Tag Archives: I Was a Mormon

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"Suggestions about how to deal with my still-Mormon family? Be kind and patient. If they decide to leave, it will be on their terms. Don’t be a know-it-all, but encourage them to read and learn. I wish I would have had more guidance" - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"Suggestions about how to deal with my still-Mormon family? Be kind and patient. If they decide to leave, it will be on their terms. Don’t be a know-it-all, but encourage them to read and learn. I wish I would have had more guidance" - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"I learned about confession and that any sexual sin had to be confessed to a Bishop. Like most young boys, I masturbated but I felt extremely guilty, fearful, and ashamed every time. My mind would obsess about how bad this was and that I was now one button push away from God sending me to Hell. I had to confess. The first time I went to the Bishop I engaged in some small talk and then sort of 'oh by the way' mentioned it to him; said it wasn't a problem anymore. He confirmed by asking 'but it's not a problem now' and I said no it's not. What I didn't realize was that I had felt this huge relief known as negative reinforcement, similar to compulsions and addictions providing temporary relief from emotional pain." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"I learned about confession and that any sexual sin had to be confessed to a Bishop. Like most young boys, I masturbated but I felt extremely guilty, fearful, and ashamed every time. My mind would obsess about how bad this was and that I was now one button push away from God sending me to Hell. I had to confess. The first time I went to the Bishop I engaged in some small talk and then sort of 'oh by the way' mentioned it to him; said it wasn't a problem anymore. He confirmed by asking 'but it's not a problem now' and I said no it's not. What I didn't realize was that I had felt this huge relief known as negative reinforcement, similar to compulsions and addictions providing temporary relief from emotional pain." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"My emotional pain was not because of some reality, it was painful because of what I was taught about sex, the severe penalties, and the unconscious conclusions I made about the author of these laws and punishments. I was well on my way to a performance-driven sense of self-worth and toxic perfectionism. When I lived well, which was probably most of the time, that didn't matter. What mattered was that I did something 'wrong'. I told myself 'that's the last time' hundreds of times and my self-doubt and self-hate grew deeper with each broken promise. I was drowning in shame and thought I deserved it. This was not just a cognitive process; it was experiential, highly emotional, and triggered stress responses of 'freeze' and 'fawning'. I'd give up and feel discouraged or run to the Bishop hoping he would forgive me. God's forgiveness wasn't a big deal to me, it was the Bishop who had the power as God's agent to act on His behalf." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"My emotional pain was not because of some reality, it was painful because of what I was taught about sex, the severe penalties, and the unconscious conclusions I made about the author of these laws and punishments. I was well on my way to a performance-driven sense of self-worth and toxic perfectionism. When I lived well, which was probably most of the time, that didn't matter. What mattered was that I did something 'wrong'. I told myself 'that's the last time' hundreds of times and my self-doubt and self-hate grew deeper with each broken promise. I was drowning in shame and thought I deserved it. This was not just a cognitive process; it was experiential, highly emotional, and triggered stress responses of 'freeze' and 'fawning'. I'd give up and feel discouraged or run to the Bishop hoping he would forgive me. God's forgiveness wasn't a big deal to me, it was the Bishop who had the power as God's agent to act on His behalf." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"I was scripted, programmed. The software of my head was installed because I didn't have the expertise or knowledge to write the program like prophets. They knew what was best for me. I was a nervous kid as far as I remember but anxiety when to a whole new level in my experiences with the church." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"I was scripted, programmed. The software of my head was installed because I didn't have the expertise or knowledge to write the program like prophets. They knew what was best for me. I was a nervous kid as far as I remember but anxiety when to a whole new level in my experiences with the church." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"My mission took anxiety to a whole new level. I didn't want to burn up with guilt or be unworthy. This was the beginning of OCD - the pathological kind, not the movie kind! When I was in the mission field, I obsessed every day about sin and worthiness. I never felt worthy enough. I suffered terribly." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"My mission took anxiety to a whole new level. I didn't want to burn up with guilt or be unworthy. This was the beginning of OCD - the pathological kind, not the movie kind! When I was in the mission field, I obsessed every day about sin and worthiness. I never felt worthy enough. I suffered terribly." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"I felt a warm feeling when I learned that God appeared in these last days and would actually visit a young boy. The picture and the story created a feeling of comfort and awe. I was baptized shortly thereafter. I felt at home. The church gave me certainty; a turnkey franchise to Heaven - exclusive distribution of salvation, knowledge, and priesthood power. No other churches could do this for me. I had it made. I felt safe." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"I felt a warm feeling when I learned that God appeared in these last days and would actually visit a young boy. The picture and the story created a feeling of comfort and awe. I was baptized shortly thereafter. I felt at home. The church gave me certainty; a turnkey franchise to Heaven - exclusive distribution of salvation, knowledge, and priesthood power. No other churches could do this for me. I had it made. I felt safe." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"Today, I'm learning about GRACE. Grace makes unconditional, unselfish love the highest value and obedience is not to a system; it's not outside-in or in reaction to fear of punishment or hope for reward (external motivation). Grace and love show us who God is, who we are, and that all people have great worth. Faith in Christ is central, not an organization or prophet. If our paradigm of God changes from an authoritarian God to a charitable God, we can see ourselves differently and want to live differently - acting freely and not being compelled." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"Today, I'm learning about GRACE. Grace makes unconditional, unselfish love the highest value and obedience is not to a system; it's not outside-in or in reaction to fear of punishment or hope for reward (external motivation). Grace and love show us who God is, who we are, and that all people have great worth. Faith in Christ is central, not an organization or prophet. If our paradigm of God changes from an authoritarian God to a charitable God, we can see ourselves differently and want to live differently - acting freely and not being compelled." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"The certainty I was given also became my comfort zone. It wasn't until many years later that I realized how I limited my personal vision of what life could be because I didn't realize I needed more than these prescribed steps to Heaven. Life was more than salvation and safety. I was living in Pleasantville and wanted to please my fellow members and local leaders. I was codependent before I knew what that meant." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"The certainty I was given also became my comfort zone. It wasn't until many years later that I realized how I limited my personal vision of what life could be because I didn't realize I needed more than these prescribed steps to Heaven. Life was more than salvation and safety. I was living in Pleasantville and wanted to please my fellow members and local leaders. I was codependent before I knew what that meant." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"These are some of my experiences with the Mormon brand. Some will blame my OCD and yes, that played some role but let's look at the authoritarian leadership style, the 'always right' hierarchical decisions, the high-control 'systems' like mandatory confession for forgiveness, courts of love, temple marriage in order to be with family, and control over knowledge and learning not approved by First Presidency." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"These are some of my experiences with the Mormon brand. Some will blame my OCD and yes, that played some role but let's look at the authoritarian leadership style, the 'always right' hierarchical decisions, the high-control 'systems' like mandatory confession for forgiveness, courts of love, temple marriage in order to be with family, and control over knowledge and learning not approved by First Presidency." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"The Brethren, as they are sometimes referred to, appeal rather to faith and prayer over real world evidence (or lack thereof) as the ultimate authority to determine the authenticity of the Book of Mormon. In actuality, they really don't have much of a choice. In this they are safe since subjective methods of faith and prayer cannot be scientifically scrutinized. Which begs the question; why have Book of Mormon apologists in the first place?" - Tom Donofrio | https://wasmormon.org/profile/thomasdonofrio/
"The Brethren, as they are sometimes referred to, appeal rather to faith and prayer over real world evidence (or lack thereof) as the ultimate authority to determine the authenticity of the Book of Mormon. In actuality, they really don't have much of a choice. In this they are safe since subjective methods of faith and prayer cannot be scientifically scrutinized. Which begs the question; why have Book of Mormon apologists in the first place?" - Tom Donofrio | https://wasmormon.org/profile/thomasdonofrio/
