopping at the National Civil Rights Museum in Memphis, Tennessee and experiencing a major moment of cognitive dissonance--on one hand, I abhorred racism and systems that excluded others based on their differences, and yet I realized that my own Church had deeply rooted exclusionary beliefs (i.e. "we're the one and only", etc). This cognitive dissonance would stick with me all the way into my mission, when I was tasked with convincing others that their…
blee34I resigned from the LDS Church in 1998, while serving as a bishop, after encountering molecular genetics research that convinced me that American Indians are not related to Israelites. This seriously challenged my LDS belief that the Lamanites are among the ancestors of the American Indians. To remain in the church I had to choose one of the following three options. 1. Reject the science, 2. Completely change how I interpreted the Book of Mormon by accepting revisionist apologetic scholarship and at the same time reject countless prophetic statements concerning the Book of Mormon or, 3. Keep my doubts to myself and stop thinking Neither of these alternatives was palatable to me. I was prepared to have faith in the…
simon-southertonWhen it comes to evaluating or scrutinizing the LDS church, most LDS members will tell you that the doctrine or church is perfect, but run by imperfect people. While this may sound good in theory to LDS members, it should be a blaring red flag. This is actually a “stop think” method utilized to keep members from thinking critically about the organization and blaming themselves for its (the organization’s) shortcomings. LDS membership can be distinguished and segregated into two groups: The first group is comprised of the average member, serving in their local vicinity in various capacities and generally trying to do their best to fulfill what has been asked of them and what they believe is right; the second…
micah-mcallisterI moved to Seattle, Washington in 2016 to work for Google. The move uprooted me from North Star and the generally Mormon culture. I found an apartment halfway between the office and church and began attending the local single's ward. I pretty quickly gravitated towards this one friend, and we'd skip sunday school to stay in the lobby and talk about queer things. During these talks I began to wonder why I went from an apparently happy child to an obviously sad adult without anything clearly traumatic to account for it. Maybe I had clinical depression. I should seek out another counselor. The only other out gay guy in the ward referred me to Josh Weed, who I had heard…
vallianMany things had troubled me about Mormonism over the years. The first one was the central concept of the infinite and eternal atonement. Christ didn’t just suffer for the sins of the inhabitants of the earth, he suffered for everyone everywhere, in every world throughout the galaxy – the atonement was both infinite and eternal. So, people in other worlds like our earth, would have different scriptures describing an extra-terrestrial named Jesus, who would suffer for the sins of the people, but would never live on their own world. Jesus was sent to our earth because we had, here on our earth, the most cruel people in the galaxy, the only ones that were wicked enough to crucify the sinless…
lyndonlambornWhy, after all these years, would I still be concerned, then, about Mormonism? Why have I not yet come to terms with that distant part of my past and left it behind? There are several reasons: First, I am descended from a long line of faithful Mormons. All of my ancestors in every branch of my family, for four, five and six generations, were Mormons. The Mormons and their history are my heritage. It is my only heritage. It is where I come from. None of my Mormon ancestors were great or famous, but I have read their stories, and they were good people. They were faithful, hard working, and deserving of my respect. The history of my family is…
richard-packhamYou’ve heard it, right? The sex abuse scandal covered by AP News where if only the church had contacted the police, they could have prevented the 2nd daughter of the family getting raped. That was the boom, the catalyst for the beginning of the end of my faith. Sure, as a feminist, some things bothered me in the background of the church. Sure, as an ally of the LGBT community, some things gradually bothered me about the church. But the AP news story a few months ago was the catalyst because I couldn’t believe the church wouldn’t apologize for that happening, and instead attacked AP News & accused it of exaggerating the flaws of the church’s hotline. Then I realized…
malia7I had my first faith crisis when our oldest started giving us trouble in high school. I realized then, that my eternal family may not be so eternal. I also realized I believed in a very scary and judgmental God and I didn’t like it. I went inactive for about a year. I started studying other books about God, his love, his mercy. I eventually went back to church because I still had little ones at home and thought it was the only way. But I was never the same person, nor did I have the same testimony. My shelf was so full of teachings I didn’t understand and things I no longer believed in. They put me in RS…
bethWhy would anyone stay? To paraphrase Elizabeth Bennett Browning's sonnet 43, "How Do I Love Thee", WHY DID I LEAVE THEE (THE CHURCH) Why did I leave thee? Let me count the reasons. I left thee over historicity, And not ‘cause I’m a heathen. I left thee over Smith's polygamy and his child brides. This does the Church indict. I left thee 'cause of patriarchy, And denying women equal rights. I left thee over past racism. When the Church claimed the priesthood was only for the Whites . I left thee over LGBTQ issues. The Church wants gays quiet and out-of-sight. . The Church is aware of all its errors, But in no way is contrite. . Instead it manipulates…
