My name is Ken Dueck
I was a 10 year HC man, and a YSA Bishop for 5+ years.
I was a 10 year HC man, and a YSA Bishop for 5+ years. Thankfully, the YSA's asked the right questions that caused me to resign and leave the mormon church, after meeting with several liars from the Q15.
Why I left
one last strain of craze...my final testimony
.....truly....it is finished.
May 10th, 2014
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
50 East North Temple St.
Salt Lake City, Utah 84150
To the First Presidency and Quorum of 12:
Until recently, I like many others who have become disaffected from the fairy tale of the LDS church…suffered alone…. completely alone in the knowledge that my God given intellect provided to me. I cannot express adequately the sorrow, the gasping loss of family and the faith crushing effects of discovering the house of cards that comprised my 30-year association in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I am beyond my capacity to endure this...
I was moved initially by the comments of a poster on Craigslist in 2009. If you are at all familiar with it, some of it may be reflected here in this post. It is now May of 2015 and I am living in the ruble of a destroyed marriage, loss of children and grandchildren, the disapproval of thousands in my community and much more than can be elicited here…all in the name of the “only true Church on the face of the earth”. The delusional, ludicrous nature of that claim by the LDS church is incomprehensible to my mind. As my sister has coined…. these are not Latter Day Saints, but Lucifer’s Dedicated Servants. After all…he does make more than a cameo appearance in the temple video with his fear mongering….”if any of you fail to live up to these covenants made here this day….yada yada yada …you will be in my power”. Wow…if the church is true, do you really need Satan to threaten you? Wouldn’t the Holy Ghost provide that confirmation without needing Satan to threaten you?? Why does he get air time at the end…and not Christ explaining “grace as a result of his sacrifice” and that it is available to all men who come to him with a broken heart and a contrite spirit??
In September of 2013 I was released as a YSA Bishop and at that time, I was fully active, fully worthy, and fully deceived. I remained active solely for the sake of immediate and extended family unity (my wife’s side), and to preserve my marriage, and honored my calling as a YSA Bishop. The fact was that at the time, I did not have the courage to act upon my knowledge about the LDS Church’s skew/fraudulent history and doctrine. I revealed my lack of courage regarding the inevitable to my mother in July of 2012. She had seen the concern in my countenance at their 60th anniversary in 2010… and predicted then what the outcome would be. She patiently listened and counseled me with “is it better to live in a broken home than to be in a broken home”. Kind of a new take on what Robin Williams said in “I always thought the worst thing in life would be to be alone, but I’ve learned that the worst thing is to be around people who make you feel alone”. The reality of life in the Mormon culture is you wake up guilty, feeling inadequate and go to bed recognizing that you haven’t done enough. The emphasis on imperfection destroys any chance at living life in accord with how you were designed by God. Living with laughter (even loud) and levity, is no sin. Being happy according to the dictates of your own conscience is not a sin either. It is how God created you.
All of the aforementioned and much more had created a considerable dilemma for both the church and myself. As a Bishop and in my counseling with YSA from 18-30ish….it was more than apparent that I was not alone in this. The vast majority of the youth falls into the same problematic rut of wondering…what really was the church founded on. Lies?? Why in Jacob 2 in the Book of Mormon and several other places is it stated that it is an abomination to have more than one wife or concubine…and be the most “correct book on the earth”….all at the same time? And then we have Joseph Smith saying in the 132nd section of the Doctrine and Covenants that it’s okay, and even better…it’s a commandment???? You as a body of “leadership” know this contradiction in doctrine (and many more) and yet provide no spiritual or clear solutions. You prefer to discover and establish business investments that generate income, rather than retain individuals and provide spiritual food. It’s no wonder that the best and brightest are leaving…. along with their tithing dollars.
This letter, therefore, is an appeal for your consideration of my personal dilemma. Kind of a new take of “and if you should save one soul how great shall be your joy”, and to serve as a witness against you who as a body of leadership, consistently fail to act honestly. If history repeats itself, as it always does… you will not respond and continue to put your head in the sand, hoping that this is just “one” and will somehow just go away. I will NOT go away. I don’t have to be a multi billion-dollar corporation to have an effective social media campaign. Generally, something that resonates with truth will develop a momentum that money cannot buy. So we’ll have to see where this goes…and if I can influence just one…..how great shall be MY joy!!!
