Would You Die For The Church?

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland starkly illustrates the extreme, manipulative, and abusive expectations that LDS leadership places on its members—especially young missionaries. He spoke at the MTC to all missionaries in training in 2001. He set the expectation that serving a mission for the church, the church “wants you to run all the way, every day, every step.” Missionaries are expected to give all their energy to the church and then some.aws lo

Holland declares his leader, the church president, told him, “You don’t work hard enough, you don’t go far enough, you don’t do enough. Look, I don’t have sympathy for you. If you die, you die.”

"We want you to run all the way, every day, every step until this is over. To give the Lord a full 24-month or 18-month mission, for your sake, for the church’s sake, for integrity’s sake, for the prophet’s sake... We don’t want you to ruin your health. We just want two years from you. We just want 18 months from you. So start now. Just don’t look back. Just put your face to the sun and put your shoulder into this work, and give it everything you’ve got and savor every day." - Jeffrey R. Holland, LDS Apostle | MTC Fireside, January 2001 | wasmormon.org — “We want you to run all the way, every day, every step until this is over. To give the Lord a full 24-month or 18-month mission, for your sake, for the church’s sake, for integrity’s sake, for the prophet’s sake… We don’t want you to ruin your health. We just want two years from you. We just want 18 months from you. So start now. Just don’t look back. Just put your face to the sun and put your shoulder into this work, and give it everything you’ve got and savor every day.” – Jeffrey R. Holland, LDS Apostle | MTC Fireside, January 2001

Though he follows this with a half-hearted reassurance—“we don’t want you to ruin your health”—the overwhelming message is clear: the church demands absolute sacrifice. Holland’s words reinforce the idea that members must give everything to the institution, with no regard for their personal well-being.

Now if anyone wants to go home, talk to me. I will not let you! I will throw my life before the barred door. I have chains in every room. I have skyhooks and cables. I have things you’ve never seen before. If you think President Palmer’s tough on you, you haven’t seen anything yet! If you have any feeling about going home, you cannot. You must not... I would do anything to keep a missionary in the mission field. I would hang on, I would grab your leg, I would twist your ankle, I would put a full nelson and a judo chop, and whatever it takes. I would make an absolute fool out of myself, which is about what I’m describing, just to have you know how much it matters. - Jeffrey R. Holland, LDS Apostle | MTC Fireside, January 2001 | wasmormon.org — “Now if anyone wants to go home, talk to me. I will not let you! I will throw my life before the barred door. I have chains in every room. I have skyhooks and cables. I have things you’ve never seen before. If you think President Palmer’s tough on you, you haven’t seen anything yet! If you have any feeling about going home, you cannot. You must not… I would do anything to keep a missionary in the mission field. I would hang on, I would grab your leg, I would twist your ankle, I would put a full nelson and a judo chop, and whatever it takes. I would make an absolute fool out of myself, which is about what I’m describing, just to have you know how much it matters.” – Jeffrey R. Holland, LDS Apostle | MTC Fireside, January 2001

This mindset isn’t new. It reflects the broader pattern of LDS leadership prioritizing institutional loyalty over personal autonomy, well-being, and even basic human needs. When a leader tells young missionaries that they “cannot go home,” that he will metaphorically “throw his life before the barred door,” and that he has “chains in every room,” the coercion is palpable. These statements paint a chilling picture: the church does not merely ask for devotion—it demands it.

