Willow converted to the church as a young child and became a devout member of the church. She always knew she was different from other kids but didn’t understand why until puberty, when she started feeling wrong in her own body and wished she was a girl. She fell into a deep depression after praying for God to take away these thoughts but never received any response. Years later, she heard the term transgender and discussed the possibility of being transgender with her spouse, who threatened to take away access to their child. Willow finally came out a year later – also leaving the church and effectively ending her marriage. Despite these losses, she is feeling happier than ever before.
I enjoy writing, music and building computers. My mother converted to Mormonism when I was five years old and I followed her into the church. I was baptized at eight and was a devout member until I was thirteen. I was a mormon.
I’d always known I was different than the other kids my age but I didn’t quite know why. When I hit puberty, changes that made the other boys in my class happy caused me to feel wrong and uncomfortable in my body. I began to wish that I was a girl even though I didn’t have any idea what being transgender was at the time. I prayed every night for God to take these thoughts away from me with no response. I fell into a deep depression.
I started to see problems that I could not accomodate. The LDS church’s homophobic and sexist policies became more and more upsetting as I got older and I made more LGBTQ friends and I had a harder and harder time overlooking the historical inaccuracies in the Book of Mormon.
I finally found the label for the thoughts and unhappiness in my head when I was twenty-three and tried to tell my spouse that I might be transgender. The confession was met with threats of losing access to my child if I were ever to come out. My relationship with my spouse soured as they became neglectful and abusive.
I stopped going to church entirely and began to resent the LDS church. I finally came out a year after I first realized I was a woman and that signaled the end of my marriage. I have now been on hormones for a year and a half and have never been happier.Willow
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