LDS Personal Faith Crisis – April 2013

Personal Faith Crisis Report Sections:

Section Table of Contents

OVERVIEW
- A Need for Greater Understanding
STEP 1: INITIATION
STEP 2: SEARCH
STEP 3: TROUBLING DISCOVERY
STEP 4: BETRAYAL
STEP 5: HARSH TREATMENT
- Harsh Responses by Loved Ones
STEP 6: DISTANCING
- Lack of Empathy
- Lack of Official LDS Acknowledgement
STEP 7: ANGER MAGNIFICATION
- Denial of Difficult Issues
STEP 8: COMPLETED CYCLE-OF-DISAFFECTION

THE PERPETUAL
CYCLE OF DISAFFECTION

OVERVIEW

While each Faith Crisis is unique, many commonalities exist that define the experience. The goal of The Perpetual Cycle of Disaffection graphic is to distill the Faith Crisis “vicious cycle” to its simplest core. While this represents the worst-case scenario, the majority of our Faith Crisis members experience at least several aspects of this cycle. The cycle is divided into three main trisectors: 1) Discover, 2) Disclosure & Distress, and 3) Disaffection & Disaffiliation.

This Perpetual Cycle of Disaffection graphic divides the cycle into three main sectors: 1) Discover, 2) Disclosure & Distress, and 3) Disaffection & Disaffiliation.

A Need for Greater Understanding

Too often families, friends, spouses, and members label our Faith Crisis members as pariahs and avoid them like the plague—even when they’re just at the questioning stage.

Just as important as why people leave is the question of what we do with our doubting and disaffected Faith Crisis brothers and sisters. As outlined poignantly by the Faith Crisis survey respondents: once a struggling member starts heading out the proverbial Church door, we members often make sure to slam the door firmly behind them. At the center of solving our Faith Crisis challenge is the need to break this cycle of disaffection.

When learning more about Church history and Joseph Smith, I felt the church had knowingly deceived me in order to maintain my beliefs. I think the Church’s withholding of information is an equal crime to dishonesty and deceit, especially when they are aware of their importance it has in a member’s life choices and psyche.”

RESPONDENT # 1680, ANONYMOUS MALE, IN HIS 40’S

STEP 1: INITIATION

The mass majority of online information designed to erode the faith of others is created by disaffected members or former members of the LDS Church.

This Perpetual Cycle of Disaffection graphic displays the initiation phase where an active member hears about troubling elements of Church history, theology, and culture from a disaffected member.

“After researching Book of Abraham issues in an attempt to resolve some concerns of a family member, I quickly realized from reviewing the topical index at fairlds.org that there was much in the history that I did not know. As a result, I decided for the first time in my life to examine the church objectively through the lens of logic and critical thinking. None of my supernatural beliefs survived that examination.”

RESPONDENT #2296, ANONYMOUS FEMALE, IN HER 30’S

STEP 2: SEARCH

When members are faced with disproving or refuting anti-Mormon claims, many first turn to LDS.org, which unfortunately has limited information on the majority of the difficult topics. Not finding satisfactory answers, members turn to Google to refute the difficult claims they have heard.

This Perpetual Cycle of Disaffection graphic displays the search phase where an active member searches for information to refute new information.

“Do you expect me to believe that my four sisters and I could go to church from primary through seminary and BYU and not know how our own Book of Mormon was produced? Please stop with the apologetics as well. FAIR and the Maxwell Institute contributed to my leaving the church. Sincere believing members want to hear [about troubling issues] from the leaders they set apart as prophets, seers and revelators.”

RESPONDENT #2122, ANONYMOUS MALE, IN HIS 40’S

STEP 3: TROUBLING DISCOVERY

Many believing members disregard disturbing historical and doctrinal claims as “anti-Mormon lies” that have no merit or are exaggerated to the point of lunacy. While there are plenty of unfounded claims against the Church, many of the most prominent anti-Mormon claims have been verified by faithful Church historians as having merit.

This Perpetual Cycle of Disaffection graphic displays the troubling discovery phase where an active member finds the disaffected member was accurate in many of their claims.

“My loss of belief has as much to do with how the church dealt with or is dealing with these issues as much as it is the issues themselves. Also, there is no ‘primary’ factor for my loss-of-belief. My testimony suffered a death by a thousand cuts.”
RESPONDENT #2249, ANONYMOUS MALE, IN HIS 30’S

“The problem is we have NO WHERE to go for official answers. You do a search on LDS.org for polygamy and get a talk from Elder Ballard about why people should stop asking us about it.”
ANONYMOUS FEMALE VIA FACEBOOK

STEP 4: BETRAYAL

When a member discovers facts that contradict the existing historical narrative, she feels a strong sense of betrayal. Many members in Faith Crisis attribute this high sense of betrayal to the high level of trust they placed in the Church. For many, equal to the difficult historical issues themselves is the loss-of-trust in the Church and feelings of betrayal.

This Perpetual Cycle of Disaffection graphic displays the betrayal phase where an active member feels betrayed thinking the church “hid the truth.”

