I am finally free to be happy!
I was born and raised, pioneer stock, serving and obeying... all while my shelf cracked in so many places.
I was (mostly) happy in my ignorance. I was #5 is 6 kids, forgotten so many times. I was the first to serve a mission of my sibs. I married an RM in the temple. We prayed and followed "promptings", having him join the army instead of me getting my education. We had three children and were constantly asked when #4 would be on the way. We served together. We prayed and had FHE. We payed tithing and went to church every week. When my husband deployed, I still got my three very young children to church and church activities. I continued to serve and sacrifice during his multiple deployments and TDY's. We moved a few times and then settled after the military. That's when cracks appeared and became irrepairable.
On my shelf
On the Mormon Spectrum
# Why I left More stories of 'Why I left' the Mormon church
After I discovered my then-husband's "dark secret life" (his words for explaining his interests in other women). When I left him, no one gave a fuck. No one visited. No one called. Not the bish. Not his counselors. Not the RS or missionaries or elders quorum. Not my own mother. I went through my divorce fumbling alone. I lived in squalor, a tiny 600sq ft 2bedroom apartment for me and my three kids. No one offered help. No one visited. No one cared. I was so pissed!!! Why had I wasted so much time, effort, money, on an institution that didn't care about me.
Out of sheer spite, I found an exmo YouTube channel and binged it. That was the beginning of the end. I have since read the CES letter, read various biographies and writings of exmos. I have begun thinking for myself. I have let my children think for themselves. And we are happier than ever. My joy is mine to determine. My life is in my own hands.
Questions about Mormons My Answers to Questions about Mormonism
#Link to this answer of 'Can you describe the type of faith you had prior to your loss of faith?' by freidom Can you describe the type of faith you had prior to your loss of faith? See more answers about 'Can you describe the type of faith you had prior to your loss of faith?'
I had blind, trusting faith. I was taught the Prophet was unfalible. I was taught that stake presidents and bishops were always inspired. I had faith of a child. I asked questions but was told so many times to "just stop". So I asked questions quietly, apologizing for my lack of faith.
#Link to this answer of 'How did being Mormon affect your daily life?' by freidom How did being Mormon affect your daily life? See more answers about 'How did being Mormon affect your daily life?'
I never knew anything other than mormon like. So much praying! Personal am, family am, breakfast, dinner, family pm, personal PM. Now add in >2 if there was a mormon activity that day. If it was a Sunday, at least 6 more. Oh, and don't forget to "pray continually" during the day, like for tests, or running late to school, or being scared. The mormon church told me how to dress, how to eat, what to eat, what to drink, what I could not drink. They told me when I could date and who I was allowed to date. My days, my weeks were planned with all mormon activity at the church, the temple, or "reactivating" the less-active. I had to give 10% of my income, instead of taking my children to a movie or circus. It was in every aspect of my life. Including my sex life! I was married 2yrs,"wasting" my time without having babies. God forbid I wanted to get to know my new husband before we had a family.