Stephanie grew up deeply immersed in the Mormon faith, believing that following the Church’s teachings would lead her to salvation. She dedicated herself to the Church from an early age, participating in youth activities, serving a mission in Colorado, and eventually marrying in the temple. But underneath the commitment, Stephanie carried a secret: since she was seven years old, she knew she wasn’t a boy, even though she had no understanding of what it meant to be transgender.
Stephanie was taught that people like her were sinners, destined for unhappiness, so she kept her true self hidden. However, meeting a joyful trans woman and becoming friends with other LGBTQ+ individuals helped Stephanie realize the importance of living authentically. She eventually came out as transgender. Embracing her true identity, she finally found the joy she had been seeking—a joy the Church had promised but never delivered. Stephanie feels at peace today, free from the constant pressure to conform to Mormon standards. Though life still has its challenges, she no longer feels like a “broken vessel.” In living as her authentic self, Stephanie has discovered a sense of happiness and peace that she had never known within the Church.
I was born and raised Mormon. My entire life was centered around my faith. I attended church diligently. I was active in young men’s and the boys scouts. I earned every achievement I could. I served a two year mission in Colorado, came home and got married in the temple. I did everything right and felt I was on the path to salvation. I am an avid tabletop RPG player, a historian, and enjoyer of reading. I was a Mormon.
Since I was seven years old, I carried a secret with me. I wasn’t a boy. At least not internally. I didn’t know anything about transgender people, all I knew was I was not a boy. Growing up and hearing how people like me were unhappy sinners, I kept it to myself.
Until I met a trans woman who was truly happy. More happy than anyone I ever met. I made friends with other people who are LGBTQ+ and they helped me see that they were just being their authentic selves. I finally came out as trans.
After trying to balance reality with what I learned in the church, reality won and I haven’t gone back. I could not bear the pain of the severe gender dysphoria I dealt with, but coming out and transitioning has done more for my happiness than the church ever did. I just wanted to follow the decree, Men are that they might have joy. I didn’t feel joy before. I do now.
I’m at peace. The constant depression I felt trying to confirm and be perfect by Mormon standards is gone and I can actually function day to day. I’ve never thought I’d be at peace and happy in life and it’s not perfect, I still have bad days, but I don’t feel like a broken vessel anymore.
Stephanie
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