Once a devout member of the church, Curtis cherished the faith of his youth—until he discovered that the church he had loved was not what it claimed to be. Confronted with shifting doctrines, hidden history, and unethical behavior from church leadership, his testimony crumbled. Like many who experience a crisis of faith, Curtis cycled through denial, bargaining, anger, and deep grief. He fought to reconcile what he had been taught with what he had uncovered. He feared for his family, his marriage, and the loss of certainty that his faith once provided. But in time, he found acceptance. He embraced the unknown, choosing instead to focus on the tangible love and joy in his life—his wife, his children, and the moments they share.
Despite the challenges of being in a mixed-faith marriage, he and his wife worked through their differences with mutual respect and understanding. He stands as a testament to the power of love over dogma, believing that no healthy relationship should be torn apart over religious differences. He speaks out against the dishonesty that has led so many to disillusionment. Above all, Curtis values integrity. His breaking point—the SEC charges against the church in 2023—solidified his realization that an institution claiming divine authority should be held to the highest ethical standard. He refuses to ignore uncomfortable truths simply for the sake of belonging. While he no longer believes, he respects the spiritual choices of those he loves, proving that belief—or the lack thereof—should never be a barrier to kindness, empathy, and connection.
I’m a husband, father, and amateur banjo player. I’m part of a mixed faith family. Although I no longer believe in the church, I still support my family’s right to choose their own spiritual path. I enjoy camping traveling — I love my family. Serving my wife and children has become my source of spiritual rejuvenation. I was a Mormon.
I loved the church that was presented to me as a youth. I can remember the exact moment I obtained a testimony of the faith I was taught during childhood. The messaging was simple, and it made sense to me. As an adult, I came to realize that the church presented to me as a youth didn’t match the picture of mormonism today. Between shifting doctrines, unethical behavior by the General Leadership, and hidden history of the church I came to realize that nothing about the church is what it claimed to be. The religion I’d loved as a youth simply didn’t exist, and never had.
As my testimony shattered, I exhibited emotions of over-zealous behaviors and church activity in an effort to deny what I had discovered about the church and put the pieces of my testimony back together. I grew angry at the church for the dishonest history I had been spoon fed and the general unethical behavior by the general leadership of the church. I bargained with the Lord and pleaded for forgiveness because of my “blindness” and begged for the church to be true. I became incredibly depressed because I felt like I had lost my safety net and spiritual assurance that everything would be ok after I died.
I feared for the loss of my family. What would they think if they knew I no longer believed. I eventually reached a period of acceptance wherein I am happy and comfortable not knowing what comes next and have learned to more deeply appreciate what I have now (my family, etc.). I still travel back and forth between these stages. For this reason, I may still be angry at times, I may be content at times, I may be inquisitive at times, and I may be apathetic at times. My emotions are valid and matter. It can be hurtful when those who leave the religion are labeled as prideful, sinful, or lacking in faith. The best advice I can give to those deconstructing is to prove the unkind members wrong and not become the stereotype that they believe you to be.
Navigating a faith crisis/transition can feel incredibly lonely for both the believing spouse and the non-believing spouse. As my wife and I navigated through my faith transition, we both felt a strong desire to reach out to those around us for guidance. I am so grateful that my wife and I were able to work through our differences. I do not believe that any healthy relationship should end because of a difference in religious affiliation. Contrary to what the president of the church (Russell Nelson) teaches, counseling with those of different beliefs can strengthen relationships of all types because it fosters empathy among all participants. No one should ever have to feel alone out of fear of nonacceptance. The Mormon church has been dishonest about many things from its history to ethical behaviors by the general leadership. Families should not be broken because of a global organization’s dishonest behavior.
The SEC charges filed against the church in February of 2023 broke my shelf. The church collects tithing donations throughout the year to accommodate operating expenses and humanitarian aid throughout the world. According to the SEC filing, surplus tithes and offerings had been collected between the years of 1997 and 2019. These surplus tithes, when received, were invested through the investment entity of the church, Ensign Peak Advisors. In order to mislead faithful tithe payers, the church created 13 different shell companies to obfuscate the amount of their holdings and either failed to file federal forms or blatantly lied on federal forms. I do not believe that lying in the name of god is ever ok. No one is above the law, and anyone who claims divine authority to break the law is a danger and not to be trusted in things temporal or spiritual.
Much of what’s discussed in the Gospel Topic Essays, Joseph Smith Papers, etc. were once described as “anti-mormon lies” by local and general leaders of the church. Discovering that those “anti-mormon lies” were true was heartbreaking because it meant that the church I’d grown to love had lied to me solely to protect its image.
As a former member who was incredibly devout, I find it insulting and hurtful when I’m belittled simply because I no longer believe. I try hard to be respectful to all members of the church, but sometimes that kindness isn’t reciprocated. Unfortunately the general leadership (and sometimes local members) will take it upon themselves to speak unkindly of those who’ve left the faith. Comments can range from name calling, or marginalizing former members by minimizing their experience and reasons for leaving.
One can speculate that the god of Mormonism is testing my faith. Perhaps this is true, but the cards are still stacked against me. Any god who condemns me for the unfair situation resulting from his confusing arena is not a god worth worshiping. Why can God take time out of his day to bless my greasy pizza or help my neighbor find her car keys, but refuses to take time out of his day to answer questions that keep me from believing? Members are promised further light and knowledge in exchange for increased faith. Was my three decades of complete devotion not enough? Why, when I have a question, am I encouraged to just “focus on what I already know?” That doesn’t answer my question and encourages me to ignore it.
Curtis
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