Sandra Was a Mormon, an Ex-Mormon Profile Spotlight

Sandra’s story is a powerful account of resilience amid a culture that, for her, enabled abuse. Growing up in the Mormon Church, Sandra’s experience was shaped by religious structures that were more protective of image than of truth or individual well-being. From a young age, she endured severe physical and emotional abuse from her mother, abuse that was often justified with religious language and reinforced by church leaders. While Sandra tried to seek help from various church authorities—including her bishop and other ward leaders—her reports were dismissed, and she was told to “be a better kid” if she wanted to avoid mistreatment.

These repeated dismissals left her feeling isolated and trapped in an environment that expected perfection on the outside while ignoring the pain within. The LDS Church’s teachings often compounded her sense of entrapment by emphasizing ideals that clashed with her reality, like singing hymns about familial love after experiencing violence at home. After years of internal struggle and realizing she could no longer reconcile the church’s image of compassion with the unchecked abuse she endured, Sandra ultimately left the faith. For her, leaving was a step toward healing and self-acceptance—an act of courage and a break from the judgment and silence she felt had stifled her for so long.

Hi, I’m Sandra and the LDS church ignored my reports of abuse. My mom would abuse me in the name of religion. I was born into the Mormon church and grew up in Chicago. I went to BYU, got married in the temple, and had 3 kids. I have spent my entire life trying to convince myself that the church was true and trying to ignore every experience that said otherwise. Abuse, abuse, abuse, and more abuse, that is why I left the church. I wish I left sooner! I was a Mormon.

My mom was extremely abusive. My earliest memory of abuse was at age 3 and my abuse ended when I moved out at age 17. My life was a living hell in which I had to pretend all was perfect on Sundays at church. I never felt like I fit in. I was always trying to jump through Mormon hoops but never felt perfect enough. Can you imagine being forced to sing “I have a family here on earth, they are so good to me. I want to spend my life with them through all eternity” when your mom just beat you up 10 minutes before church?

My parents divorced when I was 10 and my dad left the church. Every time I went to church, members would tell me how amazing my mom was because she was Mormon and how horrible my dad was because he left the church. It bugged me but also confused the hell out of me. My mom, the abusive psychopath, was good cause she was Mormon. And my dad was bad because he didn’t go to church. I kinda believed it! I also believed that my dad would go to Mormon hell and I’d never see him after we die.

My mom would abuse me in the name of religion. She’d sometimes approach me and tell me that the Holy Ghost told her that I did something bad and needed to be punished. I’d then get beat up, grounded, or possessions taken away. I never did anything that the Holy Ghost accused me of. I once got accused of doing drugs by the Holy Ghost (which I never touched). The Holy Ghost even told my mom that I was having sex with my dad (very not true). My mom would beat me to “knock the satan” out of me.

When I was about 11 years old, my mom thought my 3 sisters and myself were being possessed by the devil. I remember closing my eyes and trying to feel if satan was in me. I felt no satan. I looked at my sisters and I didn’t think satan had power over them either. My mom slapped my face to get the devil out. When the slap didn’t work, my mom called the bishop and asked him to come over to pray satan out of our bodies. The bishop said he’d be right over! I thought that since the bishop is the mostly godly person in our ward, the Holy Ghost would tell him that we were being abused and he’d save us. Or at the very least, he’d be able to tell that we were 4 good kids and we aren’t possessed by the devil. I was wrong! My mom had us 4 girls meet with the bishop in my sister’s bedroom. It was awkward and uncomfortable. He told us that we need to be better kids and honor our (father) and mother. He then said a weird prayer/blessing where he asked the devil’s spirit to leave our bodies.

The same bishop called me into his office two other times to tell me that I was a bad kid and needed to be better. At this point, I never broke the word of wisdom, didn’t kiss any boys, no porn, etc. I cried to the bishop and told him I was being abused. I told him I was afraid my mom would murder me. His reply was I just needed to be a better kid and my mom wouldn’t hurt me if I was nicer. I first reported my abuse to the church when I was 12. Absolutely nothing was done. I was abused an additional 5 years because the church did nothing! Let that sink in, 5 years of additional extreme child abuse because the church didn’t report the abuse. I told multiple YWs leaders, seminary teachers, bishop, and a RS president of my abuse and no one did a thing to save me.

When I was 15, I was able to get to a phone and call the police when my mom horrifically beat me. My mom told the police that I beat myself up (eye roll) and I was suicidal. I wasn’t suicidal, but I knew if I said I was, then the police would have to take me away to a mental hospital. Yes, the mental hospital was a better option than home. At the hospital, the therapists determined that it would be unsafe for me to return home to my mother. They asked me if I knew of a home that would be safe. I recommended the Relief Society President’s home. The hospital released me to the RS president’s house. I told her about my abuse and how terrifying my mom was. I figured I’d stay at her house for a few weeks until the courts could find me a safe home. Instead, the RS President dropped me off at my mom’s house the next morning. I had about 12 hours of abuse-free time after leaving the hospital. The RS President knowingly returned me to my abuser and I received a beating on arrival.

My main reason for leaving is the church’s culture in regard to abuse. They pretend it doesn’t happen, hide it, and cover it up. It’s a toxic culture filled with judgmental people. I also don’t think it’s God’s church.

It’s not God’s one and only true church. Joseph Smith was a sexual freak. I think God loves everyone and the church’s stance on LGBTQ is just plain wrong. I never understood why 15 old men in Utah determine what underwear I can and cannot wear. The sexism in the church is ridiculous.

Sandra

This is a spotlight on a profile shared at wasmormon.org. These are just the highlights, so please find the full story at https://wasmormon.org/profile/sandra/. There are stories of Mormon faith journeys contributed by hundreds of users like you. Come check them out and consider sharing your own story at wasmormon.org!


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