Tag Archives: mormon

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Nickname for LDS members. Church now discourages use.

To be able to shape my beliefs around evidence, instead of ignoring evidence when it conflicts with a received belief that others had defined for me, has been the single greatest benefit of leaving the church. I didn't realize how much cognitive dissonance had been weighing me down until it wasn't there any more. It's allowed me the space to truly put people in front of ideas; where as a member of the church, I was expected to show my loyalty to "god" (the leaders of the church) above all else, when push came to shove. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
To be able to shape my beliefs around evidence, instead of ignoring evidence when it conflicts with a received belief that others had defined for me, has been the single greatest benefit of leaving the church. I didn't realize how much cognitive dissonance had been weighing me down until it wasn't there any more. It's allowed me the space to truly put people in front of ideas; where as a member of the church, I was expected to show my loyalty to "god" (the leaders of the church) above all else, when push came to shove. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
I still grieve at times for what I once hoped the church was. I sometimes miss the community, which is the greatest strength of the church. Finding out that this thing that I built my life around was based on a fundamentally deceptive premise has been the most difficult struggle of my life. Having to find purpose on my own, after having outsourced it to the church, is still a work in progress. But it's getting better. As I anticipated, my resignation has also caused pain to those that love me. It has made relationships with friends and family more difficult. Even though I have renounced my former faith, I still have a basic faith that truth matters; and that embracing it, as I learn more of it, will lead to a better life. And in some ways, it already has. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
I still grieve at times for what I once hoped the church was. I sometimes miss the community, which is the greatest strength of the church. Finding out that this thing that I built my life around was based on a fundamentally deceptive premise has been the most difficult struggle of my life. Having to find purpose on my own, after having outsourced it to the church, is still a work in progress. But it's getting better. As I anticipated, my resignation has also caused pain to those that love me. It has made relationships with friends and family more difficult. Even though I have renounced my former faith, I still have a basic faith that truth matters; and that embracing it, as I learn more of it, will lead to a better life. And in some ways, it already has. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
What eventually tipped the balance for me was learning about the excommunication of Natasha Helfer, a licensed marriage counselor and former Mormon, who was excommunicated the year prior for openly speaking out against the harm the church's doctrine of chastity, and it's accompanying purity culture. I researched her story more. What she had said made sense, and resonated with my own experiences. She seemed to want to help people find healing, but in the end was punished for it. Something clicked in my brain as I contemplated what all of this meant. It became very clear to me that no benevolent God would accept or condone any of it. That’s when I realized that my integrity was on trial, not my faith. I knew then that I needed to resign from the church immediately. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
What eventually tipped the balance for me was learning about the excommunication of Natasha Helfer, a licensed marriage counselor and former Mormon, who was excommunicated the year prior for openly speaking out against the harm the church's doctrine of chastity, and it's accompanying purity culture. I researched her story more. What she had said made sense, and resonated with my own experiences. She seemed to want to help people find healing, but in the end was punished for it. Something clicked in my brain as I contemplated what all of this meant. It became very clear to me that no benevolent God would accept or condone any of it. That’s when I realized that my integrity was on trial, not my faith. I knew then that I needed to resign from the church immediately. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
In the wake of the sociopolitical tumult following the 2016 election, and especially the isolation of the COVID-19 pandemic, I was able to put some emotional distance between myself and the church, which allowed me to be more objective about why I continued to believe in a “Plan of Happiness” that wasn’t making me happy. Watching two formerly faithful friends, whom I had never guessed would leave the church - and did - emboldened me even more. But I also felt conflicted about the positive experiences I had in the church - to say nothing of the spiritual experiences I had, which I then believed constituted proof of the church’s truth claims. I spent a lot of sleepless nights thinking and pondering, anticipating how much I had to lose if I decided to part ways with the church, and especially how much it would hurt my wife, who I loved very much. Months passed as I let all of this marinate. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