plukefirestokerI somehow always knew that I am gay. But because I got in touch with the Church I thought that this is a sin and that I need to repent. And so I started to hide it and tried so ignore my feelings for other guys. Also in my time of investigating the Church for almost two years I got in touch with problematic topics and all the criticism against the Church. But I did exactly the same; I ignored it and often said that these things are all made up to harm the Church. But in October 2021 I met a boy on a social media page who is gay too. We had a wonderful time with chatting and…
timwachterIn 2020, when in-person church services came to a halt, I started to examine my feelings about the church. My children were getting older and starting to experience things that every normal, healthy teenager experiences. Things started unraveling for me when my oldest daughter discussed with me having her annual bishops interview and discussing masturbation. The thought of my minor daughter discussing her private sexual habits with a grown man (untrained to discuss such topics) was utterly appalling. I had an acquaintance from my ward that was posting on social media about their feelings on the church which made it clear they were no longer an active member. I was surprised, intrigued, and bothered, all at the same time. This…
debrac28Where to begin this long and complex story? The very first time I had an issue with church leadership was when I was 16 years old and brought into my bishop's office to have a check-in "interview" where we talked about driving and, of course, dating. The two big milestones when you turn 16! I remember feeling so excited about those two new privileges. My bishop talked to me about general safety and joked that he would stay off the roads for a little while. Then we started talking about dating. He advised me to go out in groups and never be alone with a boy. Then he said something that resonated with me negatively. He said "please make sure…
cdj319Born in '73 & raised in TSCC by two strict Mormon parents, (my mother also was physically abusive towards myself and my 3 siblings for many years. Fortunately, she is a fully reformed abuser of 30 years give-or-take but the damage was done) I was sexually abused multiple times at the age of 5 by a married man (also Mormon, and close friends of my parents) and father of 3 young boys. Military brat. (Dad: Air Force & Mom: honorably discharged Marine) Born in Okinawa and lived in Europe for 4 years, stationed all over the U.S. I recently left TSCC after not being able to stomach the homophobia, bigotry, bigamy, sexism, child abuse, personal trauma and outright damning lies.…
genniphersghostI'd always known I was different than the other kids my age but I didn't quite know why. When I hit puberty, changes that made the other boys in my class happy caused me to feel wrong and uncomfortable in my body. I began to wish that I was a girl even though I didn't have any idea what being transgender was at the time. I prayed every night for God to take these thoughts away from me with no response. I fell into a deep depression over what I thought were impure and perverse thoughts. I stopped attending church at the height of my depression when I was sixteen. I started dating a good friend of mine at eighteen…
willowchristensenMy wife preceded me out of the church. Her leaving was like a gut punch. How could we have a celestial family with a non-believing mom. It took me a bit to come to terms with it, and she helped me immensely, but I eventually realized that I married her and not the church. I decided to double down and get us all there. At the same time, I tried to understand why she left. I will absolutely admit that I was arrogant enough to think that if she gave me the reasons, I would be able to "reason" her back into the church. Wow was I wrong. I had plenty of shelf items, but the first time I was…
mikeyseegsIt's not true: plain & simple. After watching my husband become a happier, more confident person as he stepped further & further away from the Mormon church, I realized my entire life had been based on a lie. I promptly had an identity crisis and then dedicated the rest of my life to sharing my story, amplifying the voices of others, and telling the world how evil, controlling, and false the Mormon church is. It occurred to me that I had more integrity than the "Only True" church I had been brought up in, because when I was made aware of their lies & atrocities I refused to be associated with them any longer. I found out that a bishop…
I was always an outcast due to my medical disabilities and attribute that to the beginning of my resignation from the church. I'm not going to say I loved being apart of the church but I always tried to stay true to the beliefs, everybody has been told that the church is perfect but the people aren't. I didn't really do a deep dive into the doctrine until I was 21. I found out a lot of what I thought to be true was all a lie, I was angry and devistated. I couldn't really talk to anyone about my newfound knowledge, except for my best friend, my uncle and the awesome people of the Exmormon subreddit. I struggled at…
kf7hehI did not make a methodical decision to leave the Church. I left initially because I was struggling with personal challenges that I knew would put me at odds with my temple covenants. I stayed away from the Church because I could not see God, or love in it's teachings. I could not reconcile many of the teachings of the Church with a loving God. The Mormon God seemed irratic, punitive and shallow to me. I have learned a great deal and have an even greater deal to learn about the truth claims of the Church and how very manipulated I was as an active member. My struggles now related to this are twofold. One, I deeply miss the community…
