Luna Knight
I'm a writer, a Youtuber, a TikToker, a wife, a stay-at-home mom, and I was a Mormon.
About me
I am a millennial woman from the Pacific Northwest. I was a faithful member of the LDS church for the first 32 years of my life. I was baptized at 8 years old and believed I felt “the spirit” numerous times throughout my years in the church. I served in many teaching and leadership callings, participated in many service projects, completed Seminary as a Master Scriptorian, completed 4 years at BYU-Idaho, received my endowments, and got married in the temple. I was very interested in LDS apologetics for many of those later years. I kept the Word of Wisdom so closely that for 8 years, I ate an all-plant-based diet that many Mormons know as “Discovering the Word of Wisdom.” I avoided coffee and tea like the plague, as well as caffeinated soda, because when I was growing up and even into my college days, the church taught that it was caffeine that broke the word of wisdom, including colas and energy drinks. I always dressed modestly (including always covering my shoulders, because that was the rule for women in the church up until very recently) and I always wore my garments. I was a true-blue Latter-Day Saint.
On my shelf
On the Mormon Spectrum
# Why I left More stories of 'Why I left' the Mormon church
I started learning things about the church that just didn’t sit well with me.
I found out about the secret Second Anointing ordinance in the temple.
I learned the papyri, which the Book of Abraham originated from, was translated by Egyptologists who had no idea the papyri was connected to the Book of Abraham, and the papyri was found to just be an Egyptian funerary text that had nothing to do with Abraham.
I started questioning modern church leaders, noticing that their messages today contradict those of early church leaders in many ways (read “95 Theses” by Ogden Kraut).
I wondered why a church ordained of God would do things that got them in trouble with the IRS (look up the Ensign Peak whistleblower).
I learned about all the anachronisms in the Book of Mormon (read “The CES Letter” by Jeremy Runnells or “Letter for My Wife”).
I mentally put all these things on a “shelf” and still told myself that I believed in the church 100%.
But the nail in the coffin for me was seeing the side-by-side comparison of the Book of Mormon text with other books from Joseph Smith’s time and place and realizing his wording and ideas were taken from other preexisting sources such as “The First Book of Napoleon” and “View of the Hebrews,” among others. I learned this after watching a Youtube video titled “Book of Mormon Plagiarism” on a YouTube channel called “The Admin” and after watching it, I looked into the information and saw for myself that it was true.
Not to mention, Joseph Smith’s method of “translating” the golden plates was by placing a rock in a hat and looking into it to receive messages, rather than just reading the plates and receiving revelation while doing so, as the church used to teach when I was growing up.
As I’d always been taught growing up, “If we have truth, [it] cannot be harmed by investigation. If we have not truth, it ought to be harmed."- J. Reuben Clark. So when I investigated and found the very keystone of the church, the Book of Mormon, to be a fraud, the whole church came tumbling down in my mind, as well as the “shelf” on which I’d placed all my remaining doubts.
I bear my testimony that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is NOT true. But rather than take my word for it, I’d encourage anyone questioning the church to research for themselves and come to their own educated conclusion.
Now that I’m no longer in the church, my anxiety is far lower than it’s even been. I’m far happier and more fulfilled than I ever was when I was in the church. Contrary to what church members usually assume, I didn’t leave the church to sin, and that’s observable in the way I still live my life now. I haven’t really changed the way I dress much, apart from wearing sleeveless shirts when the weather gets hot. I still don’t drink alcohol for health reasons, but have no problem with people drinking responsibly. I still don’t do drugs either. My husband and I are still happily married and since leaving the church, we had our beautiful children and are raising them to have good values like kindness and respect. I tried caffeinated beverages but still rarely drink them, just because that’s my personal preference. Every person who leaves the church will have a life that looks a little different from the next, and that’s okay!
Leaving the church was my first step into learning critical thinking, and since then, I’ve learned to question everything. I apply the same critical eye toward the Bible and other religious texts as I did toward the Book of Mormon, and for that reason, I no longer believe in any religion, nor in any deities. I think it’s fine if some people leave the LDS church and decide to follow a different religious path. But for me, once I saw the “man behind the curtain,” all of religion was shown to be false in my eyes, though they all carry some truths here and there. I’ve found happiness in both an atheist/naturalist perspective, as well as having an openness to the things we still can’t explain yet in the universe and existence, like the hard problem of consciousness. It’s okay to lean into the mystery and possibility of things without placing full belief in them. I also find a lot of joy in practicing secular spirituality that is focused on mindfulness, a sense of wonder toward the universe, etc.
