Hi, My name is Bill Reel

I learned Mormonism had a messy and complicated past early on in my time in the Church. But as time went on I came to grips with other issues that further complicated my beliefs. I started my podcast "Mormon Discussion" as a believer and sitting Bishop, with the goal to explore Mormon history. Over the span of 5 years I learned so many things the Church chose not to tell me that deeply pointed to it not being what it claimed. First I learned the Church was causing real harm to people who did not fit the mold. The LGBT community was deeply at risk. Others included members who had doubts as well as members who concluded the Church was not what it claimed and left. I sensed just how precarious relationships are between people who loved each other but for which their doubt or disbelief led to believing family stepping back from full inclusive love. I learned the Church was not a safe place for many. Second was that I had to come to grips that the Church shielding its members and the public generally from learning the complicated history was at least in large part intentional. This was hard. Once I dealt with that I was opened up to whether the truth claims of my beloved faith truly held up against the history and against thinking rationally and logically. Over about a 6 year period I slowly deconstructed my entire belief system and lost Faith in Mormonism's truth claims and in Mormonism's ability to be healthy to others if those healthy interactions would damage the institutional Church.

In the beginning I thought I was having a faith crisis. That wasn't true. I wanted Mormonism to be truth more than anything else. If anything maybe I cared too much. Instead the Church had a truth crisis. And in my own personal growth and development, the Church no longer represented my values. I wasn't less than. I didn't want to sin. I wasn't lazy. I had outgrown Mormonism and it was no longer a safe place for me and the truths I held to voraciously.