Hi! I'm Jacob
I'm a lover of geography, tokusatsu, Deadpool, and music (basically every genre). I'm 19, I love traveling and learning about other cultures, and I was a Mormon
About me
I was born into the church, with ancestry from Wilford Woodruff and dozens of people on the Utah Expedition. Pretty much everyone on my mom's side of the family was and is an active and practicing Mormon. Growing up, I was a very firm believer in the church and I loved Boy Scouts, and always wanted to get my Eagle. I was genuinely devastated that they dropped the program. I was baptized when I was 8, I attended seminary, and I did my best to keep the commandments and to keep the sabbath day holy.
On my shelf
On the Mormon Spectrum
# Why I left More stories of 'Why I left' the Mormon church
Throughout most of my time in the church, I felt like I wasn't good enough. I wasn't worthy of anything. I felt controlled. I felt like I was living someone else's life, and not my own. This ended up making my life and the world around me extremely confusing, and I didn't really know how to maneuver my way through life. I didn't know what was important, I didn't know who I was nor who I was meant to be. Everything was just extremely confusing. Despite this, I continued to hold on to the iron rod (if not just with my fingertips), in the hopes that maybe, I just maybe, I'd figure everything out.
But I didn't
I first made my way out of the church when I was about 11, after realizing how convenient the repentance system was. You could sin, repent, sin, repent, sin, repent, sin, repent. It was like a get out of jail free card. This made me ask a lot of questions, as I began seeing how far I could take this idea and pushed it as far as I could. All of a sudden, I had a lot more fun and felt happier when testing these waters.
Fast forward 2 years later. I was 13. My niece lived with me. My primary teacher gave her a rock. She would put the rock under her pillow after she got home from school, to remind her to pray at night. After praying, she would put it on the floor, so it would stub her in the toe and remind her to pray in the morning. The idea of using physical harm to remind young children to pray, and doing it in such a way that the kids unknowingly consented to it, rubbed me the wrong way. And then my shelf started breaking.
Give it about another 3-and-a-half years, during which I had a back-and-forth battle with my faith. Then, September 3rd, 2021 happens. I have a gender identity crisis. My parents find out about it. And my shelf is completely broken. I now know there's no chance of me ever finding happiness in the church, so now I decided to put the church behind me. And thus, I became an ex-mo
I officially resigned from the church in June of 2024, the same month I drank my first cup of coffee. I have never been happier since leaving, and now I finally have a sense of control and direction in my life without some hocus-pocus religion telling me what and what not to do. I have never felt more liberated and in control of my life than I do now. And it is there that I learned one very crucial rule about life: it gets better.
I have since read the CES Letter, and now there is no chance of me EVER going back.
Questions about Mormons My Answers to Questions about Mormonism
#Link to this answer of 'Why are you sharing your story?' by jacob Why are you sharing your story? See more answers about 'Why are you sharing your story?'
To get my feelings out and make sense of the many complexities and nightmares in my brain, and live my life a little easier.
#Link to this answer of 'Why don't you leave the mormon church alone?' by jacob Why don't you leave the mormon church alone? See more answers about 'Why don't you leave the mormon church alone?'
It didn't leave me alone. And it still won't leave me alone. So why should I leave IT alone?
#Link to this answer of 'What do you believe now?' by jacob What do you believe now? See more answers about 'What do you believe now?'
I believe firmly in individualism. Be yourself, not who others want you to be. And one of the most important aspects of my life is informed consent. Whenever you do anything with anyone at any time, GET. THEIR. CONSENT. I believe in the importance of making choices for yourself and not believing what other people tell you and/or want you to believe. I am firmly agnostic and won't deny that God exists, but I do believe that the Mormon interpretation of God doesn't exist. I am also very sex-positive and believe in sexual liberation and freedom, and I know from experience and witness that sexual repression gets nowhere. As such, I fully endorse living your sex life the way YOU desire. Not someone else. Your body, your choice.