The tempo of occurrence of departure is multiplying exponentially. The church is experiencing the same apostasy…. that they teach, a falling away as a result of a corrupt leadership from within. Again…you know this and in your rigid, antiquated stance are helpless to address this. You’ve completely lost touch with not only God, but with yourselves as human beings. Your delusional claim of having some sort of widened conduit or bandwidth as a result of your so called prophet, who in reality is so dementia ridden he can’t decide which sock to put on first in the morning - no longer has validity in not only my life but in the lives of the majority of members. Wake up. Is anyone conscious enough to listen?? Holland?? Bednar?? Christofferson??? Oaks?? I list you specifically as I once hung on your words. Only to discover that you have become cunning and filled with sophistry of words to deceive or cloud truth.
I initially intended to write this letter anonymously because I feared the power of your unrighteous dominion. I don’t fear you or your Trojan horse behavior. Each of you has mastered the theology of DC 121:39 regarding unrighteous dominion and power. You represent the living examples of that doctrine. You have no authority over anyone whatsoever, and no validity as prophets, seers and revelators - and I retract any sustaining that took place in the course of my time in the church. I have repented of sustaining you with the Savior, repented of my misguided behavior and lack of discernment: having abdicated at one time… my agency to the LDS church. I have since recovered that, after resigning my membership and have never felt more whole, more connected/consecrated to the Savior and never felt more eager to serve those around me.
This is the result of having discovered truth……a natural desire to serve God’s children. IF….truly IF the LDS church was true, Home Teaching would not be a dismal single digit statistic across America (and falling). Truly, sacrament-meeting attendance would not hover in the 30% range (again…falling every year). Literally, if truth had/has been restored….the wards would have people beating down the doors to get in and receive the word. Remember that thing about….every knee shall bend and every mouth confess…..Look it up. The soul does indeed recognize truth.
I have a testimony that the soul, the human soul will recognize truth…. something you all fear. You fear the truth as history records it from multiple/verifiable sources. And yet, with all your professed inspiration and revelation, you have NO solution to the ever-increasing collapse of failed programs to proclaim the truth to the ends of the earth. Why??? Because you are NOT lead by inspiration or revelation.
I am disgusted by your tactics, yes they are premeditated tactics… and I no longer forcibly serve you. I no longer live under that cloud of shame and guilt and imperfection. You’re pathetic banner of agency (and how to enforce it) will serve as little protection to you as the truth unfolds in this and subsequent generations. It will not be well with you at the last day either. I will add that you don’t know enough about me to form an opinion as to who I am and the decibels I can reach with my voice, both audibly and digitally in proclaiming real truth to the world.
I am writing with the intent that I might somehow divest myself from the animosity I feel in having been robbed of 30 years of my life. For having had my family stolen from me as a result of the cumulative effect of reinforced lies from your leadership. I am writing in the futile hope that you (or anyone with a shred of leadership and conscience) will care enough to respond in a Christ like manner to this growing and unavoidable tragedy within the church; the tragedy of those who know the truth and cannot act upon it without destroying their families.
Human souls are at stake here…Unfortunately, in my case….my family has been destroyed. I lost all hope and reason as a result of the subtle craftiness and sophistry that exists within the so called “inspired words” of the likes of Jeffrey R. Holland, Neal A Maxwell, Gordon B. Hinckley, Dallin H. Oaks, Boyd K. Packer, Boyd K Packer, Henry B Eyring, Thomas S. Monson and many others. Just because you as a leader have not been included here does not give you a free pass. I especially refer to the Nazi like dogma from David Bednar and Boyd K Packer. Their constant fixation on sexual matters reeks of personal unresolved shame and guilt and the projection of it. What a pathetic excuse for goodness and honesty they are. In so many cases you all, are nothing more than another ladder climbing, self serving, egotistical puppets of a mentally deranged, dementia ridden so called prophet of God.
Speaking of which…when was the last time you heard him or any other GA publicly state that Joseph Smith was a prophet of God? When was the last time any of you address the inspiration that became Polygamy and Polyandry over the pulpit. Bednar, Holland, Oaks and the rest of the elite in the first presidency, quorum of 12 and the many quorums of 70, area authorities and local so called leadership are spineless to address this topic with the spirit of tenderness and honesty that was the hallmark of Christ’s ministry. At the last day, your money will not insulate you from the judgment of God.
