Laban fanboy 👌🏻

When I was baptized in the mormon church, I felt like I belonged in a religious environment that was perfect. I remember attending two different stakes. One was with my grandmother and the other was with my family. And what could be more uplifting then getting toys and video games during birthdays and holidays? I was a child who waved his twiggy arms and over exaggerated facial expressions. I also had a mormon face! When I dropped out from elementary school, my arms flabbed in a monotone ramble about hating the school. I was single minded, well single mindedness is what the LDS church wanted from me! Cognitive dissonance shattered my mental health. I began to see those old autistic fixations as evil. The Mormons think to this day that news stations like CNN, secular tv shows, and some video games can be inherently evil. According to what the mormon gospel defined as evil in the articles of faith anyways..
Looking back, the Mormons amplified the cognitive dissonance I was experiencing! I left the church but need to resign my membership one of these days too! The Mormons have a history of sexual assault, abuse, and sexual trafficking.

 I was dropped out from high school. And I was falsely diagnosed with two mental illnesses. The Mormons has exhibited prefujudice against marginalized groups! It doesn’t help that my perfectionist mother dropped me out of high school when I was defiant towards the mormon gospel. I got into an emo phase, developed delusions and changed my real name just from not getting therapy for religious trauma sooner.

I got into a self deprived state of mind, almost like I was catatonic from the dissonance.

I also had unhinged sexual fantasies and fictitious crushes. Ugh if only the Mormons had a secular remedy for mental illnesses. The priesthood holders asked me intensive sexual questions, and I wasn’t given ANY sexual education. The LDS church might have played a part in that stuff I was into.. they saw a hairy neck beard cosplayer who thought he could change his AGE! The baptisms of the dead by proxy wanted me to perform works for people who are long gone and dead. That might’ve had something to do with how I didn’t want to loo at my exact age.

This is about 3-4 years back. They could have easily proved I had grandeur and split personality disorder. I’m in a more healthy chapter in my life! It turned out I didn’t have those mental illnesses, but I am still seeking therapy, it was helpless that my mom forced me to join clubs with even more disabled people at school. I had to get into fandoms I didn’t want to endulge in.

The LDS church does perform service projects, and even donate to hospitals and charities.

 However prioritizing someone’s disability in school for years would make ANYONE psychotic. I was never allowed to put my disability first unless I was scolded by my parents. I was sexually abused by my father too. I’d rather be a lamanite who deserted the LDS church!

My LDS family is no longer in charge of my medicines, and I was able to get two diagnoses removed. I truly hope some other ex Mormons know what love bombing is. Love Bombing is what got me into self deprived spending habits and cognitive dissonance with sexual habits at the same time.. Impulse purchases actually is a part of cognitive dissonance even if it isn’t in a religious context. I am hurting while I type all of this up. At least I have my own autonomy, enjoy begin a weeb who doesn’t get into bad habits anymore, has tried coffee, and doesn’t pretend to be a fictions person while I enjoy some anime too. Maybe self love and forgiveness too :)