Lyndon Lamborn served well in the church. But as he served he found himself examining the beliefs he was taught and found some issues that seemed not to add up. This troubled him, but he continued on until he reached a tipping point he describes perfectly: “The desire to know the truth at whatever cost finally outweighed the desire and need to believe and belong.” He took the brave step into the unknown and found it to have “lengthened [his] stride, extended [his] vision, and lifted [his] burden. [He’s] never been happier.”
I am a ‘born in the covenant’ fourth generation pioneer heritage Mormon, with polygamists on both sides of the family tree. Many ward members were guessing that I would be the next Bishop when in fact I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable attending church each Sunday. I was finding that Sunday was rapidly becoming the most dishonest day of my week. I was a Mormon.
Many things had troubled me about Mormonism over the years. The first one was the central concept of the infinite and eternal atonement. Christ didn’t just suffer for the sins of the inhabitants of the earth, he suffered for everyone everywhere, in every world throughout the galaxy – the atonement was both infinite and eternal. So, people in other worlds like our earth, would have different scriptures describing an extra-terrestrial named Jesus, who would suffer for the sins of the people, but would never live on their own world… There comes a time for every individual when the story becomes, like the proverbial fisherman’s tale – too tall. I had reached my limit.
Another major issue for me was the Mark Hofmann affair. Here was a guy that had easily duped the Lord’s anointed, which was not a big deal, but the part that was very disconcerting was that the documents bought by high-ranking church authorities were being purchased primarily to keep them hidden. Why would they need to do that? Surely the true church has nothing to hide. This made no sense. Something was definitely amiss here; I could feel it in my gut.
I buried these troubling concerns deep inside and tried to keep them suppressed. For some, this can work for a lifetime, but ultimately it did not work for me. These issues and others (polygamy, dark skin curse doctrine, etc.) eventually began to surface and I became increasingly uncomfortable with my core beliefs. The desire to know the truth at whatever cost finally outweighed the desire and need to believe and belong.
As I studied the realities associated with the so-called ‘restoration’, unfiltered and un-whitewashed for the first time, … It became blatantly evident, as I stepped back and considered the whole picture, that the God defined by Mormonism was not an entity worthy of my worship, worthy of emulation, or even an entity with whom I would want to associate at any level.
For every falsehood a person embraces, that person is crippled in proportion to the depth and breadth of the falsehood he embraces. Mormonism has enormous dimensions, and discarding this falsehood has been like adding a supercharger to my life engine. My discernment is sharpened, my energy and motivation are heightened, my human biases are more easily squelched, my mind is open to new ideas, I have shed prejudices and truly feel all humans are created equal, my friendships are more genuine, the world is more beautiful, there is more joy in giving, there is more authentic meaning in living.
All this, and I get to choose my own underwear too! Our family financial problems abruptly stopped the day I stopped paying tithing. In a nutshell, leaving the church has lengthened my stride, extended my vision, and lifted my burden. I have never been happier.Lyndon
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