Tag Archives: I Was a Mormon

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"I had a close family member leave the Church due to historical concerns. History has always been something that I gravitated towards, and Church history was one of the only spaces I believed, at the time, I could truly feel the spirit. I was puzzled and confused why this family member would leave the Church over something I found so inspiring. It also troubled me to see how they were treated by those around me--again, because of exclusionary beliefs." Read Brendan's full wasmormon.org profile at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blee34/
"I had a close family member leave the Church due to historical concerns. History has always been something that I gravitated towards, and Church history was one of the only spaces I believed, at the time, I could truly feel the spirit. I was puzzled and confused why this family member would leave the Church over something I found so inspiring. It also troubled me to see how they were treated by those around me--again, because of exclusionary beliefs." Read Brendan's full wasmormon.org profile at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blee34/
"The claim that we were the "only true church on earth" never set well with me growing up. As a young kid, my family used to take road trips across the country, stopping at national parks and historical landmarks along the way. One year, I remember stopping at the National Civil Rights Museum in Memphis, Tennessee and experiencing a major moment of cognitive dissonance--on one hand, I abhorred racism and systems that excluded others based on their differences, and yet I realized that my own Church had deeply rooted exclusionary beliefs (i.e. "we're the one and only", etc)." Read Brendan's full wasmormon.org profile at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blee34/
"The claim that we were the "only true church on earth" never set well with me growing up. As a young kid, my family used to take road trips across the country, stopping at national parks and historical landmarks along the way. One year, I remember stopping at the National Civil Rights Museum in Memphis, Tennessee and experiencing a major moment of cognitive dissonance--on one hand, I abhorred racism and systems that excluded others based on their differences, and yet I realized that my own Church had deeply rooted exclusionary beliefs (i.e. "we're the one and only", etc)." Read Brendan's full wasmormon.org profile at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blee34/
"This cognitive dissonance would stick with me all the way into my mission, when I was tasked with convincing others that their religious or cultural beliefs were not "true". This never set right with me either, and I probably wasn't the best missionary because of it. I met so many good people from different walks of life and quickly realized, again, how harmful exclusionary beliefs can be." Read Brendan's full wasmormon.org profile at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blee34/
"This cognitive dissonance would stick with me all the way into my mission, when I was tasked with convincing others that their religious or cultural beliefs were not "true". This never set right with me either, and I probably wasn't the best missionary because of it. I met so many good people from different walks of life and quickly realized, again, how harmful exclusionary beliefs can be." Read Brendan's full wasmormon.org profile at https://wasmormon.org/profile/blee34/
"The short answer why I left? Integrity. The church became something I no longer recognized. Jesus had been replaced by Corporate Mormon Jesus. It is not loving or forgiving, but most importantly, they are unrepentant. So I had to leave. A church that could not abide by the same rules its members are subject to cannot be God's church. Not the God I believed in." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"The short answer why I left? Integrity. The church became something I no longer recognized. Jesus had been replaced by Corporate Mormon Jesus. It is not loving or forgiving, but most importantly, they are unrepentant. So I had to leave. A church that could not abide by the same rules its members are subject to cannot be God's church. Not the God I believed in." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"I was offended by the $150 BILLION hoard. Actually that came after I left, I was offended that my agency was taken from me. My ability to make informed decisions. That my family couldn't see me be married. That I could not be trusted with any kind of authority or have expertise because I don't have a penis." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"I was offended by the $150 BILLION hoard. Actually that came after I left, I was offended that my agency was taken from me. My ability to make informed decisions. That my family couldn't see me be married. That I could not be trusted with any kind of authority or have expertise because I don't have a penis." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"I thought I believed in non-denominational Christianity, but once you've "seen the man behind the curtain", you see him everywhere. I believe humans invented gods to explain what science couldn't yet explain. Gods are used to control the masses." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"I thought I believed in non-denominational Christianity, but once you've "seen the man behind the curtain", you see him everywhere. I believe humans invented gods to explain what science couldn't yet explain. Gods are used to control the masses." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"I have had, and continue to have, many profound moments in my life. Moments where I feel connected to something bigger than myself. Moments where I am in awe of the enormosity of the universe. I am amazed at all humans have accomplished, and continue to accomplish in spite of great odds." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"I have had, and continue to have, many profound moments in my life. Moments where I feel connected to something bigger than myself. Moments where I am in awe of the enormosity of the universe. I am amazed at all humans have accomplished, and continue to accomplish in spite of great odds." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"I was a mormon for 43 years. Now I'm not. Now I live my values with integrity. Stoic philosophy reminds me to have balance and fortitude. The courage to admit when I'm wrong. And it's ok to not have all the answers." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