If this was the gospel of Christ restored, then the history of its restoration wouldn’t be such a grey area or stifled by the church. Millions if not billions wouldn’t be spent on acquiring authentic documents to ultimately hide, obscure and sanitize the truth.
Here’s an FYI……there is no secrecy in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. None. No admittance fee to the temple…and for that matter…no need for temples as God does not dwell in temples made with hands. Acts 17:24. Shocked?? You should be, since you don’t consider the Bible as having any real relevance, unless you can find some obscure Old Testament scripture to validate the Book of Mormon. Whatever….most don’t even know that over 500+ verses of Isaiah were copied with all the grammatical errors in punctuation and spelling from the 1769 King James Bible. Is it coincidence that Joseph Smith has the same version?? Was God such a bad speller that his dictation was identical to 15th century English with all of it’s spelling and punctuation errors? Here’s another shocker for you. Galatians 1:8. I’ll leave it to you to have your secretaries look it up for you after they blow the dust off your Bible.
There is only a need for secrecy as a result of the deceit perpetrated by the leadership of the LDS church over many generations. Consider this…An emotional experience (upon which all LDS testimonies are built on), does NOT give you an increase of knowledge. Nor does it substantiate or bolster fact. Facts stand for themselves, and an awareness of them increases knowledge. Having said that, most if not ALL LDS testimonies are rooted in nothing more than a “feeling” or an “emotional experience” and not in any fact. You DO NOT KNOW that Joseph Smith was a prophet because you felt something. It’s impossible. We do have facts to substantiate that he was a con man and convicted of such according to the laws of the land. And of course…..You believe in upholding and sustaining the laws of the land. (12th Article of Faith)
My son has just completed his second year as a medical student. His study and proficiency in the subject matter is a reflection of his increased knowledge. And that knowledge is rooted in facts that are necessary to become, ultimately a Neurosurgeon. No matter how deep his emotional experience was in wanting to be a doctor….That did not give him ANY knowledge in his chosen field. The same holds true for a testimony of the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, the Pearl of Great Price and a multitude of doctrines are all rooted in the cloudy nature of an LDS testimony and a feeling. There are no facts, no plates, no artifacts, no cultural historical evidences, no geography, no monetary systems, no grains, no structures, no swords, chariots, in fact……no nothing to substantiate them. Kinda like Santa Claus…..no facts, no evidence….just a bunch of embellished lies.
The LDS church is NOT the true restored church. There simply are NO facts to substantiate it. NO “feeling” will ever establish the veracity of truth that comes from FACT. The strongest argument for it is relegated to the ramblings of a lust driven, selfish, cunning and convicted con man. Joseph Smith. That is a recorded fact. Yes, the veracity of the entire LDS church rests on the words of a convicted con man. How comforting. How uplifting. How enlightening.
The Chinese have a saying that goes something like this…..”beware of old men who nod wisely, and speak foolishly”. The world in it’s spiritual apathy is given a front row seat to the truth of that statement every 6 months when these self inflated general authorities espouse their personal thoughts, nodding knowingly/wisely on a variety of topics. As a 30 year member/veteran in a variety of leadership roles, I’ve witnessed that consistently within the leadership of the government of the LDS church. I am not alone in this and you know it. My gosh, do you ever step outside of your bubble of delusion to really see who you’ve become and what you follow?? Do you ever consider the turmoil you create in the destruction of marriages, families and even cultures? Have you become so consumed with your vast financial empire and power mongering that you’ve lost sight of the basic principles of decency and honesty and the value of a human soul?
How in the world do you reconcile your doctrine to building a mall in the shadow of the supposed House of the Lord…spending billions of dollars, that is open on Sunday and serves alcohol 7 days a week? Don’t hide behind the fact that you have a non LDS partner that owns those facilities either. Whatever happened to the church’s doctrine that I’ve heard so often of “avoiding the APPEARANCE of Evil”. What separates you from the money changers who were chased off the temple grounds by Christ during his ministry on earth?? Shame on you, you blasphemers who set yourselves apart as having some great spiritual wisdom.
Do any of you who stand as supposed prophets, seers and revelators…have the courage to answer any of this plainly and truthfully and publicly?? THE WORLD IS WAITING…as am I, as have thousands of others over the generations.
