Tag Archives: I Was a Mormon

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"I was constantly told who I was supposed to be in this life, how I was supposed to act and feel and that never aligned with my soul. I was told to date a certain way, to get married a specific way to a specific type of person and I was supposed to make babies. I felt pressure to conform to church standards and believe things that I didn’t care about. I knew from a young age that I never wanted to birth children, I never wanted to be a mother… just look at the one I had. I was constantly told that bringing souls to earth was my overall life purpose by my church leaders. It was even in my patriarchal blessing! My mother always felt burdened by her kids except when it came to the topic of giving her grandchildren. She felt entitled to a better life but was unable or unwilling to go get it. I wasn’t going to follow her footsteps. I didn’t want to be with my family together forever." - Rosana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/rosanna1818/
"I was constantly told who I was supposed to be in this life, how I was supposed to act and feel and that never aligned with my soul. I was told to date a certain way, to get married a specific way to a specific type of person and I was supposed to make babies. I felt pressure to conform to church standards and believe things that I didn’t care about. I knew from a young age that I never wanted to birth children, I never wanted to be a mother… just look at the one I had. I was constantly told that bringing souls to earth was my overall life purpose by my church leaders. It was even in my patriarchal blessing! My mother always felt burdened by her kids except when it came to the topic of giving her grandchildren. She felt entitled to a better life but was unable or unwilling to go get it. I wasn’t going to follow her footsteps. I didn’t want to be with my family together forever." - Rosana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/rosanna1818/
"I never liked church starting at the primary age. It was boring with weird stories with weird names and was a confusing language. Listening to the congregation sing was depressing it sounded like torture not a celebration of worship. I had crippling shyness and I didn’t like singing and I didn’t like dresses and I always felt pressure from my peers and the culture to be outgoing and share my testimony boldly. There weren’t real discussions about struggling with my beliefs or my family issues. The main message that came across was fitting in, being loyal and having strong faith. It seemed unacceptable if you or your family doubted any beliefs or weren’t fitting the Mormon mold." - Rosana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/rosanna1818/
"I never liked church starting at the primary age. It was boring with weird stories with weird names and was a confusing language. Listening to the congregation sing was depressing it sounded like torture not a celebration of worship. I had crippling shyness and I didn’t like singing and I didn’t like dresses and I always felt pressure from my peers and the culture to be outgoing and share my testimony boldly. There weren’t real discussions about struggling with my beliefs or my family issues. The main message that came across was fitting in, being loyal and having strong faith. It seemed unacceptable if you or your family doubted any beliefs or weren’t fitting the Mormon mold." - Rosana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/rosanna1818/
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find Rosana's full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/rosanna1818/. There are hundreds more stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find Rosana's full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/rosanna1818/. There are hundreds more stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
"I believe that the childhood trauma that my mother experienced caused mental illness and resentment. Those experiences combined with the Mormon culture developed into abusive situations. My mother’s temper and emotions always seemed to rule our household. I’ve always known her to be emotionally distant, rarely nurturing or comforting especially with me and I can remember this treatment as early as 6 years old. The dysfunction in my close family became readily apparent during my teens. Backhanded compliments, silent treatment and passive aggressiveness towards me was a daily occurrence from my mother. I began to notice the contrasting behavior my mother had outside of the home. Smiling and pleasant as if there were no issues." - Rosana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/rosanna1818/
"I believe that the childhood trauma that my mother experienced caused mental illness and resentment. Those experiences combined with the Mormon culture developed into abusive situations. My mother’s temper and emotions always seemed to rule our household. I’ve always known her to be emotionally distant, rarely nurturing or comforting especially with me and I can remember this treatment as early as 6 years old. The dysfunction in my close family became readily apparent during my teens. Backhanded compliments, silent treatment and passive aggressiveness towards me was a daily occurrence from my mother. I began to notice the contrasting behavior my mother had outside of the home. Smiling and pleasant as if there were no issues." - Rosana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/rosanna1818/
"During my teens we lived in an undesirable house. It was not the typical cookie cutter Mormon family house and it was, at best a fixer upper. I believe that’s when my mother’s mental health turned for the worst because she couldn’t fit in and get the life she wanted fast enough. She wanted the cookie cutter Mormon life with a large house in a neighborhood and to have lots more children than what she had. All our anxieties were focused on the threat of going without essentials and I remember shameful periods of time that our electricity was actually shut off. Taking showers surrounded by mold and without any light while my mother pretended that nothing was wrong was very difficult." - Rosana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/rosanna1818/
