A popular meme has been making the rounds. These memes read: “McDonald’s can mess up your order 101 times and you still keep going back… One thing goes wrong at church and you quit.” This suggests that people are more forgiving of mistakes at fast-food restaurants like McDonald’s than they are of issues with a church. It implies a lack of commitment or “hunger” for spiritual fulfillment compared to the desire for fast food.
Oversimplified Meme
At first glance, it seems like a dig at those who leave religion over perceived grievances. But upon looking deeper, not only is the dismissive comparison flawed, but ironically, it highlights one of the biggest issues with modern organized religion—its commoditization.
The Church as a Corporation
The “modern” Mormon Church functions more like a corporate entity than a spiritual refuge. It focuses on branding, public image, and growth while claiming divine authority. From massive real estate holdings and multiple hundred-billion-dollar investment funds to carefully curated marketing campaigns, the church prioritizes maintaining its pristine image over true accountability or even behaving Christ-like.
This McDonald’s analogy accidentally exposes a critical truth: The church is a product to be sold. Members are not just believers; they are loyal customers. Customers expected to buy into the brand no matter the cost.
The Gaslighting of the Faithful
Imagine going to McDonald’s, ordering a meal, and receiving something completely different—say, a pile of rocks instead of a Big Mac. If you complain, you’d expect an apology or at least an attempt to correct the mistake. But in this religious analogy, the common response is: “No, this is what you ordered. And if you don’t like it, that’s your fault. God works in mysterious ways.”
This happens to those who question the church’s history, doctrines, or leadership.
Problems arise when a church doesn’t live up to the advertised promises. Those complaining about a “messed-up order” are gaslit into believing the shortcomings are their own fault. They are told that their expectations were wrong, their faith is weak, or that they are simply not being patient enough. They are chastised for complaints and told they are speaking evil of the Lord’s anointed. When members find out about the multiple conflicting First Vision accounts, the fabricated priesthood restoration narratives, or the lustful polygamous origins of the church, they’re met with excuses and accusations. If they feel betrayed, they’re told that they shouldn’t have expected perfection from an “imperfect church.”
The difference is that McDonald’s will apologize for getting an order wrong, correct it as quickly as possible, and make it up to us. Depending on the degree of their mistake, they also take steps of restitution, usually in the form of additional free items or coupons to use in future orders. Doing everything they can to fix a mistake says a lot about what’s important to them, as well as the understanding to see that happy customers are required for long-term successful business. On the other hand, the church gaslights us about its mistakes. The fact that they hide their mistakes from everyone says a lot about who they really are. One is an honest mistake. The other is a deliberate lie.
But here’s the thing—McDonald’s has never claimed to be divinely inspired. The church does.
More Than A “Cold Fries” Problem
The fast-food comparison fails because it attempts to equate honest faith crises or rigorous deconstruction to a petty grievance. Those thinking along the lines of the meme, don’t consider that there can even be problems with church. This is obvious to those who see the very real issues with religion and specific churches. These issues people leave over are not just minor inconveniences like cold fries or stale crackers—they are fundamental contradictions at the core of the church’s truth claims.
The faithful TBM perspective is that those who leave do so because they are lazy, they want to sin, or they are offended. Rarely do members see any valid reason for leaving the church. In their worldview, they have to come up with simple reasons that explain away people leaving their church as a fault of those people, rather than even considering at fault in the church. So naturally they may think the issues are minuscule and could relate them to a messed up fast-food order, but in reality, this is magnitudes off.
The first, and main reason people leave the church, is because they simply slip into inactivity… The second main reason people go less active is that they take offense…
The third reason people leave the church is far less often than the first two, and it is because of church history. History is not pretty. Church history is no exception. One of the most significant issues we make with history is the fallacy called presentism. What is presentism? Presentism is when we look and judge the past based on our modern cultural understanding and expectations. Everyone in history can be twisted into a villain with presentism…
Taking issue with the doctrine is the fourth main reason people leave the church. This group, like the third, is far smaller than the first two, but often they are more vocal and want you to think they are a majority. See, when people leave the church because of doctrine they run into a problem, they know too much. They know and still believe too many restored doctrines to go to another church.
The second option other than going non-religious that members take is apostasy. When they cut out the aspects of their life that are connected with the church, they feel guilt, as they know the truth and are not living it. These members take the truth to be hard, and the only peace the find is by attacking the truth 24/7 trying to convince themselves that their conscience is wrong and that they are not sinning. They become antagonists or Anti-Mormons, they can’t simply leave it alone, for they know it is true, in the words of Elder Glenn L. Pace: “You can leave the Church, but you can’t leave it alone.”
Jeremy Goff, The four reasons people leave the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and how to help them come back.
https://mylifebygogogoff.com/2019/07/the-four-reasons-people-leave-the-church-of-jesus-christ-of-latter-day-saints-and-how-to-help-them-come-back.html
Some examining why people leave the church even come up with recommendations for believers on what to do to help others, and what not to do. Among these are to downplay their reactions to the issues they bring up. This may seem obvious, but currently the church and many leaders and members will gaslight members who doubt.
Looking at the context surrounding members leaving the Church in the Kirtland era and the primary reasons why recent leavers have left the Church, there does appear to be a primary root cause for why members leave the Church: fairness issues. Given all that happened in Kirtland after the fall of the Kirtland Safety Society, it seems likely that the primary reason why members left the Church was because they likely felt they had been treated unfairly. Similarly, each of the primary reasons why recent leavers are leaving the Church today are rooted in fairness issues. Feeling judged is largely another way of saying that one feels as though they are being treated unfairly. Not trusting leaders “to tell the truth about controversial issues” is rooted in a concept called informational fairness, which is defined as the degree to which individuals are provided truthful explanations for decisions. And, disagreement about LGBT issues are rooted in the idea that there is a certain population that is being treated unfairly.