I come from a strong Christian Mennonite heritage, I grew up poor by todays standards, and was taught in the ways of being a good citizen, hard worker and loyal servant of Christ. I grew up in central Canada as a famer; I was naïve but sincere in my youth and I completed reading the Bible in both German and English by the age of 13. At my baptism into the LDS church, I essentially lost my relationship with my birth family in Canada. I felt the sting of Matthew 10:34-38. My family warned me repeatedly that I was being deceived, but my feelings for my eventual wife and her 2 children overshadowed the necessity to make an informed decision that should have also been rooted in fact. My fault, and fortunately for the LDS church….the internet didn’t yet exist.
I was labeled as the quintessential golden convert and I took the missionary discussions 3 times when I was 26…. stumbling over and over on several principles that included the existence of a Prophet…Polygamy, the inequality of Blacks holding Priesthood, tobacco, alcohol in any form and many other nonsensical Pharisaical laws.
But I was in love with a woman who already had 2 children from a failed temple marriage to a Returned Missionary (imagine that??). I loved her and her children. They were 5 and 6 and I adopted them, loved them as my own, and raised them within the doctrines of the church. I served as a Ward Mission Leader (without any Priesthood), an inspired oversight I guess, as an Elders Quorum President, Young Men’s President, in three different Bishoprics as a counselor, High Councilor for nearly 10 years, as a YSA Bishop, Gospel Doctrine teacher, seminary teacher and various other callings. I was a voracious reader and student of the gospel, and even more of a student of the truth. I have attended the temple countless times and served as an ordinance worker at the veil. I have worked hard in the church and sacrificed seemingly an incalculable amount of time and energy over the course of 30 years. It wasn’t until I was called as the Bishop and I met with honest, sincere YSA’s who asked real questions, that I began in earnest to find the truth. At first it was to help them, but in the end it really helped me see the lie that I had been perpetuating for so long.
Fast forward to today…May of 2015. I have lost the family that I created here on earth, but regained my relationship with my mother and father and siblings. I have also regained my freedom and life, having finally received my letter of confirmation that I have resigned my membership in the LDS church. I am not some piece of human refuse that can be swept into the ever-growing pile of disaffected and disillusioned members in the church. That number is growing and gaining in momentum. I’ve been in the meetings with Tom Perry and Dallin Oaks and various other GA’s as the demographic of 15-30 year olds that leave the church grows. This age group represents the future of the church. They also live in an age of information. Lots of it and it is easily accessible. With that comes the risk of exposing what the church is really founded on and the indefensible nature of it. You are doomed and ultimately will be found out on an enormous scale. You will become as obsolete as a mortician during the resurrection. Your weak attempts at transparency with the recent Essays on church history will not sustain you. You don’t even have the courage to sign them with authorship. One word comes to mind.
Given my investment of time in penning this letter and the 3 decades of service and sacrifice, I feel that some form of reciprocal communication from the leadership of the church is in order. You have my email. Use it.
You cannot continue to plug all the holes in the dam that is leaking membership, by ignoring events such as this in people’s lives. YOU KNOW that there is NO restoration. There is NO restoration of the Priesthood, NO restoration of Temple ordinances, NO plain and precious truths restored (none, not one single one has been identified that was supposedly lost), NO restoration of baptism (Christ already demonstrated that in the NT)…..You know that the Lamanite program (native American westernization) was a farce and that they would never become “white and delightsome” as the Book of Mormon claimed, Yes…..NO NOTHING. Just vagueness and ever changing doctrine.
Tell me what was lost in the Bible that the BOM supposedly restored. Tell me what the fullness of the gospel represents and restored????? Tell me how polygamy is inspired of God when it is denounced several times in the BOM, starting in Jacob and fully contradicts the 132nd section of the Doctrine and Covenants?? Tell me why the 132nd section of the Doctrine and Covenants still exists today…if Polygamy is no longer a Prophetic utterance that the church no longer subscribes to??? Tell me how God is unchanging and reveals things in his time, never to be retracted. Tell me and the followers of your ever changing BS why your God consistently needs to recall his revelations to his prophets???? Tell me and the world where the “correctness” of this infallible book is???? Tell the world what has been changed since the 1830 version of the Book of Mormon was released. Be specific and honest. All this and so much more from “the most correct book on the face of the earth” and re-enforced by the sham of prophetic leadership. You as a body, represent blasphemy defined. You, each of you has arrived at some point of apathy where you can no longer identify with truth, with God’s will or with the needs of God’s children. One shouldn’t be surprised here, since Satan somehow has relevance in your temple endowment. Who the heck would include the fear mongering of Satan as a voice of reason in the supposed spiritual experience of the temple endowment. Yet he has a place and instills fear with his haunting comments of “if any of you here today fail to live up to the covenants made here today, will be in my power”. …….Wow….where is the spirit of the Holy Ghost there. Do you really think Christ would be okay with you given Satan a chance to have a voice here??? I guess since you’ve already baptized Hitler, Stalin and a host of other genocidal maniacs….its okay.
