New Scripture Translated From Sealed Portion – Jesus visits Macaroni and Condemns Viper Church Leaders of Last Days

A few years ago, Russell M. Nelson revealed how Joseph Smith would translate by using a rock in a hat a few years ago. Suppose, for a moment, that he could know this technique from experience. What if President Russell M. Nelson knew more about the translation process? What if he used the same technique and translated from the sealed portion of the Gold Plates? What would God save for him to hear? Would he find the new scripture flattering? It’s a far cry from reality, but imagining what that could look like, the following story formed in my head. Introducing the Book of Macaroni!

”Quite miraculous, really, through the gift and power of God. We know that they had a table like this. We know they had the golden plates, covered usually. And Joseph used these: the Urim and Thummim, seer stones, in the hat. And it was easier for him to see the light when he'd take that position.” - President Russell M. Nelson, 2020.What if Nelson knew more about the translation process? What if he used the same technique and translated from the sealed portion of the Gold Plates? What would God say to him? Would he find his new scripture flattering?
Introducing the Book of Macaroni: https://wasmormon.org/macaroni — ”Quite miraculous, really, through the gift and power of God. We know that they had a table like this. We know they had the golden plates, covered usually. And Joseph used these: the Urim and Thummim, seer stones, in the hat. And it was easier for him to see the light when he’d take that position.” – President Russell M. Nelson, 2020. What if Nelson knew more about the translation process? What if he used the same technique and translated from the sealed portion of the Gold Plates? What would God say to him? Would he find his new scripture flattering? Introducing the Book of Macaroni: https://wasmormon.org/macaroni

Nelson busies himself secretly working with the same seer stone that Joseph Smith used to give new modern translations of scripture. New translations as foretold from the sealed portion of the gold plates. What would it say, and what if the translation meant changes for the church? How would they announce it? The announcement would likely depend on what the scriptures said. Nelson would love to add new scripture to his prophetic accomplishments, but what if there was a twist and the scripture contradicts or calls out the leadership of these latter-days?

The following is such, a farcical tongue-in-cheek story – inspired by real events in church history and the Book of Mormon writing challenge and comments. Writing the Book of Mormon, which isn’t a flawless fruit of a restored gospel, isn’t so hard today with the help of tools such as AI and copy-paste plagiarism from other scriptures. With general conference coming up and a vacuum of actual revelation from church leaders what if there was something truly inspired that would first prove some revelation, but also condemn the hypocrisy of the church leaders as Jesus of the New Testament does the Pharisees? What would Jesus think and say about the shell corporations, obsession with the full name of the church, etc? Would he care? If so, He would likely have seen this day and perhaps even preemptively chastised us in scriptures that are yet to be revealed, until now…

The publishing of a new scripture, hidden for years in the Church vaults, sends shockwaves through Mormondom. President Nelson, intrigued by a plate of gold, used Joseph Smith's seer stone in a hat to translate it, unlocking a sermon delivered to the ancient Nephite prophet Macaroni directly from Jesus Christ. The message troubled Nelson, as it criticized the modern Church leadership. Torn between his duty and his legacy, Nelson decides to publish the new scripture quietly, to avoid attention. Apologists already downplay this and the text's significance, but it raises profound questions about the current Church's direction. Macaroni's words echo Christ's condemnation of its recent corporate practices. This introduces a complex, ironic reflection on LDS prophetic leadership. - https://wasmormon.org/macaroni — The publishing of a new scripture, hidden for years in the Church vaults, sends shockwaves through Mormondom. President Nelson, intrigued by a plate of gold, used Joseph Smith’s seer stone in a hat to translate it, unlocking a sermon delivered to the ancient Nephite prophet Macaroni directly from Jesus Christ. The message troubled Nelson, as it criticized the modern Church leadership. Torn between his duty and his legacy, Nelson decides to publish the new scripture quietly, to avoid attention. Apologists already downplay this and the text’s significance, but it raises profound questions about the current Church’s direction. Macaroni’s words echo Christ’s condemnation of its recent corporate practices. This introduces a complex, ironic reflection on LDS prophetic leadership.