I learned Mormonism had a messy and complicated past early on in my time in the Church. But as time went on I came to grips with other issues that further complicated my beliefs. I started my podcast "Mormon Discussion" as a believer and sitting Bishop, with the goal to explore Mormon history. Over the span of 5 years I learned so many things the Church chose not to tell me that deeply pointed to it not being what it claimed. First I learned the Church was causing real harm to people who did not fit the mold. The LGBT community was deeply at risk. Others included members who had doubts as well as members who concluded the Church was…
bill-reelMy spouse had just left the church. I went to the temple to pray about it, and I received a beautiful, loving response from God, assurance that my spouse was on his own path and that was ok, and that our family was loved and safe. Shortly after that feeling of peace and love from God in the temple, I watched General Conference, hungry for more guidance from my leaders on how to navigate being a part-member family. All I heard was “safety is only found in the church, Korihor doubted because of pride and look what happened to him, being worthy of the priesthood is what protects our families, only worthy members are together forever, people that leave have…
hmsmith0320My queer daughter told me I was toxic to her and didn't love her for who she was. She wanted to end contact with me and it broke me. I couldn't lose my child and I decided to get over my homophobia. It led me to realize that the church leaders DO NOT speak for the god that I believed in at the time. I could see that god would never treat the lgbtq community the way the mormon leaders do and would never make me choose between church and my child. Once I realized that they were absolutely wrong about that, I started asking myself what else they were wrong about...
queerexmo30The guilt driven narrative simply pushed me to my breaking point.
adamcMy two boys are LGBTQ+. They are not safe in the church. We realized that we had to step back to keep our younger son safe. Our older son was already 18 and had gone inactive. I also began looking into the church history that was never taught in Sunday School or Seminary. I learned the truth about Joseph Smith's polygamy and the origins of the temple ceremonies. I was literally crushed by this. After 14 years of devotion to the temple and church, to learn what he really did was a complete betrayal for me. I stopped attending church, but I did continue to study the details of church history and doctrine origination, and also the more recent church…
swennergrenMisogyny was the biggest driver. I never wanted to define myself by my relationships to others. I am an individual, regardless of my sex or gender identity.
rebekahI left to make a better life for myself and my family free of the church's lies and manipulation. It is an unhealthy cult. Church culture and toxicity destroyed my family of birth. Of four boys in our family, I'm the youngest and effectively sole survivor. The two oldest brothers died young of self-inflicted causes that I attribute to the toxicity of church culture. Next to marrying a girl I met at BYU--the only positive I took from that experience--leaving the church was the best and most significant decision I've made in my life.
I read the CES letter and many of those questions were similar to my own, I began to realize that there was no proof for the book of Mormon, and no proof that Joseph Smith was ever anything more than just a man. Eventually I realized the church was entirely wrong, and brainwashes/manipulates members into believing otherwise.
alexI started questioning, in my mind, at age 12 if the Church was true when the things we were taught about the first people to come to the Americas just didn't make sense. I couldn't speak up about this as my parents were very strict even by Mormon standards. Once I hit 16, I started getting bored with Church. I only went because I had no choice. It got to the point that I was more excited about Sundays because of that night's TV shows than actually going to Church. I did get my endowments because I felt like I had to do it, even though I wasn't going on a mission because of my disability. It was just a…
clos75Recommended reading: "Why I am Not a Christian", Bertrand Russell. "No Man Knows My History", Fawn M Brodie. "Under The Banner of Heaven", Jon Krakauer. "The Blind Watchmaker", Richard Dawkins. "Blood of the Prophets", Will Bagley. "South Pass", Will Bagley (especially for my handcart kindred). My full story: https://www.secular-reality.com/2014/11/17/deep-water/
justinMy shelf began breaking back in 2012. It was a ten-year process due to a rough marriage I stayed in for the children. Over the last ten years my gifts of mysticism was magnifying out of my own control. But there was an underlining current that began 26 years ago when I began homeschooling our children. Every ward we were in was infested with members and leaders who were embedded with relations and beliefs that to homeschooling was absolutely wrong! The worst of it was that all my children were learning disabled. Talk about insult to injury by members and leaders. I was also a natural healer proponent. And have studied and used methods for decades (and keeping my mouth…
rlhfreedom2021The testable truth claims that need to be true for the Book of Mormon to be true are not true. A study of history and science wins out.
jaymewheeler94My daughter Rian was the first person in our families to ever serve a mission. She left on her mission Jan 1, 2020. By then, I'd been serving in the stake yw for 2 years and the frustration and anger had been building because of the lack of representation and the inequality I saw at that level of leadership. A few months prior to Rian leaving on her mission, my 16 year old son (her younger brother) came out as gay. We celebrated and loved him but he came home from church in tears most Sundays. We told him he was perfect exactly how he was but at church he heard that in God's eyes, he was not. Rian's first…
and1jenn4Church history, sexism, homophobia, racism … I think that pretty much sums it up.
