Max Was a Mormon, an Ex-Mormon Profile Spotlight

I did all of the typical Mormon things growing up. Becoming an Eagle Scout and getting my patriarchal blessing. In my blessing, it stated that I would “take care of my parents in their declining years.” I grew up in Utah in a Mormon family with a mother (Jean), and father (Martin), and one sister (Jennifer) who was ten years older than me. I also had step siblings that were 15-20 years older than me. My step siblings (Susan and Kathie) have kids, and their kids are around the same age as me. I was their uncle, and it just never seemed right, and even at a young age, I recognized it. In February of 2017, my whole world, as I know it was changed forever. I found out that the individuals that I called mom and dad for over forty years were not my real parents! I was a Mormon.

I grew up in a very narcissistic environment where Jean (mom) was the controlling party, and if you did not do what she said, there was going to be hell to pay, and she would find ways to punish you. She controlled everything in my life and also her other children’s lives. I was only allowed to do things that she could control or that made her look good. Jean had two different personalities. In public, she acted like a devoted wife and mother who wanted the best for her family, and then behind closed doors, she was a miserable person who did not want anybody (especially her kids) to be better than her.

Jean was also a liar and a thief. She was running a shoplifting ring with her daughters, Susan, Kathy, and Jennifer. One of them would go into a store, bring them out to the car, and then someone else would take the item back into the store and ask for a cash refund. During this time, I was forced to go to church, and we became the ideal Mormon family. I absolutely despised going to church because I was told that if I “do what is right, I will be blessed.” This went against everything that I saw at home. Because Jean was shoplifting and manipulating people behind closed doors then being rewarded, it never made sense to me. Around the age of ten, my family was sealed in the Manti Temple as an eternal family. That would not only be together in this life but into the next.

At the age of nineteen, I was told I was going on a mission, and I did not want to. I wanted to join the military. This went against Jean’s wants and told me that I was going “to serve in God’s army”. I was miserable and told myself that I would never listen to what Jean wanted me to do again. When I got home, I met my wife, and eventually married and had two kids. Eventually we moved to another state for work. In 2013, two months after the fact, I found out that Susan had passed away. I called my parents and asked why I was not told, and Jean just laughed about it and was smug on the phone. She was not invited to her daughter’s funeral, and there was a restraining order against her, so she was not even allowed to go, even if she wanted to go. I thought it was odd, but I had stopped trying to communicate with her many years ago unless I had to. I understood that my family was dysfunctional, but that was all I knew.

In February of 2017, at the age of forty, my whole world was turned upside down. Earl reached out to me and told me that we needed to talk – because we were siblings. I had not talked to Earl in over twenty years, and I did not trust him because Jean had put the idea in my head that he was not to be trusted. Growing up, I heard from Kathy that Jean and her husband were not my real parents and that Susan was my real mother. I never believed any of this because I trusted my parents and why would my parents lie to me? Any time I would ask them, they would call Kathy a liar and say she was making things up. Kathy’s own kids have been told this, and they never believe her either. At the same time, I had an uncle on my father’s side come visit me. My wife had numerous discussions about this topic and decided to ask him if any of the rumors were true. He was flabbergasted that I asked him that question because he thought I knew. The lies that Kathy was saying for all those years were true, and Susan was my real mother. I was devastated.

I called my sister Jennifer, in a nutshell I was gaslighted and told that if it was true, I should be grateful to Jean and her husband for raising me, and she let it slip that she had known since she was about sixteen years old. She knew that Jean and Martin were not her real parents either. I called my father the next day, and he denied everything. From that moment on, I started to track down and contact anybody that I knew who might have information about why I was never told. Growing up, I never felt truly loved by my parents; I always felt that I was a burden to Jean and to my father. So, for me, if there was a logical answer, I was more than happy to hear it.

I spent a month calling people to get information; some were willing to work with me, and others denied knowing anything. From everything that I gathered and from knowing how Jean operated, this is what I have been able to determine. Jean (my grandmother) got married to her fourth husband, and he really wanted a son to carry on his name. But Jean was to old and not able to have any more children, so when my mother, Susan, got pregnant with me, they ran my biological father off. Jean being a manipulative individual, she and her husband put their names on my birth certificate.

I reached out to family and friends, Mormon church leaders, and law enforcement with all of this information for help. With family and friends, they either did not want to deal with Jean or tried to gaslight me into thinking that I should be okay with it. They failed to understand or see from my view how it destroyed me and my family. The Mormon Church counseled some of the people to “don’t get involved.” I resigned from the Mormon Church, effectively canceling all of the blessings that had been given to me. I knew that somewhere down that line, after I die, someone was going to do a baptism for the dead in my name. Because of this, I would be sealed again to the individuals who kidnapped me.

I wrote a letter to the church and told them everything. I told them that I wanted the sealing canceled and that if they wanted this type of person in the church, it was their business. All I received back was a letter stating that it was canceled, and the kidnappers continued to go to church and hide behind it. As much as the Mormon church talks about families, they do not care about families. Since that time, I have changed my name because I will not carry on Jean’s fourth husband’s last name. I also did an adult adoption of my biological father. I completed a Bachelor of Science in Criminal Justice and am currently working on getting a Master of Business Administration.

Max

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