Tag Archives: I Was a Mormon

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"Becoming disillusioned was painful. I consider myself extraordinarily lucky to have my spouse and my family be with me through the hardest thing I've ever done. Healing is ongoing, and yet, I have the peace I yearned for that faith never afforded me." - Teddi | https://wasmormon.org/profile/t3dd1/
"Becoming disillusioned was painful. I consider myself extraordinarily lucky to have my spouse and my family be with me through the hardest thing I've ever done. Healing is ongoing, and yet, I have the peace I yearned for that faith never afforded me." - Teddi | https://wasmormon.org/profile/t3dd1/

Christopher Was a Mormon, an Ex-Mormon Profile Spotlight

Christopher’s path within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints encompassed doubt, growth, and eventual departure. Born into the faith, he faced critical information as a teen and young adult. He grappled with church history, racial issues, and doctrinal conflicts. His departure from the church marks an authentic pursuit of personal truth and growth …

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'And no, it's not true that "everyone was just as racist back then." Many people opposed slavery and supported the civil rights movement while this church did the opposite. Recognizing that its stance on race was never inspired helped me to recognize that its stances on women and LGBT+ individuals aren't inspired either.' - Chris | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
'And no, it's not true that "everyone was just as racist back then." Many people opposed slavery and supported the civil rights movement while this church did the opposite. Recognizing that its stance on race was never inspired helped me to recognize that its stances on women and LGBT+ individuals aren't inspired either.' - Chris | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
'I did "doubt my doubts." I was not a "lazy learner" or a "lax disciple." I've tried to be an honest seeker of truth, and at this time, my honest truth-seeking has led me outside of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I appreciate much of what I've learned and gained from the church and I don't intend to throw it all away.' - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
'I did "doubt my doubts." I was not a "lazy learner" or a "lax disciple." I've tried to be an honest seeker of truth, and at this time, my honest truth-seeking has led me outside of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I appreciate much of what I've learned and gained from the church and I don't intend to throw it all away.' - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
"The church's history/beliefs with race (including but not limited to the Priesthood) are abysmal, full stop, and in my opinion there simply is no adequate explanation for why an organization led by God screwed up so badly on such a basic issue as the equality of God's children. I found this topic very troubling as a Mormon and researched it more than almost anyone else in the world, hoping that at some point it would make sense. That didn't happen." - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
"The church's history/beliefs with race (including but not limited to the Priesthood) are abysmal, full stop, and in my opinion there simply is no adequate explanation for why an organization led by God screwed up so badly on such a basic issue as the equality of God's children. I found this topic very troubling as a Mormon and researched it more than almost anyone else in the world, hoping that at some point it would make sense. That didn't happen." - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
"I was born into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints but, like all members, had to decide for myself whether I actually believed in it or not. I thought it was boring and my attitude toward it ranged from apathetic to hostile until a random spiritual epiphany around age twelve or so. From then on it was an incentive for me to not kill myself, first out of fear that I would be punished for it and later out of love for God and hope for a better future. I was a Mormon" - Chris | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
"I was born into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints but, like all members, had to decide for myself whether I actually believed in it or not. I thought it was boring and my attitude toward it ranged from apathetic to hostile until a random spiritual epiphany around age twelve or so. From then on it was an incentive for me to not kill myself, first out of fear that I would be punished for it and later out of love for God and hope for a better future. I was a Mormon" - Chris | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
"I do, however, want to get outside of its conditioning and see it more as outsiders see it. I want to learn in depth about other religions as objectively as I can, without evaluating all of their teachings through the filter of how much they align with what I already believe. I have no predetermined destination in mind and no goal of converting to something else. In all this, my highest priority is my personal relationship with God, which the church taught me to value. - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
"I do, however, want to get outside of its conditioning and see it more as outsiders see it. I want to learn in depth about other religions as objectively as I can, without evaluating all of their teachings through the filter of how much they align with what I already believe. I have no predetermined destination in mind and no goal of converting to something else. In all this, my highest priority is my personal relationship with God, which the church taught me to value. - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