jessie1277Long story short, I'm transgender. My pronouns are he/they, I take testosterone and am in the process of getting my chest removed. I have never been as happy as I am now that I am allowed to be the person that I always knew I was. I'm so grateful to be where I am now, outside of the intensely regimented structure of the church. It's truly changed my life for the better
jordanzwingateThe church looked the other way while my sister and I were neglected by our mom, because she was "trying her best" and we had to respect her. I also realized how much abuse had happened to her as a result of the purity and perfectionist culture of the church. I always had more questions than my leaders were comfortable with, and the CES letter answered a lot of them.
beccaMy main concern has been sexuality— how it’s controlled in the personal lives of members, especially those who are queer. I’ve experienced harmful shame over developmentally normal aspects of sexuality. The high standard the church requires for entering into temple covenants was something I fought for and met, but being in the highest tier a regular member can get, I found empty promises. I was disappointed to learn that Joseph Smith who I loved and respected dearly, was the chief misuser of sexuality. Then many things fell into place as to the hypocrisy of the unreasonable standards of misogyny and submission required on a psychological level to meet these requirements. I also value honesty, and see that many contradictions exist…
livstersI never understood the belief of women being lower than men and having to 'submit' to them. I never understood the lack of diversity (until seminary at least). I never understood their problem with LGBT+ people. I'm sure I'll think of more and add to this later but those are just a few of the things. There's so much I'm learning about the church after leaving, and so much I'm unlearning about the church's doctrine to better myself and my relationships everyday.
supitsbreezyBesides it being completely fictional the church just did not work for me
nateThankfully, growing up in Utah encouraged my leaving of the LDS church, rather than encouraged my testimony. I was always the one outside the group, making friends with the non-mormons, the non-white kids, even dating the non-religious boys. These people were kind, interesting, non-judgmental, and simply normal. I never agreed with women's purpose being at home, or how men get multiple wives in heaven, or not being allowed to drink tea, or all the flip-flopping the church had done. On top of all these irritations, I felt compelled to sacrifice what I wanted in a career for the sake of would-be children. So it wasn't difficult for me to consider the church not being true. I'd always said "If I…
happyapostate90I am transfeminine-nonbinary and pansexual. I felt vehement shame and guilt for this in the church despite not believing the church or its doctrine. The members were, suffice it to say, bougie assholes. It is tearing my family apart. The church almost took my life on several occasions. I concluded that Mormonism isn't true. Christianity isn't true. While I have a strong sense that there is divinity and spirituality is true it is not connected to any Christian religion. Christianity is a means to control people.
aliceSo what happened to me? Although it took me several years to leave, I would say my doubts started in middle school. It was at this time that I learned about the LGBTQ+ community, and I quickly became a firm ally. Which brought my next question: Why isn’t there a place for queer people in church? I asked my mom and my dad (the bishop at the time) and they both gave me the same answer: God hasn’t revealed everything he is going to reveal, so just have faith and put it on a shelf. And I did, I “doubted my doubts” and moved on. I wasn’t happy to be in church from the point on. I made it a…
sydrr10I grew up stalwart and ignorant. I went to church on Sundays, I went to all the many, MANY extracurricular programs. I did everything I was required to do. But by the time I went to college I had yet to read the BoM, and I knew basically nothing below the surface of *insert spongebob rainbow gif* Mormonism. So when I went to BYUI for my sophomore year of college, I got CALLED OUT by my accounting professor who spent like 80% of our accounting class preaching. How dare I not know the answers to every question he asked about Mormon theology!!! So I took every religion class offered by BYUI to those who had yet to go through the…
judemeritI struggled with the factual claims made by the church from a young age, Noah's Ark couldn't be literal even though the church said otherwise. Zero archeological evidence for the Book of Mormon bothered me when I was 7. But I kept on going with it just to not make waves and disrupt the family. As I got older even more things bothered me such as polygamy, polyandry, church leader's lies historically and more recently, and many other historical and social issues that the church was very much on the wrong side of. But, it wasn't until after my divorce that I finally had enough. I couldn't take how false, cruel, and bigoted the church and its members were anymore…
thealanwolfI had my name removed from the records in 2015 when the Policy of Exclusion was leaked. That was the straw that broke the camels back. By that point, I had been "out" (as in as a gay person) for 11 years, and I was tired of being celibate and being told that I would be "fixed" in the next life, and that there was something inherently wrong with me. I was tired of having monthly worthiness interviews to make sure I wasn't doing anything inappropriate. I had also felt that my internal gender did not match the body I had been born with since I was little. It was constantly reiterated in conference and Sacrament talks that gender is…