Here’s a reality check for you……..the youth of today are completely internet savvy. They can find the truth about most anything and the historical data to support their findings. You have little to NO sway over them in this day and age and the statistical data that you gather substantiates that. Your days are numbered and you know it. Your hand wringing, hat in hand appeals to the membership of the church doesn’t resonate anymore. Your own statement (thank you Dallin Oaks) The church doesn't "seek apologies and we don't give them" will only continue to subvert your efforts to capture this youthful and informed element. When you finally arrive at the point of desperation to truly and honestly admit the historicity of the church….it will be too little too late. I would venture a guess that this and many other ridiculous inspired quotes from General Authorities will come back to haunt you at some point as you face ever growing challenges to the future sustainability of the church. You might want to take a peek at Matthew 12:37…..”For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned”. There are so many similar quotes of arrogance from the church that even when you do consider an appeal to forget the past and start over…..it will have no effect in stemming the flow of defectors. I’m still trying to figure out how Dallin Oaks’ statement of no apology bears ANY attribute of Christ like behavior.
Here’s a second point for you all of you “uber-intelligent” leaders to consider. If you take Christ out of Christianity, the Church would fall/fail. If you take Christ out of Mormonism, you would continue as you have done for 180 years. You revere your prophets, you annual manuals are a testament of that statement. You have NO manuals on the life of Christ. None. None that annunciate or articulate his miracles, none that dwell on his life…..just more adulation of dead pedophiles/prophets who perpetuated the nazi like high stepping mindset of control. Here’s an update…you have NO control over me. I am free of you and your pathetic laws that have no origin in Christ’s teachings.
I hope I live long enough to see the Church of Jesus Christ come to its public day of reckoning. You know as well as anyone that seeks truth, that the church is deteriorating at an accelerated rate. The day is fast approaching to where you can no longer deny that the church in fact has a negative growth. When you pontificate at General Conference about how well the church is doing, facts will condemn you and expose your deceitful desperation. Given the apathy of the world, the only thing that will save you is your money. You have plenty of it, acquired on the backs of the meek of the earth. And given the currency that appeals to those led by the adversary, you will continue to have followers.
If it weren’t for 3rd and 4th world countries and their illiteracy…you would have nowhere to go. There is no growth in Canada and the US or Western Europe. Child of record baptisms is all you have to substantiate growth, and as the families downsize due to economic pressure and families get smaller, with fewer children….that too will dry up and be outpaced by the departed. There is barely a measurable percentage of retention in South America and many other parts of the world. Reducing the age requirements for missionary service will have the same effect that layoffs have in an economic downturn. You cannot cost cut your way to profitability and remain sustainable. You can’t throw more people at missionary work to proclaim falsehoods to generate growth. False will always be false, and truth will always overrule falsehood, just as light will always overcome darkeness.
Shame on you…..for building a financial empire that is masquerading as Christ’s church, and all at the expense of the faith based gifts of hard working, in many cases, impoverished people. I testify to you, that I will stand as a witness against your deceit perpetrated on the innocent and humble in distant lands, and even throughout the earth.
I myself have four children, two returned-missionary- one served as an AP in Peru……all temple-married, two graduates from BYU, and have 12 grandchildren…..all active in the primary and youth programs. My wife and I have lived our nearly 30 years of marriage completely united in our commitment to a gospel oriented home. My now ex-wife is one of the most valiant, unquestioning, devoted members you will ever meet. She is blindly obedient and would not hesitate for a second if she were asked to be another wife of the so-called prophet or other leaders of the Q15. She reels with guilt in drinking Coke and feels such trivial disobedience requires fasting and confession to a Bishop. That is the mindset of someone incapable of thinking for himself or herself. That is someone who has graduated from the church curriculum of Agency 101, and how to Enforce It. That is the mindset of a brainwashed, programmed Stepford Wife. It IS blind obedience. Our happiness in marriage was centered in the gospel, and not in the synergy of love without the encumbrances of religion. We have faithfully performed all of the home-strengthening practices (FHE, daily prayer and scripture study, etc) throughout our married years, not 100% but in the course of life, we gave our best efforts. Our children are strong in the church because we as parents gave them that foundation. We were your typical Mormon success story.