In the wake of the sociopolitical tumult following the 2016 election, and especially the isolation of the COVID-19 pandemic, I was able to put some emotional distance between myself and the church, which allowed me to be more objective about why I continued to believe in a “Plan of Happiness” that wasn’t making me happy. Watching two formerly faithful friends, whom I had never guessed would leave the church - and did - emboldened me even more. But I also felt conflicted about the positive experiences I had in the church - to say nothing of the spiritual experiences I had, which I then believed constituted proof of the church’s truth claims. I spent a lot of sleepless nights thinking and pondering, anticipating how much I had to lose if I decided to part ways with the church, and especially how much it would hurt my wife, who I loved very much. Months passed as I let all of this marinate. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
Like most young men in the church, I grew up terrified of my own body, since I was taught that sins of unchastity were second in seriousness only to murder. And yet I found it very confusing that God would give me such powerful sexual urges, then forbid me from expressing those urges in any way, and with perilous consequences if I did. And that is exactly what happened… except I compulsively repented. I couldn’t stop repenting. Just as I couldn’t stop “sinning.” It broke me. It made me feel that I was outside the reach of divine grace. And with my desire to marry a good Mormon woman tied up in that struggle, I felt like I would never be worthy enough realize that hope. Even though I eventually did, somehow. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
Like most young men in the church, I grew up terrified of my own body, since I was taught that sins of unchastity were second in seriousness only to murder. And yet I found it very confusing that God would give me such powerful sexual urges, then forbid me from expressing those urges in any way, and with perilous consequences if I did. And that is exactly what happened… except I compulsively repented. I couldn’t stop repenting. Just as I couldn’t stop “sinning.” It broke me. It made me feel that I was outside the reach of divine grace. And with my desire to marry a good Mormon woman tied up in that struggle, I felt like I would never be worthy enough realize that hope. Even though I eventually did, somehow. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
I experienced a lot of joy in connection with my membership in the church, but also a great deal of pain, which I managed to bury deeply for many years without realizing it. The earliest memory I have of any kind of dissonance about church doctrine, related to the necessity of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. As a teenager, I couldn’t understand why God would make the conditions of salvation so unattainable that he had to sacrifice his only perfect son in order to let us have a chance to return to him. It seemed unnecessarily complicated and incoherent, and no explanations/parables/metaphors that were taught to me helped me understand it more. It was one of those things that I just accepted on "faith." - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
I experienced a lot of joy in connection with my membership in the church, but also a great deal of pain, which I managed to bury deeply for many years without realizing it. The earliest memory I have of any kind of dissonance about church doctrine, related to the necessity of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. As a teenager, I couldn’t understand why God would make the conditions of salvation so unattainable that he had to sacrifice his only perfect son in order to let us have a chance to return to him. It seemed unnecessarily complicated and incoherent, and no explanations/parables/metaphors that were taught to me helped me understand it more. It was one of those things that I just accepted on "faith." - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
Hi, I’m Nathanael. My mother’s ancestors were among the original pioneers of the church. My father was a convert from Protestant Christianity. My participation in the Mormon church defined my life… my identity, my aspirations, and my purpose. I believed it wholeheartedly. I did everything the church expected of me: I graduated from seminary, served a mission in Canada, attended a church university (BYU-Idaho) and graduated with a bachelor’s degree, and married in the temple. I was a Mormon. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/
Hi, I’m Nathanael. My mother’s ancestors were among the original pioneers of the church. My father was a convert from Protestant Christianity. My participation in the Mormon church defined my life… my identity, my aspirations, and my purpose. I believed it wholeheartedly. I did everything the church expected of me: I graduated from seminary, served a mission in Canada, attended a church university (BYU-Idaho) and graduated with a bachelor’s degree, and married in the temple. I was a Mormon. - Nathanael's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/nathanael-davenport/