imgonnaflyThe first time I personally ever had doubts was when I went to the temple for the first time in the 1980s. The whole concept of the temple was a great thing I thought at the time. Here I could be sealed to my family forever. Here I could help others who never had a chance to receive "ordinances" necessary for salvation receive them. When I actually went through to get my own endowment however, I was horrified by what went on, but I didn't say anything--similar to many Mormons. Not only was there nothing spiritual about the experience, the way the endowment is presented smells of cultism. You are instructed early on in the endowment that you can withdrawal…
rpcmanAfter forty-three years of clinging to the faith, I resigned my membership of the Church in 2003 for no other reason than I could no longer hold to a belief in God. I retired in February of 2006 and on the day following our move to a smaller home, I came across a one-hundred-year-old booklet that I had owned since the nineteen-sixties. It was written by Joseph Fielding Smith Jr., (who later became the tenth Mormon prophet) entitled “Blood Atonement and the Origin of Plural Marriage.” Essentially, it is a series of published letters between Smith and Mr. Evans, who was at the time Second Counsellor in the Presidency of the ‘Reorganised’ or RLDS Church (now Community of Christ). It…
jimbo5264Mainly different leaders and Bishops spreading lies and finding out jesus was not jesus.
brian-caulfieldAs I began my own study of church history using uncorrelated but still faithful sources I was quickly surrounded by new things which troubled me. I found ways to make things work for years as I continued trying to learn all that I could about our history and probably would have made it work too but the biggest issue that I found was that when I tried to have conversations with members about the new things I had learned, they either didn't want to know (active information avoidance), didn't want to talk about it (were struggling to deal with the same issues) or worse, tried to engage and ended up passing on troubling responses which caused me to have more…
Brandon ShumwayI have had a nagging question in my mind since I was ten. The memory is still fresh. I was leaving the pew behind my siblings at Christmas time. I stopped in my tracks and thought "why hasn't anyone found any evidence of the Book of Mormon yet?" We were learning about the Aztec in school and it triggered my thought. My ten year old brain brushed it off as, "it will show up later" and went to class. But the evidence never showed up. I tried to be the best mormon I could for my family. I didn't want to disappoint them. Looking back now, I felt the spirit depending on my depression. If I was trying to numb…
debbie-knudsenA year after I returned from my mission I started having anxiety attacks during sacrament meeting. I was serving as a counsellor in the relief society presidency of my YSA ward, working a weekly shift in the temple, and trying to pass my BYU classes while also working part time. Church was supposed to be a safe place full of peace and rest, so why was it the most stressful part of my week? I had friends, a fulfilling calling, and was living the standards perfectly. I did only my religion homework on Sundays, read the scriptures in my mission language daily, and had never tried even a sip of coffee or alcohol. I'd been taught that if you lived…
ellarSo after I married my husband I was very hopeful to bring him to the temple. But with my less fanatic spirit I never forced him and he is very kind and always supported me with the church activities. He always sent and pick me up from church. But it was getting difficult for me after 3 years living with him. I was disappointed in God why did he sent me non member husband. But beside that he is a very nice guy. I don’t feel belong in this new ward. I started to question the church doctrines like the concept of family can be together forever. I just don’t get how are we going to be together when our…
lilik-choiI always struggled with gender roles in the church. Because I'm trans, gender has always been a big deal for me, even at a subconscious level as aa little kid. I remember looking at the boys passing the sacrament and thinking "Why can't I do that, it shouldn't matter that I'm a girl." That was probably the first time I questioned the church. Growing up I didn't question much, until I was around 12. That's when I moved to a place where the vast majority of my best friends were not in the church. Pretty soon into my 7th grade year I also realized I was in the LGBTQ+ community, and I found out the church's views on it. By…
jbecksteadThis all started with a search on polygamy. After becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the sorry state of families I see in polygamy in my workplace, I had to know about the real origin. How did it come about. Now I know. It’s a horrible practice that I cannot even fathom came from the Lord. No God who loves his daughters would command that they submit to a life so bereft of dignity, companionship and honor. And if the Mormon god truly commanded it—and will yet make the “saints” adhere to it in any future, I want NO part of it, or that god. JS had at least 33 wives. Many of whom he told, “The Lord appointed you to me.”…
michele-maughan-webbI could no longer sit next to my wife in sacrament meeting and listen to the rhetoric from people proclaiming their “knowledge” of the truthfulness of the church, when I now see clearly that it is a house of cards, build upon lies snd deceit. I love so many of the people in my ward, but that wasn’t enough to keep me their. I had to be honest and authentic to the truth I now know!