Most of you had a reasonably comfortable life up to the call, and you can just have the most terrific, relaxed, wonderful life after, but right now we want you to run all the way, every day, every step until this is over. To give the Lord a full 24-month or 18-month mission, for your sake, for the church’s sake, for integrity’s sake, for the prophet’s sake. I can tell you he’s doing it! Ninety-one years old, (he will be ninety-one in June), ninety-one years old and going all day, every day, everywhere, all the time until he drops!
His only council to us, and he’s willing to do the same, he says, “Look, you know, you don’t work hard enough, you don’t go far enough, you don’t do enough,” (here we all are dying), he says, “Look, I don’t have sympathy for you. If you die, you die.” And clearly that’s his theory. I mean, that’s his position. He just said, “Look, what use are we then, what do we do at our level, at our time in life, with our calls…what else is there? We will just give and give and give until we are taken.” And we don’t want you taken. We don’t want you to pass out. We don’t want you to ruin your health. We just want two years from you. We just want 18 months from you. So start now. Just don’t look back. Just put your face to the sun and put your shoulder into this work, and give it everything you’ve got and savor every day! Now if anyone wants to go home, talk to me. I will not let you! I will throw my life before the barred door. I have chains in every room. I have skyhooks and cables. I have things you’ve never seen before. If you think President Palmer’s tough on you, you haven’t seen anything yet! If you have any feeling about going home, you cannot. You must not. Not for the Church’s sake, the Church wouldn’t miss you that fast! You cannot go for your sake!
Look at me and listen to me and see the fire in my eyes and the flame in my soul! You cannot ever go home! You’ve got to know what this means to me, what it has meant to my life, what is has meant to my family. The first missionary to go—a 180-degree turn for our entire family and its generations—to receive the gospel and go on a mission! I would do anything to keep a missionary in the mission field. I would hang on, I would grab your leg, I would twist your ankle, I would put a full nelson and a judo chop, and whatever it takes. I would make an absolute fool out of myself, which is about what I’m describing, just to have you know how much it matters. And someday, and someday soon, it won’t be long; you’ll laugh about the homesickness and smile about the necessitudes of the MTC or the shock of the culture, or the strangeness of the language. Every day and every way it will get better! That doesn’t necessarily mean that it will get easier, but it will get better.
Jeffrey R. Holland, LDS Apostle, Don’t You Dare Go Home
MTC Fireside – January, 2001
https://ldsminds.com/dont-you-dare-go-home/

Emotional Manipulation & Control

The talk and church mindset employs several classic tactics of high-control groups.

Guilt & Obligation

“We just want two years from you. We just want 18 months from you.” This framing makes it seem like a reasonable request, ignoring the immense physical, emotional, and mental toll of missionary service.

Fear & Intimidation

“I will not let you! I will throw my life before the barred door.” Young adults, many of whom are barely out of high school, are being told in no uncertain terms that leaving is unacceptable.

Shame & Social Pressure

“You cannot go for your sake!” The message here is that leaving would be a personal failure—not just letting the church down, but ruining one’s own future.

This type of rhetoric is not about love, concern, or service—it’s about control. A healthy faith tradition should encourage personal growth, informed decision-making, and respect for boundaries. Instead, the LDS Church fosters an environment where members feel trapped, afraid to make choices that deviate from the institution’s expectations.

Some May Die Along the Way and That’s Wonderful

"I had a missionary ask me once if I would give my life for the Church. I said, “Elder, I am giving my life for the Church.” I know what he meant. What he meant was, “Would you die for it?” Well, that’s the easy part. That’s a snap! On some days it looks really appealing. That’s the easy part, to die for it. Well, what God needs is people who will live for it, people who will go the distance, people who are in this race we’re talking about that will go all the way to the tape. And some may die along the way and that’s wonderful, but He needs people who will finish the work." - Jeffrey R. Holland, LDS Apostle | MTC Fireside, January 2001 | wasmormon.org — “I had a missionary ask me once if I would give my life for the Church. I said, “Elder, I am giving my life for the Church.” I know what he meant. What he meant was, “Would you die for it?” Well, that’s the easy part. That’s a snap! On some days it looks really appealing. That’s the easy part, to die for it. Well, what God needs is people who will live for it, people who will go the distance, people who are in this race we’re talking about that will go all the way to the tape. And some may die along the way and that’s wonderful, but He needs people who will finish the work.” – Jeffrey R. Holland, LDS Apostle | MTC Fireside, January 2001

You look like future leaders of the Church, to testify of the divinity of this Church, of this work, and of God’s love, of His reality and His appearance to the Prophet Joseph Smith. And if there is anyone in the room who’s struggling with a testimony, you have one — mine! I’m giving my life to this. You’re giving two years. I’m giving my life! Everything I own, everything I possess is on the line. I would not come to Sao Paulo to tell you a fairy tale. I wouldn’t wear myself into the ground, nor would President Hinckley do the same for something we did not know beyond a shadow of a doubt was God’s almighty truth! Give me a little more credit than that! I’m not an absolutely stupid man. This is the truth! And I’m giving everything that I know to give for that declaration.
I had a missionary ask me once if I would give my life for the Church. I said, “Elder, I am giving my life for the Church.” I know what he meant. What he meant was, “Would you die for it?” Well, that’s the easy part. That’s a snap! On some days it looks really appealing. That’s the easy part, to die for it. Well, what God needs is people who will live for it, people who will go the distance, people who are in this race we’re talking about that will go all the way to the tape. And some may die along the way and that’s wonderful, but He needs people who will finish the work. He needs people who will wrap this up, and that’s the pledge I make to you, and that’s the pledge He asked. We’re in this together.
Jeffrey R. Holland, LDS Apostle, Don’t You Dare Go Home
MTC Fireside – January, 2001
https://ldsminds.com/dont-you-dare-go-home/

