In the Mormon community, the practice of putting questions on a shelf refers to the act of setting aside doubts or concerns about the faith in order to maintain belief and avoid conflict with church teachings. Mormons are encouraged to trust in the leadership and authority of the church and to believe that answers to difficult questions will be revealed in due time, either in this life or the next. The idea is that these questions will be resolved or answered through personal revelation, study, or other means, but in the meantime, they are set aside and not fully addressed.
The practice of putting questions on a shelf is a complex issue and its effectiveness or healthiness can vary widely depending on an individual’s perspective, experience, and goals. If the goal is to seek and obtain truth, then a shelf is not ultimately helpful, because it allows ample space for uncomfortable questions to remain unanswered, but if the goal is submission, compliance, and avoiding conflict, then putting questions on a shelf may be the ideal solution. Some believe that setting aside doubts and questions can be a healthy coping mechanism in times of uncertainty or stress, allowing individuals to focus on the positive aspects of their faith and avoid unnecessary conflict or turmoil. Others argue that it is harmful, leading to a suppression of critical thinking and avoiding difficult conversations or issues that may ultimately impact one’s faith in the long term. Placing questions on the shelf prevents honest discussions about difficult or controversial issues.
Writer Jana Riess interviewed Chad Ford, BYU Professor and professional mediator, regarding his book “Dangerous Love: Transforming Fear and Conflict at Home, at Work, and in the World.” The book proposes that although conflict is everywhere in today’s world, we have the tools we need to overcome fear and other obstacles in order to thrive. Although the book is intended for individuals, Jana was intrigued by how the author’s research findings could be relevant to the LDS Church and its members.
You say in the book that when we fear conflict and go to great lengths to avoid it, we damage our ability to solve problems. This of course made me think of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, because I feel like we do a lousy job of even acknowledging problems. It’s like any disagreement is bad because it’s considered “contention.”
Jana Riess
How do Latter-day Saints deal with conflict and faith crises? Avoidance doesn’t work, expert says.
https://www.sltrib.com/religion/2020/11/26/jana-riess-how-do-latter/
She’s noticed the connection in Mormon culture to avoid conflict and follow the leaders. But by being afraid of conflict and actively avoiding it, we hinder our capacity to effectively address problems, including within the Mormon Church, where issues are often dismissed as “contention” and ignored. Our reluctance to engage in conflict leads us to avoid confronting unresolved questions and even acknowledging problems, which we push aside by putting them on the proverbial shelf, rather than seeking solutions to them. Why are we so afraid that we will happily put our unresolved questions on the shelf and do our best to simply move on? Chad has a great response.
It’s called conflict avoidance — sweeping something under the rug, pretending it isn’t there. It’s wearing a mask that on the outside looks pure and holy. This is a consistent theme you hear again and again from Latter-day Saints, this idea that conflict is of the devil. That there is something unholy and shameful about conflict, and if I was really holy, I wouldn’t experience it.
That’s really self-defeating. If there is conflict in my life or in my family or community, I don’t want the world to know that. So that makes it harder for LDS people to seek out help from therapists or mediators.
Sometimes we also do conflict accommodation, especially among women: “If there’s no way for me to avoid this conflict, the righteous or holy thing is for me to give in.” That’s the default move if they can’t avoid conflict altogether, because it seems meek and humble, and we like our martyrdom. The problem is that it only works in short-term settings. When things are really important and we constantly push conflict aside, a gulf builds up and eventually it will break. As a long-term conflict strategy, accommodation will not work.
Chad Ford
How do Latter-day Saints deal with conflict and faith crises? Avoidance doesn’t work, expert says.
https://www.sltrib.com/religion/2020/11/26/jana-riess-how-do-latter/
The idea that “conflict is of the devil” suggests that any disagreement, argument, or tension between individuals or groups is inherently wrong or immoral, and should be avoided at all costs. This can result in a reluctance to engage in healthy, constructive conflict resolution, as well as a tendency to ignore or suppress difficult issues rather than confront them directly. In some cases, this belief can also contribute to feelings of shame or guilt for experiencing conflict or questioning established norms and beliefs. When we choose to sweep everything under the rug or place any and all items of concern on the shelf, we embody the submissive ideal. If this endless submission will eventually break, why does the church encourage us to be putting these things on the shelf?
The LDS Church is structured around patriarchal and hierarchical authority. One thing that’s drilled into us from a young age is that if someone above us in the hierarchy gets a revelation, it’s not appropriate for us to push back. That person has keys or authority to make decisions, so when they make decisions, our job is to follow. I don’t believe that’s necessarily doctrinally what we believe, but that’s what we do culturally.
Chad Ford
How do Latter-day Saints deal with conflict and faith crises? Avoidance doesn’t work, expert says.
https://www.sltrib.com/religion/2020/11/26/jana-riess-how-do-latter/
This has been pushed not only by Mormon culture but also by Mormon church leaders when they share phrases like “When our leaders speak, the thinking has been done.” and “We will not lead you astray. We cannot”.
https://missedinsunday.com/memes/other/the-thinking-is-done/
Church Leaders are telling young people to doubt their doubts, and put their concerns onto the shelf, and expect them to be resolved in the next life. How is that good advice? It’s not good advice for the individual, but it may be perceived as good advice for the church organization. The church wants to sweep even the idea of a faith crisis under the rug, they don’t want us to talk about it or to “rehearse our doubts with others”. The church wants to retain its authority over every believer.
I’ll start with faith crisis. As a university professor working with young Latter-day Saints, many are going through a faith crisis. Think about our unhealthy approaches: We ignore it, we hide it. This makes young people afraid to talk about it with their friends or parents. Parents may feel shame about it.
So we start mistreating each other: We’re not open to their questions and concerns, and we don’t create space to have collaborative problem-solving. We think there’s something inherently wrong with asking questions, instead of seeing questions as a way to go deeper with faith. I see this all the time with my students and in my own family.
Because I’m teaching this stuff, they end up seeking me out because they feel I’m a safe place to talk about it. I’m very clear that I’m a practicing member of the church, but I’m not threatened by their questions. And that extends out to so many other questions, like the Word of Wisdom, women in the church, or LGBTQ+ issues. We aren’t good yet at talking about these issues in a healthy way. So we leave young people with two choices: to either shut up and accommodate, even though it hurts, or to leave and become a fierce critic of the church. Those outcomes to me are both tragic outcomes.
Chad Ford
How do Latter-day Saints deal with conflict and faith crises? Avoidance doesn’t work, expert says.
https://www.sltrib.com/religion/2020/11/26/jana-riess-how-do-latter/
Look again at what he’s saying, our current cultural practice of submission and avoiding the hard questions by putting them on the shelf lead to tragic outcomes. We’re seeing it today. Since the church is incapable of healthy conversations about hard issues, we essentially give members two choices: shut up or leave the church. This practice is not good for individuals or even for the church as a whole in the long run.
Church leaders are pursuing a strategy to keep people in the church that is actually counter-productive to a person’s well-being and also contributes to people leaving the church. They don’t just leave, or even leave the church alone, but they leave and become a “fierce critic of the church”. How has the strategy affected you? We’d love to hear, please share your faith transition story.
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