"During my teens we lived in an undesirable house. It was not the typical cookie cutter Mormon family house and it was, at best a fixer upper. I believe that’s when my mother’s mental health turned for the worst because she couldn’t fit in and get the life she wanted fast enough. She wanted the cookie cutter Mormon life with a large house in a neighborhood and to have lots more children than what she had. All our anxieties were focused on the threat of going without essentials and I remember shameful periods of time that our electricity was actually shut off. Taking showers surrounded by mold and without any light while my mother pretended that nothing was wrong was very difficult." - Rosana's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/rosanna1818/
"I'm so grateful I chose myself and love and I'm so grateful for the exmormon community. I've been able to process and heal and deconstruct so much pain and harmful ideologies because of this community. Now, I feel loved, worthy, accepted and saved. I believe in Love, justice, reparations, and land back." - Savi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/savi1lavy/
"I'm so grateful I chose myself and love and I'm so grateful for the exmormon community. I've been able to process and heal and deconstruct so much pain and harmful ideologies because of this community. Now, I feel loved, worthy, accepted and saved. I believe in Love, justice, reparations, and land back." - Savi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/savi1lavy/
"I grew up in a devoted Mormon family and went to school where the majority of kids were also Mormon. I went to church weekly, mutual, and participated in baptisms for the dead. I prayed throughout the day and read the Book of Mormon multiple times. Every margin was inked with my thoughts and insights. I enjoy reading, writing, and hiking. I was a Mormon." - Savi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/savi1lavy/
"I grew up in a devoted Mormon family and went to school where the majority of kids were also Mormon. I went to church weekly, mutual, and participated in baptisms for the dead. I prayed throughout the day and read the Book of Mormon multiple times. Every margin was inked with my thoughts and insights. I enjoy reading, writing, and hiking. I was a Mormon." - Savi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/savi1lavy/
"I left before I knew the church wasn't true. I left thinking I was causing my eternal family suffering by my departure. I had to if I was going to survive. I was having panic attacks going to church. The mental torture of not being perfect, not feeling worthy, not being straight, and falling in love with an atheist and wanting to be with them was a constant loop of shame and depression and longing." - Savi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/savi1lavy/
"I left before I knew the church wasn't true. I left thinking I was causing my eternal family suffering by my departure. I had to if I was going to survive. I was having panic attacks going to church. The mental torture of not being perfect, not feeling worthy, not being straight, and falling in love with an atheist and wanting to be with them was a constant loop of shame and depression and longing." - Savi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/savi1lavy/
"The temple ceremonies were heartbreaking and not trauma informed or prevented. Joseph Smith and his young child brides, the sexual assaults that were hidden, tithing, sexism, same sex marriage, the erasure of Native Americans, the antisemitism, and colonization - all of it. Too much of the church didn't align with my morals or the world I wanted to live in - or could survive in." - Savi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/savi1lavy/
"The temple ceremonies were heartbreaking and not trauma informed or prevented. Joseph Smith and his young child brides, the sexual assaults that were hidden, tithing, sexism, same sex marriage, the erasure of Native Americans, the antisemitism, and colonization - all of it. Too much of the church didn't align with my morals or the world I wanted to live in - or could survive in." - Savi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/savi1lavy/
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find Savi's full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/savi1lavy/. There are hundreds more stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find Savi's full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/savi1lavy/. There are hundreds more stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
"I started to research and listen to the experiences of others who left. The racism in the church went so much deeper than I was taught and it disgusted me. I knew then, that the racism alone was enough for me to leave, but I kept diving in deeper." - Savi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/savi1lavy/
"I started to research and listen to the experiences of others who left. The racism in the church went so much deeper than I was taught and it disgusted me. I knew then, that the racism alone was enough for me to leave, but I kept diving in deeper." - Savi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/savi1lavy/
"I left so I could relax my mind and get away from all the pressure. I wanted to live more than I wanted to take the sacrament and the blessings that were promised to follow someday. Stepping away opened my eyes to genuine kindness and happiness without strings attached. Even with some guilt still, I felt I finally had permission to truly ask myself what my morals and standards were and I realized most of them didn't align with the church." - Savi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/savi1lavy/
"I left so I could relax my mind and get away from all the pressure. I wanted to live more than I wanted to take the sacrament and the blessings that were promised to follow someday. Stepping away opened my eyes to genuine kindness and happiness without strings attached. Even with some guilt still, I felt I finally had permission to truly ask myself what my morals and standards were and I realized most of them didn't align with the church." - Savi's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/savi1lavy/
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/feebeedee/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/feebeedee/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
