Tag Archives: I Was a Mormon

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"I knew from the beginning that I would walk with a spiritual limp the rest of my life, the price I paid for being there, and believing. From this I have learned a truth about Mormonism: The power of its sociology – its cultures, its traditions, its people – is of such intensity and persistent power for those who love it, that doctrine and history can pale in significance unless truth is more important than any other thing. Truth is worth any limp, any price." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"I knew from the beginning that I would walk with a spiritual limp the rest of my life, the price I paid for being there, and believing. From this I have learned a truth about Mormonism: The power of its sociology – its cultures, its traditions, its people – is of such intensity and persistent power for those who love it, that doctrine and history can pale in significance unless truth is more important than any other thing. Truth is worth any limp, any price." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"Who do you blame when you have been duped by a church? I couldn’t blame myself, though the responsibility surely lay there. I wanted to reproach myself for being suckered – but how could I hold responsible the trusting teenager? The trusting college student? If there is no loss as great as the loss of one’s god, there are few tasks to compare with setting out to learn to serve another One. If you’ve been burned by a god, how do you learn to trust another one? Make no mistake about it, I knew I needed what only He could provide: forgiveness of sins, eternal life, church and community based on truth, not beloved fictions." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"Who do you blame when you have been duped by a church? I couldn’t blame myself, though the responsibility surely lay there. I wanted to reproach myself for being suckered – but how could I hold responsible the trusting teenager? The trusting college student? If there is no loss as great as the loss of one’s god, there are few tasks to compare with setting out to learn to serve another One. If you’ve been burned by a god, how do you learn to trust another one? Make no mistake about it, I knew I needed what only He could provide: forgiveness of sins, eternal life, church and community based on truth, not beloved fictions." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"I didn’t want to believe that my own local LDS leadership could be deceptive until I asked to be excommunicated from the LDS Church several months before The Mormon Mirage was to be published. Unbeknownst to me, a Mormon who was a self-appointed mole in ex-Mormon organizations was corresponding with me under the pretext that he had left the Church too and apparently had been reporting my research to Church leaders. The unarticulated and un-targeted sense of betrayal I felt became the permanent inner garment of my soul." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"I didn’t want to believe that my own local LDS leadership could be deceptive until I asked to be excommunicated from the LDS Church several months before The Mormon Mirage was to be published. Unbeknownst to me, a Mormon who was a self-appointed mole in ex-Mormon organizations was corresponding with me under the pretext that he had left the Church too and apparently had been reporting my research to Church leaders. The unarticulated and un-targeted sense of betrayal I felt became the permanent inner garment of my soul." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"But still I wanted to believe the best about Mormons themselves and was genuinely, continuously surprised by their actions as well. I didn’t want to believe that people would lie about an apostate who left for doctrinal reasons, until another woman who left the Church learned that it had been announced in Relief Society meeting that she - who had always been faithful to her husband - was excommunicated for adultery." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"But still I wanted to believe the best about Mormons themselves and was genuinely, continuously surprised by their actions as well. I didn’t want to believe that people would lie about an apostate who left for doctrinal reasons, until another woman who left the Church learned that it had been announced in Relief Society meeting that she - who had always been faithful to her husband - was excommunicated for adultery." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"I was startled over and over by the contrast between what I’d been taught in my BYU classes and what Mormon history really was like—the deceptions of Joseph Smith, the failed prophecies, the ignoble shams. The Book of Mormon continued to crumble before my eyes, unredeemed even by its quaintness and platitudes. The Book of Abraham was an embarrassing fraud. Different god, different heaven, different eternal past. Again and again the glaring difference between Bible doctrine and LDS doctrine disquieted me as if I’d never seen it before." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"I was startled over and over by the contrast between what I’d been taught in my BYU classes and what Mormon history really was like—the deceptions of Joseph Smith, the failed prophecies, the ignoble shams. The Book of Mormon continued to crumble before my eyes, unredeemed even by its quaintness and platitudes. The Book of Abraham was an embarrassing fraud. Different god, different heaven, different eternal past. Again and again the glaring difference between Bible doctrine and LDS doctrine disquieted me as if I’d never seen it before." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"That’s where the true leap of faith was – to believe the Bible was the inviolate communication of this good, relationship-seeking, Creator God. I couldn’t trust anyone or anything else on earth but that Book. But sometimes it was almost too painful to read, and I shrank from His touch. I began “The Mormon Mirage” to explain to myself as much as to anyone why I had made the decision to abandon the single most satisfying and soul-healing thing in my life." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"That’s where the true leap of faith was – to believe the Bible was the inviolate communication of this good, relationship-seeking, Creator God. I couldn’t trust anyone or anything else on earth but that Book. But sometimes it was almost too painful to read, and I shrank from His touch. I began “The Mormon Mirage” to explain to myself as much as to anyone why I had made the decision to abandon the single most satisfying and soul-healing thing in my life." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"I looked around me at the beauty and diversity of nature, and concluded that such order and creativity indicated the existence of a Creator. Whoever made all that was both complicated and good. If He created all of nature, and I was part of nature, He had created me. If He created me and all mankind, I concluded that surely He would want to communicate with us. Since I had seen the danger of unfettered "personal revelation," I supposed that there would have to be a type of communication that would be beyond human contrivances, something truly reliable." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"I looked around me at the beauty and diversity of nature, and concluded that such order and creativity indicated the existence of a Creator. Whoever made all that was both complicated and good. If He created all of nature, and I was part of nature, He had created me. If He created me and all mankind, I concluded that surely He would want to communicate with us. Since I had seen the danger of unfettered "personal revelation," I supposed that there would have to be a type of communication that would be beyond human contrivances, something truly reliable." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"The next fall I went away to BYU, where I was gloriously happy. I studied, believed and lived Mormonism as it wanted to be understood. I honored the prophet and my leaders as personal heroes. I worked hard, putting myself through school without any outside help other than writing scholarships and earned good grades and loved, just loved, being a Mormon. I participated in every ward function and continued to write and be published in BYU’s publications and to read voraciously." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"The next fall I went away to BYU, where I was gloriously happy. I studied, believed and lived Mormonism as it wanted to be understood. I honored the prophet and my leaders as personal heroes. I worked hard, putting myself through school without any outside help other than writing scholarships and earned good grades and loved, just loved, being a Mormon. I participated in every ward function and continued to write and be published in BYU’s publications and to read voraciously." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"I was a convert to the church. I wanted to please God, and I believed that I could do that in Mormonism. No ulterior motives, no grand plan, just simplicity and the literal faith of a child. I had a great respect for Scripture and a love for my Creator, and Mormonism gave me the chance to expand and act on that love while learning more about God and His mysteries than I’d ever dreamed. I was a mormon." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/
"I was a convert to the church. I wanted to please God, and I believed that I could do that in Mormonism. No ulterior motives, no grand plan, just simplicity and the literal faith of a child. I had a great respect for Scripture and a love for my Creator, and Mormonism gave me the chance to expand and act on that love while learning more about God and His mysteries than I’d ever dreamed. I was a mormon." - Latayne Scott | https://wasmormon.org/profile/latayne-scott/

Men Of Their Times

Church leaders assert that they directly follow God’s guidance, exempting themselves from apologies and social pressure, like for example addressing racism within church doctrine and culture. Apologists claim that church leaders are merely “men of their times” and can’t be judged by today’s standards. These two ideas don’t work together. Either the leaders are led …

Continue reading “Men Of Their Times”