This changed approximately three years ago. The story about how it changed is long, complicated, and spans years of turmoil, personal study, personal observation, and experience. In my personal study and questioning, I have followed the simplicity of 3 principles as it relates to truth.
1. What do the scriptures, history and archeology say.
2. What does my God given intellect tell me as I study and discover and test all things. (James 1:5)
3. What does my experiential knowledge add to support a doctrine, fact or principle.
Rather than rehearse the entire journey, I will only summarize the end results. If additional details are needed regarding the details of what led to this discovery, beyond what is written here…..I can be contacted at ********@gmail.com. But…you already know what I know. There will be no new surprises for you. I’m not the first, nor am I the last.
If you’ve made it this far by actually reading this, here’s something else to consider. The recent “essays” provided by the church admitted with some vagueness, the truth of the polygamy and polyandry of Joseph Smith. Strangely in spite of this lame attempt at clarifying his behavior, it has always been verifiable on any Genealogical website…including the one sponsored by the LDS church.
Given the facts presented in the “essays”, and given that Fawn Brodie was excommunicated for publishing Josephs sexual behavior in her book “No Man Knows My History”…..will she have her membership re-instated now, posthumously? And if so, what does that say about the inspiration that caused her to be excommunicated. Did God make a mistake, was his inspiration to the Stake President flawed…or is it representative of the “feelings” of the Stake President and his HC. Somehow it would seem that “feelings and inspiration/revelation” have become synonymous in the culture of the LDS church. Nothing could be further from the truth. They are as opposite as “knowing good and evil” vs “knowing good from evil”. In case you missed what I just said, one is the invitation of Satan and one is the invitation of the Savior. Feelings are generated by man (imperfect). Inspiration/Revelation are generated by God (perfect and unchanging).
Suffice it to say that I have discovered reliable many unchallenged facts (as have many others) about church history, church operations, church doctrine, church secrecy and church culture that have brought me to the undeniable conclusion that the church is NOT TRUE. There is NO prophet and the NEVER was one, starting with Joseph Smith. Not only is the church not true (meaning that it is not what it claims to be), but the church purposefully withholds (even denies) vital information that would lead ANY thinking person to the same conclusion. I am astonished at the LDS Church’s portrayal of Joseph Smith translating the golden plates by candlelight in some pensive, demur setting while his scribe gazes in awe at his inspiration. This is the imagery that is fostered by the church to the world at large. The reality from numerous eye witness accounts including that of Joseph Smith’s scribes and even Joseph Smith himself…..is that HE PLACED HIS HEAD IN A HAT TO OBSCURE THE LIGHT AND WAITED FOR MAGICAL WRITING TO APPEAR ON A ROCK HE FOUND, WHILE DIGGING A WELL FOR HIS NEIGHBOR. Seriously?? Why is this truth not taught???? Too embarrassing?? To “crazy”. It sounds like a script for a cartoon.
Church leaders even boast about the moral and ethical justification for acting this way in obscuring the truth.
Thank you again Dallin Oaks ….and I quote him…..“It’s wrong to criticize leaders of the Church, even if the criticism is true”. Boyd K Packer and others have spoken similarly of this. Again….are you serious, and you expect people to believe this????
….This is the behavioral pattern of a cult; it is inconsistent with the church’s own articles of faith; and it is the central reason for the growing groundswell of revolt from within. It is inconsistent with the mind and will of God and I don’t need a self-proclaimed prophet to tell me that. To ignore this fact is the height of arrogance. You are either stupid, apathetic, led by Satan or you are completely devious…or all of the above; whichever you choose, you lose.
