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Hi, I'm Brian.

I like playing the piano and making music. I'm an engineer and a realist. I was a mormon.

Los Angeles
Brian profile image for wasmormon.org

    About me

    My parents split up when I was quite young, and, searching for a father figure for me, my mom converted to the church when I was 6. I had a year or two to look forward to being baptized, and went on to receive the Aaronic and Melchezidek Priesthoods. I planned to go on a mission and later attend university at BYU, but neither of those panned out due to financial troubles.

    On my shelf

    • Adam-God
    • blacks and the priesthood
    • blood atonement
    • Book of Abraham Translation
    • Book of Mormon anachronisms
    • CES Letter
    • DNA and the Book of Mormon
    • church history
    • dress and grooming standards
    • evolution
    • Fanny Alger
    • folk magic
    • Gospel Topic Essays
    • historicity of book of mormon
    • Joseph Smith's polygamy
    • kinderhook plates
    • LGBTQ issues
    • marginalization of others
    • Mark Hofmann forgeries
    • masonic rituals
    • peep stones
    • polyandry
    • temple endowment
    • the first vision
    • the word of wisdom
    • tithing spending
    • treasure digging

    On the Mormon Spectrum

    • Atheist
    • Agnostic

    # Why I left More stories of 'Why I left' the Mormon church

    I never felt like I truly belonged anywhere. A single mother and her only child stand out in a church full of nuclear families with multiple kids. At the same time, our mormon status distanced us from our fellow Filipinos. I suppose it was this juvenile feeling of not having a place to belong that made discovering the CESLetter such an easy thing for me. I was always a shitty mormon; told the Bishop I didn't masturbate even though I did. Didn't attend the Boy Scouts, when my friends all completed their Eagle Projects. Never went on any treks, never visited the temple, never got my patriarchal blessing. I've always believed in Occam's Razor; the simplest answer is likely the correct one. Did Joseph Smith really divinely receive and translate the Book of Mormon, or did he get the idea from elsewhere? In particular, finding out the similarities between Book of Mormon place names and modern New England place names, and also discovering the View of the Hebrews, cemented the idea in my mind that the Book of Mormon isn't original. Of all things, it was the discovery of the small African island nation of Comoros (formerly Camorah) and its capital city of Moroni that broke my shelf.

    Questions about Mormons My Answers to Questions about Mormonism

    #Link to this answer of 'Are you happy?' by Brian Are you happy? See more answers about 'Are you happy?'

    Much more so now. The church has always felt oppressive. The expectation to keep up with religious appearances; the small and seemingly insignificant ways the church reminds you of its hold on your life (music and media choices, modest fashion, the Word of Wisdom); the feeling of inadequacy when I was unable to go on a mission; all the times I lied to my bishop about my sexual activity, or whether I read the Book of Mormon; all these things weighed heavy on me. I know now how little those things truly matter, or how much they are my own business and nobody else's. Having a faith crisis has also completely changed how I view all things that enter my life. I doubt everything, and critically consider any new opportunities that arise. Having something whose truth I held so strongly be destroyed was one of the most painful things I've ever had to go through, and I highly recommend it to everyone.

    #Link to this answer of 'Has your struggle improved since you left?' by Brian Has your struggle improved since you left? See more answers about 'Has your struggle improved since you left?'

    Yes and no. I hated myself a lot more back when I was mormon. I had many self-esteem issues thanks to my feelings of inadequacy when it came to spiritual matters. I've come to terms with the church's affect on my formative years, and consider myself to be "post-mormon" now. I've learned to love myself, but the lack of a mormon "tribe" to be there and help out, combined with a rather small family has made an already lonely life harder, but I wouldn't take it back for anything.

    #Link to this answer of 'What do you believe now?' by Brian What do you believe now? See more answers about 'What do you believe now?'

