Any suggestions about how to deal with my still-Mormon family?

I don't fault my believing family members for the way they treat me and the things they say regarding my faith transition because I behaved the same way as a believing member. Those who have left the faith or lost their testimony experience a feeling of "I'm sorry for what I said/did when I was mormon." I am no different.

This is simply the result of the general leadership propagating the idea that those who leave are "under Satan's power" (temple endowment ceremony) or "should not be counseled with" (Russell Nelson GC 2023). My wife and I have experienced ups and downs throughout my faith transition. We have chosen to keep love, trust, and choice at the center of our marriage. In other words, we consider our love for one another to be greater than our spiritual differences; we trust in one another's character and the desire to bring about goodness into each other's lives; and we allow each other the freedom to choose our own paths for spiritual rejuvenation. Many active family members may continue to try and "rescue" you. In moments like that I just remind them that non-belief does not equal no-belief, and invite them to ask about my beliefs whenever they are ready to talk.

curtishartley

Take your time. Be patient with them. Respect their boundaries and let them know they're still family. It's best to respect their decisions and what they want to do, no matter how much you detest them.

bakiraka01

Respect their beliefs while establishing boundaries. I don’t try and force conversations with my active family members challenging their beliefs. However I answer honestly their questions and do not spare their feelings if they initiate the conversations. Be honest, and accept that it may change your relationship with them permanently. 

ashmonster2000

Love them. Let them see how content and happy you are. Plant seeds for critical thought.

bholt

I’m still struggling with this and I think I always will. My entire family, including extended, is Mormon. However, I distance myself. I still talk to my cousins, siblings, and parents but I keep to myself. This gets hard as I continue to succeed, all I want to do is tell my family but I have to remember that I made all of my accomplishments happen. They had little to no help in my success. In doing so of keeping most of my life private, they keep theirs too. It’s not like I don’t know their same old routine anyways. I just try to remember that them knowing the important stuff is enough. Keeping contact to a minimum allows me to live my life freely. On how to deal with their backwards beliefs? I ah e no idea. What I have learned is that it’s not fair of me to attack them and ask them to change. Although I wish they would change their minds about the church, I know how it feels coming from them telling me that I need to change. Going back and forth won’t help. Instead, I throw out my opinion and make sure it’s not too forceful in attacking their beliefs and hope it doesn’t turn into an argument. Or I ask them questions on why they believe certain things. This could be harmful if you ask questions that could be personal to you. I had the mistake of asking my family if they would support gay marriage (I’m a lesbian) if it was up for debate on becoming illegal to do. Their answer didn’t surprise me but still hurt me deeply. My best advice though is to get a support system. One or two friends is enough. Just people to vent and complain to. Maybe even an ex Mormon that you know. 

2703

Be kind and patient. If they decide to leave, it will be on their terms. Don’t be a know-it-all, but encourage them to read and learn. I wish I would have had more guidance on this topic 

danieljohnson

Deal with them in kindness. They my or may not understand. You can explain or not but tell them you’ll always love them and care about your relationship with them. 

inactivewanderer