"When I left, I still more or less “believed”, I just simply didn’t want what was taught. After I left, I gave myself permission to view materials not solely on the church website and have since come to the conclusion that I don’t believe the truth claims of the LDS church. My husband left at the same time as me about 3 years ago, and we’re now trying to survive our 2-year-olds reign of terror." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"When I left, I still more or less “believed”, I just simply didn’t want what was taught. After I left, I gave myself permission to view materials not solely on the church website and have since come to the conclusion that I don’t believe the truth claims of the LDS church. My husband left at the same time as me about 3 years ago, and we’re now trying to survive our 2-year-olds reign of terror." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"It all came to a crossroads when I volunteered to teach a CTR 4 class, and while reading the lesson beforehand I realized I didn’t agree with it. I decided if I can’t agree with a CTR 4 lesson, then this wasn’t what I wanted to raise my future family in." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"It all came to a crossroads when I volunteered to teach a CTR 4 class, and while reading the lesson beforehand I realized I didn’t agree with it. I decided if I can’t agree with a CTR 4 lesson, then this wasn’t what I wanted to raise my future family in." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"As I did my research, I stumbled upon the Gospel Topic Essays and this was when I first learned the extent of Joseph Smith’s polygamy. I brought this up to my mom, and she accused me of trying to get her to read anti-Mormon literature. She didn’t believe that the Gospel Topics Essay I showed her was on the church website were real and questioned how the authors of the essay could know Joseph Smith had more than one wife. I read all the apologist websites and studied scripture and the church website, but the explanations provided were not enough for me." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"As I did my research, I stumbled upon the Gospel Topic Essays and this was when I first learned the extent of Joseph Smith’s polygamy. I brought this up to my mom, and she accused me of trying to get her to read anti-Mormon literature. She didn’t believe that the Gospel Topics Essay I showed her was on the church website were real and questioned how the authors of the essay could know Joseph Smith had more than one wife. I read all the apologist websites and studied scripture and the church website, but the explanations provided were not enough for me." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"My [new] husband and I started considering starting a family, and I knew that I wanted to have a career. I started researching old conference talks, ensign articles, etc to see what the overall consensus was on women working outside the home, and it was obvious to me that while there was discussion of each woman can choose what's best for herself, the overwhelming expectation was to stay home and not work outside the home. I could only find a few quotes that even suggested it might be okay to work and be a mom. This was so hard for me because I knew that I wanted a career and aspirations outside the home, yet that didn’t seem to be the “right” way to be an LDS mom." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"My [new] husband and I started considering starting a family, and I knew that I wanted to have a career. I started researching old conference talks, ensign articles, etc to see what the overall consensus was on women working outside the home, and it was obvious to me that while there was discussion of each woman can choose what's best for herself, the overwhelming expectation was to stay home and not work outside the home. I could only find a few quotes that even suggested it might be okay to work and be a mom. This was so hard for me because I knew that I wanted a career and aspirations outside the home, yet that didn’t seem to be the “right” way to be an LDS mom." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"Bishops as I moved about seemed to barely remember my name. I started working as a police officer, which meant I worked whatever day of the week I was needed. I went to every activity I was off duty for, and often attended sacrament meetings on duty. Yet, I frequently repeated the same conversation that started with “I haven’t seen you in a while, thanks for coming to church today”. After which I would remind them I worked in public service, and they would reply with some sort of “oh that’s right, I forgot”. Maybe they would have treated a man the same way, but it always felt like, as a woman, having a job was bad, but having a "manly" job was almost unforgivable." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"Bishops as I moved about seemed to barely remember my name. I started working as a police officer, which meant I worked whatever day of the week I was needed. I went to every activity I was off duty for, and often attended sacrament meetings on duty. Yet, I frequently repeated the same conversation that started with “I haven’t seen you in a while, thanks for coming to church today”. After which I would remind them I worked in public service, and they would reply with some sort of “oh that’s right, I forgot”. Maybe they would have treated a man the same way, but it always felt like, as a woman, having a job was bad, but having a "manly" job was almost unforgivable." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"While I was deployed, I filed for an annulment of my first marriage, and it was granted shortly after returning home. My ex was also convicted of domestic violence assault during this time against me. I went to the bishop and asked to start the process of having the sealing canceled. He more or less treated me as though I was just too young to have married, and we just “didn’t get along”. I had to retell my story several times because, after each time, the bishop didn’t “remember” any of the incidents of physical violence. The sealing cancellation was eventually granted, but only after requesting my ex-husband's permission." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"While I was deployed, I filed for an annulment of my first marriage, and it was granted shortly after returning home. My ex was also convicted of domestic violence assault during this time against me. I went to the bishop and asked to start the process of having the sealing canceled. He more or less treated me as though I was just too young to have married, and we just “didn’t get along”. I had to retell my story several times because, after each time, the bishop didn’t “remember” any of the incidents of physical violence. The sealing cancellation was eventually granted, but only after requesting my ex-husband's permission." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"I deployed to Afghanistan where the guys I deployed with didn’t treat me well and didn’t comply with the LDS lifestyle standards I expected, yet they were my only source for the priesthood. I was very frustrated because I felt I was living the standards I’d promised, but if I wanted the sacrament or a blessing, I would have to ask one of the men who otherwise treated me horribly to do it for me. Sometimes they would, sometimes they wouldn’t, but I wasn’t allowed to do it for myself." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"I deployed to Afghanistan where the guys I deployed with didn’t treat me well and didn’t comply with the LDS lifestyle standards I expected, yet they were my only source for the priesthood. I was very frustrated because I felt I was living the standards I’d promised, but if I wanted the sacrament or a blessing, I would have to ask one of the men who otherwise treated me horribly to do it for me. Sometimes they would, sometimes they wouldn’t, but I wasn’t allowed to do it for myself." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"My now ex-husband was physically and emotionally abusive and used the words of the temple sealing, and the advice of our sealer, (that I strive to follow my husband’s council) to abuse me, justify his abuse, and manipulate me into staying with him." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"My now ex-husband was physically and emotionally abusive and used the words of the temple sealing, and the advice of our sealer, (that I strive to follow my husband’s council) to abuse me, justify his abuse, and manipulate me into staying with him." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"I grew up very active. I called the young women's president when I was 11 to ask if I could start working on my young womanhood medallion early. I did all the things and checked all the boxes, and honestly felt like my testimony was unbreakable. I even gave a Book of Mormon to my head drill sergeant at Army Basic training. I was a Mormon." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"I grew up very active. I called the young women's president when I was 11 to ask if I could start working on my young womanhood medallion early. I did all the things and checked all the boxes, and honestly felt like my testimony was unbreakable. I even gave a Book of Mormon to my head drill sergeant at Army Basic training. I was a Mormon." - Brooklyn's I Was a Mormon Story | wasmormon.org
"So what happened? I was trying to understand what I as the father of an LGBTQ child, should be teaching my family about what it means to be a gay child of God. The church teaches that gay people sin if they act on any desires that are not heterosexual. LGBTQ people who can not or will not conform to heterosexual norms are going against God’s plan for them. The only acceptable life for a gay person, according to the church, is lifelong and complete celibacy – they can not act on love, they can not be who they feel they are, they must always be on guard against intimacy in any meaningful relationship." - Patrick | https://wasmormon.org/profile/pdbrandt/
"So what happened? I was trying to understand what I as the father of an LGBTQ child, should be teaching my family about what it means to be a gay child of God. The church teaches that gay people sin if they act on any desires that are not heterosexual. LGBTQ people who can not or will not conform to heterosexual norms are going against God’s plan for them. The only acceptable life for a gay person, according to the church, is lifelong and complete celibacy – they can not act on love, they can not be who they feel they are, they must always be on guard against intimacy in any meaningful relationship." - Patrick | https://wasmormon.org/profile/pdbrandt/
"When my search for truth caused a faith crisis, my conscience demanded that I leave the church. Leaving the church was incredibly hard and scary. At times I found myself wishing I were dead, yet I had a new horror of death. I temporarily lost all hope and meaning in my life. I grieved the loss of everything I thought was constant and eternal. I felt angry. I felt stupid. I felt duped. I wondered how much of my life had been a waste of time. I wondered what harm I had done to others on my mission, in my family, among my acquaintances. Though the process was difficult and painful, I have found peace and fullfillment as an ex-mormon that I never had while in the church." - Patrick | https://wasmormon.org/profile/pdbrandt/
"When my search for truth caused a faith crisis, my conscience demanded that I leave the church. Leaving the church was incredibly hard and scary. At times I found myself wishing I were dead, yet I had a new horror of death. I temporarily lost all hope and meaning in my life. I grieved the loss of everything I thought was constant and eternal. I felt angry. I felt stupid. I felt duped. I wondered how much of my life had been a waste of time. I wondered what harm I had done to others on my mission, in my family, among my acquaintances. Though the process was difficult and painful, I have found peace and fullfillment as an ex-mormon that I never had while in the church." - Patrick | https://wasmormon.org/profile/pdbrandt/
"I gladly sacrificed to live the teachings of the church because I had been taught all my life that Jesus Christ is alive and that he personally leads the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and no other church on Earth. I believed that Joseph Smith talked to God face to face, that he translated the Book of Mormon, and that he lived and died as God’s chosen servant incapable of leading anyone astray. I believed that current leaders of the church are similarly connected to God and incapable of leading anyone astray." - Patrick | https://wasmormon.org/profile/pdbrandt/
"I gladly sacrificed to live the teachings of the church because I had been taught all my life that Jesus Christ is alive and that he personally leads the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and no other church on Earth. I believed that Joseph Smith talked to God face to face, that he translated the Book of Mormon, and that he lived and died as God’s chosen servant incapable of leading anyone astray. I believed that current leaders of the church are similarly connected to God and incapable of leading anyone astray." - Patrick | https://wasmormon.org/profile/pdbrandt/
"With time, introspection, and with the love and advice of wonderful people in my life, my life has taken on beautiful new meaning and urgency. My commitment to being a good person and helping make the world a better place, a commitment that so many members of the church share, has blossomed outside of the stultified confines of the church. It turns out there is a whole beautiful world outside of the church and I am grateful to be finding it. I don’t think I would be where I am now without the beautiful things I have learned from the LGBTQ+ community and for that I will be forever grateful!" - Patrick | https://wasmormon.org/profile/pdbrandt/
"With time, introspection, and with the love and advice of wonderful people in my life, my life has taken on beautiful new meaning and urgency. My commitment to being a good person and helping make the world a better place, a commitment that so many members of the church share, has blossomed outside of the stultified confines of the church. It turns out there is a whole beautiful world outside of the church and I am grateful to be finding it. I don’t think I would be where I am now without the beautiful things I have learned from the LGBTQ+ community and for that I will be forever grateful!" - Patrick | https://wasmormon.org/profile/pdbrandt/
"Despite my life long indoctrination, I knew this dogma was just wrong through and through. A historical analysis of the church’s position made it clear that they have been wrong for a long time on this and many other social issues. When I finally admitted that the church simply was wrong about many issues, a light started to shine through the cognitive dissonance and thought stopping walls I had built to protect my testimony of the church. I gave myself permission to study all sides and listen to all voices, for and against the church." - Patrick | https://wasmormon.org/profile/pdbrandt/
"Despite my life long indoctrination, I knew this dogma was just wrong through and through. A historical analysis of the church’s position made it clear that they have been wrong for a long time on this and many other social issues. When I finally admitted that the church simply was wrong about many issues, a light started to shine through the cognitive dissonance and thought stopping walls I had built to protect my testimony of the church. I gave myself permission to study all sides and listen to all voices, for and against the church." - Patrick | https://wasmormon.org/profile/pdbrandt/