Tag Archives: I Was a Mormon

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"My shelf got heavier and heavier, but I tried not to think about it. I grew up KNOWING that if we are righteous we would be blessed. And that God would not give us more trials than we could handle, and that enduring them would bring MORE blessings. But eventually I had seen one too many times when someone I love with my whole heart got kicked by life while they were already down." - Jana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/the-last-tapircorn/
"My shelf got heavier and heavier, but I tried not to think about it. I grew up KNOWING that if we are righteous we would be blessed. And that God would not give us more trials than we could handle, and that enduring them would bring MORE blessings. But eventually I had seen one too many times when someone I love with my whole heart got kicked by life while they were already down." - Jana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/the-last-tapircorn/
"It wanted me to be too many things: an obedient wife, a wonderful mother, a support to the priesthood, a leader and example for others, a spiritual giant, an unquestioning follower. It wanted me to always be happy, pretty, busy, selfless, devoted, and un-worldly. It told me to be a stay-at-home mom who cooked and baked and canned, had her food storage, knew all the right answers, prayed multiple times a day, and gave her life completely over to the Lord. I didn't want any of those things. I just wanted to figure out how to be happy with myself." - Jana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/the-last-tapircorn/
"It wanted me to be too many things: an obedient wife, a wonderful mother, a support to the priesthood, a leader and example for others, a spiritual giant, an unquestioning follower. It wanted me to always be happy, pretty, busy, selfless, devoted, and un-worldly. It told me to be a stay-at-home mom who cooked and baked and canned, had her food storage, knew all the right answers, prayed multiple times a day, and gave her life completely over to the Lord. I didn't want any of those things. I just wanted to figure out how to be happy with myself." - Jana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/the-last-tapircorn/
"As I grew older, I became less and less happy with the Mormon culture and what it wanted from me. It made me feel bad for any ways in which I wasn't "perfect". Any time I made a mistake I was angry at myself, thinking a better person would have been prompted to do things the right way. It told me that if I was truly righteous I shouldn't be suffering from depression. It surrounded me with the false smiles of people who knew nothing about me but knew what was "best" for me." - Jana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/the-last-tapircorn/
"As I grew older, I became less and less happy with the Mormon culture and what it wanted from me. It made me feel bad for any ways in which I wasn't "perfect". Any time I made a mistake I was angry at myself, thinking a better person would have been prompted to do things the right way. It told me that if I was truly righteous I shouldn't be suffering from depression. It surrounded me with the false smiles of people who knew nothing about me but knew what was "best" for me." - Jana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/the-last-tapircorn/
"Many times while I was growing up, I was challenged to pray to know The Church was true. And so I did. I was answered by silence and doubt. One time, besieged by depression and low self-worth, I spent perhaps a half hour pleading with my Heavenly Father to let me know that he loved me. I was feeling so alone and unloved, but I knew there was someone who was supposed to love me unconditionally. Again, I was answered with nothing: no still small voice, no burning bosom or even a slight warming of my heart. I put this on my shelf, and tried to tell myself that it didn't mean I wasn't loved." - Jana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/the-last-tapircorn/
"Many times while I was growing up, I was challenged to pray to know The Church was true. And so I did. I was answered by silence and doubt. One time, besieged by depression and low self-worth, I spent perhaps a half hour pleading with my Heavenly Father to let me know that he loved me. I was feeling so alone and unloved, but I knew there was someone who was supposed to love me unconditionally. Again, I was answered with nothing: no still small voice, no burning bosom or even a slight warming of my heart. I put this on my shelf, and tried to tell myself that it didn't mean I wasn't loved." - Jana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/the-last-tapircorn/
"I knew I didn't quite fit the Mormon cookie-cutter. I was sort of afraid of Mormon heaven. For one thing, I knew I would have to share my husband, with no regard for how I felt about it. I also couldn't think of a single thing I enjoyed that didn't have at least a little "worldliness" to it. And I found most church stuff to be incredibly boring. Would my brain be changed so much after I died that I wouldn't miss my books and games, and would instead love being all perfect and spiritual? How would that still be me? This thought stuck with me like a burr, making it so that I was never quite comfortable in my Mormon skin. It was the first item on my shelf." - Jana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/the-last-tapircorn/