Lying for the Lord

The idea of “lying for the Lord” has long been whispered among members and critics of the LDS Church alike. It reflects the sense that leaders and members sometimes feel justified in withholding, distorting, or even outright fabricating information in order to protect the church or further its goals. In other words, the ends are …

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Sunstone Symposium Recap

The Sunstone Symposium is an annual conference where anyone with an interest in things Mormon—and Mormon-adjacent—can gather to learn, discuss, and connect. It’s a unique space where active Latter-day Saints, fundamentalist Mormons, scholars, and ex-Mormons come together to explore a wide range of ideas in a respectful and curious environment. This year’s symposium, held in …

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This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
It has been so difficult, but it is getting better. I promise that it gets better. Now I look at the church much as I did when I was an eight year old. It's one of many religions. And certainly there are many good believing Mormons trying to live good believing lives. But I'm out—out of the boat. And I love who I am. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
It has been so difficult, but it is getting better. I promise that it gets better. Now I look at the church much as I did when I was an eight year old. It's one of many religions. And certainly there are many good believing Mormons trying to live good believing lives. But I'm out—out of the boat. And I love who I am. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
I wanted it all to be true. Like so many others, I began researching and chasing footnotes not to prove the church false but to prove it true. I felt sick. I felt angry. I felt deceived. So here I am, after nearly 50 years in the church, realizing that all I had believed in is false. The keystone of my religion has come crashing down taking Joseph Smith and the doctrines of the church with it. The Mormon church is not the one true church. Joseph Smith is not a prophet. The Book of Mormon is not a true history. I don't believe any of it because I can't. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
I wanted it all to be true. Like so many others, I began researching and chasing footnotes not to prove the church false but to prove it true. I felt sick. I felt angry. I felt deceived. So here I am, after nearly 50 years in the church, realizing that all I had believed in is false. The keystone of my religion has come crashing down taking Joseph Smith and the doctrines of the church with it. The Mormon church is not the one true church. Joseph Smith is not a prophet. The Book of Mormon is not a true history. I don't believe any of it because I can't. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
Thank you Internet. Thank you Fawn Brodie, B.H. Roberts, Richard Bushman, Dan Vogel, William Clayton, Todd Compton, Linda King Newell and Valeen Tippetts Avery, Grant Palmer, Robert Ritner, the Tanners, the Joseph Smith Papers, and a host of podcasters. And thank you Jeremy Runnells, Letter for My Wife, and thank you Gospel Topic Essays. There's more, so much more. And I had not been taught ANY OF IT—not at church meetings, general conference, Institute classes, BYU, a mission, a lifetime in the Mormon church. What a betrayal. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
Thank you Internet. Thank you Fawn Brodie, B.H. Roberts, Richard Bushman, Dan Vogel, William Clayton, Todd Compton, Linda King Newell and Valeen Tippetts Avery, Grant Palmer, Robert Ritner, the Tanners, the Joseph Smith Papers, and a host of podcasters. And thank you Jeremy Runnells, Letter for My Wife, and thank you Gospel Topic Essays. There's more, so much more. And I had not been taught ANY OF IT—not at church meetings, general conference, Institute classes, BYU, a mission, a lifetime in the Mormon church. What a betrayal. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
But the questions were growing. What about Joseph Smith and polygamy? 30+ wives? Did he really marry children as young as 14? Did he marry married women? What were the plates for if Joseph just needed a rock in a hat? Wait—a rock in a hat? What in the world does Masonry have to do with the temple ceremony? The Book of Abraham doesn't have anything to do with Abraham? - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
But the questions were growing. What about Joseph Smith and polygamy? 30+ wives? Did he really marry children as young as 14? Did he marry married women? What were the plates for if Joseph just needed a rock in a hat? Wait—a rock in a hat? What in the world does Masonry have to do with the temple ceremony? The Book of Abraham doesn't have anything to do with Abraham? - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
We began work at then Ricks College, later BYU Idaho, in Rexburg. Wow, if I had thought that Provo was an insular place, I was to live for three decades in a claustrophobic, narrow-minded, self-righteous community where I never entirely felt I belonged. I tried. Oh I tried. And I held the usual callings, but again the niggling. What I needed to do was try harder. Pray more. Attend that temple where I felt so uncomfortable. Read the scriptures. Put that shoulder to the wheel. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
We began work at then Ricks College, later BYU Idaho, in Rexburg. Wow, if I had thought that Provo was an insular place, I was to live for three decades in a claustrophobic, narrow-minded, self-righteous community where I never entirely felt I belonged. I tried. Oh I tried. And I held the usual callings, but again the niggling. What I needed to do was try harder. Pray more. Attend that temple where I felt so uncomfortable. Read the scriptures. Put that shoulder to the wheel. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