"Most of the answers from FAIR and other apologists were good enough for me. What I could never resolve, though, was the feeling of betrayal at having to learn these things from hostile sources instead of the church itself, or why it had sanitized, dumbed down, and misrepresented its history, which is ethically dubious at best and has caused a lot of avoidable problems. Why didn't prophets, seers and revelators have the foresight to be more honest before the internet gave them no choice?" - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
"Most of the answers from FAIR and other apologists were good enough for me. What I could never resolve, though, was the feeling of betrayal at having to learn these things from hostile sources instead of the church itself, or why it had sanitized, dumbed down, and misrepresented its history, which is ethically dubious at best and has caused a lot of avoidable problems. Why didn't prophets, seers and revelators have the foresight to be more honest before the internet gave them no choice?" - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
'I might close my own remarks the same way Stewart Udall closed his Statement of Conscience when he distanced himself from the church seventy-five years ago: "All this is said respectfully, in the realization that the Church contains much that is good, true, and beautiful …. and that it fills a felt need for most of its adherents. I nevertheless feel that I cannot enter into full communion with the church, indeed cannot commune with it at all in good conscience, as long as these attitudes, ideas and principles - and the men who further them - dominate the church."' - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
'I might close my own remarks the same way Stewart Udall closed his Statement of Conscience when he distanced himself from the church seventy-five years ago: "All this is said respectfully, in the realization that the Church contains much that is good, true, and beautiful …. and that it fills a felt need for most of its adherents. I nevertheless feel that I cannot enter into full communion with the church, indeed cannot commune with it at all in good conscience, as long as these attitudes, ideas and principles - and the men who further them - dominate the church."' - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
"I don't have the usual male apostate's checklist of qualifications. I didn't graduate seminary, I didn't serve a mission, I was never Elders Quorum president, I didn't marry in (or out of) the temple. But I was fiercely committed to The Church as a teenager and for my first decade of adulthood. I wanted to be a beacon leading souls to Christ, a role model for balancing faith and reason, someone that people could look to and say "He's intelligent and knows about all the issues and still believes, so I can too." Perhaps I felt a bit prideful about staying in the church while leaving it was the trendy, obvious choice for my generation. Changing my mind was very hard, embarrassing, and long overdue." - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
"I don't have the usual male apostate's checklist of qualifications. I didn't graduate seminary, I didn't serve a mission, I was never Elders Quorum president, I didn't marry in (or out of) the temple. But I was fiercely committed to The Church as a teenager and for my first decade of adulthood. I wanted to be a beacon leading souls to Christ, a role model for balancing faith and reason, someone that people could look to and say "He's intelligent and knows about all the issues and still believes, so I can too." Perhaps I felt a bit prideful about staying in the church while leaving it was the trendy, obvious choice for my generation. Changing my mind was very hard, embarrassing, and long overdue." - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
"In August 2010, age seventeen, I stumbled upon my first "anti-Mormon" website and discovered a bunch of the things people typically cite for their loss of faith - Joseph Smith's 1826 trial, Joseph Smith's evolving accounts of the First Vision, Joseph Smith's failed prophecies, DNA evidence contradicting the Book of Mormon, the Book of Abraham not matching the papyrus, and so on. I was blindsided and confused, but because of my recent spiritual experiences at EFY (now FSY) I held onto my faith until I found answers." - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/
"In August 2010, age seventeen, I stumbled upon my first "anti-Mormon" website and discovered a bunch of the things people typically cite for their loss of faith - Joseph Smith's 1826 trial, Joseph Smith's evolving accounts of the First Vision, Joseph Smith's failed prophecies, DNA evidence contradicting the Book of Mormon, the Book of Abraham not matching the papyrus, and so on. I was blindsided and confused, but because of my recent spiritual experiences at EFY (now FSY) I held onto my faith until I found answers." - Christopher | https://wasmormon.org/profile/alien236/

Simon Southerton Was a Mormon, an Ex-Mormon Profile Spotlight

Simon was an active, believing member serving as a Bishop. While reading the Ensign he came across some interesting statements regarding the Flood which led him to research more about it. He came upon “volumes of scientific research” that contradicted things he believed at church. Then he applied his own scientific training in molecular genetics …