"I knew I didn't quite fit the Mormon cookie-cutter. I was sort of afraid of Mormon heaven. For one thing, I knew I would have to share my husband, with no regard for how I felt about it. I also couldn't think of a single thing I enjoyed that didn't have at least a little "worldliness" to it. And I found most church stuff to be incredibly boring. Would my brain be changed so much after I died that I wouldn't miss my books and games, and would instead love being all perfect and spiritual? How would that still be me? This thought stuck with me like a burr, making it so that I was never quite comfortable in my Mormon skin. It was the first item on my shelf." - Jana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/the-last-tapircorn/
"I grew up in Utah. Both sides of my family were SUPER Mormon: we're talking "clutch your pearls at the very IDEA of drinking coffee or long hair on men" Mormon. I was the "perfect" daughter. I was quiet, did what I was told, kept the peace, and didn't rock the boat. I knew exactly what my future would look like: graduate high school, go to BYU, marry an RM in the temple, have 4+ kids, and go to the Celestial Kingdom when I died." - Jana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/the-last-tapircorn/
"I grew up in Utah. Both sides of my family were SUPER Mormon: we're talking "clutch your pearls at the very IDEA of drinking coffee or long hair on men" Mormon. I was the "perfect" daughter. I was quiet, did what I was told, kept the peace, and didn't rock the boat. I knew exactly what my future would look like: graduate high school, go to BYU, marry an RM in the temple, have 4+ kids, and go to the Celestial Kingdom when I died." - Jana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/the-last-tapircorn/
"I was born into the church, and believed everything I was told. It's a great feeling to think that you are special (as the Mormon Church says you are). But that feeling faded as I struggled with depression and low self-worth. The message I was constantly fed was that the Mormon Church was the only way to true happiness. If I was in it and miserable, I must be the problem. Mormonism is a tiny box to try and fit in, and pain from all the parts that didn't fit. I am a nerd with ADHD, who has found a love for critical thinking. I was a mormon." - Jana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/the-last-tapircorn/
"I was born into the church, and believed everything I was told. It's a great feeling to think that you are special (as the Mormon Church says you are). But that feeling faded as I struggled with depression and low self-worth. The message I was constantly fed was that the Mormon Church was the only way to true happiness. If I was in it and miserable, I must be the problem. Mormonism is a tiny box to try and fit in, and pain from all the parts that didn't fit. I am a nerd with ADHD, who has found a love for critical thinking. I was a mormon." - Jana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/the-last-tapircorn/
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
In the meantime, I am pretending. I attend church and Young Women's activities, and try to stay quiet and compliant. In secret, I sneak out to drink coffee and joke with friends. I will make it out of this cult eventually, and I will take my life back. - Ally's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/
In the meantime, I am pretending. I attend church and Young Women's activities, and try to stay quiet and compliant. In secret, I sneak out to drink coffee and joke with friends. I will make it out of this cult eventually, and I will take my life back. - Ally's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/
Right now, it is not safe to come out as exmormon. When I do, I will be the first in my family to leave. However, my hope is to not be the last. By exposing the hypocrisies and harm done by the church, I might be able to put some weight on the figurative "shelves" of my parents, sibling, and extended family. - Ally's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/
Right now, it is not safe to come out as exmormon. When I do, I will be the first in my family to leave. However, my hope is to not be the last. By exposing the hypocrisies and harm done by the church, I might be able to put some weight on the figurative "shelves" of my parents, sibling, and extended family. - Ally's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/
It has been a year and a half since I fully deconstructed the church. It will be three more years until I can leave, and yeah, it gets pretty shitty sometimes pretending to be someone I'm not. But I have found a support system with my non-Mormon friends and with other exmos online. - Ally's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/
It has been a year and a half since I fully deconstructed the church. It will be three more years until I can leave, and yeah, it gets pretty shitty sometimes pretending to be someone I'm not. But I have found a support system with my non-Mormon friends and with other exmos online. - Ally's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/
I cried in my room for hours and hours one night, praying and pleading desperately for God to give me something, some sign that it was all true. There was nothing. No answer. I was alone. On that night my "shelf" had broken at only thirteen, and ever since then I have been researching the history of Mormonism and contemplating how I will escape the church once I am eighteen. - Ally's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/
I cried in my room for hours and hours one night, praying and pleading desperately for God to give me something, some sign that it was all true. There was nothing. No answer. I was alone. On that night my "shelf" had broken at only thirteen, and ever since then I have been researching the history of Mormonism and contemplating how I will escape the church once I am eighteen. - Ally's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/
