im lance

I struggled silently for years to understand certain aspects of church history and I never seemed to get the answers I needed - but I would just bury those concerns and double down with service, study, and prayer. Once I left the bubble that is Utah county (where I went to high school) I found so many friends and colleagues from all walks of life. I was uncomfortable with the church’s teachings around LGBTQ issues and developed friendships with people in that community that completely changed my perspective. Along the way, I also met some incredibly thoughtful and faithful Mormon friends who were really struggling with their faith. In an attempt to be empathetic, I finally allowed myself to dig deeper into church history without the blinding lenses of apologetics. Turns out… the church isn’t true!! lol. I could list a myriad of historical and doctrinal reasons why I felt compelled to leave. And the social issues played a big factor too. Leaving was incredibly difficult, even after feeling confident that it wasn’t true. I would say I had a period of time where I was nihilistic and pretty damn depressed. Having a loving and supportive wife (who also left with me) was incredibly important. And having a local community of friends who had experienced similar things was also very comforting and validating. I’m still the only one in my immediate family who has left the church. My parents believe I’m doomed and that I’ve doomed my children to eternal unhappiness. However, I’m more at peace now in life than I’ve ever been. I’m so happy we left the church and glad my children will not grow up with the same guilt and shame I experienced as a member just trying their best.