Frank grew up in a devout Mormon family, fully immersed in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, where he was seen as a model member, served a mission, married in the temple, and attended BYU. He always loved learning, and his quest for deeper understanding led him to explore the internet, where he encountered troubling historical controversies, such as the origins of the Book of Abraham. The weak responses from Church apologists failed to reassure him, prompting a journey of re-examining his beliefs. Disillusioned with Mormonism, Frank began a decade-long exploration of other faiths, including Taoism, Buddhism, Judaism, and Christianity. Ultimately, he found a compelling answer to the problem of suffering in Christianity and embraced the Catholic Church for the community, but with a new sense of independence and boundaries after his experiences with Mormonism. Frank now encourages others to find their own path, explore different beliefs, and seek a spiritual community that respects their individuality.
I was raised in the Church by convert parents and aspired to nothing less than a life of participation and activity in the Church. I served a mission, married in an LDS temple, even went to BYU. Growing up I was praised by the adults in my congregations and held up as a leader and a model. All expectations were that I would be up to my eyeballs in church callings and activities and raising kids to be good Mormons. I love books, history, art, and I am always learning. I was a Mormon.
I thought that I could learn new things about the Church and about the gospel on the Internet. I started browsing the net looking for sites about Mormonism. I was exposed to those who ranted against the Church, and to apologists trying to defend it. I remember reading about the Book of Abraham, and the controversy surrounding the resurfacing of the original papyri. Translations of the original papyri proved them to be nothing more than commonplace Egyptian funerary texts, and what’s more, they were dated much later than Abraham–almost as late as Jesus’ time. This disturbed me.
I sought out the apologist websites, looking for a reasoned explanation of this phenomenon. I was looking to be reassured in my faith. I didn’t want to question it. But the responses I found were so weak as to be laughable. They did not give me an adequate reason to not accept the facts that I had discovered. This was the beginning of the avalanche. After this I began allowing myself the possibility that all I had been raised with, that I treasured, and had given my life to until that time, was false.
Mormonism really does a number on people. I discarded and re-examined most of my most fundamental beliefs. It is a big world out there. Mormonism is so small and insignificant. It is fascinating, all the ways that humanity has expressed its desire for meaning and for community.
Do Mormons Believe in a Loving God? No, because the Mormon god is the LDS Church. Many exmormons feel anger, or bitterness. This is justified. We were lied to, exploited, and abused by an organization that claimed to represent God and goodness. Feel those feelings if you need to. But keep in mind that they did not represent God. Don’t let their lies and abuses cut you off from the real goodness that is out there.
The one thing I clung to after Mormonism was a belief in Something. I don’t accept that existence is meaningless or a random chance. There has to be a reason that there is Something instead of Nothing. Otherwise, for me, life is just an absurdity hanging over an abyss. Truth, Beauty, and Goodness are real. So, I started a 10-year search. My search passed through Taoism, Buddhism, Judaism, Universalism, and a variety of Christian options.
In my reading and exploring I felt that the fundamental question that a religion had to answer was the Problem of Suffering. Why is there evil and suffering in the world? I found only 2 satisfactory answers, in Buddhism (transcend suffering) or in Christianity (embrace suffering). Of those, I found the Christian answer to be more compelling.
I also extensively studied Biblical scholarship. I learned to understand that the Bible is an anthology of writings, in various genres, and that it is not to be idolized. I also learned to think about it in new ways. And to see where and how it was supported by history. This led me to the crisis point: did I accept the resurrection of Jesus as a real event? This was a leap of faith, of course, but God’s grace led me to belief, and eventually, to join the Body of Christ as configured in the Catholic Church.
Find your own path. Take your time. There is a big world out there. I spent years exploring various faith traditions. I was not sure I would choose a new faith. For a long time, I figured on just doing my own thing, without an organization or a defined path. Eventually, I decided that spirituality requires community, and I found a tradition that made sense to me and that matched my needs. I don’t think it is “the one true church” or that it gets to lay claim to me, my brain, my time, or my money. I have certain boundaries now, after Mormonism.
Frank
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