Hi, I’m Tad

Around 2022 or so, I was still an active, tithe-paying, normal church member, and my wife and I had just had our newborn daughter. I heard on the news about a whistleblower alleging that the LDS church had been lying/defrauding the government through funneling donations and other moneys into shell corporations so as to basically hide taxable income from the IRS/SEC. This was quite a shock to me, and it ended up setting off a domino effect. I finally allowed myself for the first time ever, after a lifetime of avoiding "Anti-Mormon" content, to listen to the Last Podcast on the Left episodes on Mormonism. That led me further to Mormon Stories, which was a tremendous resource at this time. It was clear to me things that had always bothered me, such as Polygamy, were completely indefensible. I had been told growing up that Joseph Smith had only one wife, and that Brigham Young started polygamy. Once I realized how depraved and disgusting Joseph Smith was in his treatment of women, especially his own wife, the "elect lady", it really came crashing down. I never felt the Spirit confirming to me the veracity of the Book of Mormon, but reading D&C 132 critically for the first time gave me a glaringly evil, dark feeling. This led to the further deconstruction of church history, the Book of Mormon, church practices, and really everything after. Since, in my mind, the LDS Church had such a strong claim on the truth, if it was wrong then surely Christianity and God must come crashing down with it. And for me, for a time, they did. For about 2-3 years I was enveloped in a dreadful existential crisis. I flew through the works of Nietzsche, Camus, Schopenhauer, and others in my attempt to find peace in the wake of a total religious deconstruction. After a time, I did come to peace with the idea that there was no God, and finally was able to settle my restless mind and focus on the time I had with my family. It was all ok. We continued to attend the LDS ward where we lived, but I never told my wife the extent of my unbelief and simply went on with my life, apathetic towards religion.

But it was not the end. Around 2025, I felt something pull me towards looking into early Christianity. Now, the purpose of this is not to advocate for any specific religious persuasion; merely to give some examples of how religion can be pursued without the distortions and propaganda about history and doctrine that the LDS church pushed on me in my upbringing. As I looked into early Christian history, it was apparent to me that an LDS concept of a "Great Apostasy" never happened. I became inexplicably drawn towards Catholicism, and could not shake the beauty of that faith. I don't quite remember how, but my wife and I began to discuss religion more in depth, and she confided to me that she hated wearing the LDS Garments, and as soon as I showed her the Masonic origins of them, and the lack of any early Christian or pre-Christian mention of Mormon doctrines such as temple ceremonies and polygamy, her shelf quickly broke. We visited Italy and saw the unspeakable beauty and Christian symbolism all over the cathedrals there, as opposed to the Salt Lake Temple and others that had no crosses but only Masonic symbols. We now attend a Catholic Church, and while the Catholic Church has certainly had & has its own issues, I was surprised that they did not let us join until we took 6 months of in-depth courses on church doctrine and history, and they did not shy away from the tough questions; quite the opposite of what we were told to do on my LDS mission! They had nothing to hide. I was also shocked to receive a financial statement of how my parish was spending the funds I donated. I could not believe the financial transparency and accountability! My point here is mainly that it is a beautiful thing to pursue the faith (or lack thereof) that you really identify with, without anyone trying to brainwash you or gaslight you into ignoring historical fact or overlooking certain negative things about a religion. I finally felt free to decide for myself what I felt I was being led to, without a care for what anyone else around me thought, and without any coercive action impressing upon me. There can be a beautiful life after deconstruction, and as difficult as it can be mentally, as well as socially, it is 100% worth it to be authentic to what you believe.