"I was a mormon for 43 years. Now I'm not. Now I live my values with integrity. Stoic philosophy reminds me to have balance and fortitude. The courage to admit when I'm wrong. And it's ok to not have all the answers." Continue reading Sally's full "I was a mormon" story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sallygirl75/
I was a 17 year-old convert to the Church. Got married in the Washington D.C. Temple, served in leadership calling after leadership calling and at 29 years old was called to serve as a Bishop of a small mid-western ward in Ohio. I love to read books, listen to podcasts, and learn new things. I love faith development, Mormon history, my family, and being with the most awesome friends on the planet. I was a Mormon. - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
I was a 17 year-old convert to the Church. Got married in the Washington D.C. Temple, served in leadership calling after leadership calling and at 29 years old was called to serve as a Bishop of a small mid-western ward in Ohio. I love to read books, listen to podcasts, and learn new things. I love faith development, Mormon history, my family, and being with the most awesome friends on the planet. I was a Mormon. - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"I had to come to grips that the Church shielding its members and the public generally from learning the complicated history was at least in large part intentional. This was hard. Once I dealt with that I was opened up to whether the truth claims of my beloved faith truly held up against the history and against thinking rationally and logically." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"I had to come to grips that the Church shielding its members and the public generally from learning the complicated history was at least in large part intentional. This was hard. Once I dealt with that I was opened up to whether the truth claims of my beloved faith truly held up against the history and against thinking rationally and logically." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"I slowly deconstructed my entire belief system and lost faith in Mormonism's truth claims and in Mormonism's ability to be healthy to others if those healthy interactions would damage the institutional Church. In the beginning I thought I was having a faith crisis. That wasn't true. I wanted Mormonism to be truth more than anything else. If anything maybe I cared too much. Instead the Church had a truth crisis." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"I slowly deconstructed my entire belief system and lost faith in Mormonism's truth claims and in Mormonism's ability to be healthy to others if those healthy interactions would damage the institutional Church. In the beginning I thought I was having a faith crisis. That wasn't true. I wanted Mormonism to be truth more than anything else. If anything maybe I cared too much. Instead the Church had a truth crisis." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"What makes us different is way more real than what makes us the same. People are broken but such is not bad. Outside the Church we have been able to be more vulnerable. More authentic. More real. And we make safe space for others to do the same. We show up. We lean in. And we try to be present each and every moment." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"What makes us different is way more real than what makes us the same. People are broken but such is not bad. Outside the Church we have been able to be more vulnerable. More authentic. More real. And we make safe space for others to do the same. We show up. We lean in. And we try to be present each and every moment." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"It can be scary wondering what now when you deconstruct the faith you grew up in and/or had your identity tied to. For me and my family, we are happier. We live more abundantly. Outside the Church we can love each other and other humans more fully. We welcome diversity and differences." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"It can be scary wondering what now when you deconstruct the faith you grew up in and/or had your identity tied to. For me and my family, we are happier. We live more abundantly. Outside the Church we can love each other and other humans more fully. We welcome diversity and differences." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"I learned Mormonism had a messy and complicated past early on in my time in the Church. But as time went on I came to grips with other issues that further complicated my beliefs. I started my podcast "Mormon Discussion" as a believer and sitting Bishop, with the goal to explore Mormon history. Over the span of 5 years I learned so many things the Church chose not to tell me that deeply pointed to it not being what it claimed." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
"I learned Mormonism had a messy and complicated past early on in my time in the Church. But as time went on I came to grips with other issues that further complicated my beliefs. I started my podcast "Mormon Discussion" as a believer and sitting Bishop, with the goal to explore Mormon history. Over the span of 5 years I learned so many things the Church chose not to tell me that deeply pointed to it not being what it claimed." - Bill Reel https://wasmormon.org/profile/bill-reel/
I was born into the church, married in the temple, and remained active for 37 years. I had six kids that I homeschooled, I attended the temple monthly, faithfully paid tithing and gave generous fast offerings, served in many callings, and loved studying the gospel just for fun. I'm a direct descendant of Emma Smith. I love Crossfit, dancing, and all things outdoors. I was a mormon.
I was born into the church, married in the temple, and remained active for 37 years. I had six kids that I homeschooled, I attended the temple monthly, faithfully paid tithing and gave generous fast offerings, served in many callings, and loved studying the gospel just for fun. I'm a direct descendant of Emma Smith. I love Crossfit, dancing, and all things outdoors. I was a mormon.
Joseph Smith is my great, great, great grandfather, though these days I prefer to claim Emma because she's a badass... When I deconstructed Mormonism, I remember deconstructing Joseph Smith and all of the things I learned at once: he was dishonest, a con-man, a treasure digger, a polygamist, he coerced women and teens to marry him, and he was a narcissist. The Mormon in me was in disbelief, but the Smith in me recognized my father in Joseph Smith immediately.
