Despite being raised in the church, Frey couldn’t shake the sense that something wasn’t right. As they grappled with their faith, Frey went inactive multiple times, searching for answers to questions that remained unanswered or dismissed. As Frey embraced their identity as a queer individual, they confronted the stark reality of the church’s teachings on sexuality and gender. In a religion that espoused strict gender norms and heterosexual marriage, Frey found themselves at odds with the church. The church’s stance on LGBTQ+ issues, coupled with experiences of homophobia and transphobia within the community, only served to deepen their sense of alienation. Ultimately, Frey made the courageous decision to step away from Mormonism, recognizing that their happiness and authenticity could not coexist within a faith that rejected their true self.
I was raised in the church, but I’d always felt something was wrong. I was a mormon.
I went inactive multiple times before leaving for good. The vast majority of my immediate and extended family were mormons and my mom’s reaction to any problem I had was to “pray about it” even though I never seemed to get answers to prayer. So far, I think I’m the only member of my immediate/extended family to leave.
I had so many concerns and questions that were either not answered, or the answers were not logical. I’d never even wanted to get baptized in the first place, and when I started trying to leave apparently an 8 year old was old enough to make a decision about joining but a 16 year old wasn’t old enough to make the decision to leave and I “didn’t know what was best for me.”
I received a patriarchal blessing. It was generic and the life it foretold made me miserable to think about. The patriarch used what little knowledge he had about me to make a few statements, saying things like “you have the gift of love, service, empathy, and listening”, “if you cling to your covenants, you will rise above all your challenges”, “when the time comes you will find an eternal companion and enter the temple and get sealed”, “you’ll have lots of kids who will all look to you as an example of faith” (which was one of my worst nightmares), “you have a duty to do missionary work”, and “you’ll be resurrected”. I was still trying to believe at the time and this “blessing” disappointed me and gave me a lot of anxiety. It didn’t mean anything to me and it eventually became one of the items on my shelf.
I’m queer. I’m not cisgender or heterosexual and that’s a huge problem in this religion. When I was finally able to accept myself for that, I realized the mormon religion would never accept me for it and I’d never be happy where I’m not even accepted.
The church teaches marriage is between a man and a woman. They also teach that a person should remain the same gender they were assigned at birth and not socially or physically transition in any way. Members are allowed to call other people by requested names and pronouns but I experienced a lot of homophobia and transphobia in the church regardless. A conference talk once included the phrase that the 3 greatest threats to the mormon church were the homosexuals, the feminists, and the intellectuals. Look at that, I’m a triple threat! 😂
I didn’t believe it and I couldn’t force myself to. I was happier not following that lifestyle. I could see how I’d been manipulated. And I could see how those beliefs were illogical and hateful. I’m an atheist as well as an eclectic witch and I’m the most happy I’ve ever been in my entire life.
Frey
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