mark-jonesIn Brian Hales book, he also talks about Joseph’s martyrdom, which the background and information surrounding Joseph Smith’s death indicates that the “martyrdom” is basically brought on from Joseph secretly practicing polygamy. Wait a minute…being killed because you were secretly practicing polygamy and destroying the printing press to conceal it led to Joseph’s murder? That’s not martyrdom. In those days it was vigilante justice and if the men in the town thought you were after their wives or their girls they were going to kill you. That's how they took care of it. And the premiere Mormon apologist is printing this evidence in a book? I’ve never heard that talked about in Sunday School. I wrote a paper while attending…
gretchenldayI stumbled upon the CES letter and "letter for my wife" by accident. Once I opened them and began reading, it gave me a voracious and undeniable appetite for all things church history to determine for myself what really happened. As I discovered the differences between the church's doctored and edited version and everyone else's, I quickly saw that the church was protecting its own interests at the expense of lying to millions of people for no reason other than to protect their image and continue taking others' time and money. This need for evidence and rationality has since convinced me that the Bible is not from God and that if there is some force out there, it is certainly…
BWI was inactive for almost 20 years. Eventually the ward members left us alone. A couple of years ago, i stumbled on the Post Mormon facebook pages, learned about the CES letter, and all of the lies of the church. I resigned my membership in April 2019, and have never been happier!
Denise HarmonI always made sure I appeared the way I was taught to be, but deep down there was a piece of me I couldn't put into words or thoughts. I was in denial of my sexuality and continued to listen to church teachings and I began to demonize myself. It was a struggle because I 100% believed the teachings I was conditioned to believe/know. I knew nothing else. I finally began blogging around the time I was supposed to go on a mission and that's when I really began to find myself. Later on I found the CES letter and that really opened my eyes and I realized I had just been conditioned my whole life. I hadn't had my…
zjones94one last strain of craze...my final testimony .....truly....it is finished. May 10th, 2014 Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints 50 East North Temple St. Salt Lake City, Utah 84150 To the First Presidency and Quorum of 12: Until recently, I like many others who have become disaffected from the fairy tale of the LDS church…suffered alone…. completely alone in the knowledge that my God given intellect provided to me. I cannot express adequately the sorrow, the gasping loss of family and the faith crushing effects of discovering the house of cards that comprised my 30-year association in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I am beyond my capacity to endure this... I was moved initially…
Ken-DueckThe weight on my shelf had been growing for years. Until around 2012 I had been fairly good at leaving the issues there, having faith, reading apologetics, and trying to feel the spirit more. But the more I read, the more I struggled. I finally got to a point where I stopped brushing aside all of the things that didn't make sense to me, and I stopped caring whether or not an information source was "approved of". The biggest problems for me were (1) race and the priesthood and (2) the church's ongoing fight against LGBTQ individuals. Even though my beliefs went from literal, to nuanced, to completely non-literal, I still very much wanted to stay in the community and…
Brandon BridgeI always found myself at odds with the Church socially. Even when I was on my best behavior there was always this higher unattainable standard. I worked hard through school and my mission to be a part of a Church I thought would help me live a happy life. After a broken off engagement and a lot of questions piling on my shelf I came to understand the Church had no real answers.
smoothhereticIn January of 2018 I was reading a church manual for general edification (haha). I read a passage about Lorenzo Snow that had an ellipsis ( ... ) that I thought might be worth looking into. I was stunned to see that the excluded text was small but very significant. Leaving it out changed the context of the whole section I was reading from. I was confused why the church would do that or feel a need to be deceptive or unethical. I tried to justify it and figured it would be an anomaly. I proceeded to look up other ellipsis in the manuals and look up the full quotes. I found a pattern of twisting words and being deceptive…
downingjAfter my third failed attempt at an “eternal marriage”, each one ending in abuse, and an unexpected anxiety attack in the temple, I started therapy and did some deep soul searching. I found the root of my problem was the sexism that existed in the Mormon church, both cultural and doctrinal. One of my feminists friends introduced me to the gospel topic essays, and my testimony hit an iceberg, and sunk like the titanic!
becca-waltonI began to study the life of Christ to learn how to be better. As I did that, I began to see inconsistencies with how the LDS church was behaving. The response to the McKenna Denson allegations that acknowledged there was an unnamed 2nd woman gave me permission to ask questions about why the response was so un-Christ like. After months of cognitive dissonance between the correlated curriculum and the recorded history of Mormonism as recorded in its own archives, I was done. I waited for our son to get home from his mission before resigning. I resigned in December 2019 along with my wife, oldest son, and youngest son. Of the 6 people in our family, 4 have resigned,…
Joshua BiggleyI always had a couple areas that were troubling and problematic for me from the time I was young, but I always found ways to push those things aside and blamed it on my own "weak faith" or inability to understand. As the years progressed, I continued to have more and more concerns that became harder and harder to push away or justify as only being my own lack of understanding. It was a very hard and emotional journey, full of years of exhaustive research. I have resigned after several years of having no more ability to believe that this church was divinely inspired.