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President Nelson Embellishing Stories to Promote Faith – Armed Robbery and Faulty Gun to His Head

Russel M. Nelson and his second wife, Wendy, were involved in an altercation in Mozambique, Africa while visiting the mission home in 2009. The mission home is alarmingly robbed by assailants. When first reported there is nothing involving criminals targeting church leaders. The only injuries mentioned in the reports were the Mission President’s wife having …

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"I’m a Family Physician in Minnesota, but I grew up in Idaho in a community that was predominantly Mormon. I never questioned the historical claims of the Church and trusted all my Church leaders that what I was taught was true. All my major life decisions including family, education, and finances were heavily influenced by my desire to gain salvation by following the rules and policies of the church. I was a Mormon." - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"I’m a Family Physician in Minnesota, but I grew up in Idaho in a community that was predominantly Mormon. I never questioned the historical claims of the Church and trusted all my Church leaders that what I was taught was true. All my major life decisions including family, education, and finances were heavily influenced by my desire to gain salvation by following the rules and policies of the church. I was a Mormon." - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"The leaders of the church couldn’t answer my questions and told me to keep believing. I made the decision to leave and haven’t looked back. There have been new challenges with leaving, but being able to be honest with myself has created a new found peace. I’m living in the here and now, and not living out of fear. Having the courage to break the generational Mormon chain is difficult, but allows for growth, happiness and authenticity. As a physician I’ve been trained to research and investigate, to seek truth from reliable sources. I also believe in faith, hope, honesty, transparency, justice and truth." - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"The leaders of the church couldn’t answer my questions and told me to keep believing. I made the decision to leave and haven’t looked back. There have been new challenges with leaving, but being able to be honest with myself has created a new found peace. I’m living in the here and now, and not living out of fear. Having the courage to break the generational Mormon chain is difficult, but allows for growth, happiness and authenticity. As a physician I’ve been trained to research and investigate, to seek truth from reliable sources. I also believe in faith, hope, honesty, transparency, justice and truth." - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"Having the courage to break the generational Mormon chain is difficult, but allows for growth, happiness and authenticity. As a physician I’ve been trained to research and investigate, to seek truth from reliable sources. I also believe in faith, hope, honesty, transparency, justice and truth." - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"Having the courage to break the generational Mormon chain is difficult, but allows for growth, happiness and authenticity. As a physician I’ve been trained to research and investigate, to seek truth from reliable sources. I also believe in faith, hope, honesty, transparency, justice and truth." - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"I suffered from severe scrupulosity (religious OCD) and felt I was constantly a sinner. I never realized that the Church membership made up less than 0.2% of the world population, and the amount of active believers was far less than that. In my late 20s, I began reading the Church’s “Gospel Topics Essays”, and quickly began feeling uneasy with the history of the Church. I spent 5 years reading everything I could about the history of the Church, Joseph Smith, and The Book of Mormon." - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"I suffered from severe scrupulosity (religious OCD) and felt I was constantly a sinner. I never realized that the Church membership made up less than 0.2% of the world population, and the amount of active believers was far less than that. In my late 20s, I began reading the Church’s “Gospel Topics Essays”, and quickly began feeling uneasy with the history of the Church. I spent 5 years reading everything I could about the history of the Church, Joseph Smith, and The Book of Mormon." - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"This lead to depression - it’s difficult to pretend to believe something you think is hurtful, especially when you fear losing your wife and children if you decide to leave the church. The Church has an undeniable history of racism and sexism. The Church has over 100 Billion in assets and gives an infinitesimally small portion to the poor." - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"This lead to depression - it’s difficult to pretend to believe something you think is hurtful, especially when you fear losing your wife and children if you decide to leave the church. The Church has an undeniable history of racism and sexism. The Church has over 100 Billion in assets and gives an infinitesimally small portion to the poor." - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"Suggestions about how to deal with my still-Mormon family? Be kind and patient. If they decide to leave, it will be on their terms. Don’t be a know-it-all, but encourage them to read and learn. I wish I would have had more guidance" - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"Suggestions about how to deal with my still-Mormon family? Be kind and patient. If they decide to leave, it will be on their terms. Don’t be a know-it-all, but encourage them to read and learn. I wish I would have had more guidance" - Daniel Johnson, https://wasmormon.org/profile/danieljohnson/