#Link to this answer of 'What do you believe is the origin of the Book of Mormon?' by jacob What do you believe is the origin of the Book of Mormon? See more answers about 'What do you believe is the origin of the Book of Mormon?'
Multiple different books that Oliver Cowdery and the Smith family had read. They compiled all of those together while placing the most emphasis on the KJV, to create the mishmash that is the BoM.
#Link to this answer of 'What church callings did you serve in?' by jacob What church callings did you serve in? See more answers about 'What church callings did you serve in?'
Secretary of the Deacon's Quorum
#Link to this answer of 'Is there only one way to be an ex-Mormon?' by jacob Is there only one way to be an ex-Mormon? See more answers about 'Is there only one way to be an ex-Mormon?'
Hell no. I know exmo's that don't drink coffee. I know asexual exmo's. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to exmormonism, and claiming there is is equivalent to church thinking
#Link to this answer of 'What advice would you give to someone interested in joining the Mormon Church? Or for that matter, someone interested in leaving the Mormon Church?' by jacob What advice would you give to someone interested in joining the Mormon Church? Or for that matter, someone interested in leaving the Mormon Church? See more answers about 'What advice would you give to someone interested in joining the Mormon Church? Or for that matter, someone interested in leaving the Mormon Church?'
"Read the CES Letter. Then research the sources. Then, make a decision."
#Link to this answer of 'Were you asked inappropriate questions in "worthiness" interviews by your Mormon Bishop?' by jacob Were you asked inappropriate questions in "worthiness" interviews by your Mormon Bishop? See more answers about 'Were you asked inappropriate questions in "worthiness" interviews by your Mormon Bishop?'
I had an interview with my bishop one time over my bisexuality. One of my most embarrassing moments and I never want to live through something like that again. This conversation happened when I was TWELVE and I was not allowed to have my parents with me. This was a private one-on-one between me (who was a fucking minor) and my bishop (who was in his 40s, maybe even 50s)
#Link to this answer of 'Is the term Mormon a major victory for Satan?' by jacob Is the term Mormon a major victory for Satan? See more answers about 'Is the term Mormon a major victory for Satan?'
I personally find that idea to be hilarious and I like to believe it is. If that was the case, that would mean Satan had the church under his grasp for 150 years, thus meaning the church wasn't even true until Nelson's presidency. So just for my amusement, I'd say it is.
#Link to this answer of 'How/why did/do you stay in the pew?' by jacob How/why did/do you stay in the pew? See more answers about 'How/why did/do you stay in the pew?'
My parents forced me to
#Link to this answer of 'How long was your struggle?' by jacob How long was your struggle? See more answers about 'How long was your struggle?'
About 5 and a half years. Started when I was 11, shelf broke in September 2021 when I was 16
#Link to this answer of 'How has your leaving Mormonism affected your family relationships, friendships, job, neighbor relationships, social life, etc.?' by jacob How has your leaving Mormonism affected your family relationships, friendships, job, neighbor relationships, social life, etc.? See more answers about 'How has your leaving Mormonism affected your family relationships, friendships, job, neighbor relationships, social life, etc.?'
Fortunately being exmo hasn't really affected my life too much. My relationship with my parents is out the window, but that's about it.
#Link to this answer of 'How do you currently feel about your church service?' by jacob How do you currently feel about your church service? See more answers about 'How do you currently feel about your church service?'
I'm very indifferent to it. My shelf broke when I was 16 so most I had done was maybe some "junior missionary work" on my school playground and a lot of baptisms for the dead. I HATED the baptisms and wish I could get that precious time back, but other than that I don't really care about the church service that I did.
#Link to this answer of 'How did being Mormon affect your daily life?' by jacob How did being Mormon affect your daily life? See more answers about 'How did being Mormon affect your daily life?'
I felt very left out of the things that my friends did, my purity and lack of interest in more mature video games lead to a lot of bullying and harassment, (much of which was sexual), and most kids didn't understand me. Daily life was.... rough. To say the least.