Valerie StephensI heard about the Fanny Algers story and was completely shocked. I looked for answers but there were none to give. Struggled with cognitive dissonance for 8 years. My brother left the church 2 years ago and he posted a Mormon Stories podcast about a family’s faith transition story. I decided to face my fear and study church history and issues objectively- without confirmation bias. My brother introduced me to fb support groups and I told my family I was leaving the church. I was brave and I’m so happy.
Kristie-DeRoque-CarlsonThere have been things that have bothered me about the church for a long time. I had a shelf before I realized what that meant. Sometimes the story with Joseph Smith seemed so implausible, and I knew I would never have joined if I hadn't been born into it. After being taught how to research in high school, and to look at both sides, it seemed wrong sitting in seminary and learning that we should never look at outside sources. That put up a red flag for me, but my family and several of my friends were Mormons, so I was always too afraid to look into it. I figured that it wasn't really hurting anything, and it was easier…
Brittany-JohnsonDuring high school I depended a lot on the church for social support, even though I had serious doubts as to its validity. I got more involved with it after I graduated high school and I moved in with my older brother. I still had doubts, but I got to a point where I felt like a mission was something that I needed to do. I still wasn't sure if Mormonism was true, but I thought my life would be easier if I thought it was. I got called to the Las Vegas Spanish speaking mission. When I was in the MTC I really took religion a lot more seriously which made me feel like I had to get to…
Richard-Allen-RawlingsI touched on this in the About Me section. I don't have a testimony of the Church or Joseph Smith. I have not left the church entirely, and will support my TBM wife for as long as she needs, even if that's forever. I love that this faith experience has allowed me to finally be myself and feel real peace. When is the next scheduled meet up? We are looking forward to it since we are currently viewed as outcasts inside and outside of the church. People haven’t wanted to hang out since we were considered Mormons, and members haven’t wanted to because we were viewed as outside the box thinkers, haha. We just want other families to relate to…
As a teenager (1980's), my great uncle, who was a devout baptist Christian, sent me mailings from an anti-Mormon group in Utah, led by John L. Smith (no relation to THAT Smith). The things they would write about as "evidences" against the church were pathetic; worse than the "GodMakers" film of that time. I went to BYU for a year, and went as a missionary to the Belgium Brussels Mission (defunct), from 1988-1990. The mission was thankfully, almost entirely a great experience. The mission president wasn't a jackass, I had great companions (except for one), and I really loved the people. In fact, just before writing this I was speaking to one of them. I was a successful missionary for…
Rodney-James-McGuireI had a good relationship with the church, despite my doubts, until I met my teacher's quorum leader. He was extremely overbearing and had the quorum visit inactive members for mutual activities multiple times. It was too much, so I took a break. My leader's reaction was to bring the quorum to my family's home unannounced. He was unaware of my sensory issues and found that his visit was not well received. It was one bad experience, I know, but it was a turning point for me. I started to research and question everything. The more I learned, the more I resented the church for how they deceived me and tried to shepard me into a cookie-cutter life with nothing…
I left after having a discussion about Joseph Smith's polygamy with a friend. When the LDS church published a series of 13 Gospel Topics Essays on their website, he pointed out to me that the church finally admitted that Joseph Smith was a polygamist. I fought back, because I was raised and taught that he was monogamous, and even went so far as to tell my friend he must be mistaken, or the church had it wrong. However, I admitted that I didn't know a lot about the issue, and promised him I would look into it. As an avid reader, and an amateur researcher, I held to my promise. But the deeper I dug into Joseph Smith's history, the…
atoponceI left because of its history, treatment of LGBT+ community, treatment of women, and immoral doctrines. The most difficult part has been how my highly mormon family has reacted to it. They haven't been the most open minded and it's been hurtful, on top of what the leaders lie to them about why I left. I hope they find a more positive way to treat ex members.
Emilie-ShamyBelow is my resignation letter to my bishop: I’d like to formally resign from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and have my name removed from the membership records. I have had the chance to take a break from the church over the last 15 months and the result has been life-changingly positive. Where I used to suffer from self-hatred and debilitatingly low self-esteem, I have found love for myself and have started to heal, becoming proud of who I am and what I can accomplish. Where I used to be medicated for desperation and sought the services of therapists and psychiatrists, I now enjoy peace and happiness beyond anything I’ve felt in the past. Where I…
FreeAtLastLike most, I took a deep dive into the truth claims of TSCC. What hurt me most was that I was never given the chance to decide with all the information available to me. I felt betrayed and lied to.
