How long was your struggle?
I knew wanted to leave after one year in, but it took me three years to submit my resignation.
Seventeen years of hell.
A struggle is a challenge that we retain within, replaying and revisiting, and anxiety is suffering from something that hasn't happened yet. Fear is just an emotion, and it's good to sit with and melt into it, feel it and absorb it. It's okay in your transition to feel pain and sorrow, betrayal and fear -- it is so normal. Don't fight it off, don't fight anything, just be one with all emotion and go with the flow.
For me, it wasn't until I learned the above concepts, that I began to be okay.
Listen to the MindValley episode, "The Power of Consciousness" with Gelong (zen monk) Thubten. open.spotify.com/episode/… shorter version here youtube.com/… That podcast helped me a great deal to embrace emotions (struggles) (vs trying to willpower my way out of them). Whiteknuckling anything does not work. Only by embracing the fear, which underlies our struggle, do we find peace with that emotion. It's good to sit and feel struggles, the observation of it alone (hello, and name it), creates dissipation and takes its power away).
Then, create the feeling you want, envision it in your heart like it's already happened.
My first faith crisis happened at 2000. I stopped fully believing around 2010, and disclosed my intent to leave church in 2020. I removed my name from church records in 2022.
Nearly twelve years from the time I read my first "anti-Mormon" website to the time I decided I was done with the church.
The time between the debute of the PoX and me submitting my resignation was just shy of 4 years.
6 months. I snapped hard. It hurt and I am still going through periods of anger and frustration 1.5 years later. I am still tapped into Mormon news, podcasts, etc but I am considering cutting it all out for my sanity/progress.
I stared to question things a couple years prior to my faith crisis, but I shoved them down and suppressed them. I feel like everything I had suppressed surfaced at once, and I was out immediately. Transitioning out was fairly quick for me.
I struggled most of my childhood, starting when I was learning about baptism. Over the years, my shelf got heavier and heavier until it finally broke. I struggled so much and I dealt with so much fear and anxiety. The struggle is worth it once you're out.
The initial struggle with nine months, from April 2015 to the end of December 2015. But even now, I struggle with many aspects of Mormonism, these years later. I still stay abreast of the current policies and teachings, I'm following many post Mormonism podcasts, I am active in a number of different exmormon groups and forums, and I am in a mixed-faith marriage. So the struggle really isn't over, as much as it has just subsided.
Off and on for ten years or more. I put lots on my shelf over the years.
The struggle has lasted years and is ongoing, though lately, things are feeling much less of a struggle. I feel like the bulk of it is behind me: there were a couple years of trying to help my wife through her faith crisis, a couple years of joining in with my own faith crisis, a couple more years of deconstruction, consciously leaving the church and reconstructing my own beliefs. Each step along the way has been a struggle in its own right, but each of them feel like growth at this point.
I had many questions and things on my shelf for as long as I could remember. I was able to put them off and avoid thinking about them for quite a long time. I did have to address them when my wife was struggling with her own faith transition, I dug in to help "fix" things for her and my own faith unraveled as I dug.
There were a couple years of real struggle. I was the executive secretary at the time and was reprimanded by my bishop for some thoughts I shared about Sam Young on facebook. The next spring, I received an accidentally forwarded email thread between the bishop and the relief society president lambasting my wife and I for our lack of faith and poor life choices (I'd recently asked to be released due to plans to travel full-time as a digital nomad family). We still travelled as planned but felt much less guilt about leaving the ward leaders. While we travelled we attended as much as made sense, but my faith crisis was fever pitch by then. While travelling my shelf broke. We told our families that we decided to "take a break" from the church.
There is still some struggle today, but it's centered around family relationships and my own work to define my "purpose". I feel my church membership stunted my adult development of finding my own meaning in life.