Kathy’s journey is a powerful testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the courage it takes to walk away from a faith that has defined so much of one’s life. Raised in the Mormon church, Kathy’s early years were marked by the expectations of religious conformity, deep-rooted shame, and a sense of never quite measuring up. Despite being part of a family that wasn’t overly devout by Mormon standards, the influence of the church and its culture was a constant in her life, shaping her worldview and her sense of self. From a young age, she internalized the rigid expectations of perfection that are so central to Mormonism, and this pressure took a toll on her emotional and mental well-being.
However, Kathy’s story is not one of defeat, but one of transformation. Through her own courage and her relationship with God, she began to question the very foundations of the faith she was raised in. Her realization that the church placed more emphasis on Joseph Smith than on Christ was a pivotal moment in her journey. In breaking free from the toxic culture of shame, exclusivity, and perfectionism, Kathy found a new path, one that honors her personal relationship with God, her deep sense of compassion, and her commitment to living authentically. Today, she reflects on her past with clarity and hope, living a life of love and purpose outside the constraints of the church.
I grew up Mormon. My family wasn’t a super celestial family. My parents were married in the temple. We went to church pretty regularly. I enjoy traveling, learning, And experiencing a life well lived! I was a Mormon.
My mom ruled us with the idea that she didn’t want us to disappoint her and her status in the relief Society. Growing up and hitting puberty, I felt my body really wasn’t mine. It was something to be ashamed of. It was a battle of urges. And if I ever gave in to them, I was an abomination. It was something to be ashamed of. And God help you if you get pregnant. I’m sure my mom was overjoyed that I didn’t get pregnant.
Being Mormon affected my daily life and it still does because not only do you have the church but you have the culture. It is almost all toxic. There’s so much shame and misogyny and struggles that you feel you’ll never be good enough. When I was eight, and I was going to be baptized, the only thing that I thought about was, I was so happy to have a second chance, because then I wasn’t gonna make any mistakes. Who in the hell thinks that when they’re eight years old? I feel like I had my childhood stolen from me. It was not one of love, but one of never feeling good enough.
Numerous times people were rude and mean. Like, one time some woman got up in relief society and started to preach that if you are on any head meds it’s your fault, and it’s because you are not faithful enough. And if you become faithful and follow the church and pay your tithing, then you won’t have to take these meds. So these actions by church members came with the explanation that it’s not the church. It’s sometimes the people. Well, are the people not the church? Especially if these people are making up doctrine? It’s ridiculous and caused a lot of damage.
I consider myself Christian. I honestly don’t think that Mormons should consider themselves Christians. They should consider themselves Joseph Smithians. There’s far more Worship of Joseph Smith than there ever is of Jesus. And there’s far more reference to the Book of Mormon than there is to the Bible.
I’m not one who lost faith altogether. I love God and I have a personal relationship with him. I think a lot of Mormons get confused and think that religion and your relationship with God have to be one and the same, they must intertwine. I can’t think of anything further than the truth. God is everywhere. He’s not just in the temple and he isn’t just available if you’re perfect, everyone has access to him. God is not exclusive.
God is not exclusive. That’s another thing that Mormons are confused with, and it makes it really culty, a lot of other religions welcome people. They aren’t exclusive. The Mormon church is one of the most exclusive, churches or cults I have ever experienced. The way that Mormons expect perfection is extremely unhealthy. Most other religions accept the fact that we are all sinners and that we need God in our lives to help us. This is where the Mormon church is so toxic.
I wholeheartedly believe that not only does the church protect child predators, but I know that they have a large legal team that tries to cover up all kinds of accusations from church members who were honestly abused. At one time the church was asking people to call a hotline and they would be taken care of, people experiencing crises from sexual trauma from church authorities. They would take these people’s stories and say they were recording them and if they did take any notes, they were confiscated and destroyed. The church members who called the hotline thinking that something was going to be done were sorely mistaken. Not only does the church cover it up, but they have influenced the state of Utah to almost make it a haven for sexual predators. In Utah, the church is the legislature too. In this state, there’s no separation of church and state.
I am happy now. Yes, I reflect on things that I have issues with. I see a therapist and it has helped immensely. I refuse to let the people and the church bring me down because I know that is not what God wants. My purpose in life is to ascend to a higher state of consciousness, and to live the best life that I possibly can, and to love those who are struggling. That’s truly Christlike to me.
Kathy
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– Kathy’s “I was a Mormon” story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/kathyh1976/