"When the need to believe in the Book of Mormon is removed it is easily seen as a product of its time. The fact that it speaks of divinity does not make it divine. When read in context of the 19th century social landscape the Book of Mormon story becomes a melodrama of the era. When compared to verbiage and text of contemporary works the Book of Mormon emerges as an amalgam of political and religious sermon." - Tom Donofrio | https://wasmormon.org/profile/thomasdonofrio/
"When the need to believe in the Book of Mormon is removed it is easily seen as a product of its time. The fact that it speaks of divinity does not make it divine. When read in context of the 19th century social landscape the Book of Mormon story becomes a melodrama of the era. When compared to verbiage and text of contemporary works the Book of Mormon emerges as an amalgam of political and religious sermon." - Tom Donofrio | https://wasmormon.org/profile/thomasdonofrio/
"Even the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints defeat their own scholars by making no official endorsement of any of the contrived "evidence" offered by LDS apologists that infer the Book of Mormon is valid. Any apologist organization of the Church, official or arm chair, hedges their articles and contributions with disclaimers that the opinion stated is that of the author alone. The hesitant lack of an official endorsement is the worst indictment of all." - Tom Donofrio | https://wasmormon.org/profile/thomasdonofrio/
"Even the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints defeat their own scholars by making no official endorsement of any of the contrived "evidence" offered by LDS apologists that infer the Book of Mormon is valid. Any apologist organization of the Church, official or arm chair, hedges their articles and contributions with disclaimers that the opinion stated is that of the author alone. The hesitant lack of an official endorsement is the worst indictment of all." - Tom Donofrio | https://wasmormon.org/profile/thomasdonofrio/
"I have a two year technical degree and work in the ammonia refrigeration industry and hold a national certification in that field. It does not qualify me as a Book of Mormon scholar. Then again, it does not take a scholar to defeat the Book of Mormon, or the believers and apologists that support it. I was a Mormon." - Tom Donofrio | https://wasmormon.org/profile/thomasdonofrio/
"I have a two year technical degree and work in the ammonia refrigeration industry and hold a national certification in that field. It does not qualify me as a Book of Mormon scholar. Then again, it does not take a scholar to defeat the Book of Mormon, or the believers and apologists that support it. I was a Mormon." - Tom Donofrio | https://wasmormon.org/profile/thomasdonofrio/
"From my viewpoint on the other side of the world, the apologetic defenses of the Book of Mormon have a provincial Utah ring to them. They sound like the desperate attempts of US-based Mormon scholars trying to preserve a cultural icon, their jobs, and their status in LDS families and communities. Until the leaders of the Mormon Church allow its members to openly question the historicity of the Book of Mormon, as members of the Community of Christ do, there will continue to be an increasing stream of people (especially non-US members) leaving the church. These are people happy to have faith in the absence of evidence, but not in spite of it." - Simon Southerton https://wasmormon.org/profile/simon-southerton/
"From my viewpoint on the other side of the world, the apologetic defenses of the Book of Mormon have a provincial Utah ring to them. They sound like the desperate attempts of US-based Mormon scholars trying to preserve a cultural icon, their jobs, and their status in LDS families and communities. Until the leaders of the Mormon Church allow its members to openly question the historicity of the Book of Mormon, as members of the Community of Christ do, there will continue to be an increasing stream of people (especially non-US members) leaving the church. These are people happy to have faith in the absence of evidence, but not in spite of it." - Simon Southerton https://wasmormon.org/profile/simon-southerton/
"I was troubled to learn that scientists outside of the sphere of Mormonism see absolutely no connection between ancient American Indian civilizations and the Middle East. The position the Smithsonian had taken was based on substantial volumes of scientific research. Essentially all non-Mormon scientists consider American Indians to be descended from Siberian ancestors who migrated to the Americas over 13-15,000 years ago across a Beringian land bridge. Nowhere was this evidence more starkly revealed than in the newly emerging field of human molecular genetics. My experience with plant molecular genetics made it relatively easy for me to follow this type of research." - Simon Southerton https://wasmormon.org/profile/simon-southerton/
