Religious zealotry distorts reality by imposing rigid, dogmatic worldviews that demand absolute obedience. High-demand religions, like Mormonism, instill a black-and-white perspective where faithfulness equates to righteousness, and doubt or dissent signals moral failure. This absolutism fosters an “us vs. them” mentality, making it nearly impossible for devout believers to see those who leave as anything but misguided, deceived, or even dangerous.
The trauma inflicted by these divisions is profound, particularly within families. When faith becomes the central measure of worth, relationships are conditioned on religious conformity rather than unconditional love. Parents, siblings, and children who remain in the faith often view a loved one’s departure as not just a personal betrayal but an existential crisis—one that threatens eternal family unity. This results in judgment, alienation, and, in many cases, outright estrangement.
For those who leave, the pain is twofold: not only do they grapple with the loss of their belief system, but they also endure the heartbreak of being seen as “less than” by their own families. The very people who once offered love and belonging now regard them with suspicion, disappointment, or even fear. Attempts to maintain relationships are often met with conditional acceptance—so long as the ex-believer does not challenge the faith or openly express their differing views.
Those entrenched in orthodox membership of the LDS church, are crippled by a catastrophic blindness, as a price they pay for the submission of their autonomy (Freedom from external control or influence – independence) and that price is simply the distortion and mental abnormality associated with anyone inside a controlling, high demand religion.
In my life, this has played out in the LDS sub-culture attitudes, skewed thought processes, and values in the minds of my children, in which the dogmatic teachings of the church have had the effect of shifting or intensifying the level of reaction I receive, within my family.
ALL strongly religious people have (Whether they are aware of it or not) a certain arrogance and judgementalism. Their value systems become internalized to reflect or mirror ingrained church dogmas, attitudes, and distortions. These are not always apparent or visible unless someone (like me) rocks the tribal boat.
Take for instance, my final loss of belief in the church; my departure from it; writing a book about it; having my sealing to my wife and family broken – all of these things on my part, were not evil, nor immoral, or wrong, but were the natural outcome of honest enquiry and of being lied to since my conversion.
It was the church itself, which was guilty of immorality, evil, and utter deceit… It was all a fabrication, but the warped conditioning I’ve mentioned above, created a far more heightened, weighted, severe, and prejudicial reaction toward me.
Whatever you do, or say, will be felt by your family with an elevated degree of condemnation, repugnance, and disdain compared to ‘ordinary’ people outside the LDS Faith….…. ordinary people for instance, don’t have the cataclysmic dogma embedded in their heads, that the failure of just one family member to remain obedient and faithful, can detonate the bombshell of family SEPARATION for eternity!
It is no coincidence that one has to wait a year to go through the temple (particularly before 1990, when blood oaths and Satanic warnings scared the bloody wits out of us) so the church prevented members from going until sufficiently groomed and re-modified to become immune and impervious to the sheer madness of the endowment pantomime. I’m not really sure any amount of time is enough to stop alarm bells though!
In my family, due to years of disapproval, denigration, and censure about my choices and decisions, caused a sense of being completely disrespected and alienated. My stance about the Faith they loved, made some uneasy about inviting me over – in case I spread my ‘virus.’
It was not a mistake to suggest to my 6 children that their LDS culture has skewed their judgment of me, as well as blinded them to the reality of their own religion, so their prejudice was actually toward me – a judgment against a father, based on his disagreement with the church and for no longer sharing the same religious views. In addition, exposing the church in a book; decided my own moral autonomy, and altogether fell away. Seeing me in their skewed and twisted minds created an erroneous judgment against my integrity, my heart, and my soul. But I also became aware, that because they were ‘Mormon,’ I too had moments when my thoughts of them failed to acknowledge their special gifts and other attributes of human decency.
This disconnect has gone on for years. I hardly know my many grandchildren, now old enough to be finding their own feet in the world. Much is lost on both sides and at my age, will inevitably remain so. Never mind, I don’t live to appease my children; I live to be true to myself and I’ve had a damn good life.
This dynamic skews the reactions of faithful family members, intensifying their condemnation and rejection. Judgment should be based on character and actions, not on the fact that one no longer aligns with a shared religious framework. This loss of faith is not seen as a personal journey of discovery but as a betrayal of this shared spiritual identity. In turn, this severs connections that should transcend belief and leaves lasting wounds on both sides.
Ultimately, religious fundamentalism replaces love with loyalty to doctrine, demanding that faith take precedence over family bonds. Those who step away from the church often find themselves forced to choose between authenticity and acceptance. Yet, as painful as it is to be cast as the “wayward” one, the greatest act of self-respect is to live honestly—regardless of whether loved ones ever come to understand.
If you have experienced the pain of religious deconstruction and the strain it can place on family relationships, know that you are not alone. These stories illustrate how deeply faith can shape—and sometimes fracture—the bonds between loved ones. By sharing these experiences, we shine a light on the often-hidden trauma of religious zealotry and help others understand the profound emotional toll it takes.
Your story matters. Every voice that speaks out helps to break the silence, challenge harmful narratives, and foster greater awareness and empathy. Consider sharing your own faith journey at wasmormon.org to contribute to a growing collective of voices working to destigmatize doubt and normalize life beyond high-demand religion. Together, we can create a space where honesty is valued, healing is possible, and no one has to feel alone in their transition.
More reading:
- Writing Your Traumatic Faith Crisis Experience is Healthy and Healing
- Personal Mormon Faith Crisis Report – Faith Crisis Profiles
- Personal Mormon Faith Crisis Report – Faith Crisis Stages
- Brigham Young on Apostates
- Never Take Council From Those Who Do Not Believe – Says Russell M Nelson
- Apostates Can Never Have a Really Happy Day?
- Kevin W. Pearson, Holy Ghost Not Active For Doubters or Apostates
- Believe Absurdities, Commit Atrocities
This post is by Robbie Bridgstock.
Hi, I'm Robbie Bridgstock
I was a Mormon - Joined when I was 18 in 1964 and left when I was around 59 in 2006
