Hi, I'm Brian.
I like playing the piano and making music. I'm an engineer and a realist. I was a mormon.
My parents split up when I was quite young, and, searching for a father figure for me, my mom converted to the church when I was 6. I had a year or two to look forward to being baptized, and went on to receive the Aaronic and Melchezidek Priesthoods. I planned to go on a mission and later attend university at BYU, but neither of those panned out due to financial troubles.
On my shelf
On the Mormon Spectrum
# Why I left More stories of 'Why I left' the Mormon church
I never felt like I truly belonged anywhere. A single mother and her only child stand out in a church full of nuclear families with multiple kids. At the same time, our mormon status distanced us from our fellow Filipinos. I suppose it was this juvenile feeling of not having a place to belong that made discovering the CESLetter such an easy thing for me. I was always a shitty mormon; told the Bishop I didn't masturbate even though I did. Didn't attend the Boy Scouts, when my friends all completed their Eagle Projects. Never went on any treks, never visited the temple, never got my patriarchal blessing. I've always believed in Occam's Razor; the simplest answer is likely the correct one. Did Joseph Smith really divinely receive and translate the Book of Mormon, or did he get the idea from elsewhere? In particular, finding out the similarities between Book of Mormon place names and modern New England place names, and also discovering the View of the Hebrews, cemented the idea in my mind that the Book of Mormon isn't original. Of all things, it was the discovery of the small African island nation of Comoros (formerly Camorah) and its capital city of Moroni that broke my shelf.
Questions about Mormons My Answers to Questions about Mormonism
#Link to this answer of 'Are you happy?' by Brian Are you happy? See more answers about 'Are you happy?'
Much more so now. The church has always felt oppressive. The expectation to keep up with religious appearances; the small and seemingly insignificant ways the church reminds you of its hold on your life (music and media choices, modest fashion, the Word of Wisdom); the feeling of inadequacy when I was unable to go on a mission; all the times I lied to my bishop about my sexual activity, or whether I read the Book of Mormon; all these things weighed heavy on me. I know now how little those things truly matter, or how much they are my own business and nobody else's. Having a faith crisis has also completely changed how I view all things that enter my life. I doubt everything, and critically consider any new opportunities that arise. Having something whose truth I held so strongly be destroyed was one of the most painful things I've ever had to go through, and I highly recommend it to everyone.
#Link to this answer of 'Has your struggle improved since you left?' by Brian Has your struggle improved since you left? See more answers about 'Has your struggle improved since you left?'
Yes and no. I hated myself a lot more back when I was mormon. I had many self-esteem issues thanks to my feelings of inadequacy when it came to spiritual matters. I've come to terms with the church's affect on my formative years, and consider myself to be "post-mormon" now. I've learned to love myself, but the lack of a mormon "tribe" to be there and help out, combined with a rather small family has made an already lonely life harder, but I wouldn't take it back for anything.
#Link to this answer of 'What do you believe now?' by Brian What do you believe now? See more answers about 'What do you believe now?'
I'm an agnostic-atheist now. I don't know whether or not there is some "intelligence" that's responsible for the creation of the universe, but I'm not convinced by any of the creation theories put out by any religions. Whatever this intelligence may be, I don't think it made the human race in its image, nor do I think it cares about whether I drink tea.
#Link to this answer of 'Why don't you leave the mormon church alone?' by Brian Why don't you leave the mormon church alone? See more answers about 'Why don't you leave the mormon church alone?'
Because there are people I love still in it. I watch them spend their free time and money on what I consider a greedy corporation, pursuing ordinances that I'm convinced are meaningless and I want to free them from the shackles they don't even know they have on.