2024: My husband has now broken away from Mormonism! I am super happy for him (and us). What did it? Despite many things, even evidence, that I brought forward over the years, it was the Mormon Stories episodes with Dr. Ritner that woke him up! - Fiona's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/feebeedee/
2024: My husband has now broken away from Mormonism! I am super happy for him (and us). What did it? Despite many things, even evidence, that I brought forward over the years, it was the Mormon Stories episodes with Dr. Ritner that woke him up! - Fiona's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/feebeedee/
2023: It's been painful witnessing my TBM's denials and deeply ingrained indoctrination, even despite the profound evidence, the programming is keeping him there. I absolutely despise the lies!! - Fiona's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/feebeedee/
2023: It's been painful witnessing my TBM's denials and deeply ingrained indoctrination, even despite the profound evidence, the programming is keeping him there. I absolutely despise the lies!! - Fiona's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/feebeedee/
2014: I married a Mormon, realizing relatively soon that there were events, issues and historical accounts that just didn't add up. Including temple ordinances–the first Endowment session had me reeling with absolute doubt! I literally felt the evil. - Fiona's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/feebeedee/
2014: I married a Mormon, realizing relatively soon that there were events, issues and historical accounts that just didn't add up. Including temple ordinances–the first Endowment session had me reeling with absolute doubt! I literally felt the evil. - Fiona's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/feebeedee/
I'm naturally an investigative person who asks questions and needs to make logical connections regarding rational reasoning alongside any form of historical claims. I despise gaslighting and euphemistic language that controls people. I travelled down the appropriate rabbit holes... the rest is history... literally! I was, for a time, a Mormon. - Fiona's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/feebeedee/
I'm naturally an investigative person who asks questions and needs to make logical connections regarding rational reasoning alongside any form of historical claims. I despise gaslighting and euphemistic language that controls people. I travelled down the appropriate rabbit holes... the rest is history... literally! I was, for a time, a Mormon. - Fiona's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/feebeedee/
That organization robbed my family of so much during all those years—so much of genuine joy and of truth. My husband remained faithful to his Catholic religion but our three children were raised in the Mormon church. My husband was tolerant, but always carried a resentment. I cannot imagine the emotional and spiritual pain he endured out of love for me and our boys. I held callings, most of the time several at once due to belonging to a branch. There was never a time I held fewer than 2 callings at the same time. I absolutely wanted to "magnify my callings". - Dodie's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/
That organization robbed my family of so much during all those years—so much of genuine joy and of truth. My husband remained faithful to his Catholic religion but our three children were raised in the Mormon church. My husband was tolerant, but always carried a resentment. I cannot imagine the emotional and spiritual pain he endured out of love for me and our boys. I held callings, most of the time several at once due to belonging to a branch. There was never a time I held fewer than 2 callings at the same time. I absolutely wanted to "magnify my callings". - Dodie's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/
"Church leaders frequently admonished members to not listen to enemies of the church, so I didn't. I clearly understand why now, but at the time I was being obedient. One day my "baby sister," an evangelical, asked if I had read the "CES letter." Of course I had not. Various church leaders had admonished us not to read it. My sister wisely asked why church leaders would not want us to know what our enemies are saying so we could lovingly correct them? Fair enough. I read the CES letter." - Dodie's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/
"Church leaders frequently admonished members to not listen to enemies of the church, so I didn't. I clearly understand why now, but at the time I was being obedient. One day my "baby sister," an evangelical, asked if I had read the "CES letter." Of course I had not. Various church leaders had admonished us not to read it. My sister wisely asked why church leaders would not want us to know what our enemies are saying so we could lovingly correct them? Fair enough. I read the CES letter." - Dodie's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/
I wanted to belong to a church with a living prophet. I wanted to be a member of God's true church. The missionary lessons just cover the basics which lie on the surface—all leading up to becoming a full tithe-paying member. I just gobbled up their sales pitch like gumdrops. These people had an answer for absolutely everything, including answering the questions on my Catholic "shelf." I was told I was a "Golden Convert." I felt so special to think my "heart had been prepared for the truth." - Dodie's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/
I wanted to belong to a church with a living prophet. I wanted to be a member of God's true church. The missionary lessons just cover the basics which lie on the surface—all leading up to becoming a full tithe-paying member. I just gobbled up their sales pitch like gumdrops. These people had an answer for absolutely everything, including answering the questions on my Catholic "shelf." I was told I was a "Golden Convert." I felt so special to think my "heart had been prepared for the truth." - Dodie's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/
"I rationalized that if there is a God, he has to be only good. No one would worship a mean God. And if he is good, then he will not lie. Off and on over three days I paced back and forth, hands lifted toward the heavens, pleading with God to reveal himself if he were truly there. On the third day, confessing to be willing to give up everything I knew if I could just know if God was real—if he was really there, I received a most spectacularly miraculous, undeniable answer. God is real. Immediately following, my body steadily filled with a magnificent, beautifully comforting warmth which went deep into my bones. I was free!! And for the first time in my life, I felt love for myself." - Dodie's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/