As I’ve already stated, you already know that the church is not what it claims to be; you already know that Native Americans are not the Lamanites of the Book of Mormon; DNA evidence of the natives of America prove you wrong: you already know that the whole story of the BOM is not accurate, geographically or historically….and that there never was a translation of gold plates; You already know that a View of the Hebrews is the template for the Book of Mormon; you already know that the Book of Abraham is not a translation of the papyri that it claims to be (since the facsimile has been deciphered and Egyptian CAN now be read); you already know that the first vision account is not reliable or accurate (since there are 8 versions that differ from one another); you already know that church history is a warped version of real history and real history paints a pretty bleak picture of church origins and behavior; you already know that spiritual “special witness” experiences are not what the average member believes them to be; and you already know that as prophets, seers, and revelators, you DO NOT possess any such gifts as they are understood by the average member. You also know that the testimony of the signed 11 witnesses signed a document drafted by Joseph Smith…..and that they NEVER saw the plates with their natural eyes. You know….and yet you LIE. You receive and even encourage unqualified trust in your special abilities, and you know very well that those abilities are not special at all. You may be talented administrators and/or orators, but you are not prophets, seers, and revelators, and you know it. Yet you allow members to revere and honor you as such to placate your disgusting egos. You are either self-deceived or you are willing deceivers, and are capitalizing on the monetary advantage you have with your publications. Knowing they will be lapped up by the moronic obedience of a deceived membership. You know that members believe and teach that you have had personal physical visitations from Jesus Christ, and you know that you have not had this experience. Yet, you are willing to allow members to perpetuate this myth for unknown but unavoidably dishonest reasons. This is a pattern, not an anomaly. You know you are not what you claim to be (or what church culture teaches about you); and you allow this false perception to continue. What does that say about you and your integrity? From my vantage point…you are the hallmark of sociopathic behavior. Pretend as you might in the course of your lives…you know…as do I that a day of reckoning is coming. I’m not sure whether my innate sense of compassion will overrule the need for Justice and offer you Mercy….as I stand as a witness against you. Regardless…. you know…. it is coming.
So, after coming to this awful realization that things are not what they claim to be within the church, what are my options? This journey was so disruptive and internally tumultuous that I chose to travel it alone. I was absolutely certain that there were solid faith sustaining answers to each disturbing fact. Finally, after I had absorbed the magnitude of the truth, I tried to share it with my wife. To her horror, she saw that her husband had gone into the unthinkable realm of “apostasy”. She refused to even pray with me, as I had a “different” faith. At first, she resented me for even looking; then she denied the possibility that any of it could be true; then she tried to stand on the shaky ground that even if it was true it did not lead to the conclusions I had made; finally, she clings to the defensive posture that I cannot be smarter than you (how can so many good men be wrong and her imperfect husband be right?). As any good investigator knows…you follow the money.
And…this is where you as the 15 leaders come into the picture. This is where the church comes between myself and my ex-wife in our now defunct marriage relationship. This is where the damage is done in countless other relationships. Do you think that you can escape responsibility for this damage? Do you doubt your complicity in creating this wedge? Can you understand how people like me come to a point of seemingly powerless resentment against the church? I suspect that you cannot understand such things, because if you did you would use your influence to make necessary changes. You are too busy being blinded by the money that continues to flow unabated into the church treasury and it’s trickle down effect in your personal lives.
I once taught my children, how much $1 billion dollars was. The short explanation is as follows: If you spend a $1000.00 a day how long would it take you to spend $1 Billion dollars with no interest accruing?? It would take 2,739.72 years….YEARS to spend. Yet you consistently take in billions of dollars in tithing to do what???? Build a multibillion-dollar mall that violates your own doctrine by being open on Sundays and serve alcohol 7 days a week. You cannot hide behind partners or anything else you can conjure up…you can’t avoid your own doctrine of avoiding the appearance of EVIL.
I am no longer trapped in the church; of that there can be no doubt. I have finally after 1 1/2 years received my letter of confirmation of resignation. And I find enormous comfort in the words of Christ in Matthew 19:29…and I quote from LDS scripture….”And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name’s sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life”. In the end, that will redeem me. Not you.
You glorify those who leave their families to join your church and at the same time you demonize those who would leave the LDs church for whatever reason. In doing so you violate on every level, the 11th, 12th and 13th Articles of Faith in your own doctrine. You stereotype those who obtain damaging “truth” as intellectuals and apostates. You encourage an atmosphere of exclusion against those who have information that would damage faith, even when that faith (as is LDS faith) is founded upon false data and the information that challenges the LDS doctrine is rooted in truth.
Your efforts of withholding and denying truth have had the result of destroying my personal integrity (for a time).