I hope all who read this find the truth, freedom, and happiness they’re looking for in life, no matter which path they walk.
Questions about Mormons My Answers to Questions about Mormonism
#Link to this answer of 'Are you lazy? Is that why you left?' by ladylunafication Are you lazy? Is that why you left? See more answers about 'Are you lazy? Is that why you left?'
Nope! When I was Mormon, I actually struggled with religious scrupulosity, meaning I was so concerned with following church doctrine perfectly that it was at a level similar to OCD. Anytime I had a question about whether or not a belief or action in my life was in line with the church, the first thing I did was search the topic on the church website and follow whatever the church's official stance was on it. I also was heavily into LDS apologetics and studied the scriptures constantly to try and keep my "shelf" from cracking.
#Link to this answer of 'Did you want to sin? Is that why you left?' by ladylunafication Did you want to sin? Is that why you left? See more answers about 'Did you want to sin? Is that why you left?'
Nope! I followed church standards to a T. I kept the law of chastity until marriage, and I never even broke it after leaving because I'm still married. I still prefer not to drink or do drugs, and though I tried coffee since leaving, it's not something I have regularly. I'm fine with people drinking responsibly, and I'm definitely fine with people drinking coffee, those are just my own preferences. The only time I dress "immodestly" now is wearing something sleeveless when it's hot out. I think everyone should be able to wear what they want, I just go with my own comfort level when it comes to coverage. So I'm not really finding an area of my life where I'm desiring to "sin" now that I'm no longer in the church. This is because I left the church due to unsettling information I learned about the church, not because I had some sin that I really wanted to commit.
#Link to this answer of 'What broke your shelf?' by ladylunafication What broke your shelf? See more answers about 'What broke your shelf?'
1. Realizing that polygamy still partially exists in the church because if a husband and wife are sealed in the temple and the wife dies, the husband can be sealed to another woman, meaning he'll have two wives in the Celestial Kingdom. But if the husband dies, the wife cannot be sealed to another man unless she has the previous sealing removed.
2. The Book of Abraham being proven a fraud by Egyptologists who translated the original papyri, without even knowing anything about the Book of Abraham.
3. Learning about the secret second anointing done in the Temple, how it doesn’t actually involve meeting Christ, and how it grants people the ability to commit any sin (apart from murder) and still make it to the Celestial Kingdom.
4. Realizing there have been recent times when the leaders claimed to have a “revelation” but then rescinded it. For example, when they said that children of gay couples were not allowed to get baptized, and then they took it back later and said they could.
5. Re-evaluating all the conflicting things church leaders have said over the years and realizing they are not really prophets, seers or revelators as the church claims.
6. The many historical anachronisms in the Book of Mormon, such as swords, steel, iron, horses, swine, elephants, wheat, chariots, sheep/goats, etc.
7. Modern DNA evidence proving that Native Americans originate from Siberia, having crossed over the Bering Land Bridge, meaning they are NOT descendants of ancient Israelites.
8. Reading Lucy Mack Smith’s (Joseph Smith’s mother’s) account of a dream her husband (Joseph Smith Sr.) had, and noticing that it was almost exactly the same as the story of Lehi’s dream from the Book of Mormon, implying that Joseph Smith got the story from his father and not from divine revelation.
9. The Book of Mormon containing the same translation errors as those found in the 1769 KJV Bible, which was the Bible Joseph Smith used in his time.
10. Finding out that the concepts and language style of the Book of Mormon were taken from popular books that existed in Joseph Smith’s time and place, such as "View of the Hebrews", "The First Book of Napoleon" and the teachings of Emmanuel Swedenborg in his book "Heaven and Hell". In other words, the Book of Mormon is a complete fraud.
#Link to this answer of 'How did you feel and what did you experience as a result of your loss of faith?' by ladylunafication How did you feel and what did you experience as a result of your loss of faith? See more answers about 'How did you feel and what did you experience as a result of your loss of faith?'
When I first learned about the Second Anointing, that was the first time I ever had the sinking feeling of, "What if the church ISN'T true?" That was my first faith crisis, but I put that on my "shelf," and my questioning journey began.
When I learned about the plagiarism in the Book of Mormon, by that time, my shelf had so many cracks in it that it just completely shattered. I was ready to be done, and that time, it was actually the most freeing feeling I'd ever experienced in my life thus far. That time, it wasn't a faith crisis, it was a faith transition.
I was very happy and fulfilled in the first couple of years after leaving the church because I was still spiritual (but not religious) and loved exploring all sorts of different ideologies. The more I did this, though, the more I eventually became an atheist/naturalist.
The hardest part of that was dealing with the idea that death might really be permanent, especially since I've lost both my parents and other relatives in the past. Dealing with the finality of death was extremely difficult for me emotionally, but I later found my happiness again by letting myself lean into the possibilities of things, rather than claiming to know what happens when we die. Having a focus on what could be true (factually, scientifically) vs what probably isn't true was a lot more mentally healthy for me. I now find joy in learning about outer space, evolution, philosophy, and things that MAY possibly provide answers for the hard problem of consciousness.
I still consider myself an atheist/naturalist, but I also practice secular spirituality, and it's been extremely fulfilling in my daily life and my mental health.
#Link to this answer of 'What do you believe now?' by ladylunafication What do you believe now? See more answers about 'What do you believe now?'
I believe in naturalism (as opposed to supernaturalism), and secular spirituality. I find peace and joy in doing new-agey things like candle manifestation, aromatherapy, tarot and oracle pulls, crystal gridding, and more. I do these things for my mental health, and not because I think there's any real supernatural power in them.
I do entertain the possibility that things like panpsychism, dual-aspect monism, and other theories about consciousness could be true, though I don't place my full belief in any of them. I think the same about the UVA studies done on children who remember past lives, or Dr. Sam Parnia's AWARE studies on near-death experiences and out-of-body experiences. All of that is fascinating to me and I'm always learning more about topics like that. I find it healthy to experience awe and wonder in the mysteries of existence, rather than declaring that we have all the answers already.
#Link to this answer of 'Can you describe the type of faith you had prior to your loss of faith?' by ladylunafication Can you describe the type of faith you had prior to your loss of faith? See more answers about 'Can you describe the type of faith you had prior to your loss of faith?'
Yes. I was extremely faithful and loyal to the church. I grew up in a mixed-faith household where my dad was Mormon, but my mom was never Mormon. My dad insisted on me going to church with him, so I always attended every Sunday. This did often cause conflict between me and my mom, which was very painful to experience as a child, but it only made my belief in the church stronger because it made me define very clearly what I believed from a young age. I was always one of the "golden" youths of my stake. Growing up, the adults always spoke of me as if I could do no wrong. Though I hated public speaking, I still bore my testimony often in church.
I had an absolute love for the gospel, because at the time, it's where I derived deep meaning in my life. I loved the Plan of Salvation, the church standards, the doctrine of eternal families, teachings of Christ-like love, all of the standard things the church teaches. When I studied the scriptures, I always went in with a question, so I could always be learning something new everytime I studied them. I prayed very often, especially in silent prayer throughout the day.
I did, however, develop anxiety disorder into my adulthood, partially because of stress from the high demand of church expectations, callings, and assignments, as well as the emotional toll the church was taking on my mixed-faith family at home. Now that I'm no longer in the church, my anxiety is far more manageable.
#Link to this answer of 'How long was your struggle?' by ladylunafication How long was your struggle? See more answers about 'How long was your struggle?'
I was casually questioning things in the church for about 5 years, while still fully believing the church was true and maintaining a strong testimony. But the serious questioning lasted for the next 5 years after that. In the final year, my shelf broke and I knew I was done. So all together, my questioning lasted about a decade.
#Link to this answer of 'Was it The Only True and Living Church to you?' by ladylunafication Was it The Only True and Living Church to you? See more answers about 'Was it The Only True and Living Church to you?'
Yes, it absolutely was. The entire time I was LDS, I strongly believed the church was the one true and restored church of God on the earth.
#Link to this answer of 'Were you offended? Is that why you left?' by ladylunafication Were you offended? Is that why you left? See more answers about 'Were you offended? Is that why you left?'
Nope, not at all. I actually got along with most people just fine in the church and didn't have any big "offended" moments.
#Link to this answer of 'Have you had any profound spiritual moments in your life?' by ladylunafication Have you had any profound spiritual moments in your life? See more answers about 'Have you had any profound spiritual moments in your life?'
Yes. When I was Mormon, I had lots of spiritual experiences. I first felt the "burning in my bosom" when visiting Temple square at age 9. As an adult, I had many moments while praying, reading scriptures, or watching church videos about Christ that were so spiritually moving that they brought me to tears.
However, even after leaving the church, I still have spiritual experiences that feel just as powerful as when I was Mormon.
#Link to this answer of 'Are you happy?' by ladylunafication Are you happy? See more answers about 'Are you happy?'
Yes, I'm happier than I've ever been! I love the freedom I experience in life now and I feel more fulfilled than ever before.
#Link to this answer of 'How do you currently feel about the church?' by ladylunafication How do you currently feel about the church? See more answers about 'How do you currently feel about the church?'
I don't hate the church and I have nothing against the members. I'm still friends with all the same people in the church that I was friends with before I left. But I do have a natural mistrust toward the church now because I know it was a huge source of lies that controlled me for 32 years of my life.
#Link to this answer of 'Did the gospel topic essays help your faith crisis?' by ladylunafication Did the gospel topic essays help your faith crisis? See more answers about 'Did the gospel topic essays help your faith crisis?'
The Gospel Topics Essays helped me confirm that a lot of criticisms I'd heard about the church were, in fact, true (like polygamy, the Book of Abraham, the multiple first-vision accounts, etc). This helped eventually lead me out of the church, which is ironic, because the essays are supposed to help people not lose their testimonies. But I hear so many people say that the essays only made their wavering testimonies worse.
#Link to this answer of 'What resources were most helpful in your transition out of Mormonism (or Orthodox Mormonism)?' by ladylunafication What resources were most helpful in your transition out of Mormonism (or Orthodox Mormonism)? See more answers about 'What resources were most helpful in your transition out of Mormonism (or Orthodox Mormonism)?'
1. The Gospel Topics Essays
2. "The CES Letter" by Jeremy Runnells
3. The "Letter For My Wife" website
4. "Early Mormonism and the Magic Worldview" by D. Michael Quinn
5. "The God Delusion" by Richard Dawkins
6. The FAIR Latter-Day Saints Website (which, like the Gospel Topics Essays, has such poor excuses in their apologetics for the LDS church that it further shook my testimony)
7. "The Mormon Stories Podcast" on YouTube
8. The "Exmo Lex" YouTube channel
9. Simply searching things on Google. Now ChatGPT is very helpful too.
10. Talking to other people who have left the church and hearing their stories.
#Link to this answer of 'How do you now explain the spiritual experiences that you had as an Orthodox Mormon?' by ladylunafication How do you now explain the spiritual experiences that you had as an Orthodox Mormon? See more answers about 'How do you now explain the spiritual experiences that you had as an Orthodox Mormon?'
I think spiritual experiences can be explained by a number of things. One is a psychological reaction known as "Elevation," which according to Google, means "a positive emotion, a feeling of being moved or inspired by witnessing someone else's moral virtue or good deed. It's characterized by a warm, glowing sensation, a sense of being uplifted, and a feeling of hope about humanity. This feeling can also motivate individuals to act more altruistically and connect with others."
Another explanation for some spiritual experiences I had in the church was confirmation bias, which means, "the tendency to seek out and prefer information that supports our preexisting beliefs."
#Link to this answer of 'Is there only one way to be an ex-Mormon?' by ladylunafication Is there only one way to be an ex-Mormon? See more answers about 'Is there only one way to be an ex-Mormon?'
Absolutely not! Being ex-mormon simply means you are no longer a believer in the LDS church.
Ex-mormons sometimes choose a different religion, some become atheist or agnostic, and some become spiritual but not religious.
Some ex-mormons think one way politically, other's think the opposite, and some are in between.
Some ex-mormons get excited to try alcohol, weed, or other things they were "forbidden" to partake of, while other still prefer not to.
Some ex-mormons dress differently than when they were Mormon, and some are still comfortable in what they've always worn.
Never let anyone, Mormon or Ex-Mormon, make you feel like leaving the church means you have to be any specific way. Everyone's experience and walk in life is different, and that's a good thing!
#Link to this answer of 'Did you receive a patriarchal blessing? What did the experience mean to you?' by ladylunafication Did you receive a patriarchal blessing? What did the experience mean to you? See more answers about 'Did you receive a patriarchal blessing? What did the experience mean to you?'
Yes, I did. I received mine at 14 years old. It was an important document to me for all my years as a Mormon, and even now. I don't take the predictions in it literally anymore, and see it more as a glimpse into what was important to me at that time in my life, and a record I can still pass down to my kids, whether they end up in the church or not.
I would highly suggest that anyone who has had their patriarchal blessing and is thinking of removing their name from church records, or is at risk of being excommunicated from the church, to SAVE any physical and digital copies you have of it so that if the church locks you out of viewing your blessing on the church website, you still have it! I would also suggest saving any patriarchal blessings you've had for your deceased family members as well.
If your name has already been removed from church records, it's possible that any LDS family members you have may be able to access it on the church website, or you can request a copy online through the church website.
#Link to this answer of 'Do you hang out with other ex-Mormons?' by ladylunafication Do you hang out with other ex-Mormons? See more answers about 'Do you hang out with other ex-Mormons?'
Yes, I have one friend near me who is ex-Mormon and we hang out when we can. In fact, every one of the bridesmaids in my wedding were affiliated with the church at some point, and now, every single one has left. So I have quite a few ex-Mormon friends that I would hang out with, but most live far away from me.
#Link to this answer of 'What if anything would bring you back to the church?' by ladylunafication What if anything would bring you back to the church? See more answers about 'What if anything would bring you back to the church?'
Honestly, nothing. While I have some good memories from growing up in the church, there's still so much pain that I can never forget. Even if some things about the church were to change, I've still seen the "man behind the curtain," so there's no way I could ever accept it as true again. I prefer to live a life seeking truth rather than believing others' lies.
#Link to this answer of 'What doctrinal or theological parts of Mormonism did you believe that were most important to you?' by ladylunafication What doctrinal or theological parts of Mormonism did you believe that were most important to you? See more answers about 'What doctrinal or theological parts of Mormonism did you believe that were most important to you?'
Eternal families were very important to me, as well as Heavenly Mother, there being a preexistence, the tiered kingdoms of the afterlife, the possibility of becoming Gods and creating worlds one day (yes, this is really what they used to teach, and still do sometimes), the teachings of Jesus Christ (like the sermon on the mount), the future second coming of Christ, and having Christ-like love toward others. Even though there were several doctrines I came to disagree with, these beliefs were the ones I held to the most.
#Link to this answer of 'What role religion played in your life growing up?' by ladylunafication What role religion played in your life growing up? See more answers about 'What role religion played in your life growing up?'
While growing up, I saw religion as a guide, a source of meaning, and a beacon of hope. It was also, of course, where I made several life-long friends. Back then, I still had plenty of anxiety and stress the church was putting on me, and plenty of strain on my mixed-faith family too, since the church demands so much time and work from its members. I didn't let myself accept those parts of religion yet, but they would eventually become much more prominent as I grew up.
#Link to this answer of 'What tools have you used in transitioning out of a Mormon identity?' by ladylunafication What tools have you used in transitioning out of a Mormon identity? See more answers about 'What tools have you used in transitioning out of a Mormon identity?'
There are several ways I found the real "me" outside of Mormonism. I finally let myself read the books I wanted to read, listen to whatever music I wanted, watch whatever movie I wanted (even the R-rated ones *gasp!*), wear clothing I loved that wasn't so conservative-looking, etc. Something that gave me a lot of joy and fulfillment was exploring different spiritual practices too, even though I no longer believe in any supernatural things. I tried tarot and oracle card reading (a great system of symbols and archetypes), Wiccan candle magic (a positive visualization tool that's good for mental health), crystal meditation (using crystals as a focal point), etc. I find secular spirituality to be very healing and great for transitioning to a more mentally healthy place after religion.
#Link to this answer of 'Where will you go?' by ladylunafication Where will you go? See more answers about 'Where will you go?'
I'll go wherever I want to! I can go to the people who love me. I can go to local meetups in my town with people who share my interests. I can go on vacation with my husband and kids. I can stay home on the weekends and relax. I can go anywhere and do anything I set my mind to. That's the beauty of life outside of the church. There's nothing to control your dreams or ambitions anymore. The whole world opens up to you, and what a wonderful world it is!