Fairness issues are not something to be taken lightly…
It is unwise to downplay their emotions/reactions and suggest that they need to repent or change their attitude. Some leaders might see that as a proper approach as it is “giving it to them straight.” But, such an approach is likely to make things worse. In the mind of the person who feels like they have been wronged, it is not necessarily helpful to tell them that their response to being wronged is wrong.
Ryan Gottfredson, The Root Cause for Why Members Leave the Church & What Leaders Can Do About It. Leading Saints, September 19, 2017.
https://leadingsaints.org/the-root-cause-for-why-members-leave-the-church-what-leaders-can-do-about-it/
Why People Leave the Mormon Church?
If our testimony is supposed to be built on pillars of truth, then what happens when those pillars are exposed as fraudulent? What happens when we realize that the so-called Restoration was cobbled together over time? That Joseph Smith’s stories and doctrines evolved to become the church narrative today. The teachings Brigham Young taught as doctrine, like Blood Atonement and the Adam-God doctrine and his racist views, have since been disavowed and dismissed as “folklore”. That the priesthood ban on Black members was never actually God’s will. What happens when people follow the church’s own command to seek the truth, only to find out that the history they were always taught by the church was a deliberately sanitized misrepresentation of the truth?
How can someone equate these giant issues with the wrong condiment on your Big Mac? Fast-food orders that get messed up involve receiving french fries instead of the expected onion rings, or a missing milkshake, not ground-shaking realizations that one’s complete worldview is flawed and that they’ve been misled their entire lives. These realizations send many into a spiral which is often called a faith crisis because it feels like a crisis, complete with panic and even existential crisis. Having to tell the manager at the counter that you didn’t get what you expected in your order, while an inconvenience, doesn’t even compare.
We can refer to the LDS Personal Faith Crisis Report which was presented to the top LDS leadership in 2013. It clearly states the reasons for a loss of belief in the church is not a minor grievance like cold fries, but foundational claims that members had found to be untrue.
Personal Mormon Faith Crisis Report – Research Summary
Personal Mormon Faith Crisis Report – Research Summary
Why are People Leaving the Mormon Church?
Some might assume the answer is straightforward and rooted in ‘laziness’, but the reality is much more complex. Because there is no way I can address every reason why someone leaves the LDS church, I will instead address the most common themes based on years of listening to the stories of my clients and friends. These are individuals who, for decades (even up to 70+ years), held an unwavering belief in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, investing their hearts and souls into its teachings and community.
It’s crucial to recognize that most who leave the Mormon church as adults loved being Mormon. They loved the church’s value of family life, service to others, and so much more. Even when they had doubts, they hung on, trusting that things would eventually make sense. When confronted with questions, they sought reassurance from trusted, church-sanctioned sources, hoping to reaffirm their beliefs in the church. But no matter how hard they tried, it just didn’t add up.
Dominic Schmuck, Leaving the Mormon Church: Why, How, Resources, Help. Tru U Psychology
https://www.truupsychology.com/post/leaving-the-mormon-church
Top four reasons for leaving the LDS Church:
- “I studied church history and lost my belief”
- “I lost faith in Joseph Smith”
- “I ceased to believe in the church’s doctrine/theology”
- “I lost faith in the Book of Mormon”
When it came to the historical reasons for leaving the church, the issues causing the greatest problems were the Book of Abraham, polygamy/polyandry, blacks and the priesthood, and DNA and the Book of Mormon…
Respondents also felt a sense of betrayal. One said, “I never questioned the church until I realized that things were said at the pulpit in General Conference that were verifiably not true. If a prophet or apostle can lie over the pulpit, they cannot be ordained of God. . . . Had the church never lied about its own history or anything else for that matter, I would probably still be a Mormon today.” Another added, “Some of the issues with church history would never have been an issue if they had been presented truthfully the first time. The more upsetting part is that I feel like the church was making an attempt to hide its history. If something is worth hiding it makes it look more false. Plus it hurts to be lied to.”
Mormonism Research Ministry: Survey Explains Reasons Why Mormons Leave Fold
https://mrm.org/leaving-fold
99 Problems, But a “Messed-Up Order” Ain’t One
To those who attempt to belittle people for leaving the church must understand that for many, it’s not about an isolated mistake. This is dismissive and cruel to treat huge life-changing decisions as basic as an incorrect order from McDonald’s.
The church has hundreds of unresolved issues, and members are criticized for jumping from one to another, never receiving a satisfying resolution. Those who question are blamed as the problem for not “doubting their doubts.” Elder Renlund recently dismissed those who struggle with church history by accusing them of playing “Church History Whack-a-Mole.” But the real problem isn’t that members keep finding issues—it’s that there are so many issues to find.
Leaving the church isn’t about being impatient or unwilling to endure a hard path. It’s about realizing that the path itself was built on unstable ground. It’s about recognizing that the so-called Plan of Salvation is little more than a shifting narrative, adjusted and rewritten over time to maintain control of the membership.
Share Your Story
If you have struggled with the gaslighting, the contradictions, and the painful process of faith deconstruction, you are not alone. Many have walked this path and found clarity, healing, and truth beyond the walls of the institution. Share your story at wasmormon.org and connect with others who understand.
More reading:
- https://globalgirlministries.com/the-mcchurch/
- https://www.courageouschristianfather.com/mcdonalds-can-mess-your-order-up-101-times-and-you-still-keep-going-back/
- https://medium.com/@boundbyfaith/make-church-a-priority-19b1645a9f6b
- https://www.truupsychology.com/post/leaving-the-mormon-church
- https://mrm.org/leaving-fold