Hey
Born and raised in the faith, I’m a descendent of pioneers who crossed the plains and settled the Salt Lake Valley. I’m a corporate executive, educator, parent and husband. And… I was a mormon.
About me
I was the perfect mormon. Seminary, mission, BYU, Temple marriage, family, Stake and Ward leadership. Ancestors crossed the plains with Brigham Young. Life revolved around the mormon church in every way.
In business I ran multinational companies, managed the finances for a Fortune 1000 company, taught college classes, did volunteer work for many charitable and professional organizations. My family was everything to me. We held family home evenings each week and attended every Church service, conference and fireside. If something was happening at the Church, we were there!
On my shelf
On the Mormon Spectrum
# Why I left More stories of 'Why I left' the Mormon church
I wondered why, if this is so great, why doesn’t everyone embrace it? What am I missing and why does the Church make me feel empty? Why would a loving God treat his children so differently based on where they were born, who their parents are, what race they were born into, what their last name is, what their sexual preference is, what their gender is, how much money they have and whether they followed Hindu, Buddhist, Muslim or Christian teachings. Why would God demand 10% tithing to get into the celestial kingdom; pay-to-play just didn’t seem right.
Why would God pick Joseph Smith since he’s such a schmuck. Polygamy …. Really? What woman would embrace a role of making babies for eternity? Joseph Smith didn’t even tell Emma about all of his ‘wives’ until he had to - what a liar.
Then I looked at the Book of Abraham. Joseph Smith’s claims about a funeral text make no sense at all. His strange attempt to conform the Bible to his beliefs with the JS Translation was misguided given the well established history of the Bible translations.
I remembered reading that if the Joseph Smith story is false then the entire church is just a house of cards. If the Book of Mormon (BofM) isn’t true, then the entire faith is false. So, I studied the Book of Mormon with a slightly different perspective and determined that it was a good read, but hardly an inspired word of God. Tolstoy and Dostoevsky were more insightful than the BofM. There’s no historical evidence to collaborate the BofM like there is for the Bible. Clearly a ‘perfect’ book would not have to be edited multiple times and would contain no historical misinformation - but it does.
Yes, I prayed and prayed and fasted and prayed but the tingly feeling was nothing more than the same feeling I had when attending a great concert or watching Star Wars for the first time; it was hardly a witness for the truth.
From the Church’s own records, I studied its history of racism, xenophobia, sexism, polygamy, temple ordinance origins and evolution, support of slavery, church’s support for nazi Germany, lack of godly discernment, doctrinal changes, inconsistencies in the priesthood restoration, BofM discovery accounts and different versions of how Joseph Smith wrote the BofM. The carefully crafted Church messages just didn’t cut it for me.
Attending the Temple was also really cringy. The washings and anointing were gross when some old dude touched me where he ought not be touching. The blood covenants were unexpected for a 19 year old kid who couldn’t really leave because I was sandwiched by family. Later, I visited a Masonic temple and that led me to do a comparison of beliefs. It was pretty easy to see that Joseph Smith and Brigham Young just adapted the Masonic temple ordinances to fit mormonism.
As I studied and prayed, the stories of children and women being sexually abused emerged and, while the Church said that abuse was abhorrent, it also covered up the assaults, paid off victims, protected the perpetrators and referred the matters to its attorneys rather than to the police.
The Church actively opposed same-sex marriage in Hawaii and California - who cares if two loving people wanted to have a committed monogamous relationship. About the same time several General Authorities said they had stopped doing electro-conversion therapy at BYU in the early 70’s but they were still doing it to people I know when I attended the school in the late 70’s and 80’s. Their comments were disingenuous.
The Church kicked out anyone even suspected of being gay or lesbian … that was just wrong. God wouldn’t treat his children that way.
As a missionary I was told to not teach Black people because they were cursed. Then President Kimball said he had a revelation and they were suddenly all clean again… I remember going door to door on my mission that year and someone asked me what revelations our Prophet had recently had. I told them about how Black people could now hold the Priesthood and get married in the Temple. The person had laughed at me and said their church always had loved and accepted Black people. The Church later said that its treatment of Black people was consistent with the social norms of the times… but it never apologized for its racism or said that Brigham Young and Bruce McConkie were wrong. The Church still hasn’t apologized.
At each general conference the Church auditor tells the members that its finances are properly maintained, but after the Church had been found to be in violation of SEC rules and fined several million dollars, the auditor didn’t even acknowledge this gross legal violation. Then we learned that the Church had amassed well over $100 billion of cash reserves and they hadn’t told members because it might result in lower tithing receipts. The lack of financial transparency was disguising to me. Even worse, the Church’s meager charitable activities in light of its great wealth clearly didn’t align with my view of Christ’s teachings.
One of the last straws was when LDS Philanthropies suggested that parents disinherit children who stray from the church and give that inheritance to the Church. Although they later deleted the information from their website, that they had advocated for this position told me that it’s really all about the money not the people … and certainly not about Jesus Christ.
So I withdrew my name from the Church records.
My decision had nothing to the people in the Ward/Stake. They were good people; I liked them and I was well liked by them. It wasn’t about living the health code, how hard it is to follow the rules of the Church, the many meetings or being offended. It really just came down to ‘is the Church true or false.’ I concluded that the Church is not of God and, while it professes to follow Jesus Christ, it really doesn’t.
Questions about Mormons My Answers to Questions about Mormonism
#Link to this answer of 'Did you want to sin? Is that why you left?' by Tom Did you want to sin? Is that why you left? See more answers about 'Did you want to sin? Is that why you left?'