"I was troubled to learn that scientists outside of the sphere of Mormonism see absolutely no connection between ancient American Indian civilizations and the Middle East. The position the Smithsonian had taken was based on substantial volumes of scientific research. Essentially all non-Mormon scientists consider American Indians to be descended from Siberian ancestors who migrated to the Americas over 13-15,000 years ago across a Beringian land bridge. Nowhere was this evidence more starkly revealed than in the newly emerging field of human molecular genetics. My experience with plant molecular genetics made it relatively easy for me to follow this type of research." - Simon Southerton https://wasmormon.org/profile/simon-southerton/
"As much as I wanted the Book of Mormon to be true, I suddenly knew that it wasn’t. It wasn’t true history about real people. The Book of Mormon is clearly the creation of an imaginative 19th century, ethnocentric American mind trying to make sense of a new world. It tells us nothing about the true history of the colonization of the New World. It is frontier speculation attempting to account for the origins of the American Indians within the context of the biblical record. Not surprisingly there are striking similarities between the central plot of the Book of Mormon and Native American origin theories that were widely popular in Joseph Smith’s community." - Simon Southerton https://wasmormon.org/profile/simon-southerton/
"As much as I wanted the Book of Mormon to be true, I suddenly knew that it wasn’t. It wasn’t true history about real people. The Book of Mormon is clearly the creation of an imaginative 19th century, ethnocentric American mind trying to make sense of a new world. It tells us nothing about the true history of the colonization of the New World. It is frontier speculation attempting to account for the origins of the American Indians within the context of the biblical record. Not surprisingly there are striking similarities between the central plot of the Book of Mormon and Native American origin theories that were widely popular in Joseph Smith’s community." - Simon Southerton https://wasmormon.org/profile/simon-southerton/
"To remain in the church I had to choose one of the following three options. 1) Reject the science, 2) Completely change how I interpreted the Book of Mormon by accepting revisionist apologetic scholarship and at the same time reject countless prophetic statements concerning the Book of Mormon or, 3) Keep my doubts to myself and stop thinking. None of these alternatives was palatable to me." - Simon Southerton https://wasmormon.org/profile/simon-southerton/
"To remain in the church I had to choose one of the following three options. 1) Reject the science, 2) Completely change how I interpreted the Book of Mormon by accepting revisionist apologetic scholarship and at the same time reject countless prophetic statements concerning the Book of Mormon or, 3) Keep my doubts to myself and stop thinking. None of these alternatives was palatable to me." - Simon Southerton https://wasmormon.org/profile/simon-southerton/
"I failed to find anything that supported migration of Jewish people before Columbus. I struggled with the complete discrepancy between the research and my understanding of the Book of Mormon. How could Lehi’s descendants have escaped detection? All of the Polynesians I knew in the church in Australia and all Native Americans in the church believed they were blood relatives of Lehi as numerous prophets had told them so. How could God permit all of his Latter-day prophets to teach this belief as if it was a fact when it clearly isn’t true? In the years that have elapsed since I left the church, there has been an apologetic meltdown in response to the questions raised by the DNA evidence." - Simon Southerton https://wasmormon.org/profile/simon-southerton/
"I failed to find anything that supported migration of Jewish people before Columbus. I struggled with the complete discrepancy between the research and my understanding of the Book of Mormon. How could Lehi’s descendants have escaped detection? All of the Polynesians I knew in the church in Australia and all Native Americans in the church believed they were blood relatives of Lehi as numerous prophets had told them so. How could God permit all of his Latter-day prophets to teach this belief as if it was a fact when it clearly isn’t true? In the years that have elapsed since I left the church, there has been an apologetic meltdown in response to the questions raised by the DNA evidence." - Simon Southerton https://wasmormon.org/profile/simon-southerton/
"I came across a statement published by the Smithsonian Institute in Washington D.C. It was a response they sent to Mormons who contacted them to see how the Book of Mormon was helping their research. The statement claimed there was a complete lack of evidence for any pre-Columbian connection between Old and New World civilizations. It said there was no evidence of Old World crops and animals mentioned in the Book of Mormon text, or evidence of metallurgy, horse drawn wheeled vehicles and any Hebraic or Egyptian-like writings in pre-Columbus America. The force of this statement jolted me. I decided to look for myself for published research that supported Old World migrations to the Americas." - Simon Southerton https://wasmormon.org/profile/simon-southerton/
