Everybody wants a Mormon as a neighbor
But no one wants a Mormon as a friend
As neighbors they are always cheery and helpful
But as friends, it all feels pretend
As friends, do Mormons like you for you
Or are you just a potential convert
Do Mormons help you, so as to help you
Or to get you to join their church
With the welcoming cake and cookies
A Book of Mormon does eventually appear
They say there is no pressure on you, but
Soon the missionaries know you are here
Two young lads appear on your doorstep
With a message of salvation and joy
Sent to you by your new Mormon friends
But any budding friendship this destroys
I’ve little say who’s in my family
Slightly more as to who my neighbors may be
But when it comes, to my circle of friends
That is totally up to me
As a friend, you don’t want a Mormon
And a JW will never do
Look for a Yazidis, Druze or Zoroastrian
‘Cause their religion forbids converting you
Poem by P. Luke Firestoker