Joseph Smith is my great, great, great grandfather, though these days I prefer to claim Emma because she's a badass... When I deconstructed Mormonism, I remember deconstructing Joseph Smith and all of the things I learned at once: he was dishonest, a con-man, a treasure digger, a polygamist, he coerced women and teens to marry him, and he was a narcissist. The Mormon in me was in disbelief, but the Smith in me recognized my father in Joseph Smith immediately.
I kept researching this question, trying to make it fit together, because I knew God was not a God of confusion, but I only found more and more disturbing facts in church history. And then I realized suddenly: **They are never speaking for God, they are always speaking as men.** And it suddenly ALL made sense. All at once, my entire testimony/worldview/identity crumbled. Thirty-seven years of faithful, believing membership, gone.
I kept researching this question, trying to make it fit together, because I knew God was not a God of confusion, but I only found more and more disturbing facts in church history. And then I realized suddenly: **They are never speaking for God, they are always speaking as men.** And it suddenly ALL made sense. All at once, my entire testimony/worldview/identity crumbled. Thirty-seven years of faithful, believing membership, gone.
I did find people that wanted to hear my story, and could either relate, or were fascinated by, and held space for, my experiences. I found authenticity, love, and acceptance  in new, beautiful, meaningful  relationships. These relationships are closer and more fulfilling than the relationships I had in Mormonism.  Looking back now, I realize Mormonism was never a space one could be authentic. When conformity and obedience is valued above all else; when you cannot question, criticize, research, or think outside of your belief system, there can’t be authenticity.
I did find people that wanted to hear my story, and could either relate, or were fascinated by, and held space for, my experiences. I found authenticity, love, and acceptance  in new, beautiful, meaningful  relationships. These relationships are closer and more fulfilling than the relationships I had in Mormonism.  Looking back now, I realize Mormonism was never a space one could be authentic. When conformity and obedience is valued above all else; when you cannot question, criticize, research, or think outside of your belief system, there can’t be authenticity.
This led me to research the question: How can I know when the prophets are speaking for God and when they are speaking as men? All I found were contradictions as I researched examples from church history. For instance, one prophet declares a doctrine, calls it such, and even declares it is from God, and later that doctrine is disavowed and called a policy by later prophets.
This led me to research the question: How can I know when the prophets are speaking for God and when they are speaking as men? All I found were contradictions as I researched examples from church history. For instance, one prophet declares a doctrine, calls it such, and even declares it is from God, and later that doctrine is disavowed and called a policy by later prophets.
I'm happier than I have ever been. My kids are happier too. My deconstruction of Mormonism led to the deconstruction of so many other things as well: I deconstructed patriarchy and reconstructed beautiful, badass womanhood. I deconstructed homophobia and reconstructed love and full acceptance for the lgbtq community that my beautiful children are now a part of. I deconstructed abuse from my personal relationships and reconstructed boundaries of safety and respect. Deconstruction has been the most painful and rewarding, beautiful experience of my life.
I'm happier than I have ever been. My kids are happier too. My deconstruction of Mormonism led to the deconstruction of so many other things as well: I deconstructed patriarchy and reconstructed beautiful, badass womanhood. I deconstructed homophobia and reconstructed love and full acceptance for the lgbtq community that my beautiful children are now a part of. I deconstructed abuse from my personal relationships and reconstructed boundaries of safety and respect. Deconstruction has been the most painful and rewarding, beautiful experience of my life.
Shortly after that feeling of peace and love from God in the temple, I watched General Conference and I was filled with fear about the spiritual and physical safety of my family, and frustration that my spouse gave up, and now it was all on me to keep my kids safely in the church. I was angry towards him, but then I remembered the feeling of peace and love I received from God, and I paused. I thought it was odd that the message of love/peace is what I received from God, and the message of fear is what I received from my leaders.
Shortly after that feeling of peace and love from God in the temple, I watched General Conference and I was filled with fear about the spiritual and physical safety of my family, and frustration that my spouse gave up, and now it was all on me to keep my kids safely in the church. I was angry towards him, but then I remembered the feeling of peace and love I received from God, and I paused. I thought it was odd that the message of love/peace is what I received from God, and the message of fear is what I received from my leaders.
I was excited when the new church history came out. I was surprised to hear a different version of church history than what I was raised with. I put myself in the shoes of the Saints and wondered if I were them, would I have accepted the church? To my own surprise, I admitted to myself that I probably would not have joined because it sounded a lot like a religious cult.
I was excited when the new church history came out. I was surprised to hear a different version of church history than what I was raised with. I put myself in the shoes of the Saints and wondered if I were them, would I have accepted the church? To my own surprise, I admitted to myself that I probably would not have joined because it sounded a lot like a religious cult.