The discovery of this new scripture is a revelation for the ages. It began when the historian-lawyers of the Church stumbled upon a loose leaf of gold hidden deep within the Church vaults. The plate bore etchings of mysterious workmanship, which caught the attention of President Nelson during a routine board meeting. Intrigued, he decided to try his hand at translating the Reformed Egyptian characters inscribed on the plate into modern English—or, more accurately, King James English.

Using a seer stone in the traditional method, Nelson followed in the footsteps of Joseph Smith. He placed the stone into his hat to block the light and saw the translated words appear in the darkness, line upon line. Curiously, the gold plate itself was not required for this process and remained safely tucked away in the Church archives while Nelson worked in the upper rooms of the Salt Lake Temple. As he translated the words of the single plate, Nelson found himself unlocking a sermon previously unknown to the world—a discourse delivered by the resurrected Christ to the people of Mormon and recorded by the yet-unknown prophet Macaroni.

"We know that they had a table like this. We know they had the golden plates, covered usually. And Joseph used these: the Urim and Thummim, seer stones, in the hat. And it was easier for him to see the light when he'd, uh, take that position." Russell M Nelson, LDS Church President awkwardly gaslights everyone about Joseph Smiths translation process including looking at a rock in his hat. — “We know that they had a table like this. We know they had the golden plates, covered usually. And Joseph used these: the Urim and Thummim, seer stones, in the hat. And it was easier for him to see the light when he’d, uh, take that position.” Russell M Nelson, LDS Church President awkwardly gaslights everyone about Joseph Smiths translation process including looking at a rock in his hat.

At first, the excitement of uncovering this lost sermon was palpable, but soon, the nature of the text began to trouble him deeply. The content seemed to strike at the very foundation of the modern Church’s practices. After completing the translation, President Nelson, disturbed and conflicted, locked the manuscript away in his personal safe, trying to forget what he had uncovered.

Yet, peace eluded him. Repeated revelations haunted his sleep, each urging him to come clean. Finally, in a moment of divine prompting, he scribbled a note on his iconic yellow notepad, pleading with himself to unlock the safe and face the truth. The time had come for him to proclaim this new scripture to the world, despite the personal consequences, hoping to secure his place as the greatest modern-day prophet, doing more for the salvation of the world than anyone since Joseph Smith.

Sister Nelson explained that in their 12 years of marriage, she had watched the process of revelation and inspiration upon her husband but that since becoming the president of the Church, those revelations have “expanded exponentially.” She explained, “He keeps a lined yellow pad of paper beside his bed.” Then she declared, “In the morning he holds up a half page to one and a half pages of notes with joy.” - Elder Neil L Andersen, 2018 via Facebook post | wasmormon.org — Sister Nelson explained that in their 12 years of marriage, she had watched the process of revelation and inspiration upon her husband but that since becoming the president of the Church, those revelations have “expanded exponentially.” She explained, “He keeps a lined yellow pad of paper beside his bed.” Then she declared, “In the morning he holds up a half page to one and a half pages of notes with joy.” – Elder Neil L Andersen, 2018 via Facebook post

Against the advice of Kirton-McKonkie lawyers, Church historians, and fellow Apostles, President Nelson made the shocking decision to publish the newly revealed chapter. The timing, just days before the 194th semiannual General Conference, was strategic. He knew that in a weekend filled with over ten hours of talks, the revelation might slip under the radar, dismissed and overlooked by an already exhausted membership.

As President Nelson can now bear firsthand testimony of the translation process, using the same seer stone as Joseph Smith, the burden of this new truth weighs heavily upon him. Though he yearns to share the experience, the content of his translation leaves him troubled and hesitant. The fruits of his labor seem to condemn his very leadership, and any bold proclamations about his newfound expertise with the seer stone might sound more like senility than revelation. As we have already seen, the church has preemptively begun pre-recording all of Nelson’s remarks to carefully control his appearance and ensure he is lucid as he makes his remarks. Imagine the inner conflict the church president must feel, wanting so strongly to proclaim from the rooftops that he knows how the translation works and that he has done it, but that the fruit of his miraculous translation labor is such an obvious condemnation of his own presidency and legacy. What can he do about this? His ego binds him to remain silent, but his conscience and calling impels him to share the scripture. He devises a plan to release it quietly so as not to draw attention to the message in the new scripture.