Jeffrey R. Holland’s remarks to missionaries, particularly the statement that “some may die along the way and that’s wonderful”, highlight the deeply troubling mindset within LDS leadership—a culture that glorifies self-sacrifice to the institution, even to the point of death.

The LDS Church’s Martyrdom Mentality

While the talk is framed as motivational, his words reveal a fundamental problem: the church demands complete devotion, not just in belief, but in total life dedication. His comparison between dying for the church and living for it suggests that death would be easier than enduring a lifetime of service. That is not a healthy message to send to vulnerable young adults, many of whom are already under immense pressure to conform and perform. This rhetoric is deeply problematic for several reasons.

Glorifying Death for the Church

By saying that some missionaries may die in the service of the church and that it would be “wonderful,” Holland frames their deaths as noble sacrifices. This is the same type of rhetoric seen in extreme ideological movements where individuals are encouraged to give everything—sometimes even their lives—for a cause.

Minimizing the Seriousness of Death

Holland implies that dying for the church would be “easy,” almost as if it were desirable. For missionaries who struggle with depression, anxiety, or homesickness, this message could have devastating consequences. When a leader suggests that dying in the faith is honorable, it can reinforce hopelessness for those who are suffering.

Toxic Productivity & Burnout

The phrase “go all the way to the tape” implies an expectation of lifelong, relentless work for the church. Members are told to never slow down, never question, never rest. This rhetoric reinforces the culture of overwork, exhaustion, and self-neglect that plagues many devout Mormons.

The Church Demands Everything—But Gives What in Return?

Throughout his speech, Holland repeatedly emphasizes the idea that members should give everything to the church—health, time, energy, and even life. But what does the church give back? The institution continues to amass wealth (including the $100+ billion in Ensign Peak funds), while its members sacrifice their livelihoods, mental well-being, and sometimes even their family relationships to meet its demands.

Would a loving God truly require this level of sacrifice for an institution that has repeatedly been dishonest about its history, finances, and leadership? Would a compassionate leader dismiss the struggles of missionaries and tell them that if they die, it’s “wonderful”?

The reality is, a high-demand religious institution thrives when its members believe they owe it everything—when they feel they cannot say no. Holland’s words are not about love or faith; they are about ensuring lifelong obedience.

You Do Not Owe the Church Your Life

No healthy organization—religious or otherwise—should make its members feel obligated to give their entire existence in service to it. A true faith should nurture and support individuals, not drain them. The idea that dying for the church would be “wonderful” is not faith; it’s manipulation.

If you are questioning these messages, you are not alone. Your worth is not determined by how much you sacrifice for an institution. You do not have to give everything to be valuable. And most importantly, your life is yours—not the church’s.

Where Is the Compassion?

Holland’s speech is particularly disturbing given the well-documented struggles of many missionaries—mental health crises, exhaustion, and, tragically, cases of suicide. When a religious leader declares that he has “no sympathy” and reinforces the expectation of unyielding sacrifice, it sends a dangerous message: Your suffering doesn’t matter. Your individuality doesn’t matter. Only your service to the institution matters.

This is not the message of a compassionate, loving faith. This is manipulation at its worst.

Members Deserve Better

LDS members—especially young missionaries—deserve better than leaders who see them as expendable resources. A church that truly values its people would prioritize their well-being, encourage informed choices, and respect personal boundaries. Instead, the LDS Church continues to use guilt, fear, and coercion to extract unwavering devotion.

If you’re questioning the church’s expectations, you are not alone. No organization should demand your health, your time, or your entire identity in exchange for acceptance. Real love and faith do not come with chains, barred doors, and ultimatums.

More reading:

Would You Die For The Church?