I never knew anything other than mormon like. So much praying! Personal am, family am, breakfast, dinner, family pm, personal PM. Now add in >2 if there was a mormon activity that day. If it was a Sunday, at least 6 more. Oh, and don't forget to "pray continually" during the day, like for tests, or running late to school, or being scared. The mormon church told me how to dress, how to eat, what to eat, what to drink, what I could not drink. They told me when I could date and who I was allowed to date. My days, my weeks were planned with all mormon activity at the church, the temple, or "reactivating" the less-active. I had to give 10% of my income, instead of taking my children to a movie or circus. It was in every aspect of my life. Including my sex life! I was married 2yrs,"wasting" my time without having babies. God forbid I wanted to get to know my new husband before we had a family.
It affected me a lot. I hid being Mormon. When I did mention it, I was accused of trying to be white because the Mormon Church is seen as a 'white religion' by people of color. And, living in Los Angeles, the Mormon Church goes against what the area philosophy is.
I was riddled with guilt and shame every single day. My self-respect was trashed by that guilt. I invested countless hours serving in the church, working harder and harder at my career, in the community, in my home, all to be an example of the joy of being a Mormon.
In January 2018, I reached a breaking point that nearly killed me. Being broken down to my weakest point allowed me to ask the questions that I had been too busy to ask.
The answers to those questions led me to leave Mormonism, a decision that I don't regret.
It controlled it. Everything in life revolved around the mormon worldview. My prescribed goals were centered around the church. It was too much. Each week after being involved in passing the sacrament, I felt guilty because I felt like I had lied to the congregation. I took it on personally, and that affected me deeply. I realize now that I was just part of the system, but that was how I felt for years.