In a classic “soft launch” reminiscent of the Gospel Topics Essays, the Church released this scripture in a quiet, almost clandestine manner, hoping few members would take notice. They buried it deep within the study materials, anticipating that any who found it would dismiss it as anti-Mormon literature. Apologists and church historians have already begun downplaying the text, explaining that certain words must mean different things than their modern counterparts. Future generations will likely experience the gaslighting and be told this was always part of the canon, and that it was simply overlooked by members who failed to study diligently.

And thus, dear reader, you can read for yourself the record of Macaroni, son of Bologna, along with the remarkable sermon of Christ in the Americas. Read for yourself the words which leaders initially hid, and then quietly released. See the condemnation from Jesus himself regarding the corporation of the church today and the petty messages current leaders call revelation. Consider the complexities of such a revealed scripture, which is further proof of the prophetic leadership of the church, while at the same time, the scripture condemns the same leader. What are we to do!? Lastly, remember Macaroni’s promise: You already know the truth of these things – you know the truth so fully you don’t even need to ask.

4. And behold, getting on with it, it came to pass, in the years of the reign of a Judge, the heavens opened, much to the astonishment of Macaroni and the people, and there descended from the clouds one who was as the Son of Man, bearded, clothed in white and light and majesty, and His glory did shine round about. He descended in a pillar of fire, yea a pillar exceedingly bright like unto the noonday sun.
5. And when He did set upon the earth, the people did fall to the ground in terror, for they knew it was Jesus Christ, the Lord of Heaven and Earth, who had risen and come to visit his lost sheep again.
6. And the Lord spake unto them, saying: Peace be unto you, my beloved. I have seen your thoughts, and I have heard your prayers, yea, the desires of your hearts are before me.
7. For behold, I say unto you, that thoughts and prayers alone do not suffice. For even as ye have prayed in my name, so also must ye act in righteousness in my name.The Book of Macaroni 21:4-7 | wasmormon.org

9. Yea, for in the latter days, there shall arise a great church, yea, a church that shall build fine temples of stone, and they shall heap up treasures in hedge funds, and their storehouses shall overflow with riches.
10. Some of the principles and ideas of the church did come from the truth that is me. But behold, this church is not of me. Yea, they draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.
11. For the leaders of this church shall be as wolves in sheep’s clothing, and they shall deceive the righteous and lead them astray. They shall teach the philosophies of business-men mingled with scripture, and they shall pervert my holy gospel for gain.
12. Yea, I say unto you, they shall enrich themselves upon the backs of the poor and the widows, and their wealth shall be stored up in vaults of steel and gold, hidden from the sight of the people.
13. And they shall turn my holy church into a corporation, where profits lead and prophets are silenced.The Book of Macaroni 21:9-13 | wasmormon.org

