Hi, I Have Never Been Happier
I was a mormon.
About me
I grew up in a very orthodox family, every commandment from the apostles were followed to a T. I was supposed to fit into a mold, and I did so, not for myself but for my parents and what they wanted. Without getting into the crazy details I will say that my childhood was hard I was trying to live up to standards that are impossible for regular people, let alone anyone on the LGTB spectrum.
Why I left More answers about 'Why I left' the mormon church
When my mom passed away, though it was the hardest time in my teenage life, I suddenly had a lot of thinking to do. I was slow at first, but when I was on the fence about deciding to stay or not, a chain of events pushed me over. I want to say that the journey to self-discovery was a very hard one. Each step of the way I was hesitant, and I would ask family and siblings for help only to be reprimanded for questioning. I went from knowing where I was in the church as a child of god, to realizing I didn’t know who I was at all. This is the part where we are tested the most, members see this struggle and think that we can’t be happy, just because we are in a transition stage. Leaving the church is not a small step. For a long time, it made me who I was. I felt I was no one without it.
The events that made me leave rushed my decision, and I am actually very happy for it. I am generally not a wishy washy kind of person, so when I make up my mind I stick to it. The decision to leave was a final thing, I knew that I would never go back if I did leave, so I gave it all the thought in the world. The next year after I made the decision was one of the most liberating years for me. I have chronic anxiety, and I could almost feel a sense of peace wash over me as I knew I would never have to go back. I started to learn that being myself wasn’t a bad thing, but the best thing I could actually do.
Five years later and I know my life is immensely better. I have never been happier or healthier. I drink coffee for health reasons, I enjoy life as it comes. I don’t have to question things I do, I don’t have to stop and wonder if I will damage my afterlife, or the afterlives of my family. All of the fears I once had are gone, and I am content. Life has never been better, and I know it will only get better from here.