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John found the repeated lack of integrity in how the church uses an ellipsis troubling. Adding to his already shelved issues there wasn’t much that could help in the gospel topic essays. It doesn’t take anti-mormon literature to decipher the mormon illusion, many brave souls arrive via official church material. Even quotes from favorite church leaders don’t help when the shelf breaks, belief crumbles and we find ourself in a mormon faith crisis.
I like camping, hiking, fishing, and trail running. I enjoy watching sumo wrestling and rugby. I am a husband, father, good neighbor, and engineer. I was a Mormon.
I was all in. I wanted to be on the winning team and I was led to believe that I was part of the only true and living church on Earth. Sure things bugged me from time to time but I ignored it or put it on a shelf I didn’t yet realize that I had. When I felt conflicted about things in the church like blacks-and-the-priesthood (a big one) I chalked it up to not knowing what god knows and that it would be clear one day. It would all work out in the end because this was the true church.
In January of 2018 I was reading a church manual for general edification (haha). I read a passage about Lorenzo Snow that had an ellipsis ( … ) that I thought might be worth looking into. I was stunned to see that the excluded text was small but very significant. Leaving it out changed the context of the whole section I was reading from. I was confused why the church would do that or feel a need to be deceptive or unethical. I tried to justify it and figured it would be an anomaly. I proceeded to look up other ellipsis in the manuals and look up the full quotes. I found a pattern of twisting words and being deceptive that is blatant dishonesty in my eyes. I wasn’t taught to behave that way in my home or in the church so it was very discomforting.
Over the next two months I was really searching for the silver lining that would save my testimony. I couldn’t find it, it only got worse. The church’s gospel topics essays sealed the deal. If the priesthood ban was based on the theories of men as they wrote, what else is?
My conscience burned knowing that I was part of supporting such dishonesty and I couldn’t stay. It became really tiresome hearing “it’s true” and “I know” statements at church over and over. If the church was “true” then nothing else would matter (thanks, Hinkley). But that isn’t the case so there is no sense for me to be supporting a church that oppresses women, minorities, ethnicities/cultures, the lgbtq+ and others based on the theories of past and present leaders.John
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