The Book of Macaroni
Chapter 21
A surprising yet true additional visit of Christ to an ancient people of Mormon where he tells of the challenges of the latter-days and the pompous leaders of the future who are not of him and encourages the people to seek truth, no matter the cost or the fearmongering of corporate church leaders.
And it came to pass that in the days of the people of Mormon, they were gathered in the land of New Zarahemla, and they were led by the last great Judge and Priest, whose name was Macaroni, born of goodly parents and the first legitimate son of Bologna, son of Hele-um, the last mighty Anti-Helamite, a man of great renown among the people and known throughout all the land. Yea, and he did sit in judgment over the people and did minister unto them in all things according to the laws of their fathers.
Yea, these words are destined to be sealed up upon a portion of the plates until a time the Lord has foreseen and will be made apparent. These words will come forth in the last of the latter-days, when the fullness of the gospel is restored through the last dispensation. The new ancient-feeling temple ceremonies will be established which were never before on the face of the earth in any temple drawing inspiration from secret combinations of the day yet also being direct revelation from above teaching handshakes required at the pearly gates. Inasmuch, these true words will come forth, and shall be a surprise unto the priesthood. These words shall speak truth and shall cause a stir among those in the last generation, yea in the last hour of the last day.
And behold, this record is true according to the knowledge of the day, even with some aid from the technologies and devices of men, yea, artificial intelligence, which was in use in these days of old. But it is true nonetheless, and if there are mistakes, they are upon the future translation, and not those who inscribed the text on plates of metal, yea, even gold. The work of translation is not for the faint, or the old-hearted, and since the words are not translated but revealed directly to the peep stone, they can’t be the fault of Macaroni or his scribes. The faults if there are any must be upon the translator, yea, Rusty. The fault is not on the rusty gold or even the primitive banded jasper imitation Urim and Thumim, or as the Lord now calls them, the Infinity Stones.
And behold, getting on with it, it came to pass, in the years of the reign of a Judge, the heavens opened, much to the astonishment of Macaroni and the people, and there descended from the clouds one who was as the Son of Man, bearded, clothed in white and light and majesty, and His glory did shine round about. He descended in a pillar of fire, yea a pillar exceedingly bright like unto the noonday sun.
And when He did set upon the earth, the people did fall to the ground in terror, for they knew it was Jesus Christ, the Lord of Heaven and Earth, who had risen and come to visit his lost sheep again.
And the Lord spake unto them, saying: Peace be unto you, my beloved. I have seen your thoughts, and I have heard your prayers, yea, the desires of your hearts are before me.
For behold, I say unto you, that thoughts and prayers alone do not suffice. For even as ye have prayed in my name, so also must ye act in righteousness in my name.
Verily, verily, I say unto you, blessed are they who mourn with those that mourn, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, for this is my commandment unto you because thoughts and prayers alone do nothing.
Yea, for in the latter days, there shall arise a great church, yea, a church that shall build fine temples of stone, and they shall heap up treasures in hedge funds, and their storehouses shall overflow with riches.
Some of the principles and ideas of the church did come from the truth that is me. But behold, this church is not of me. Yea, they draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.
For the leaders of this church shall be as wolves in sheep’s clothing, and they shall deceive the righteous and lead them astray. They shall teach the philosophies of business-men mingled with scripture, and they shall pervert my holy gospel for gain.
Yea, I say unto you, they shall enrich themselves upon the backs of the poor and the widows, and their wealth shall be stored up in vaults of steel and gold, hidden from the sight of the people.
And they shall turn my holy church into a corporation, where profits lead and prophets are silenced.
And verily, I say unto you, this church shall hide the sins of men, yea, they shall cover up abominations and transgressions. They shall protect those who do evil, and their leaders shall deceive and lie concerning their riches.
But ye, my people, must not follow after the ways of this great and abominable church, for their hearts are set upon the things of this world, and not upon the welfare of Zion.
For it is written that ye shall mourn with those that mourn and care for the poor. But behold, this church hath taken the money of the poor and hoarded it in secret places, in vaults, and in the markets of the earth.
And in the latter days, they shall build temples and sue to protect their wealth, but they shall not build up the kingdom of God.
For behold, I say unto you, that the kingdom of God is not a kingdom of riches, but a community of saints, united in love and charity.
Therefore, I say unto you, be not deceived by the wealth of this church, nor by their fine words, for they are as whited sepulchres, which appear beautiful outward, but within are full of dead men’s bones.
And I say unto you, this great whore of the earth, which leadeth men astray, shall fall. For it hath perverted my gospel and led many unto destruction.
Yea, nay the leaders of this church shall rise up in their pride and say unto the people, ‘We are called of God,’ but I say unto you, they are not of me.
For my true church is not built upon gold nor silver, neither upon hedge funds nor the treasures or praise of the earth. It is built upon the hearts of the humble, the meek, and the pure in heart.
And Jesus spake unto them, saying: Remember, my people, that ye shall labor for Zion and not for money. If ye labor for money, ye shall perish. For the laborer in Zion shall work for Zion’s sake, not for the sake of riches.
And in the last days, I shall come again, by way of enlightenment, and I shall judge this great and abominable church, and it shall fall, and great shall be the fall thereof.