"I came across a statement published by the Smithsonian Institute in Washington D.C. It was a response they sent to Mormons who contacted them to see how the Book of Mormon was helping their research. The statement claimed there was a complete lack of evidence for any pre-Columbian connection between Old and New World civilizations. It said there was no evidence of Old World crops and animals mentioned in the Book of Mormon text, or evidence of metallurgy, horse drawn wheeled vehicles and any Hebraic or Egyptian-like writings in pre-Columbus America. The force of this statement jolted me. I decided to look for myself for published research that supported Old World migrations to the Americas." - Simon Southerton https://wasmormon.org/profile/simon-southerton/
"I resigned from the LDS Church while serving as a bishop, after encountering molecular genetics research that convinced me that American Indians are not related to Israelites. This seriously challenged my LDS belief that the Lamanites are among the ancestors of the American Indians." - Simon Southerton https://wasmormon.org/profile/simon-southerton/
"I resigned from the LDS Church while serving as a bishop, after encountering molecular genetics research that convinced me that American Indians are not related to Israelites. This seriously challenged my LDS belief that the Lamanites are among the ancestors of the American Indians." - Simon Southerton https://wasmormon.org/profile/simon-southerton/
"So while the “upper management” of the church preaches “honesty”, they themselves are failing to be honest under their own definition of the term. Essentially what is taught in seminary, institute, primary, and Sunday school doctrine classes around the globe is a severely biased, watered down, and even modified version of the real events." - Micah McAllister | https://wasmormon.org/profile/micah-mcallister/
"So while the “upper management” of the church preaches “honesty”, they themselves are failing to be honest under their own definition of the term. Essentially what is taught in seminary, institute, primary, and Sunday school doctrine classes around the globe is a severely biased, watered down, and even modified version of the real events." - Micah McAllister | https://wasmormon.org/profile/micah-mcallister/
"While it is somewhat understandable why the LDS church is concerned with building faith instead of “destroying” it, the question remains that if the full version of history and events is such that faith would likely not be established when taught plainly, then perhaps it is not a foundation one would want to have faith in to begin with." - Micah McAllister's I was a mormon profile | https://wasmormon.org/profile/micah-mcallister/
"While it is somewhat understandable why the LDS church is concerned with building faith instead of “destroying” it, the question remains that if the full version of history and events is such that faith would likely not be established when taught plainly, then perhaps it is not a foundation one would want to have faith in to begin with." - Micah McAllister
"While I was on my way out of the church, I met twice with my Stake President. In trying to understand my reasons for leaving, he asked me several questions. “Have you been offended?” No. “Do you have any unresolved transgressions or sins?” No. “What is your main concern regarding the church?” My response to this question was the lying and deception to cover up and withhold the full history of Mormon origins from unsuspecting members." - Micah McAllister | https://wasmormon.org/profile/micah-mcallister/
"While I was on my way out of the church, I met twice with my Stake President. In trying to understand my reasons for leaving, he asked me several questions. “Have you been offended?” No. “Do you have any unresolved transgressions or sins?” No. “What is your main concern regarding the church?” My response to this question was the lying and deception to cover up and withhold the full history of Mormon origins from unsuspecting members." - Micah McAllister | https://wasmormon.org/profile/micah-mcallister/
"I fully believed and lived every bit of Mormonism to the best of my ability and had a strong testimony which I bore often. I followed what I believed to be the promptings of the Holy Ghost, now recognized as intuition and cognitive thinking skills, on a search for deeper secrets of the gospel and to purify myself in preparation for the 2nd coming. But as is often the case, opening your mind can lead one to the underlying truth. I formally resigned from Mormonism to keep my integrity and remove any implied support in the LDS deception. I was a mormon." - Micah McAllister | https://wasmormon.org/profile/micah-mcallister/
"I fully believed and lived every bit of Mormonism to the best of my ability and had a strong testimony which I bore often. I followed what I believed to be the promptings of the Holy Ghost, now recognized as intuition and cognitive thinking skills, on a search for deeper secrets of the gospel and to purify myself in preparation for the 2nd coming. But as is often the case, opening your mind can lead one to the underlying truth. I formally resigned from Mormonism to keep my integrity and remove any implied support in the LDS deception. I was a mormon." - Micah McAllister