Luna Knight
I was a Mormon.
About me
I am a millennial woman from the Pacific Northwest. I was a faithful member of the LDS church for the first 32 years of my life. I was baptized at 8 years old and believed I felt “the spirit” numerous times throughout my years in the church. I served in many teaching and leadership callings, participated in many service projects, completed Seminary as a Master Scriptorian, completed 4 years at BYU-Idaho, received my endowments, and got married in the temple. I was very interested in LDS apologetics for many of those later years. I kept the Word of Wisdom so closely that for 8 years, I ate an all-plant-based diet that many Mormons know as “Discovering the Word of Wisdom.” I avoided coffee and tea like the plague, as well as caffeinated soda, because when I was growing up and even into my college days, the church taught that it was caffeine that broke the word of wisdom, including colas and energy drinks. I always dressed modestly (including always covering my shoulders, because that was the rule for women in the church up until very recently) and I always wore my garments. I was a true-blue Latter-Day Saint.
On my shelf
On the Mormon Spectrum
# Why I left More stories of 'Why I left' the Mormon church
I started learning things about the church that just didn’t sit well with me.
I found out about the secret Second Anointing ordinance in the temple.
I learned the papyri, which the Book of Abraham originated from, was translated by Egyptologists who had no idea the papyri was connected to the Book of Abraham, and the papyri was found to just be an Egyptian funerary text that had nothing to do with Abraham.
I started questioning modern church leaders, noticing that their messages today contradict those of early church leaders in many ways (read “95 Theses” by Ogden Kraut).
I wondered why a church ordained of God would do things that got them in trouble with the IRS (look up the Ensign Peak whistleblower).
I learned about all the anachronisms in the Book of Mormon (read “The CES Letter” by Jeremy Runnells or “Letter for My Wife”).
I mentally put all these things on a “shelf” and still told myself that I believed in the church 100%.
But the nail in the coffin for me was seeing the side-by-side comparison of the Book of Mormon text with other books from Joseph Smith’s time and place and realizing his wording and ideas were taken from other preexisting sources such as “The First Book of Napoleon” and “View of the Hebrews,” among others. I learned this after watching a Youtube video titled “Book of Mormon Plagiarism” on a YouTube channel called “The Admin” and after watching it, I looked into the information and saw for myself that it was true.
Not to mention, Joseph Smith’s method of “translating” the golden plates was by placing a rock in a hat and looking into it to receive messages, rather than just reading the plates and receiving revelation while doing so, as the church used to teach when I was growing up.
As I’d always been taught growing up, “If we have truth, [it] cannot be harmed by investigation. If we have not truth, it ought to be harmed."- J. Reuben Clark. So when I investigated and found the very keystone of the church, the Book of Mormon, to be a fraud, the whole church came tumbling down in my mind, as well as the “shelf” on which I’d placed all my remaining doubts.
I bear my testimony that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is NOT true. But rather than take my word for it, I’d encourage anyone questioning the church to research for themselves and come to their own educated conclusion.
Now that I’m no longer in the church, my anxiety is far lower than it’s even been. I’m far happier and more fulfilled than I ever was when I was in the church. Contrary to what church members usually assume, I didn’t leave the church to sin, and that’s observable in the way I still live my life now. I haven’t really changed the way I dress much, apart from wearing sleeveless shirts when the weather gets hot. I still don’t drink alcohol for health reasons, but have no problem with people drinking responsibly. I still don’t do drugs either. My husband and I are still happily married and since leaving the church, we had our beautiful children and are raising them to have good values like kindness and respect. I tried caffeinated beverages but still rarely drink them, just because that’s my personal preference. Every person who leaves the church will have a life that looks a little different from the next, and that’s okay!
Leaving the church was my first step into learning critical thinking, and since then, I’ve learned to question everything. I apply the same critical eye toward the Bible and other religious texts as I did toward the Book of Mormon, and for that reason, I no longer believe in any religion, nor in any deities. I think it’s fine if some people leave the LDS church and decide to follow a different religious path. But for me, once I saw the “man behind the curtain,” all of religion was shown to be false in my eyes, though they all carry some truths here and there. I’ve found happiness in both an atheist/naturalist perspective, as well as having an openness to the things we still can’t explain yet in the universe and existence, like the hard problem of consciousness. It’s okay to lean into the mystery and possibility of things without placing full belief in them. I also find a lot of joy in practicing secular spirituality that is focused on mindfulness, a sense of wonder toward the universe, etc.
I hope all who read this find the truth, freedom, and happiness they’re looking for in life, no matter which path they walk.
Questions about Mormons My Answers to Questions about Mormonism
#Link to this answer of 'Are you lazy? Is that why you left?' by ladylunafication Are you lazy? Is that why you left? See more answers about 'Are you lazy? Is that why you left?'
Nope! When I was Mormon, I actually struggled with religious scrupulosity, meaning I was so concerned with following church doctrine perfectly that it was at a level similar to OCD. Anytime I had a question about whether or not a belief or action in my life was in line with the church, the first thing I did was search the topic on the church website and follow whatever the church's official stance was on it. I also was heavily into LDS apologetics and studied the scriptures constantly to try and keep my "shelf" from cracking.
#Link to this answer of 'Did you want to sin? Is that why you left?' by ladylunafication Did you want to sin? Is that why you left? See more answers about 'Did you want to sin? Is that why you left?'
Nope! I followed church standards to a T. I kept the law of chastity until marriage, and I never even broke it after leaving because I'm still married. I still prefer not to drink or do drugs, and though I tried coffee since leaving, it's not something I have regularly. I'm fine with people drinking responsibly, and I'm definitely fine with people drinking coffee, those are just my own preferences. The only time I dress "immodestly" now is wearing something sleeveless when it's hot out. I think everyone should be able to wear what they want, I just go with my own comfort level when it comes to coverage. So I'm not really finding an area of my life where I'm desiring to "sin" now that I'm no longer in the church. This is because I left the church due to unsettling information I learned about the church, not because I had some sin that I really wanted to commit.