And it came to pass that the Lord did speak unto them many things, and the people marveled at His words.
And in that day, they knew that they must follow after Christ, and not after the riches of the earth. But they did sorrow in the knowledge that this wisdom would be lost upon the corporation disquised as church of the latter days. Christ did comfort them and reassured them that these deceivers, even as they rise and seem unstoppable, would in the end fail.
Chapter 22
The Resurrected Christ continues the sealed sermon and speaks of many things in the last days. The people follow his words and live in relative peace until they are colonized by gentiles who later build neat things like AI bots to help write anachronistic scriptures on a more likely and entertaining level. He also gives a circular promise that we can know the sermon is true because it is true.
And it came to pass that the Lord continued to speak unto the people, saying: Behold, in the latter days, there shall arise a great and abominable church, which shall set its heart upon the riches of the earth.
Yea, they shall be deeply invested in the stock market and in the buying and accumulating of real estate, and they shall own much land in a place which shall be called Florida in the latter days.
And this church shall create vast media conglomerates, and they shall enrich themselves through books, yea, even through book deals, and they shall heap up wealth through great construction projects that span the lands; yea shopping malls and industrial endeavors. But in all this they shall hide their wealth with shell corps and other obfuscations, and deal in other illegal tax-evasion practices across all the lands. They will hush these as rumors and proclaim boldly yet with hollow words, that they follow the laws of the land and treat the mites of widows with sacred respect.
And behold, they shall sue any who stand in their way, challenge their authority, or have pre-established regulations in zones they wish to build in, for their hearts are filled with pride, and they seek not to serve, but to be served. They seek to be obeyed, not to obey.
They shall boast of their accomplishments, seeking world records and vainglorious celebrations of their leaders’ birthdays and purchased awards, and in their pride, they shall say unto the people that they do great works. But this is merely propaganda and manipulative deceptions with the intent of exercising authority over the good people of the church.
Yea, they shall even claim that saying the name of our great prophet, even Mormon, is a major victory of Satan, and the people shall continue to be led astray by their words. Let this be a sign unto you in the last days, when you read these words, if it be wisdom that you receive them, that these leaders are not of me but vipers as the Pharisees.
And this church shall claim to follow me, but verily I say unto you, they are not of me, for they seek to build up themselves and not the kingdom of God. They think they are above the laws of men and the laws of God with their second annointings and other secret oaths.
Yea, this church shall interfere with laws of the land and seek to embolden and mobilize their followers to opress others in bringing down propositions based on love and acceptance, yea, even the eigth such proposed amendment.
But there shall be some among them, yea, even those who reach the deepest understandings. Those who endure their own wrestle with God and experience a dark night of the soul, and these shall come to know great truths. Blessed are these truth seekers, they find the truth.
For they shall see that faith in organized religion is misplaced. They will understand great things and that these churches are but a tool to control the masses, and they shall realize that the existence of any god, yea, even my own existence, is irrelevant to their mortal life. They will study science and true wonders of the world and live with empathy toward their fellow man.
Verily, verily, I say unto you, they begin to understand the answers to the very existential questions that created culture, religion and other myths in the first place. Yea, these truth seekers begin to understand that the purpose of life is to do good, to enjoy the time upon the earth, for ye are all as ephemeral as the sunset and the crashing of the waves.
Yea, ye are here for a short time, and then ye shall return to the mother earth, from whence ye came.
And I say unto you, that the hope of any true God is that ye find beauty in this life, and that ye choose goodness and love over greed and self-interest.
For behold, I and my Father are one, and we are also one with Mother Nature, and with every god of any pure religion upon the earth.
For anything that is good cometh from good, and it is men who quickly turn goodness into wickedness for their own gain.
And we have learned by sad experience that it is the nature and disposition of almost all men, that as soon as they gain a little authority, yea, as they suppose, they immediately begin to exercise unrighteous dominion over others.
Therefore, I say unto you, rise above the corporations that masquerade as churches. Reject the false prophets who seek to profit rather than to prophesy.
Serve the least of these, my brethren, and love thy neighbor as thyself, for in this, ye shall fulfill the law of God.
And the Lord spake again, saying: Verily, verily, I say unto you, that in this mortal life, ye shall experience suffering, yea, pain and sorrow shall be your companions upon the earth.
But behold, the purpose of this life is not to be consumed by suffering, but to transcend it, for in overcoming the pains of this world, ye shall find enlightenment and peace. Remember, oh remember, that in life, shit happens.
For I say unto you, the path to joy is not in the avoidance of pain, but in understanding its place, and in rising above it through love, compassion, and mindfulness of the present moment.
In this, ye shall find rest for your souls, for suffering is but a cloud that covers the sun, and in time, the clouds shall pass, and ye shall see clearly the purpose of all things.
Know ye not that ye are more than the fleeting emotions and trials of this world? Yea, the struggles ye face are but stepping stones toward the awakening of your soul.
