Jacob’s journey out of Mormonism is one of self-discovery, questioning, and, ultimately, liberation. Born into a deeply entrenched Mormon lineage tracing back to Wilford Woodruff, Jacob was raised to be a devoted member of the church, participating in seminary and Boy Scouts and striving to live by the commandments. However, from a young age, he struggled with feelings of inadequacy and a lack of personal autonomy. Over time, cracks began to form in his faith—first with doubts about the repentance system, then with troubling observations about church practices, and finally, with deeply personal struggles surrounding his bisexuality and identity. His breaking point led him to fully step away from the church. Since officially resigning in June 2024, Jacob has embraced a new sense of freedom and self-determination, shedding the control and constraints he once felt. Now firmly agnostic, he values individualism, informed consent, and personal authenticity, living life on his own terms for the first time.
Hi, I’m Jacob! I’m a lover of geography, tokusatsu, Deadpool, and music. I’m 19, I love traveling and learning about other cultures. I was born into the church, with ancestry from Wilford Woodruff and dozens of people on the Utah Expedition. Pretty much everyone on my mom’s side of the family was and is an active and practicing Mormon. I was baptized when I was 8, I attended seminary, and I did my best to keep the commandments and to keep the sabbath day holy. Growing up, I was a very firm believer in the church. I was a Mormon.
I loved Boy Scouts, and always wanted to get my Eagle. I was genuinely devastated that they dropped the program. Throughout most of my time in the church, I felt like I wasn’t good enough. I wasn’t worthy of anything. I felt controlled. I felt like I was living someone else’s life, and not my own. This ended up making my life and the world around me extremely confusing, and I didn’t really know how to maneuver my way through life.
I didn’t know what was important, I didn’t know who I was nor who I was meant to be. Everything was just extremely confusing. Despite this, I continued to hold on to the iron rod in the hopes that maybe I’d figure everything out. But I didn’t.
I first made my way out of the church when I was about 11, after realizing how convenient the repentance system was. You could sin, repent, sin, repent, sin, repent, sin, repent. It was like a get out of jail free card. This made me ask a lot of questions, as I began seeing how far I could take this idea and pushed it as far as I could. All of a sudden, I had a lot more fun and felt happier when testing these waters.
Later, my niece lived with me. My primary teacher gave her a rock. She would put the rock under her pillow after she got home from school, to remind her to pray at night. After praying, she would put it on the floor, so it would stub her in the toe and remind her to pray in the morning. The idea of using physical harm to remind young children to pray, and doing it in such a way that the kids unknowingly consented to it, rubbed me the wrong way. And then my shelf started breaking.
I had a private one-on-one interview with my bishop over my bisexuality. One of my most embarrassing moments and I never want to live through something like that again. This conversation happened when I was a minor and I was not allowed to have my parents with me. I had a back-and-forth battle with my faith, and a gender identity crisis. My parents found out about it. And my shelf is completely broken.
I now know there’s no chance of me ever finding happiness in the church, so now I decided to put the church behind me. I officially resigned from the church in June of 2024, the same month I drank my first cup of coffee. I have never been happier since leaving, and now I finally have a sense of control and direction in my life without some hocus-pocus religion telling me what and what not to do. I have never felt more liberated and in control of my life than I do now. I have since read the CES Letter, and now there is no chance of me EVER going back. I learned one very crucial rule about life: it gets better.
Mormons think believe in a loving God. Even growing up I always believed Satan was a better character than God. God’s love always felt conditional to some degree when I was growing up and now that I’m out I realize how conditional it actually is. The Mormon Jesus definitely isn’t a loving God, but Mormons will for sure try to claim he is.
I believe firmly in individualism. Be yourself, not who others want you to be. And one of the most important aspects of my life is informed consent. I believe in the importance of making choices for yourself and not believing what other people tell you and/or want you to believe. I am firmly agnostic and won’t deny that God exists, but I do believe that the Mormon interpretation of God doesn’t exist. I am also very sex-positive and believe in sexual liberation and freedom, and I know from experience and witness that sexual repression gets nowhere. As such, I fully endorse living your sex life the way you desire. Not someone else. Your body, your choice.
Jacob
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