BanterfixGay son and disturbing church history as well as not being allowed to question like you used to.
Erika-HendersonIn the end, there were many, many reasons I finally chose to leave, but my loss of trust (and ultimately belief) in the faith began six years after my baptism, when I learned that the Mormon church officially practiced what they believed to be "God-mandated" systematic racism until 1978. From 1852-1978, faithful black men weren't allowed to be ordained to the priesthood, and black men, women, and children weren't allowed to enter the temple or be sealed to their families, because Mormon prophets and apostles believed they were a cursed race. Yes...1978...14 years after the US Civil Rights Act was passed, and after the rest of America was starting to get it right. Being half-black, learning about the church's doctrines,…
kelly0408In the end, there were many, many reasons I finally chose to leave, but my loss of trust (and ultimately belief) in the faith began six years after my baptism, when I learned that the Mormon church officially practiced systematic racism until 1978. From 1852-1978, faithful black men weren't allowed to be ordained to the priesthood, and black men, women, and children weren't allowed to enter the temple or be sealed to their families, solely because of their race. Yes...1978...14 years after the US Civil Rights Act was passed, and after the rest of America was starting to get it right. Being half-black, the church's doctrines, revelations, and policies of racism hurt me deeply; they were incredibly personal for me.…
DNA evidence, CES Letter, Book of Abraham hoax, and Joseph Smith being a charlatan.
Bart-ReynoldsOver the years, some doctrinal things started to gnaw at me. I couldn't square our clear doctrine of eternal families with my personal experiences with LGTBQIA+ friends and family. It just didn't make sense to me that God would ask them to live a life on this earth without ever being able to experience romantic attraction and love with someone they truly wanted to be with and make a family with. I cried about it many times, just thinking about what a cruel situation it was. I also remember feeling sympathetic to the "Ordain Women" movement, although I didn't know enough about feminism and wasn't brave enough to join them at the time. Polygamy didn't always bother me, but I…
lindsyaeSimply put, my shelf broke, and the cons of church activity in that state of turmoil began to outweigh the pros. There were some minor concerns before my shelf started getting heavy, but they could always be explained, rationalized, or disregarded as anti-mormon. After some serious study, the concerns became insurmountable and it became clear that my family and I would have a hard time participating in the church we love as non-traditional/unorthodox believers.
grmullinsAs seniors my husband and I served a mission to Capetown, South Africa. On our second day in the country, we were involved in a road accident in the mission's Volkswagen van. We were passengers in the back seat and received the worst injuries. My husband's neck was broken, my back and many other bones. We had cuts and bruising everywhere. GOD DIDN'T PROTECT US. We were wearing our temple garment underwear, we were being faithful by serving a mission and yet... I didn't give up on the church over that of course but it did begin a series of questions about why and why God seemed to have abandoned Africa - I had never seen such poverty - even…
Jean BodieI had always enjoyed science and had many things church related on my shelf due to that background. I learned about skepticism and finally applied it to my own belief and it all fell apart.
Spencer WarnerI came to a moment described in To Whom Shall We Go? By Elder M. Russell Ballard where he said: “Life can be like hikers ascending a steep and arduous trail. It is a natural and normal thing to occasionally pause on the path to catch our breath, to recalculate our bearings, and to reconsider our pace. Not everyone needs to pause on the path, but there is nothing wrong with doing so when your circumstances require. In fact, it can be a positive thing for those who take full advantage of the opportunity to refresh themselves with the living water of the gospel of Christ.” I had paused on the path. I had no intention of leaving it. I…
featonI believed it all until I felt it damaging to believe. I jumped straight past issues in the church and went full atheist. This caused close to a decade of contention with my then active wife. I started listening to podcasts on mixed faith marriages in an attempt to better understand my wife. This led to my discovery of so much nastiness cluttering up nearly every aspect of the church. It was only a few months of revealing these truths to my wife before she joined me in post Mormon happiness.
Jeff KrammerIt's complicated. I still believe in the principles of the gospel, and love the church as I understood it when I learned about it. But I have since learned a new (actual) church history that I cannot reconcile with my principled beliefs. I can say that I left mormonism because I studied church history and because I have to live with integrity. Things didn't line up with what I'd believed, I'd been fed a line (and I'd taught the same on my mission no less) about how perfect the church was and honorable the founders of the religion were, but after studying them I don't think they had integrity or were acting under true direction from God. I was saddened…
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