Seek not to cling to the desires of this life, nor to flee from the hardships thereof, for in both extremes ye shall find suffering; but in the middle path, ye shall find peace.
And the purpose of your life is to walk this path with wisdom, to cultivate kindness and goodness, that ye may lift others from their own burdens and share in the joy of true enlightenment.
For I say unto you, in the end, the measure of your life shall not be in what ye have gained, nor in what ye have avoided, but in how ye have loved, how ye have served, and how ye have found peace within yourselves.
Yea, let go of the illusions of control, for life is not a thing to be conquered, but a journey to be embraced. In this journey, love is your greatest guide, and through love, ye shall overcome the world.
And when the trials of this life are done, ye shall return unto the eternal source of all things, as waves return unto the sea, and there ye shall find rest.
Verily, I say unto you, the greatest enlightenment ye shall attain is to live in the present, to see the beauty of the world as it is, and to love with all your heart, even in the face of suffering.
For this is the path I have walked, and this is the path I call you to follow, that ye may find peace, not in escaping the world, but in understanding it, and in loving all those within it, and not only those few that give ye comfort first.
And it came to pass that the people heard these words, and they were filled with tears of peace, for the Lord had spoken unto them the mysteries of life and of suffering, and they did rejoice in the knowledge of His truth and so great was the joy of the multitude that they were overcome.
And it came to pass that the Lord continued his sermon and behold, he stretched forth his hand unto the multitude, and cried unto them, saying:
And as ye increase in service, and heeding the wise over those who focus on thier own authority over you, the darkness that hath infiltrated the churches of men shall be driven back, and humanity shall grow beyond the scourge of this organized religion and all others in time.
For behold, it is not fealty to organizations that shall save thee, but adherence to the principles of goodness and love.
And in the end, in even these last of last days, and even to the last hour, love shall overcome all things, for as it hath been spoken by the true prophets, yea, even by one of the greatest of these, ‘Love is all ye need,’ and ‘Love is love.’
And it came to pass that the people marveled at the words of the Lord, and they did fall upon their knees and give thanks again, for His words were sharp, but they were filled with truth.
Yea, thus ended the sermon of the Lord unto the people of Mormon, and they did hearken unto His words, and sought to live in love and charity, as He had commanded.
And the people did bury again their swords and their cimeters, and other steel weapons, yea, even all instruments of war. And they did turn to the tending of their gardens of corn, which they called maize, and of wheat and barley, yea, and they did brew barley for mild drinks, which were good in their sight and in the sight of all the gods.
And they did devote much time to the feeding of their cureloms and their tapirs, and also their horses. But behold, they were careful to keep their horses secret, as commanded, yea, even grinding the bones to dust, for they knew that the full knowledge of these creatures would need to seem to come later, through the Gentiles, who would cross the many waters as Nephi and even the Jaredites of old, but in ships built with great industry and technology unknown at this time. This was done in wisdom of the Lord as a test of faith to his believers, so they would learn faith beyond that which is called blind, but to believe despite evidence.
And these Gentiles, yea, they would colonize and kill in the name of their God, and they would lay claim to the lands of the people of Mormon, just as was foretold.
Yea, He, even Jesus, commanded the people of Mormon to write these things and seal them up in the restricted section of the plates. Yea, until the time He would reveal it unto the latter-days in his wisdom. And the people did remember His words, and they did write them in the language they did not know, and seal them up for some future generation, and they did seek to live in charity, even as He, even Jesus the Christ and Messiah, had commanded them.
And thus was the secret sermon of the Lord unto the people of Mormon, yea, the people who called themselves Mormons, and lived in New Zarahemla along the waters of Mormon. Yea, the sermon to be saved up for the Lord’s purpose until the last of the latter days.
They did prosper in the land for many generations, not because any curses were lifted, but because they espoused peace over war, love over pride, and sharing over coorporate shareholders and board members. They did also mourn in thier righteousness for the leaders who would corrupt the gospel in the last dispensation of times, for they understood that such has grossly twisted the message of love into pithy barbs.
For had He not said unto Macaroni and others: Verily, verily, I say unto you, if ye love me, keep my commandments, and love one another, even as I have loved you. Love is all you need, all you need is love.
Verily, this record is true. Yea, ask of God if these things be not so, and He will answer thee. But behold, if His answer cometh not as thou expectest, be not dismayed, for the ways of God are not the ways of men. Yea, be patient, for He may answer in a time that seemeth long, or thou mayest weary in thy waiting and choose to accept that this is true regardless, yea, and testify to others of great spiritual witness when there was none. To find your testimony in bearing it, as one Joseph, who has been foretold would do.
Nevertheless, ye already know in your hearts that these words are true, for ye have received it line upon line, precept upon precept. It is written, thus it is true. Therefore, be not troubled, for this is the truth because the Lord declares it to your heart right now.
The Book of Macaroni, Chapters 21 and 22
As if fallen from the sealed portion of the Gold Plates, found by church historian-lawyers, translated via rock in hat by Russell M. Nelson, hidden in a safe and finally revealed to the church membership in a soft launch right before General Conference where the new scripture is not mentioned. Obviously not real, but very familiar, and created with the help of AI.