I know things that I once could not openly speak about ( now I can and will). I can say this……I lied in temple recommend interviews so I can go to the temple to see my own children get married, and because my wife is comforted by the image of a temple worthy husband. I missed and wasn’t even invited my youngest daughters wedding since I didn’t and wouldn’t pay the admission fee required to attend the temple (of being a full tithe payer). I denounced the false prophet of Joseph Smith…..and in your disillusion marketing/trolling…..families are not forever (unless you do it your way). This isn’t Burger King. I don’t do it your way. You as a delusional leadership body limited my one time opportunity to rejoice in the union of my daughter to her chosen companion. That is an event that cannot be repeated. I will never attend her “first” and hopefully last time at marriage. You stole that from me. God didn’t. You did with your ridiculous Pharisaical laws. Laws that have literally no rooting in Christ’s revealed doctrines. You are nothing more than a cheap imitation of the Masonic order, having stolen their ordinance and calling it your own. And the truth is, that Joseph Smith was killed for having revealed/stolen that information from the Masons. Thank God, the Masons have a spine, if for no other reason that to stand on principle.
I also lied to my children when they questioned an aspect of church history or doctrine, because the truth would place them in the same pressure cooker I am in. I lied to my wife because she finds the truth so disturbing. I lied because telling the truth is more painful than a comforting lie. And I learned to lie from you. You are lying to the membership by your silence (and denial) regarding information that is vital to faith. People have based their faith on incorrect information; you know this; and you remain silent. You lie for the same reason that I lied; because people prefer a comforting lie over a disturbing truth.
Your understanding of the culture you created and perpetuate through established programs is dismal. You preach adherence to the guidance of the brethren; you promise blessings for obedience to programs and leaders; you build a structure of dependence and hierarchical authoritarianism; you inculcate an environment of conformance without regard to individuality; and you do all of this with the stated intent of blessing and improving lives, relationships and family bonds. You are the new improved; less filling, lemon fresh scented Hitler of the 21st century.
Your programs have evolved into a culture with the opposite effect than the one you intended; members feel constantly inadequate regardless of their effort; they wake up exhausted, mentally and physically as a result of almost inhuman efforts in service and the ongoing war in their heads of imperfection and the subsequent beating with the clubs of shame and guilt; families pressure struggling children with bad advice that comes from your talks and books; you raise the bar, a blatant slap in the face to those who do not fit within your misguided program. Programs flounder not because of poor execution but because they are poor programs. When such negative results reach your ears, you are saddened that the poor members just do not see the vision; you nod wisely and speak foolishly with no solution because the lay members of the church that cannot learn the vital lessons. It never occurs to you that your inspiration and leadership is the flawed element. Either you are uninspired or uninformed, but your leadership is causing more suffering than blessings. But this is not really about bad programs. Rather, it is about faulty foundations. I do not expect you to acknowledge that the church is not what it claims to be, but I demand that you acknowledge your part in the failures. Stop blaming failure on the members. They give all and when they finally realize the truth, they too will stand as a witness to what you have done to them. In the end as it relates to the aforementioned…. it is cheap and dishonest.
My anger and disillusionment led me to the point of attempted suicide on my birthday in March of 2014. I tried to drown myself in the ocean, but the waves kept tossing me to shore. I am embarrassed that I descended to such a point of sorrow. The despair as a result of my loss was unbearable. Perhaps the waves sent me back to shore as a blessing from God, in that I was willing to give up my life and place it on the alter so to speak….that I might find it again (Matthew 16:25). If for NO other reason than to witness against your unrighteous dominion. I do not expect you to understand this as your apathy has been hardened with the passage of time. I do not expect you to do anything with this information, except to try to track me down and deal with me through your “strengthening the members committee” as Jeffrey Holland so cunningly sidestepped in his interview with the BBC.
I am not alone. I am part of a growing community of knowledgeable members and ex members who will not be silenced. You have no idea how to deal with us because you fear our power, the truth and an ever-increasing momentum….and a disconnect from the youth of today. You have nothing to offer them. You fear it because you know that truth is on our side. I would feel pity for you except for the inexplicable arrogance that you currently display without remorse.
The law of the harvest will be your undoing. You have sown seeds of benevolent deception; you shall reap a harvest of faithful rebellion, and Justice will have it’s day with you. Do not expect mercy from those who stand as witnesses against you. They have already paid the price in mortality. You, on the other hand…will pay eternally.
With confidence in the forgiveness and grace of Christ Jesus,
I stand redeemed and forgiven….