I was anticipating marriage and family. As a 26 year old, I felt (wrongly) that I was getting old and didn't want to be a single LDS woman for the rest of my life. There was the temple sealing I had long been looking forward to, but not a single member of my family was allowed in the temple, and I had another question on the back burner: Surely there's a way to include non-member and inactive family members at a temple wedding? And don't get me started on the Endowment ceremony. Could it be any weirder? That back burner was starting to get crowded. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
I was anticipating marriage and family. As a 26 year old, I felt (wrongly) that I was getting old and didn't want to be a single LDS woman for the rest of my life. There was the temple sealing I had long been looking forward to, but not a single member of my family was allowed in the temple, and I had another question on the back burner: Surely there's a way to include non-member and inactive family members at a temple wedding? And don't get me started on the Endowment ceremony. Could it be any weirder? That back burner was starting to get crowded. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
Immediately after graduation I left on a mission to Uruguay. Oh how I wanted to share the gospel that I held so dear. It was a good experience all in all, but I began to have questions. And the biggest questions centered on polygamy. Polygamy niggled at me for years. I was told to have faith. We can't understand everything in this life after all. So the whole disquieting issue went on the back burner where it slowly simmered. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
Immediately after graduation I left on a mission to Uruguay. Oh how I wanted to share the gospel that I held so dear. It was a good experience all in all, but I began to have questions. And the biggest questions centered on polygamy. Polygamy niggled at me for years. I was told to have faith. We can't understand everything in this life after all. So the whole disquieting issue went on the back burner where it slowly simmered. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
So I dove into the Book of Mormon and excitedly read James Talmage's Jesus the Christ and The Articles of Faith. There was so much to learn. Two years later I was at BYU, thinking it would be a great experience to be surrounded by so many church members. And it was for a few months until a sense of 'Too Much' began settling in. I still loved the church, and I loved my people, although Provo was a strange place indeed, and BYU had ridiculous rules. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
So I dove into the Book of Mormon and excitedly read James Talmage's Jesus the Christ and The Articles of Faith. There was so much to learn. Two years later I was at BYU, thinking it would be a great experience to be surrounded by so many church members. And it was for a few months until a sense of 'Too Much' began settling in. I still loved the church, and I loved my people, although Provo was a strange place indeed, and BYU had ridiculous rules. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
Fast forward to the summer before my senior year of high school when my mother, my siblings and I moved far from Los Angeles to a sleepy little town on the central California coast. It was there that we began attending the local Mormon church, and it was a welcoming experience for all of us. I became involved in the Institute where I found a wonderful group of kids, several of whom became good friends. I felt that I was among my people. And I felt that I had a lot of catching up to do. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
Fast forward to the summer before my senior year of high school when my mother, my siblings and I moved far from Los Angeles to a sleepy little town on the central California coast. It was there that we began attending the local Mormon church, and it was a welcoming experience for all of us. I became involved in the Institute where I found a wonderful group of kids, several of whom became good friends. I felt that I was among my people. And I felt that I had a lot of catching up to do. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
I was baptized at 8 years old on the Fourth of July. But I wasn't active in the church until I was 18. As a result, I've always felt like a convert. I agreed to the baptism because I felt it was something my mother wanted, but I understood none of it, and in fact, what I was really looking forward to wasn't the baptism at all but the fireworks that night. Mormonism was just another religion to me because all my friends were Catholics or Baptists or nothing at all. I had been attending a Baptist elementary school since kindergarten, and I occasionally joined my friend for Saturday mass. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/
I was baptized at 8 years old on the Fourth of July. But I wasn't active in the church until I was 18. As a result, I've always felt like a convert. I agreed to the baptism because I felt it was something my mother wanted, but I understood none of it, and in fact, what I was really looking forward to wasn't the baptism at all but the fireworks that night. Mormonism was just another religion to me because all my friends were Catholics or Baptists or nothing at all. I had been attending a Baptist elementary school since kindergarten, and I occasionally joined my friend for Saturday mass. - Christi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/avilabeach77/

