Hi, I'm caferio addict
Excited to live true to my real, authentic self! I was a mormon.
I’ve been TBM all my life. Married in the temple, active in the church and dedicated in my callings. The church had an in on every part of my life, from my sex life to shopping for groceries. I married young and had my first girl within that year. The “spirit told me” in the temple that I needed to get pregnant, even though I wanted to wait to have kids. Over time, I had to drop out of college because I couldn’t keep up with being both a student and a mom.
Why I left More answers about 'Why I left' the mormon church
I was feeling a bit of a crisis of faith after my postpartum depression (after my second child, who was actively my own choice to have.) I couldn’t feel the spirit anymore, at least not like I used to. I prayed and prayed that God would lead me to the truth, even if it meant that the church, which I had given everything to, was untrue. Then I studied.
I came across the CES Letter while watching a video on YouTube from an ex-Mormon fashion blogger about why she left TSCC. She mentioned how it completely broke her shelf. I had to know what this mysterious letter was and how it could turn a true blood Mormon into an ex. So I looked it up.
Then my heart completely broke.
It was like mourning a death. It’s still like mourning a death. I went through all the stages of grief. I GAVE THEM EVERYTHING. My life, my money, my loyalty. I even let them horn in on my sex life, from bishops prying into my “chastity” (I was a virgin till my wedding night but went to bishops because I never felt “chaste” enough) to letting them dictate what I would and wouldn’t do in bed with my husband. All the clothes I could have worn, the years I could have spent not wearing those SHIT garments. It’s gonna be awhile before I’m not completely pissed out anymore.
Luckily, my husband had already been disaffected for awhile. He’s dark-skinned Filipino and sick and tired of all the fucking racism in TSCC. So when I told him I wanted to stop going, he joined me whole-heartedly. We were also just about to move out of state, so the timing was absolutely perfect. We wouldn’t have to deal with resigning in a ward we knew. His family is also supportive, which is a big relief.
However, mine is beside themselves with grief. That’s a whole other story, in and of itself. I tried telling them as gracefully as possible but the reception did not go well at all.
But for now, I DON’T HAVE TO DO WHAT THE BULLSHIT TSCC TELLS ME ANYMORE!!! God, I’m so relieved! I never thought I’d be so relieved! I wanted the church to be true so badly. I would have pulled through till my last dying breath if I had the slightest inclination that it could be true. But it’s not. And now I’m free. 😊