That’s funny. Of course not. I’ve never been very ‘worldly’. I left because the Church isn’t true and its leaders, in my opinion, lacked the integrity to do what is right in acknowledging the errors in its history, the inconsistencies in its teachings, the way they have handled sexual abuse and the lack of transparency in the church’s financial dealings.
#Link to this answer of 'Does the Mormon church protect sexual predators?' by Tom Does the Mormon church protect sexual predators? See more answers about 'Does the Mormon church protect sexual predators?'
Yes, in my opinion. After I decided to leave the faith, one of my siblings confided that she had been sexually abused by a mormon relative at the tender age of 8 years old. Our grand parents covered it up and faith leaders protected the abuser. That my own LDS family and church leaders covered up the abuse of my sister when she was a child was disgusting.
#Link to this answer of 'What advice would you give to someone interested in joining the Mormon Church? Or for that matter, someone interested in leaving the Mormon Church?' by Tom What advice would you give to someone interested in joining the Mormon Church? Or for that matter, someone interested in leaving the Mormon Church? See more answers about 'What advice would you give to someone interested in joining the Mormon Church? Or for that matter, someone interested in leaving the Mormon Church?'
Carefully study and learn. The Church tells people to just listen to their message and only read materials that the Church has officially sanctioned. You certainly should read and listen to the Church’s message. But that’s just part of the story. That’s just what they want you to hear and the Church has become very very good at messaging and manipulating people.
The psychology that supports the way the Church messages itself is a fascinating study in its own right.
Read lots of information from many sources and don’t just accept the Chruch’s position because of their slick messaging or the really nice missionaries. Take your time, think about it, talk to a range of people and interpret it all through the lens of your life experiences. If it doesn’t make sense, then don’t try to make it make sense.
Merely wanting it to be true doesn’t make it so.
Good luck in your journey.
#Link to this answer of 'What did the Mormon religion bring to your life?' by Tom What did the Mormon religion bring to your life? See more answers about 'What did the Mormon religion bring to your life?'
There were some good things about growing up in the mormon faith, but these are things that are not unique to mormonism or its culture:
The music is good (but it made no sense that guitars and praise music was banned from services). The youth dances were fun. BYU was generally a good school but there are better places to get an education.
Food storage is a great thing to do.
Home cooking is terrific - even if mormons usually eat in excess and don’t seem to be able to follow their own health code (sure they abstain from alcohol, coffee and tea, but they sure don’t eat in moderation or eat food in the season thereof… plus they sure love sugar! ).
The family focus is great; but it’s unfortunate that they don’t embrace a broader view of who is family. I also found that most mormons really didn’t understand what love means.
#Link to this answer of 'Were you asked inappropriate questions in "worthiness" interviews by your Mormon Bishop?' by Tom Were you asked inappropriate questions in "worthiness" interviews by your Mormon Bishop? See more answers about 'Were you asked inappropriate questions in "worthiness" interviews by your Mormon Bishop?'
The questions the Bishop and Stake President ask are often quite intrusive. They seem to have an obsession with sex and sexuality and what we do in our bedrooms. I wouldn’t let them meet privately with my children and ask such questions. If my kids had questions about sexuality, they knew that we could talk openly and non-judgmentally.
God knows if we are worthy of him. There is no need for a Bishop to conduct an inquisition into our intimate lives - especially since they don’t really have any spirit of discernment or any pastoral training.
#Link to this answer of 'Are you happy?' by Tom Are you happy? See more answers about 'Are you happy?'
Absolutely yes.
Leaving the mormon church after 60 years was one of the best things I’ve ever done. I now have a much better relationship with my grandchildren, kids and spouse. Friendships with others have become so much more genuine (when the only thing you have in common is a superficial church, the friendships are quite weak). The Church thrives on guilt and manipulation. Once you let all of that go, you really do have your free agency to live a good and happy life. I’ve never been so happy and contented as I am now that I’m free from mormon manipulations. It is a wonderful life. No regrets at all.
#Link to this answer of 'What do you feel or know about tithing?' by Tom What do you feel or know about tithing? See more answers about 'What do you feel or know about tithing?'
To get to the highest level of heaven, the Celestial Kingdom, one has to be married in the mormon temple. To get in the temple one has to pay a full 10% tithing. Therefore, one has to pay to get to the highest level of heaven. Kind of a pay-to-play concept.
The real kicker though, is what the church does with the money.
There is no financial transparency in the church. The little we know is that only a fraction is used for true charity, like feeding and clothing the poor. Much of the tithing appears to go to investments like businesses and real estate.
We learned a great deal when the SEC investigated the Church’s investments and found that it had hidden investments in multiple funds under different names and with different managers. The documents say the Church did this because members might give less if they knew how much money the Church really had. The SEC fined the church and its investment company some five million dollars. Later when the Church auditor spoke at General Conference he stated that the Church finances were properly maintained and he didn’t even mention the fine. As a former CFO, I found this most disturbing.
Of course, the Church could address this quite easily by simply publishing its consolidated financial statements. The Church holds its members to a high level of accountability, but doesn’t appear to hold itself to the same standard.
#Link to this answer of 'Does the church encourage leader worship?' by Tom Does the church encourage leader worship? See more answers about 'Does the church encourage leader worship?'
When one visits a mormon church, be prepared for members praising mormon prophets, current and past. Jesus Christ and God are hardly mentioned except in the legal name of the religion and at the end of prayers and talks. While once in a while there will be a talk about Jesus Christ, services are full of accolades, hymns, lessons, quotes and stories from and about mormon prophets and general authorities.
Often hard to recognize who they worship.
#Link to this answer of 'What do you call yourself now that you aren't mormon?' by Tom What do you call yourself now that you aren't mormon? See more answers about 'What do you call yourself now that you aren't mormon?'
I consider myself Christian.