Any suggestions about how to deal with my still-Mormon family?

I chose this question to answer because I am currently living it right now and am not entirely sure what to do. Thankfully my husband's family is more mixed, with his father being a non-member and two of his older siblings being ex-members. We were thankfully not the first ones in his family to leave.
So far, what has helped is to remain true to myself without being combative. Respectfully disagreeing, basically. My MIL says something racist? Playfully point it out or keep my mouth shut and vent to my husband later have been my go-to responses. I don't like mormons managing me and my beliefs and values, so I shouldn't really try manage them either I guess.
Even though a lot if not most mormons will have zero self-awareness and will try to manage my beliefs but demand that I never even slightly challenge or "disrespect" theirs. Urgh.
I think how you will deal with your family will be dependent on your family situation. It might not be safe to tell them you left or are even doubting, depending on the family.
It's also going to depend on what you're like as a person. Some people are nonconfrontational and don't want to rock the boat or stir the pot with any of their relationships.
In my situation, I am a very passionate person, and while my husband's family is fine, my family is not. They are a wreck. I am not the first person to leave the church on my side either, but my side of the family does not have a good track record with it comes to dealing with family that decides to take a different road in life.
Most of my family members that have left the church have been socially rejected and excluded from the family, and are treated as lesser and like delinquents. So much for mormonism's Families are Forever brand.
I do not live with my parents anymore so if they have a problem with me, tough. I am going to give them plenty of crap because they deserve it. They are absolute jerks and have behaved very obnoxiously to me and everyone else in my family for a long time.
Currently, I sort of harass my easily-offended, passive aggressive parents with my newfound love of coffee, and they hate it... Uh, quite a bit.
It's my way of giving the middle finger to them, without going far enough to the point that they'll send a confrontational email.
God I hate those emails so much.
My dad did send me a weird email at one point that was his response to my pointing out that the church used to include soda as a no-no drink along with tea and coffee because it had caffeine, but then the church changed it so soda was okay for some reason (it was so they could invest in the Pepsi company I believe).
He hadn't had anything to say in the moment, because I was right. Why didn't the church just say coffee was okay? They haven't been able to use science to prove that coffee is any worse than soda, and soda, I also pointed out, is much more unhealthy anyway.
The best thing he could do was send me a short email that said something along the lines of "Hey here's this interesting article about church history and the pioneers." Dad, I didn't care about the pioneers when I was mormon, why would I care now?
Anyway. Ultimately, my personal issues aside, trust yourself. Do what you need to do. Don't let other mormon family members convince you to allow others to abuse you with the lie that you are a mean and bad person if you stand up for yourself and guard your peace and safety. Guard your peace and safety!
If you have a family that legitimately loves you and they are simply victims of the brainwashing of mormonism, I'd say set boundaries, and, when necessary, limit contact.

rainbowaxolotl

I don't fault my believing family members for the way they treat me and the things they say regarding my faith transition because I behaved the same way as a believing member.
This is simply the result of the general leadership propagating the idea that those who leave are "under Satan's power" (temple endowment ceremony) or "should not be counseled with" (Russell Nelson GC 2023). My wife and I have experienced ups and downs throughout my faith transition. We have chosen to keep love, trust, and choice at the center of our marriage. In other words, we consider our love for one another to be greater than our spiritual differences; we trust in one another's character and the desire to bring about goodness into each other's lives; and we allow each other the freedom to choose our own paths for spiritual rejuvenation. Many active family members may continue to try and "rescue" you. In moments like that I just remind them that non-belief does not equal no-belief, and invite them to ask about my beliefs whenever they are ready to talk.

curtishartley

Research yourself with credible and reliable sources, that will be satisfactory.

connoraldridge

These suggestions have worked for me and my family, but they may not work for everyone else:
Be respectful and polite.
Set reasonable boundaries and enforce them (e.g., "No, I will not say prayer or read scriptures").
Be patient; they don’t know any better and they don’t understand what you’ve been through.
Be slow to anger, but don’t be a pushover.
Be honest.
Know when to compromise.
Don’t try to talk them out of the church or force them to see things from your point of view. If they’re not willing to listen and learn, you’re just going to hit a wall. If they want to leave the church that is something they will need to do on their own. all you can do is provide guidance.
Find your tribe. Surround yourself with people who support your views. I have my husband, who is my biggest cheerleader, and I learn from my never-Mormon friends every day about what’s normal and what’s not.
Have confidence in yourself. They may say things to tear you down or pressure you to come back, but you KNOW the truth. You have no regrets about your decision.
Remember, they are acting per their programming—they don’t know any better.
Don’t fight with them, Debate and Educate.
Be yourself as much as you can manage.
"You’re just an angel who goes along with heaven as far as he can."
— Crowley, Good Omens

proudxmo

Be kind and patient. If they decide to leave, it will be on their terms. Don’t be a know-it-all, but encourage them to read and learn. I wish I would have had more guidance on this topic

danieljohnson

Take your time. Be patient with them. Respect their boundaries and let them know they're still family. It's best to respect their decisions and what they want to do, no matter how much you detest them.

bakiraka01

Respect their beliefs while establishing boundaries. I don’t try and force conversations with my active family members challenging their beliefs. However I answer honestly their questions and do not spare their feelings if they initiate the conversations. Be honest, and accept that it may change your relationship with them permanently.

ashmonster2000

Love them. Let them see how content and happy you are. Plant seeds for critical thought.

bholt

I’m still struggling with this and I think I always will. My entire family, including extended, is Mormon. However, I distance myself. I still talk to my cousins, siblings, and parents but I keep to myself. This gets hard as I continue to succeed, all I want to do is tell my family but I have to remember that I made all of my accomplishments happen. They had little to no help in my success. In doing so of keeping most of my life private, they keep theirs too. It’s not like I don’t know their same old routine anyways. I just try to remember that them knowing the important stuff is enough. Keeping contact to a minimum allows me to live my life freely. On how to deal with their backwards beliefs? I ah e no idea. What I have learned is that it’s not fair of me to attack them and ask them to change. Although I wish they would change their minds about the church, I know how it feels coming from them telling me that I need to change. Going back and forth won’t help. Instead, I throw out my opinion and make sure it’s not too forceful in attacking their beliefs and hope it doesn’t turn into an argument. Or I ask them questions on why they believe certain things. This could be harmful if you ask questions that could be personal to you. I had the mistake of asking my family if they would support gay marriage (I’m a lesbian) if it was up for debate on becoming illegal to do. Their answer didn’t surprise me but still hurt me deeply. My best advice though is to get a support system. One or two friends is enough. Just people to vent and complain to. Maybe even an ex Mormon that you know.

2703

Deal with them in kindness. They my or may not understand. You can explain or not but tell them you’ll always love them and care about your relationship with them.