The church did bring me a tight-knit community. I moved wards several times growing up, and I never had to worry about finding friends. It also brought extreme expectations of conformity and severe social consequences when the expectations were not met. Leaders "care" about you and are "interested" in your well-being, but they only care about keeping you in the church. This was very damaging to me, and I am trying to unlearn this fact; I am trying to learn that people can be nice just because they are nice people. Growing up in the church gave me a frame through which to see the world. Now, I'm having to dismantle that frame and see it from a more objective point of view. The church has brought challenges into my life, and I wish I had never been involved in it.
I will never deny that in the 10 years I was a Mormon, I experienced many positive, happy, and uplifting times. I met so many wonderful and kind people; I found a strong and selfless community. I learned many ways and means to be a good person, to develop and maintain strong and healthy family relationships. Much of what the Mormon church teaches and preaches is positive, wholesome, and good.
But there is much about it that troubles me, and even scares me. There are insidious problems in the church, in its gospel, and in its doctrine. The church can bring a lot of happiness to people's lives; it can also bring sadness and the complete opposite of the Christlike love they preach.
There are so many well-intentioned people in the church, but I had even become so blind to how my words and actions could hurt others. There's an inherent pride in believing you belong to the "one and only true church on the earth;" the belief that what you have is right and what everyone else has is wrong or inferior; that you have a duty and obligation to educate and save anyone who thinks differently than you. I'm sorry for anything I said or did to anyone that hurt them, or made them feel judged or less than.