Can you describe the type of faith you had prior to your loss of faith?
As a believing member I was all in. I trusted the words of the leadership (both local and general) and did everything that was asked of me. In just the past 10 years, my wife and I have donated enough money in tithing to effectively double our retirement. I served as a missionary in South America for two years and testified to everyone I met. I prayed daily and read the mormon scriptures several times a week. When faced with a difficult day, I would often retire to the bathroom at work and pray to god that the day would improve. In short, I believed it, I lived it, and I loved it.
Many people, unfortunately, don't see it that way and question my former devotion to the religion. Regardless of my disdain for the mormon church, questioning or attacking my former devotion to my mormon beliefs incredibly hurtful and insulting.
As time has passed, fewer people have questioned my motives and have shown more empathy for me and my decision to leave. I couldn't be more grateful for those people. For anyone facing backlash from loved ones, know that it does get easier in time. Many members of the church truly want to understand your motives, but have been strongly encouraged to avoid such conversations with you. I used to be true-blue-through-and-through and would avoid those conversations myself. I truly believe that those who want to understand will approach you when they're ready.
Consider the mormon scripture Alma 32:27, "But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words." Give those you love time to develop their own desire to know what you now know.
curtishartleyI had a firm testimony in Jesus. As stated in my bio, I had plans to go to BYU, I attended Boy Scouts weekly, wanting to get my Eagle and being devastated that they dropped the program before I could get it. I knew the church was true and I believed that it was the only path to happiness. I only really had one major flaw with the church: its scriptures were BORING.
bakiraka01I used to believe in magical things.
I used to believe most of my problems could be solved if I just approached it with enough fasting, prayer, meditation, and humbly asking for direction as the problem required. To a crippling degree at times. God blesses those who act, but also asking god to do it for you counts. I used to believe I could influence world events by private prayer with god.
I used to believe that prayer and people simply not asking the right questions were the only things standing between humanity and lasting happiness.
I used to believe in a much simpler world... one that was under someone's control.
I used to believe most things happened for a reason... from the grand to the mundane, every interaction of matter could be a matter of divine intervention.
I used to believe there were a path I was meant to walk.
I used to believe I had a personal connection with beings I have never met.
I used to believe most of the contents of my personal thoughts to be products of angels and demons.
I used to believe in a divine conflict playing out inside my own head.
I used to believe dangerous things.
I knew people weren't infallible, but secretly suspected many individuals to be so.
I used to ignore the evidence of reality, believing all of existence to essentially be god's playground for the purpose of playing out a little drama with pre-existing narratives and purpose and meaning behind everything, and the promise of justice and peace and fairness.
I used to believe myself to be accountable for every thought, feeling, word, and deed.
I believed myself accountable for others' behavior... that it was my job to save everyone... or at least that it was some divine destiny I was continually falling short of.
I lived every day ready to answer the call of god to some adventure unknown for no purpose other than to please him, and to mentally beat myself up the whole time for not doing it well enough.
layhandsondeezI had more a curiosity than faith. I never cared if the Book of Mormon was true. I only cared if the experience was an enriching,charitable, and community building experience.These people spoke of building heaven on earth and I wanted in.
I felt I was being pressured to accept things I found unconscionable, for example the treatment of gay people.
Just no.
sereneI went along to get along. I believed Joseph Smith was a prophet and the Book of Mormon but had no historical background and just believed what I was told. I pushed limits and poo-pooed rules that I knew were man made but still obeyed. I took out my second and third piercing and didn't get the tattoo I wanted so badly in the 90's. I was too busy to do anything but routine given to me.
graydameI had blind, trusting faith. I was taught the Prophet was unfalible. I was taught that stake presidents and bishops were always inspired. I had faith of a child. I asked questions but was told so many times to "just stop". So I asked questions quietly, apologizing for my lack of faith.
freidom