"I rationalized that if there is a God, he has to be only good. No one would worship a mean God. And if he is good, then he will not lie. Off and on over three days I paced back and forth, hands lifted toward the heavens, pleading with God to reveal himself if he were truly there. On the third day, confessing to be willing to give up everything I knew if I could just know if God was real—if he was really there, I received a most spectacularly miraculous, undeniable answer. God is real. Immediately following, my body steadily filled with a magnificent, beautifully comforting warmth which went deep into my bones. I was free!! And for the first time in my life, I felt love for myself." - Dodie's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/. There are over a hundred more stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/. There are over a hundred more stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
"I started out dividing shelf items between doctrine and policies. Then I wrestled with policies not representing doctrine. I had questions about doctrine vs. policy, polygamy, members being embryonic gods, godhead vs. trinity, "heavenly mother," priesthood keys, "keys" in general, blacks and the priesthood, subservience of women, mission of the Holy Ghost, admittance to the church through baptism, why baptism was essential for membership, endless pursuit of "inactives" while at the same time the endless pursuit of reasons to disfellowship/excommunicate active members, why not all questions were "welcome," endless circular reasoning in describing church doctrine and policies..." - Dodie's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/
"I started out dividing shelf items between doctrine and policies. Then I wrestled with policies not representing doctrine. I had questions about doctrine vs. policy, polygamy, members being embryonic gods, godhead vs. trinity, "heavenly mother," priesthood keys, "keys" in general, blacks and the priesthood, subservience of women, mission of the Holy Ghost, admittance to the church through baptism, why baptism was essential for membership, endless pursuit of "inactives" while at the same time the endless pursuit of reasons to disfellowship/excommunicate active members, why not all questions were "welcome," endless circular reasoning in describing church doctrine and policies..." - Dodie's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/
"In response to this letter, the church published a series of Gospel Topic Essays. As I started to read those, I thought it peculiar that in defending themselves by way of the Church Essays, they actually further convicted the church. I was discovering the so-called enemies of the church were better at telling the truth than the church had been." - Dodie's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/
"In response to this letter, the church published a series of Gospel Topic Essays. As I started to read those, I thought it peculiar that in defending themselves by way of the Church Essays, they actually further convicted the church. I was discovering the so-called enemies of the church were better at telling the truth than the church had been." - Dodie's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/
"In my mind, there lingered that "living prophet" thing, and the Urim and Thummim God had preserved for thousands of years so an ancient book could be translated. But as I read the essay about the translation of the Book of Mormon I began to grow somewhat skeptical. Once I reached the part about the "seer stone," I actually stood up and said out loud, "Ouija board!! Run, Dodie, run!" A magic rock in a hat?? My overloaded shelf came crashing down—so devastating was the crash, it left a massive crater into which I fell. Down the rabbit hole I went, to a place where there was no God. I experienced a true psychotic break. I thought I had died and was living in hell." - Dodie's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/
"In my mind, there lingered that "living prophet" thing, and the Urim and Thummim God had preserved for thousands of years so an ancient book could be translated. But as I read the essay about the translation of the Book of Mormon I began to grow somewhat skeptical. Once I reached the part about the "seer stone," I actually stood up and said out loud, "Ouija board!! Run, Dodie, run!" A magic rock in a hat?? My overloaded shelf came crashing down—so devastating was the crash, it left a massive crater into which I fell. Down the rabbit hole I went, to a place where there was no God. I experienced a true psychotic break. I thought I had died and was living in hell." - Dodie's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/
"When I first joined the Mormon church, I wasn't allowed to go to the temple because I was married to a nonmember. Once the rules were changed and I could go, I went as often as I could. The first encounter was bizarre, to say the least. At that time they still had the "blood oaths" as part of the endowment. I was instructed by local leaders that I just needed to go more often so I would understand the deeper meanings of the endowment. I went as often as I could but at the same time I was piling unanswered questions on my "shelf." As the years passed, my shelf became quite cluttered. I was building quite a heap." - Dodie's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/
"When I first joined the Mormon church, I wasn't allowed to go to the temple because I was married to a nonmember. Once the rules were changed and I could go, I went as often as I could. The first encounter was bizarre, to say the least. At that time they still had the "blood oaths" as part of the endowment. I was instructed by local leaders that I just needed to go more often so I would understand the deeper meanings of the endowment. I went as often as I could but at the same time I was piling unanswered questions on my "shelf." As the years passed, my shelf became quite cluttered. I was building quite a heap." - Dodie's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/dod13/