Hi, I’m Ash
I’m a husband, father, Soldier, and secular humanist working on the best version of myself. I was a mormon.
About me
I was born in the covenant to convert parents. Mormonism was the world I grew up in. I’m fluent in the language of Mormonism, believed the presented history both in and out of activity, struggled with guilt and feelings of unworthiness at times, struggled with feeling spiritually unfulfilled at times, all while hitting the milestones: mission, temple endowment and wedding, etc. Held multiple callings, and navigated a number of faith crisis’s until finally turning skepticism towards the church and became increasingly alarmed by what I found. Left for good in 2018.
On my shelf
On the Mormon Spectrum
# Why I left More stories of 'Why I left' the Mormon church
One day while assigned to the MFO in Egypt, I was walking from my barracks room to work, and it hit me. The first vision is a lie.
My subconscious had been working through a number of gospel related issues for some time. Church approved sources were insufficient in addressing my issues, and it never occurred to me to look elsewhere. (I later came to understand the churches role in that)
Therefore the realization that the first vision was a lie came as a shock to me. I quickly analyzed what happened to put that thought into my mind.
The claim simply doesn’t stand up to the standards of good evidence, either from a legal perspective IE physical evidence, corroborating evidence, or a scientific standard. Literally all we have is Joseph Smiths word it happened.
I wouldn’t accept other faiths spiritual experiences as valid on their word alone, so why should I take Joseph Smiths word for it? For that matter I required good evidence for mundane situations so why wouldn’t I require it for the most important event of modern history?
If it’s still unclear why I came to the conclusion it was a lie, it came down to the circular reasoning the church uses to justify the belief it happened, and a simple question.
The Book of Mormon is the evidence that J.S. was called to restore the gospel. Read and pray about it. If the book is true then he was a prophet because he translated it.
“ The book he claimed he translated proves he had the vision he claimed to have.”
That’s the most asinine reason to believe anything. It’s literally “I said it happened, here’s an unrelated topic I also say happened. See!?! I wasn’t lying! “
Why not just cut out the middleman, and just pray? The BOM isn’t necessary at all. Unless emotional manipulation is a critical component to belief in JS.
Once the first lie became obvious, the dominos started falling quickly. These days I look at primary sources to form my opinions on Mormonism. The more I’ve looked into it, the more reality deviates from what the church would have its members believe.
Questions about Mormons My Answers to Questions about Mormonism
#Link to this answer of 'Are Mormons Christian?' by ashmonster2000 Are Mormons Christian? See more answers about 'Are Mormons Christian?'
They are a Christian Cult. Yes they believe in Jesus Christ, but their ideas are outside standard Christian beliefs, and exercise excessive control of members behavior, thoughts, emotions, and the information available to members.
#Link to this answer of 'Any suggestions about how to deal with my still-Mormon family?' by ashmonster2000 Any suggestions about how to deal with my still-Mormon family? See more answers about 'Any suggestions about how to deal with my still-Mormon family?'
Respect their beliefs while establishing boundaries. I don’t try and force conversations with my active family members challenging their beliefs. However I answer honestly their questions and do not spare their feelings if they initiate the conversations. Be honest, and accept that it may change your relationship with them permanently.
#Link to this answer of 'Did you want to sin? Is that why you left?' by ashmonster2000 Did you want to sin? Is that why you left? See more answers about 'Did you want to sin? Is that why you left?'
Sin is a construct created by men. Simply put it’s a control mechanism used to keep people in fear. I didn’t leave because of “a desire to sin”. I left because I do not like being lied to, and the church hides the lies it was founded on and continues to lie to its members.
#Link to this answer of 'Are you happy?' by ashmonster2000 Are you happy? See more answers about 'Are you happy?'
Yes.
#Link to this answer of 'Are you lazy? Is that why you left?' by ashmonster2000 Are you lazy? Is that why you left? See more answers about 'Are you lazy? Is that why you left?'
To be honest I was much more lazy as a member. I lacked intellectual curiosity in a lot of subjects, including some of the ones that lead to mini faith crisis’s. Now I’m significantly more invested in learning truth than I even was as a member.
#Link to this answer of 'Did you receive a patriarchal blessing? What did the experience mean to you?' by ashmonster2000 Did you receive a patriarchal blessing? What did the experience mean to you? See more answers about 'Did you receive a patriarchal blessing? What did the experience mean to you?'
I received mine at around 16? When it was over I really didn’t remember much but my parents were convinced I’d be a stake president. It talked a lot about missionary service and I remember reading it later thinking I’d be a street preacher, valiantly proclaiming truth and battling apostasy from a milk crate. My imagination was wild. My mission was not that exciting. I found most of the people who joined while I taught them, by knocking doors. Not one public debate while standing on a milk crate in two years lol.
#Link to this answer of 'Did the gospel topic essays help your faith crisis?' by ashmonster2000 Did the gospel topic essays help your faith crisis? See more answers about 'Did the gospel topic essays help your faith crisis?'