“I learned the dishonesty was systematic and institutional, euphemized as ‘correlation,’ on the part of what I had believed to be God’s church—the only true and living church upon the face of the whole earth with which God was supposedly well pleased. Indeed, the very church which burned the principle of honesty into my soul as a youth, the church which required me to be ‘honest in all my dealings,’ and the church to which I had confessed my darkest indiscretions in an attempt to remain honest before God—this same church simply has not told the truth about itself.”

RESPONDENT #2241, ANONYMOUS MALE, IN HIS 30’S

STEP 5: HARSH TREATMENT

Whether it’s our innate desire to defend the Church—or our desire to avoid information that contradicts our standard LDS narrative—the most common LDS response to an active member posing difficult questions is one of defense and dismissal (see list of actual responses following).

This Perpetual Cycle of Disaffection graphic displays the harsh treatment phase where an active member shares their concerns with family and friends and is treated harshly.

Harsh Responses by Loved Ones

When struggling members disclose their Faith Crisis, they are often met with harsh, “shame and blame” responses that further alienate them from loved ones. The following actual responses illustrate this point:

What covenant are you breaking?
You must want to sin.
Who has offended you?
Are you clinically depressed?
You’re not worthy to be a parent if you’re questioning this.
I must have raised you poorly.
I would rather see you dead than see you lose your testimony.
Stop reading and thinking about these historical issues.
Your concerns are anti-Mormon lies and are meritless.
It’s your own fault you’re struggling. Nothing has been misrepresented.
Your IQ just dropped 30 points for questioning these things.
Your discontent is part of the latter-day “inner cleansing” of the Church.

STEP 6: DISTANCING

Many struggling members and active members experience a schism in their relationship. This is often aggravated by the struggling member’s overreaction to the belief they have been treated harshly and unjustly persecuted for simply asking questions and disclosing historically accurate information.

This Perpetual Cycle of Disaffection graphic displays the distancing phase where family and friends distance themselves emotionally and physically from the troubled active member.

Lack of Empathy

For many, it’s less about us answering difficult historical questions than it is about how we treat their doubt. Many yearn for—but do not receive— an acknowledgment of their struggles.

Lack of Official LDS Acknowledgement

The lack of official LDS acknowledgment of difficult issues—and the lack of clear position statements—often aggravates and discourages those suffering from Faith Crisis.

“I found there were times I turned to loved ones for comfort and support and instead found drama and debate. It’s already isolating to feel your faith crumble beneath you. People shouldn’t make it worse by treating you poorly.”

ANONYMOUS FEMALE VIA FACEBOOK

“In my experience, these are heartfelt questions from people having honest skepticism who are then met with judgement, accusations, and everything but satisfactory answers. Telling me my concerns are all lies or half truths (when they’re not) is what discourages me the most.”

ANONYMOUS MALE VIA FACEBOOK

STEP 7: ANGER MAGNIFICATION

Members in Faith Crisis who believe they are being wrongfully punished for “following the truth” become even more incensed at the Church from the resulting strain and damage to their familial relationships.

This Perpetual Cycle of Disaffection graphic displays the anger magnification phase where the active member’s feelings of betrayal over historical issues are magnified by anger at the loss of familiar relationships.

Denial of Difficult Issues

While the Internet does include false information masked as anti-Mormon facts, many troubling issues have been verified by faithful Church scholars. When members and leaders make broad statements denying the validity of Internet Faith Crisis issues, struggling members often become even more despondent as active members and then use this “there is no problem” justification to discount the concerns of their struggling family and friends. These combine to further push struggling members from the Church.

The Facebook quote below is, unfortunately, a commonly felt sentiment to members and leaders who state or imply that there are no credible historical criticisms to be found on the Internet.

“ Our Church leaders should say:
I acknowledge your pain and concerns about this problem. Here’s the correct answer or way I reconcile this problem.

Instead they say:
There is no problem. If you think there’s a problem, it’s your fault for making it a problem. Repent for making it a problem.”

ANONYMOUS MALE VIA FACEBOOK

STEP 8: COMPLETED CYCLE-OF-DISAFFECTION

Levels of disaffection and resentment vary greatly among those who experience a Faith Crisis. On the far extreme, some disaffected members literally devote their entire lives to battling the Church and “proclaiming the truth” to the active membership. Unfortunately, many of these disaffected members—through the Internet and social media—are seeing substantial success in their efforts.

This Perpetual Cycle of Disaffection graphic displays the completion of disaffiliation when the active member becomes a disaffected member and shares their pain and anger with others.

“My wife divorced me because she held the church above our marriage. Being truthful about the facts of science and fairness destroyed my marriage…The first law of heaven should be love not obedience!”

RESPONDENT #2092, ANONYMOUS MALE, IN HIS 50’S

“A Facebook friend posted a derogatory comment about Joseph Smith. I started refuting her comment. She sent me links to very credible sites. Within a month, I realized I had lived a lie. My husband was Bishop, and I was Primary President at the time. It’s been a tough couple of years, but our kids are thriving outside of the church.”

RESPONDENT #2084, ANONYMOUS FEMALE, IN HER 30’S

Continue to Faith Crisis Profiles, the next section in the Report. The other sections of the Faith Crisis Report are broken into the following pages: