Tom’s journey out of the LDS Church is shaped by a lifetime of devotion and careful reflection. Raised as a descendent of early Mormon pioneers, he grew up deeply rooted in the faith, participating in every aspect from Seminary and a mission to a temple marriage, and later serving in leadership roles within the church. His life revolved around the church’s teachings and community, and he was committed to exemplifying its values.
Yet, as Tom matured, he began to experience doubts that wouldn’t go away. He questioned why the church he believed to be the only true path didn’t seem to offer fulfillment. The disparities between LDS doctrine and its historical narratives—especially the church’s controversial positions on race, finances, and gender roles—stirred his conscience. Tom grappled with fundamental questions about God’s nature and fairness, finding himself increasingly unsettled by policies and doctrines that seemed inconsistent with his understanding of a loving, inclusive deity.
Over time, Tom felt betrayed by the sanitized version of church history he’d been taught, realizing that the Book of Mormon translation and other foundational narratives were far different from what he had been taught to believe. The church’s lack of transparency in finances and its problematic handling of social issues only deepened his concerns. He eventually concluded that the LDS Church was not the divine institution it claimed to be. With a heavy but resolved heart, he chose to leave. Since resigning, Tom has found renewed authenticity, happiness, and connection in his relationships outside the church. Today, he embraces a life free from what he describes as “Mormon manipulations,” discovering peace and agency he hadn’t felt before.
Born and raised in the faith, I’m a descendant of pioneers who crossed the plains and settled the Salt Lake Valley. I was the perfect Mormon. Seminary, mission, BYU, Temple marriage, family, Stake, and Ward leadership. Ancestors crossed the plains with Brigham Young. Life revolved around the church in every way. We held family home evenings each week and attended every Church service, conference, and fireside. If something was happening at the Church, we were there! I’m a corporate executive, educator, parent, and husband. I was a Mormon.
I wondered why, if this is so great, why doesn’t everyone embrace it. What am I missing and why does the Church make me feel empty? Why would a loving God treat his children so differently based on where they were born, who their parents are, what race they were born into, what their last name is, what their sexual preference is, what their gender is, how much money they have and whether they followed Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim or Christian teachings. Why would God demand 10% tithing to get into the celestial kingdom; pay-to-play just didn’t seem right.
Why would God pick Joseph Smith? Polygamy… Really? What woman would embrace a role of making babies for eternity? Joseph Smith didn’t even tell Emma about all of his ‘wives’ until he had to – what a liar. Then I looked at the Book of Abraham. Joseph Smith’s claims about a funeral text make no sense at all. His strange attempt to conform the Bible to his beliefs with the JS Translation was misguided given the well-established history of the Bible translations. From the Church’s own records, I studied its history of racism, xenophobia, sexism, polygamy, temple ordinance origins and evolution, support of slavery, church’s support for nazi Germany, lack of godly discernment, doctrinal changes, inconsistencies in the priesthood restoration, BofM discovery accounts and different versions of how Joseph Smith wrote the BofM. The carefully crafted Church messages just didn’t cut it for me.
I remembered reading that if the Joseph Smith story is false then the entire church is just a house of cards. If the Book of Mormon isn’t true, then the entire faith is false. So, I studied the Book of Mormon with a slightly different perspective and determined that it was a good read, but hardly an inspired word of God. There’s no historical evidence to collaborate the BofM like there is for the Bible. Clearly, a ‘perfect’ book would not have to be edited multiple times and would contain no historical misinformation – but it does. Yes, I prayed and prayed, and fasted and prayed, but the tingly feeling was nothing more than the same feeling I had when attending a great concert or watching Star Wars for the first time; it was hardly a witness for the truth.
As I studied and prayed, the stories of children and women being sexually abused emerged and, while the Church said that abuse was abhorrent, it also covered up the assaults, paid off victims, protected the perpetrators, and referred the matters to its attorneys rather than to the police. The Church actively opposed same-sex marriage in Hawaii and California. Several General Authorities said they had stopped doing electro-conversion therapy at BYU in the early 70’s but they were still doing it to people I know when I attended the school in the late 70’s and 80’s. Their comments were disingenuous. The Church kicked out anyone even suspected of being gay or lesbian, that was just wrong. God wouldn’t treat his children that way.
As a missionary, I was told to not teach Black people because they were cursed. Then President Kimball said he had a revelation and they were suddenly all clean again… I remember going door to door on my mission that year and someone asked me what revelations our Prophet had recently had. I told them about how Black people could now hold the Priesthood and get married in the Temple. The person had laughed at me and said their church had always loved and accepted Black people. The Church later said that its treatment of Black people was consistent with the social norms of the times… but it never apologized for its racism or said that Brigham Young and Bruce McConkie were wrong. The Church still hasn’t apologized.
At each general conference, the Church auditor tells the members that its finances are properly maintained, but after the Church had been found to be in violation of SEC rules and fined several million dollars, the auditor didn’t even acknowledge this gross legal violation. Then we learned that the Church had amassed well over $100 billion of cash reserves and they hadn’t told members because it might result in lower tithing receipts. The lack of financial transparency was disguising to me. Even worse, the Church’s meager charitable activities in light of its great wealth clearly didn’t align with my view of Christ’s teachings.
One of the last straws was when LDS Philanthropies suggested that parents disinherit children who stray from the church and give that inheritance to the Church. Although they later deleted the information from their website, that they had advocated for this position told me that it’s really all about the money, not the people, and certainly not about Jesus Christ. So I withdrew my name from the Church records. My decision had nothing to the people in the Ward/Stake. They were good people; I liked them and I was well-liked by them. It wasn’t about living the health code, how hard it is to follow the rules of the Church, the many meetings, or being offended. It really just came down to, “is the Church true or false?” I concluded that the Church is not of God and, while it professes to follow Jesus Christ, it really doesn’t.
The Church tells people to just listen to their message and only read materials that the Church has officially sanctioned. The Church has become very very good at messaging and manipulating people. The psychology that supports the way the Church messages itself is a fascinating study in its own right. Leaving the church after 60 years was one of the best things I’ve ever done. I now have a much better relationship with my grandchildren, kids, and spouse. Friendships with others have become so much more genuine. The Church thrives on guilt and manipulation. Once you let all of that go, you really do have your free agency to live a good and happy life. I consider myself a Christian. I’ve never been so happy and contented as I am now that I’m free from Mormon manipulations. It is a wonderful life. No regrets at all.
Tom
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