I didn’t read the gospel topic essays until 2023. (See my lazy learner question) By the time I read them I had already reached the conclusion that the church was a cult and Joseph Smith a fraud.
#Link to this answer of 'Do Mormons Believe in a Loving God?' by ashmonster2000 Do Mormons Believe in a Loving God? See more answers about 'Do Mormons Believe in a Loving God?'
One of the first things I did when I began organizing my thoughts on deconstruction was write an essay called “The Benevolent Extortionist”.
Mormons believe in a loving god. They also have a very skewed interpretation of what love is.
#Link to this answer of 'Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true?' by ashmonster2000 Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true? See more answers about 'Do you believe the Book of Mormon is true?'
No. It can inspire elevated emotions in those that already want to believe or already believe it’s true. It sounds poetic in places. But it is not a historical record of ancient Jews that built boats and travelled to America. It is not historical at all. It is the work of a skilled story teller both plagiarizing an inspired by a number of sources available in his time.
#Link to this answer of 'Can Mormons Drink Coffee?' by ashmonster2000 Can Mormons Drink Coffee? See more answers about 'Can Mormons Drink Coffee?'
Of course. No one can force you not to drink coffee.
What they can do is shame you, tell you it’s sin, not let you into the temple (blessing in disguise), and pretend they’re superior.
#Link to this answer of 'Do you consider yourself a Christian?' by ashmonster2000 Do you consider yourself a Christian? See more answers about 'Do you consider yourself a Christian?'
No. I’m an agnostic atheist, secular humanist, and entirely convinced the Abrahamic God cannot exist.
#Link to this answer of 'Do you hang out with other ex-Mormons?' by ashmonster2000 Do you hang out with other ex-Mormons? See more answers about 'Do you hang out with other ex-Mormons?'
The military is full of current and ex Mormons. I probably do but I don’t hang out with anyone BECAUSE they’re ex Mormons.
#Link to this answer of 'How do you interpet your spiritual experiences in Mormonism?' by ashmonster2000 How do you interpet your spiritual experiences in Mormonism? See more answers about 'How do you interpet your spiritual experiences in Mormonism?'
That’s a hard one. The few I experienced mostly happened under similar circumstances that were probably elevated emotion.
Large group, testimony meeting kind of things.
However I had one that I think was me hyping my own emotional state up. That one was the catalyst for serving a mission.
#Link to this answer of 'Is Jeffrey Holland an idiot or a dodo?' by ashmonster2000 Is Jeffrey Holland an idiot or a dodo? See more answers about 'Is Jeffrey Holland an idiot or a dodo?'
When I was a kid I really liked him. He seemed like a deeply spiritual, empathetic, intelligent human being.
Now I think he’s an idiot. Worse though, I can’t help but think his fellow apostles may agree with me.
#Link to this answer of 'What do you call yourself now that you aren't mormon?' by ashmonster2000 What do you call yourself now that you aren't mormon? See more answers about 'What do you call yourself now that you aren't mormon?'
I don’t really call myself anything. If asked I’d probably say a former Mormon.
#Link to this answer of 'Is the term Mormon a major victory for Satan?' by ashmonster2000 Is the term Mormon a major victory for Satan? See more answers about 'Is the term Mormon a major victory for Satan?'
Imaginary victory for an imaginary being. What it really is…is a way to keep members occupied with unimportant distinctions so they don’t think to ask more important questions.
#Link to this answer of 'Does the church encourage leader worship?' by ashmonster2000 Does the church encourage leader worship? See more answers about 'Does the church encourage leader worship?'
Absolutely. Leaders are idolized. The church touts its lay leadership as evidence that the church is true, while glossing over the top leaders making six figure salaries. “Gods mouthpiece on earth” sounds way better than CEO of a fortune 200 company.
#Link to this answer of 'Does the Mormon church protect sexual predators?' by ashmonster2000 Does the Mormon church protect sexual predators? See more answers about 'Does the Mormon church protect sexual predators?'
I had no idea this was even a thing until after I left. Unfortunately the interviews I’ve seen from victims, and whistleblowers make pretty compelling arguments that the church does protect sexual predators.
Who do Bishops call first if someone reports sexual assault? The police? Or the church law firm?
The answer to that question is all you really need to know.
#Link to this answer of 'Has your struggle improved since you left?' by ashmonster2000 Has your struggle improved since you left? See more answers about 'Has your struggle improved since you left?'
To be honest it really hasn’t been much of a struggle. The biggest struggle is making sure I keep my personal biases don’t color my search for truth.
#Link to this answer of 'Is Mormon doctrine racist?' by ashmonster2000 Is Mormon doctrine racist? See more answers about 'Is Mormon doctrine racist?'
The church tends to swap the word doctrine with policy when they have to defend things like a racist history.
The thing is that that doctrine or policy is still being pushed out by the same people. Mormon prophets and apostles set the tone, and they have never apologized for the blatant racism.
Yes Mormon doctrine is racist, and will remain so until a prophet stands up in front of the church and says “we were wrong for teaching racist doctrine. We take ownership and apologize for it.”