A journey from orthodoxy to authenticity, Lance grew up in a large, orthodox Mormon family—the seventh of eleven children—and was fully committed to the faith he was raised in. From serving a full-time mission in Wisconsin, marrying in the temple, and raising a young family, to holding multiple leadership callings, Lance did everything the church asked of him. Yet, over time, silent doubts and unanswered questions about church history and doctrine began to weigh on him. His journey took a turning point when friendships with LGBTQ individuals and others from diverse backgrounds challenged the church’s teachings and opened his eyes to deeper, uncomfortable truths. Lance’s path hasn’t been easy, as the only one among his ten siblings to leave the faith. But with the support of his wife and a community of fellow seekers, he’s found peace, joy, and a life no longer burdened by guilt and shame, for himself as well as his children.
I’m the 7th of 11 children. Our family was very orthodox growing up. I did all the things – served a full time mission to Wisconsin, got married in the temple, had 3 kids young, and held several leadership callings. I’m the only child of the 11 to have left the church. I love the outdoors, cooking (and eating), music, pugs, and Lego. I was a Mormon.
I struggled silently for years to understand certain aspects of church history and I never seemed to get the answers I needed – but I would just bury those concerns and double down with service, study, and prayer.
Once I left the bubble that is Utah county (where I went to high school) I found so many friends and colleagues from all walks of life. I was uncomfortable with the church’s teachings around LGBTQ issues and developed friendships with people in that community that completely changed my perspective.
Along the way, I also met some incredibly thoughtful and faithful Mormon friends who were really struggling with their faith. In an attempt to be empathetic, I finally allowed myself to dig deeper into church history without the blinding lenses of apologetics.
Turns out… the church isn’t true!! lol. I could list a myriad of historical and doctrinal reasons why I felt compelled to leave. And the social issues played a big factor too. Leaving was incredibly difficult, even after feeling confident that it wasn’t true.
I had a period of time where I was nihilistic and pretty damn depressed. A loving and supportive wife (who also left with me) was incredibly important. And having a local community of friends who had experienced similar things was also very comforting and validating.
I’m still the only one in my immediate family who has left the church. My parents believe I’m doomed and that I’ve doomed my children to eternal unhappiness. However, I’m more at peace now in life than I’ve ever been. I’m so happy we left the church and glad my children will not grow up with the same guilt and shame I experienced as a member just trying their best.
Lance
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