"I learned about confession and that any sexual sin had to be confessed to a Bishop. Like most young boys, I masturbated but I felt extremely guilty, fearful, and ashamed every time. My mind would obsess about how bad this was and that I was now one button push away from God sending me to Hell. I had to confess. The first time I went to the Bishop I engaged in some small talk and then sort of 'oh by the way' mentioned it to him; said it wasn't a problem anymore. He confirmed by asking 'but it's not a problem now' and I said no it's not. What I didn't realize was that I had felt this huge relief known as negative reinforcement, similar to compulsions and addictions providing temporary relief from emotional pain." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"I learned about confession and that any sexual sin had to be confessed to a Bishop. Like most young boys, I masturbated but I felt extremely guilty, fearful, and ashamed every time. My mind would obsess about how bad this was and that I was now one button push away from God sending me to Hell. I had to confess. The first time I went to the Bishop I engaged in some small talk and then sort of 'oh by the way' mentioned it to him; said it wasn't a problem anymore. He confirmed by asking 'but it's not a problem now' and I said no it's not. What I didn't realize was that I had felt this huge relief known as negative reinforcement, similar to compulsions and addictions providing temporary relief from emotional pain." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"My emotional pain was not because of some reality, it was painful because of what I was taught about sex, the severe penalties, and the unconscious conclusions I made about the author of these laws and punishments. I was well on my way to a performance-driven sense of self-worth and toxic perfectionism. When I lived well, which was probably most of the time, that didn't matter. What mattered was that I did something 'wrong'. I told myself 'that's the last time' hundreds of times and my self-doubt and self-hate grew deeper with each broken promise. I was drowning in shame and thought I deserved it. This was not just a cognitive process; it was experiential, highly emotional, and triggered stress responses of 'freeze' and 'fawning'. I'd give up and feel discouraged or run to the Bishop hoping he would forgive me. God's forgiveness wasn't a big deal to me, it was the Bishop who had the power as God's agent to act on His behalf." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"My emotional pain was not because of some reality, it was painful because of what I was taught about sex, the severe penalties, and the unconscious conclusions I made about the author of these laws and punishments. I was well on my way to a performance-driven sense of self-worth and toxic perfectionism. When I lived well, which was probably most of the time, that didn't matter. What mattered was that I did something 'wrong'. I told myself 'that's the last time' hundreds of times and my self-doubt and self-hate grew deeper with each broken promise. I was drowning in shame and thought I deserved it. This was not just a cognitive process; it was experiential, highly emotional, and triggered stress responses of 'freeze' and 'fawning'. I'd give up and feel discouraged or run to the Bishop hoping he would forgive me. God's forgiveness wasn't a big deal to me, it was the Bishop who had the power as God's agent to act on His behalf." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"These are some of my experiences with the Mormon brand. Some will blame my OCD and yes, that played some role but let's look at the authoritarian leadership style, the 'always right' hierarchical decisions, the high-control 'systems' like mandatory confession for forgiveness, courts of love, temple marriage in order to be with family, and control over knowledge and learning not approved by First Presidency." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"These are some of my experiences with the Mormon brand. Some will blame my OCD and yes, that played some role but let's look at the authoritarian leadership style, the 'always right' hierarchical decisions, the high-control 'systems' like mandatory confession for forgiveness, courts of love, temple marriage in order to be with family, and control over knowledge and learning not approved by First Presidency." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"I was scripted, programmed. The software of my head was installed because I didn't have the expertise or knowledge to write the program like prophets. They knew what was best for me. I was a nervous kid as far as I remember but anxiety when to a whole new level in my experiences with the church." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/
"I was scripted, programmed. The software of my head was installed because I didn't have the expertise or knowledge to write the program like prophets. They knew what was best for me. I was a nervous kid as far as I remember but anxiety when to a whole new level in my experiences with the church." - John, https://wasmormon.org/profile/drjohn/