Why Didn’t Cowdery, Whitmer, or Harris Expose Joseph Smith as a Fraud?

A common apologetic argument in defense of Joseph Smith is that his closest early associates—Oliver Cowdery, David Whitmer, and Martin Harris—never outright denounced him as a fraud, even after they left or were cast out of the church. The logic goes: if anyone would have known the “truth” behind the origins of the Book of …

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“Not one of the Three Witnesses [Oliver Cowdery, David Whitmer, or Martin Harris] ever denied his testimony of the Book of Mormon.” - Michael R. Morris, The Last Witness of the Three Witnesses, The New Era, January 2020 | [Oliver Cowdery] arose and addressed the audience present, admitted his error and implored forgiveness, and said he was sorry and ashamed of his connection with Mormonism. | “Smith, having become worldly and proud, has been forsaken of the Lord, and has become a knave and impostor.” - Martin Harris | “If you believe my testimony to the Book of Mormon; God spake to me again by his own voice from the heavens, and told me to separate myself from among the Latter Day Saints.” - David Whitmer | wasmormon.org
“Not one of the Three Witnesses [Oliver Cowdery, David Whitmer, or Martin Harris] ever denied his testimony of the Book of Mormon.” - Michael R. Morris, The Last Witness of the Three Witnesses, The New Era, January 2020 | [Oliver Cowdery] arose and addressed the audience present, admitted his error and implored forgiveness, and said he was sorry and ashamed of his connection with Mormonism. | “Smith, having become worldly and proud, has been forsaken of the Lord, and has become a knave and impostor.” - Martin Harris | “If you believe my testimony to the Book of Mormon; God spake to me again by his own voice from the heavens, and told me to separate myself from among the Latter Day Saints.” - David Whitmer
“As to his present relation to the Mormons—Martin Harris believes that the work in its commencement was a genuine work of the Lord, but that Smith, having become worldly and proud, has been forsaken of the Lord, and has become a knave and impostor. He expects that the work will be yet revived, through other instrumentalities. This we had sometime since from Harris himself, and it has been repeated to us within the last week by a brother of his.” - Martin Harris, Financier of the Book of Mormon and Witness of Gold Plates Painesville Telegraph, Volume 7: 1841 June 30, No 26, Page 3 | wasmormon.org
“As to his present relation to the Mormons—Martin Harris believes that the work in its commencement was a genuine work of the Lord, but that Smith, having become worldly and proud, has been forsaken of the Lord, and has become a knave and impostor. He expects that the work will be yet revived, through other instrumentalities. This we had sometime since from Harris himself, and it has been repeated to us within the last week by a brother of his.” - Martin Harris, Financier of the Book of Mormon and Witness of Gold Plates Painesville Telegraph, Volume 7: 1841 June 30, No 26, Page 3

Joseph Smith’s Twice “Inspired” Translation of Matthew: Two Versions and Considerable Differences

Joseph Smith claimed to be a prophet, seer, and revelator—one uniquely gifted by God with the power to translate ancient scripture by divine means. Among his translation projects was the “Joseph Smith Translation” (JST) of the Bible, also known as the Inspired Version. But a close look at this work raises serious questions about the …

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The 1886 Revelation Denial and the LDS Church’s Longstanding Dishonesty

In the complex history of Mormonism, few documents expose the tensions between prophetic revelation and institutional survival quite like John Taylor’s 1886 revelation. This revelation, written in Taylor’s own hand, declared that the divine commandment of plural marriage would not and could not be revoked. Yet for over a century, the Church of Jesus Christ …

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“No mention of angelic ordinations can be found in original documents until 1834-35. Thereafter accounts of the visit of Peter, James, and John by Cowdery and Smith remained vague and contradictory. The distance between traditional accounts of LDS priesthood beginnings and the differing story of early documents points to retrospective changes made in the public record to create a story of logical and progressive development.” - Dr D. Michael Quinn, Historian on Mormonism, The Mormon Hierarchy: Origins of Power, p. 14–15 | wasmormon.org
“No mention of angelic ordinations can be found in original documents until 1834-35. Thereafter accounts of the visit of Peter, James, and John by Cowdery and Smith remained vague and contradictory. The distance between traditional accounts of LDS priesthood beginnings and the differing story of early documents points to retrospective changes made in the public record to create a story of logical and progressive development.” - Dr D. Michael Quinn, Historian on Mormonism, The Mormon Hierarchy: Origins of Power, p. 14–15

Did Sidney Rigdon Influence the Priesthood Restoration?

The modern LDS Church presents the restoration of priesthood authority—first the Aaronic Priesthood by John the Baptist on May 15, 1829, and then the Melchizedek Priesthood by Peter, James, and John—as pivotal, well-documented events in church history. However, early sources and the timeline of doctrinal development tell a much murkier story, one that raises serious …

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