    I'm an agnostic-atheist now. I don't know whether or not there is some "intelligence" that's responsible for the creation of the universe, but I'm not convinced by any of the creation theories put out by any religions. Whatever this intelligence may be, I don't think it made the human race in its image, nor do I think it cares about whether I drink tea.

    #Link to this answer of 'Why don't you leave the mormon church alone?' by Brian Why don't you leave the mormon church alone? See more answers about 'Why don't you leave the mormon church alone?'

    Because there are people I love still in it. I watch them spend their free time and money on what I consider a greedy corporation, pursuing ordinances that I'm convinced are meaningless and I want to free them from the shackles they don't even know they have on.

    Spotlight on Brian

    • I like playing the piano and making music. I'm an engineer and a realist. My parents split up when I was quite young. Searching for a father figure for me, my mom converted to the church when I was 6. I was a Mormon. - Brian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/bwilliams8492/
    • A single mother and her only child stand out in a church full of nuclear families with multiple kids. At the same time, our mormon status distanced us from our fellow Filipinos. I had a year or two to look forward to being baptized, and went on to receive the Aaronic and Melchezidek Priesthoods. I planned to go on a mission and later attend university at BYU, but neither of those panned out due to financial troubles. I never felt like I truly belonged anywhere. - Brian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/bwilliams8492/
    • I was always a shitty mormon; told the Bishop I didn't masturbate even though I did. Didn't attend the Boy Scouts. Never went on any treks, never visited the temple, never got my patriarchal blessing. I suppose it was this juvenile feeling of not having a place to belong that made discovering the CES Letter such an easy thing for me. I've always believed in Occam's Razor; the simplest answer is likely the correct one. - Brian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/bwilliams8492/
    • Did Joseph Smith really divinely receive and translate the Book of Mormon, or did he get the idea from elsewhere? In particular, finding out the similarities between Book of Mormon place names and modern New England place names, and also discovering the View of the Hebrews, cemented the idea in my mind that the Book of Mormon isn't original. Of all things, it was the discovery of the small African island nation of Comoros (formerly Camorah) and its capital city of Moroni that broke my shelf. - Brian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/bwilliams8492/
    • Having a faith crisis has also completely changed how I view all things that enter my life. I doubt everything, and critically consider any new opportunities that arise. Having something whose truth I held so strongly be destroyed was one of the most painful things I've ever had to go through, and I highly recommend it to everyone. - Brian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/bwilliams8492/
    • I hated myself a lot more back when I was mormon. I had many self-esteem issues thanks to my feelings of inadequacy when it came to spiritual matters. I've come to terms with the church's affect on my formative years, and consider myself to be "post-mormon" now. I've learned to love myself, but the lack of a mormon "tribe" to be there and help out, combined with a rather small family has made an already lonely life harder, but I wouldn't take it back for anything. - Brian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/bwilliams8492/
    • Why don't I leave the mormon church alone? Because there are people I love still in it. I watch them spend their free time and money on what I consider a greedy corporation, pursuing ordinances that I'm convinced are meaningless and I want to free them from the shackles they don't even know they have on. - Brian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/bwilliams8492/
    • I'm an agnostic-atheist now. I don't know whether or not there is some "intelligence" that's responsible for the creation of the universe, but I'm not convinced by any of the creation theories put out by any religions. Whatever this intelligence may be, I don't think it made the human race in its image, nor do I think it cares about whether I drink tea. - Brian's "I was a Mormon" story. Read more at https://wasmormon.org/profile/bwilliams8492/
    • This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/bwilliams8492/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!
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    Though this site discusses mormonism, topics related to mormons, the mormon church and people who refer to themselves as unorthodox mormons, ex-mormons, post-mormons or any other form of wasmormon, it is not officially affiliated with or managed by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or even the Corporation of the Presiding Bishop. They don't want to be called mormon anymore anyways. All of the content, stories or opinions expressed, implied or included in this site are solely credited to those sharing their own personal stories and not those of Intellectual Reserve, Inc. or The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

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