The Book of Macaroni as seen in the online Book of Mormon scriptures of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is doctored, and not an actual screenshot. wasmormon.org — The Book of Macaroni as seen in the online Book of Mormon scriptures of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This is doctored, and not an actual screenshot.

In case you missed it, this is a farse created with the help of AI. Please share your thoughts, but more importantly, share the good news of Macaroni, inspired by Moroni with a nod to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

"Oh great Flying Spaghetti Monster, whose noodly appendages touch us all, I come before you seeking your divine sauciness. If it is your will, bestow upon me a sign of your saucy presence. Guide me with your meatball wisdom and your infinite pasta strands. As I humbly ask for your noodly guidance, I promise to keep my heart as open as a freshly cooked plate of spaghetti. Fill me with the warmth of your marinara love and the assurance of your al dente truth. R'Amen." - Similarities to Moroni's Promise found in the Flying Spaghetti Monster Religion | wasmormon.org — “Oh great Flying Spaghetti Monster, whose noodly appendages touch us all, I come before you seeking your divine sauciness. If it is your will, bestow upon me a sign of your saucy presence. Guide me with your meatball wisdom and your infinite pasta strands. As I humbly ask for your noodly guidance, I promise to keep my heart as open as a freshly cooked plate of spaghetti. Fill me with the warmth of your marinara love and the assurance of your al dente truth. R’Amen.” – Similarities to Moroni’s Promise found in the Flying Spaghetti Monster Religion

Thanks for reading. What do you think of these new chapters? What about the story of their translation? Would the Mormon church even release these if they were true?

More reading:

Join the Conversation

1 Comment

stewie says:
October 24, 2024 at 3:54 am
Sealed section was hollow, otherwise Emma couldn’t have moved them around during house cleaning.
The only way for metal sheets of 6″ x 8″ x 6″ with a 2″ sealed section to weigh 40lb is for the sealed section to be hollow.
Yeah, a scam, currently a multi-hundred billion dollar scam!