#Link to this answer of 'Does the church encourage leader worship?' by jacob Does the church encourage leader worship? See more answers about 'Does the church encourage leader worship?'
Follow the prophet,
Follow the prophet
Follow the prophet; don't go astray
Follow the prophet,
Follow the prophet,
Follow the prophet; he knows the way
#Link to this answer of 'Do you hang out with other ex-Mormons?' by jacob Do you hang out with other ex-Mormons? See more answers about 'Do you hang out with other ex-Mormons?'
My brother? I have very few ex-Mormon friends. My therapist is ex-Mormon, and I've become pretty active on the exmo subreddit in recent months, but my interactions with exmos are still on the smaller scale
#Link to this answer of 'Do you consider yourself a Christian?' by jacob Do you consider yourself a Christian? See more answers about 'Do you consider yourself a Christian?'
No. I consider myself agnostic. I am not opposed to the idea of possibly becoming non-denominational somewhere on down the road, but it would take a LOT of convincing to get me to join.
#Link to this answer of 'Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true?' by jacob Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true? See more answers about 'Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true?'
Prior to reading the CES Letter, I debated the possibility that maybe it had some level of accuracy to it. It was hard for me to argue that Joseph Smith really could've written something like that. But then, after reading the CES Letter and learning the different sources Joseph "Borrowed" from, linguistically and narratively, I definitely think that the Book of Mormon is a work of fiction. Personally, while I think the bible isn't true either, I definitely think it's more true than the BoM
#Link to this answer of 'Do Mormons Believe in a Loving God?' by jacob Do Mormons Believe in a Loving God? See more answers about 'Do Mormons Believe in a Loving God?'
They think they do. Even growing up I always believed Satan was a better character than God. God's love always felt conditional to some degree when I was growing up and now that I'm out I realize how conditional it actually is. The Mormon Jesus definitely isn't a loving God, but Mormons will for sure try to claim he is.
#Link to this answer of 'Did the gospel topic essays help your faith crisis?' by jacob Did the gospel topic essays help your faith crisis? See more answers about 'Did the gospel topic essays help your faith crisis?'
No. As a matter of fact, I had NO IDEA those essays existed until I read the CES letter. I rarely if ever used the church website, as I made my way out prior to serving a mission so the church website wasn't really of much use to me. I only ever used the website for scriptures, and had no idea what else was even on it.
#Link to this answer of 'Can you describe the type of faith you had prior to your loss of faith?' by jacob Can you describe the type of faith you had prior to your loss of faith? See more answers about 'Can you describe the type of faith you had prior to your loss of faith?'
I had a firm testimony in Jesus. As stated in my bio, I had plans to go to BYU, I attended Boy Scouts weekly, wanting to get my Eagle and being devastated that they dropped the program before I could get it. I knew the church was true and I believed that it was the only path to happiness. I only really had one major flaw with the church: its scriptures were BORING.
#Link to this answer of 'Are you lazy? Is that why you left?' by jacob Are you lazy? Is that why you left? See more answers about 'Are you lazy? Is that why you left?'
No. I left due to dissatisfaction with the church's methods. I didn't leave because I wanted to sin, I left because I noticed errors in the church's thinking. If I never noticed these errors, I would absolutely still be practicing.
#Link to this answer of 'Are you happy?' by jacob Are you happy? See more answers about 'Are you happy?'
Sometimes. I suffer from bipolar disorder, so some days I'm happier than others, some days I'm sadder than others. But if you asked me while I was still in the church, happiness (or at least the textbook definition of it) was a foreign concept to me. I thought I was happy, but I didn't know what happiness was.
#Link to this answer of 'Any suggestions about how to deal with my still-Mormon family?' by jacob Any suggestions about how to deal with my still-Mormon family? See more answers about 'Any suggestions about how to deal with my still-Mormon family?'
Take your time. Be patient with them. Respect their boundaries and let them know they're still family. It's best to respect their decisions and what they want to do, no matter how much you detest them.