I remember this awful hollow feeling in my chest. If the church really wasn't true, then who was I? What would happen to me? I am fifteen. My family doesn't know. I am hiding. I have been PIMO (physically in, mentally out of the church) for close to two years. - Ally's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/
I remember this awful hollow feeling in my chest. If the church really wasn't true, then who was I? What would happen to me? I am fifteen. My family doesn't know. I am hiding. I have been PIMO (physically in, mentally out of the church) for close to two years. - Ally's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/
When I was thirteen, it all came crashing down. Over a year or so, I realized that I was queer and started doing some research about the Mormon church, and what I found shocked me. - Ally's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/
When I was thirteen, it all came crashing down. Over a year or so, I realized that I was queer and started doing some research about the Mormon church, and what I found shocked me. - Ally's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/
I had doubts about the church even as a kid. Things just didn't seem to line up sometimes, but I still trusted and followed with blind faith. I didn't know anything different. - Ally's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/
I had doubts about the church even as a kid. Things just didn't seem to line up sometimes, but I still trusted and followed with blind faith. I didn't know anything different. - Ally's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/
I was raised in a multigenerational traditional Mormon family. My ancestor was one of Joseph Smith's wives. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety at age twelve, which was, in part, because of Mormonism. I was a Mormon. - Ally's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/
I was raised in a multigenerational traditional Mormon family. My ancestor was one of Joseph Smith's wives. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety at age twelve, which was, in part, because of Mormonism. I was a Mormon. - Ally's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/exmo-in-flames/
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/greensockninja/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/greensockninja/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
Surprisingly, my aunt and uncle and their 4 children have also left the church. I only found this out recently, and it blindsided me as my aunt especially was so deeply involved in the church, but she couldn’t look past the skeletons in the church’s closet. It makes me happy to know they’ve come to their senses. I only hope that more of my family will do the same and leave this destructive cult. - Ian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/greensockninja/
Surprisingly, my aunt and uncle and their 4 children have also left the church. I only found this out recently, and it blindsided me as my aunt especially was so deeply involved in the church, but she couldn’t look past the skeletons in the church’s closet. It makes me happy to know they’ve come to their senses. I only hope that more of my family will do the same and leave this destructive cult. - Ian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/greensockninja/
Less than two months later, I announced my own atheism, and my subsequent leaving of the church. The response was the same. I lost many friends in an instant. But I chose that time to show my brother he was not alone, that I’d had the same thoughts and conclusions he had. I wanted him to know it, and this was my way of showing him. I’m now closer to him than ever. Six months later, I shipped off to basic training, avoiding much of the fallout of my falling away, which took a lot of the flak off of my brothers back. Now, 4 years later on, all of my siblings have stated to me their disillusionment with the church and their desire to abandon it. - Ian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/greensockninja/
Less than two months later, I announced my own atheism, and my subsequent leaving of the church. The response was the same. I lost many friends in an instant. But I chose that time to show my brother he was not alone, that I’d had the same thoughts and conclusions he had. I wanted him to know it, and this was my way of showing him. I’m now closer to him than ever. Six months later, I shipped off to basic training, avoiding much of the fallout of my falling away, which took a lot of the flak off of my brothers back. Now, 4 years later on, all of my siblings have stated to me their disillusionment with the church and their desire to abandon it. - Ian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/greensockninja/
During this time, my younger brother had delved deeper into the scripture as well, becoming even more devout than ever. He studied and made notes every night, prayed and discussed with my grandpa, who was in the bishopric. He was the star Mormon teenage boy. And then suddenly he publicly announced he was an atheist and despised the church and all it stood for. This took me by complete surprise, and what surprised me even more was the reaction of those we knew. The responses he got were vile, telling him he’d burn forever, saying he was possessed by the spirit of the devil, saying he had no right to make that choice as he was still a minor. He became depressed and withdrew from all of us. This was the time, I felt. - Ian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/greensockninja/
During this time, my younger brother had delved deeper into the scripture as well, becoming even more devout than ever. He studied and made notes every night, prayed and discussed with my grandpa, who was in the bishopric. He was the star Mormon teenage boy. And then suddenly he publicly announced he was an atheist and despised the church and all it stood for. This took me by complete surprise, and what surprised me even more was the reaction of those we knew. The responses he got were vile, telling him he’d burn forever, saying he was possessed by the spirit of the devil, saying he had no right to make that choice as he was still a minor. He became depressed and withdrew from all of us. This was the time, I felt. - Ian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/greensockninja/
That’s when I found the CES Letter. It flipped everything I knew upside down and tore it to shreds. For those who have read it, I’m sure you know why. So many falsehoods and lies the church taught me since childhood, I couldn’t believe it. I had to find more. And so I did. My shelf crumbled at the age of 16 or 17 and I stayed a closeted atheist for nearly that whole time, waiting for the right time to announce my unbelief to the world. The right time would come soon, though. - Ian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/greensockninja/
That’s when I found the CES Letter. It flipped everything I knew upside down and tore it to shreds. For those who have read it, I’m sure you know why. So many falsehoods and lies the church taught me since childhood, I couldn’t believe it. I had to find more. And so I did. My shelf crumbled at the age of 16 or 17 and I stayed a closeted atheist for nearly that whole time, waiting for the right time to announce my unbelief to the world. The right time would come soon, though. - Ian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/greensockninja/
However, soon enough these questions grew to larger questions. Why can’t I see you God? Why haven’t you spoken to me? Why do you allow suffering? I delved into the scriptures, desperately looking for answers, but what I found was more troubling. Contradicting teachings everywhere I looked, strange beliefs and statements. This couldn’t be right, so I watched Conference talks as much as I could. But something stuck with me from one, he said to “doubt your doubts,” look not to the world but only church approved teachings. This struck me as strange, why should I avoid the worldly teachings if they’re so obviously false? Besides, if I couldn’t find answers within the church, where else would I look but outside of it? - Ian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/greensockninja/
However, soon enough these questions grew to larger questions. Why can’t I see you God? Why haven’t you spoken to me? Why do you allow suffering? I delved into the scriptures, desperately looking for answers, but what I found was more troubling. Contradicting teachings everywhere I looked, strange beliefs and statements. This couldn’t be right, so I watched Conference talks as much as I could. But something stuck with me from one, he said to “doubt your doubts,” look not to the world but only church approved teachings. This struck me as strange, why should I avoid the worldly teachings if they’re so obviously false? Besides, if I couldn’t find answers within the church, where else would I look but outside of it? - Ian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/greensockninja/
Initially, my struggles with the church started with the divorce. I blamed myself for it, even though I know I had no part in it, but even still it hurt me. I prayed every day and night asking for my family to be fixed and for Him to forgive me for whatever I’d done to make this happen. Years and years passed and I had no answers and only more questions had joined the fray. Why can I not drink coffee? Why can’t I have sex until I’m married? Simple questions a preteen would have with a growing mind. - Ian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/greensockninja/
Initially, my struggles with the church started with the divorce. I blamed myself for it, even though I know I had no part in it, but even still it hurt me. I prayed every day and night asking for my family to be fixed and for Him to forgive me for whatever I’d done to make this happen. Years and years passed and I had no answers and only more questions had joined the fray. Why can I not drink coffee? Why can’t I have sex until I’m married? Simple questions a preteen would have with a growing mind. - Ian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/greensockninja/
At times I feel I matured quickly, though I know I probably didn’t, as I had to be a rock for my siblings. Eventually we settled into our new life, and we grew up as normally as we could. I had taken up music as a Cellist just after the divorce and it proved to be an outlet I needed, and continues to be to this day. Years passed and at the age of 19, partially to avoid going on a mission and avoid repercussions from recently leaving the church, but mostly because I always wanted to, I joined the United States Army as an infantryman, and nearly 4 years later I still am. - Ian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/greensockninja/
At times I feel I matured quickly, though I know I probably didn’t, as I had to be a rock for my siblings. Eventually we settled into our new life, and we grew up as normally as we could. I had taken up music as a Cellist just after the divorce and it proved to be an outlet I needed, and continues to be to this day. Years passed and at the age of 19, partially to avoid going on a mission and avoid repercussions from recently leaving the church, but mostly because I always wanted to, I joined the United States Army as an infantryman, and nearly 4 years later I still am. - Ian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/greensockninja/